Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 168

Today's Daily 5:

1. Several very smooth bus connections on a very tight schedule today
2. a whole grain raspberry muffin
3. tea, conversation and prayer with a good friend this morning.  I'd forgotten how much I appreciate it when a friend offers to pray out loud for me, and then does so.
4. laughing a little with two different small groups I was part of in classes for small group discussions today
5. wearing a pretty scarf (one mailed to me from Germany)
6. Italian wedding soup
7. Bachelor snarkyness
8. marking a very hard and nagging task off of my list and feeling the relief of knowing it's done
9. chocolate
10. starting a new book

Mini Reviews (Part 2)

Here are a few more mini book reviews - one from a book I just completed on the weekend, and the others from books I read later in 2010.

Tea With Hezbollah (Ted Dekker & Carl Medearis)

This book chronicles a journey of discovery that the two authors took through the Middle East, with stops in such unlikely places as Israel, Egypt, Lebanon, Saudia Arabia and Syria, in hopes of answering the question of whether Jesus' greatest teaching to love your neighbor as yourself, and his story of the good samaritan had any relevance in the Middle East today.  I had high hopes for this one, knowing of Dekker's skill as a storyteller, and having read Medearis' excellent "Muslims, Christians, and Jesus."  Unfortunately the book mostly fell short.  It was an interesting dialogue, with some good questions, but was slow, lacking story telling.  The most compelling part of the book, a story about a young woman named Nicole, turned out to be a modern sort of parable, concocted by Dekker, and in this, his skill as a storyteller shone.  However, discovering that the story of Nicole was a parable, at the very end of the book, was disappointing, and felt like a deception, thanks to the way it had been presented, woven through the very real dialogues of the authors.  I can't decide if I'd say that this was worth the read or not.  I'm not sorry I read it, and it certainly added to my thoughts on travel, Islam, the middle east, and even terrorism, but it did fall significantly short of the hopes I'd had for it.

The Silver Chair (C.S. Lewis)

The Silver Chair has long been my favorite of the Chronicles of Narnia, and Jill Pole amongst my favorite of the various children the series depicts.  I would be sold on the book for a scene in the first few pages alone - a scene discussing thirst and truth, and one which is well worth the price.  But I love The Silver Chair for it's themes of light and darkness, for it's idea of journeying, for the ways it depicts deception disguised as truth, for it's discussion of how easy it is to become distracted in our focus.  I honestly can't say enough good things about this one!

Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile (Rob Bell & Don Golden)

This book was another disappointment.  I'd loved the "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" sermon series that Bell preached several years back, and I'd loved both of Bell's previous books, "Velvet Elvis" and "Sex God", but "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" fell short for me.  Within days of finishing the book, I felt like I couldn't tell you what it was about, or whether it had important things to say - to me, this is a sign of less than stellar communication.    Looking back, I feel like it raised some important challenges for the western church, but I'd be hard pressed to define or repeat those challenges without actually opening the book and turning to find the bits and pieces I'd marked as I read through it.  Not really a recommended read, though I would be curious to listen to the audio version, as I've often found that the more stale written parts of Bell's work come alive when he is reading them and giving them a life and voice.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 167

Today's Daily 5:
(an introduction to the Daily 5 can be found by clicking the link in the sidebar, to the left)

1. A good sleep last night
2. feeling healthier
3. peanut butter toast
4. a lazy morning watching the food network
5. getting several nagging tasks on my list either at least started, or all the way completed
6. homemade, still hot from the oven yorkshire pudding with butter and jam (also good with gravy, but better, in my opinion with butter and jam)
7. a ride to the library this afternoon - essential since I had about a dozen books to return, and a few new ones to pick up
8. first day of using my Feel Good list
9. planning for the week ahead
10. curling up to sleep in my own bed

Sunday's are for Resting

Yes, yesterday finished slowly.

But I ended up spending a great deal of it feeling fairly ill, as some health stuff that flares up occasionally flared.

I cooked a fabulous new dish, part of my goal to make at least 12 over the course of the year, and ended up barely being able to eat any of it.

A long treatment from mom left me feeling a bit better, and I headed towards bed.  The bonus is that for the first time in several days, I slept fairly well.

And so, today is mostly for resting.

I haven't changed out of my pajamas yet. I'll get up in a while and shower.

I'm working on some things that need to be accomplished, but I'm doing them from a chair, watching Top Chef, wrapped in a blanket, and with magic bags across my sore hips and neck.

So I'm resting.  Because today, caring for me, letting myself heal, looks like rest.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 166

Today's Daily 5:

1. Still loving the dried mango that dad brought from Ghana
2. took another yoga class this morning, still loving it
3. I love the cleanness that snow brings to a gray, dirty winter.  I generally hate the snow, but I do like how pretty it looks out the window!
4. A totally funny moment, standing next to mom at the kitchen window, watching a neighborhood cat navigate it's way through the very deep snow in our back yard.  It was a particularly fat cat, and managed to look quite disgusted as it sort of gingerly made it's way through snow that was easily up to it's shoulders or more.
5. pilsbury cinnamon rolls, shared with J & R and dad this afternoon while chatting
6. a long treatment from mom
7. magic bags across my feet in bed
8. cooked a new recipe tonight - sauteed pork chops with pears and gorgonzola - SO good!
9. another day with reasons to laugh
10. the therapy of letting a few honest tears fall

Fast Start, Now Slow

I started the morning with lots of activity.  That is, I started the morning by taking a 9am 90 minute warm yoga class with a friend.

We were two of only about 8 students who ventured out today.  The reason the class was small?  Well, it snowed overnight.  Probably close to six inches.  And it's still coming down.

But hey, in that room it was warm and cozy, and always, I finished the class relaxed and stretched out.

The first 15-20 minutes of every class is brutal.  My body is saying to me, "what the heck are we doing?"  And then it somehow relaxes and goes with it.  Yoga is the first form of exercise (other than maybe swimming) where my body has ever gotten past the "what the heck are we doing, it hurts" phase.

And now, it's snowy outside.

I was supposed to go to a party at a friend's house tonight, but haven't been able to sort out a way to make my way there and back again, so it's looking like it's going to be a quiet evening, cooking dinner at mom and dad's and hanging out.  I'll probably do a bit of homework today, maybe venture into some reading and writing.

I think we're going grocery shopping to pick up some necessities for the next week, but mostly my plan is for a super mellow day.  And I'm excited for that, a day of quiet rest.  Of thinking and praying, and maybe making a few decisions, but mostly just resting.  The perfect way to spend a very snowy Saturday.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 165

Today's Daily 5:

1. getting an early start to the day (unexpected though it was, it freed up a lot of time this afternoon)
2. A good score on my first Greek quiz
3. a sweet banana for breakfast
4. my favorite seat on the bus again
5. reading for pleasure on the bus (nearly finished the book I'm currently working on)
6. sweetly scented hand cream - not too perfumey
7. smiling at some English as a second language slip-ups on a professor's powerpoint slides - the sorts of things that spell-checker won't catch.  things like whole vs. hole and bases vs. basses.  Kind of a big difference!
8. sweet, organic dried mango, straight from West Africa (thanks Dad!)
9. making Pad Thai for supper
10. watching "Letters to Juliet" with mom and dad

Feel Good

In last night's daily 5, I mentioned that I'd marked an item off of my to do list that had been sitting there for literally months.

Ages ago I came across this fabulous "Feel Good" list from UpUp Creative.  I loved everything about it, and especially the story behind how it helped the creator overcome postpartum depression.  I was broke at the time I first spotted it, and life wasn't quite as challenging as it has been for most of the last year, so I didn't place an immediate order.

Months ago I decided that I wanted to either make my own version of this list, or order one, and it sat on my mental to do list through all of the hard stuff that life has thrown at me for the past year.

Finally, when it became clear that my one little word for 2011 would be heal, I decided I needed a fun way to keep track of whether or not I was taking time to care for myself and make self-care a priority, and the feel good list came to mind.

A couple days ago I got in touch with the creator of the list to place an order, yesterday I filled out the form, and later last night my custom list was returned to me.  I'm not going to share the items here - I used some of my own, and some of the creator's and I can't wait to press the list into use starting Sunday.  For me this is a way to mark moments of healing and taking time to care for myself.  To chronicle my weeks through the remainder of this year and beyond.  Hooray for self-care and healing!

Productivity

By 8:00 this morning I'd completed 19 practice quizzes and exercises for my Greek medical terminology class.  Oh, and the quiz.  By 8:00.  How's that for productivity?

Actually, I'd planned to use my bus commute to school today to review the multiplicity of flash cards I've made over the last three weeks, and then do the practice quizzes and exercises after class, before writing the quiz.

But, turns out that I woke up an hour and a half earlier than I'd planned.  And, it is Friday, so I didn't really want to hang around school any longer than necessary.  I got up and started tackling the practice exercises, telling myself that if they didn't go well, I'd wait, review on the bus as planned, and then do a few more practice exercises after class, before writing the quiz.  (It's an online class, so I just had to write the quiz sometime between 6 am and 10 pm.)

Turns out the practice exercises went far better than expected.  So, I took a deep breath, put my flashcards and textbook away, and tackled the quiz.

With a very satisfactory A- result, I might add.

Not bad for someone who isn't a morning person!

This means that my bus ride is mine to enjoy.  There will be pleasure reading happening today!

It also means that after a couple of weeks of spending time daily with greek flashcards, I'm taking the weekend off from Greek!  Hooray!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 164

Today's Daily 5:

1. sleeping in a bit this morning
2. mostly peaceful dreams
3. starting my day with a shower - this is a rarity because of my weird living situation, I usually have to get up and dressed and leave grandma's house and go to mom and dad's before I can take a shower.  so, mornings like this, when I've spent the previous night at mom and dad's and I can start the morning with a shower are a rare treat.
4. friends who understand the crazy challenges life is throwing at me right now
5. marking an item off my to do list that had been there for months
6. studying in a bubble bath
7. a fairly productive day
8. "winning" a bet over something completely random with a friend - totally made me laugh
9. finding reasons to laugh (that's been harder again lately, so I'm glad when it happens)
10. chocolate

I am...

• sitting in the basement at mom and dad's house at the desk where I spent most of the summer, pretending to be productive
• freezing cold - it's worse down here in the winter than the summer, and I was cold most of the time then
• wearing a t-shirt and two hoodies (with both hoods up) to keep warm.  A regular hoodie, and a borrowed "sherpa hoodie" (which is basically a hoodie with a thick, furry, warm lining).
• having both a productive and completely procrastination laden morning
• needing to buckle down and study for a medical terminology quiz tomorrow morning
• cleaning up the bedroom I stay in at mom and dad's because someone else is coming to stay in it tonight
• looking forward to house church tonight, and a discussion of another chapter of the book we've been studying together
• also looking forward (I think, since I haven't confirmed this) to watching new episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice tomorrow, online
• slightly unwilling to admit that a friend has gotten me a little bit hooked on watching the Bachelor for the sole purpose of being entirely snarky about it
• excited to see my dad tomorrow (he gets back from West Africa tonight, after being away for several weeks)
• thankful that we have been having a bit warmer weather lately
• writing this blog post to empty my brain and hopefully spur an attack on the list of things I'm procrastinating about
• faithfully using the lamp I was given that mimics sunlight and treats Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I think it's helping with the usual winter blues.
• off to do some cleaning, some studying, some reading and a whole variety of the other things on my list!

Find Your Voice

How could I not share this great find, especially since earlier in the week I wrote this post about my one word for 2011 (heal) and about finding my own voice as a part of that process of healing.

Found here, on this fabulous blog that you should all subscribe to.  Such a fun concept - messages on post it notes, left in random public places.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 163

Today's Daily 5:

1. Clean drinking water
2. Getting my favorite seat on the bus
3. A tea biscuit from Tim Horton's, consumed in class
4. A sunny day
5. Starting to read a new book on prayer, and feeling the deep smile that comes from "hearing" a beloved author's voice again
6. A grilled chicken pita from Extreme Pita
7. Yoga class - the first 20 minutes are rough, and then my body settles in and I feel SO good afterwards
8. cookies
9. finishing an audio book today (it's on my reading list if you're curious)
10. getting this week and next week's reading for a class I'm taking finished while on the bus to and from school today

Layers

"It gets better in layers."

Two different people in the space of ten minutes said that to me last night.

I sort of smiled bemusedly at them, and rolled my eyes, but inside, I wanted to scream and yell.

We were talking about the various natural health treatments that I've been getting over the last year or so, and they were pointing out that healing and relief comes in layers - that it happens slowly, and kind of intangibly.

(This, by the way, is my biggest beef with natural health stuff.  I'm a proponent of it because it has worked for me.  I haven't needed antibiotics in years - a good thing for someone who is allergic to all major antibiotics.  I'm a proponent of it because it works, but it drives me crazy that I can't tell you why or how it works, and that the success of it is very intangible - it's not quantifiable or measurable.)

I do not do intangible well in a lot of arenas, but I'm getting lots and lots of practice at living with it these days.

Layers of healing it is.

It's going to make for an interesting year with this one word of "heal".

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 162

Today's Daily 5:

1. Starting the morning slowly
2. doing homework in my pajamas in bed
3. breakfast in bed
4. a good natural health treatment tonight
5. comfort food in bed after my treatment - Macdonalds, baby! (and yes, I realize that Macdonalds and a natural health treatment are sort of oxymoronical)

Tuesday Morning

It's almost 9:30 on Tuesday morning, and I am still in bed.

I've graduated to a sitting position, and I've swallowed my morning batch of vitamins, and I'm eating the breakfast I somehow remembered to set on my bedside table last night, but I'm still in bed.

Tuesdays are good for this.  My classes for the day don't start until 3:30 this afternoon, so Tuesdays can accommodate my body's preferred sleep schedule, which these days seems to run from around midnight to eight or one in the morning until nine.  This is not a practical sleep schedule for a real world life, but it works just nicely for a student.

And, speaking of sleep, for those of you who have followed here for a long time, and know my challenges in that particular area, these days I'm actually getting some.  After a year of taking supplements, getting natural health treatments, and well, the elimination of some major stressors, most nights I sleep at least four or five hours before waking, and can usually manage another 2-4 hours after waking.  I'm not ready to try sleep without supplementation of melatonin yet, but this thing where I can actually feel rested?  I like it.  I hope it sticks around.

So, this morning I'm going to sit in bed and write this post, and then I'm going to sit in bed and tackle the last lesson in my medical terminology class - a class which basically involves memorizing a huge variety of long and not so useful words, plus the greek bases, prefixes and suffixes that make up those words.  There's a quiz on Friday, so, once I've tackled the last lesson, and made the last set of flashcards, I'll be spending the remainder of the week working to memorize the vast amounts of information that those cards contain.

But, here's what I'm wondering - do we really need words that are this specific?  Words like melangeophilous, meaning "dwelling in loam" and emetomania, meaning, "a morbid desire to vomit."  Also, if these are really words, why does my spell checker have a heart attack every time I type them? It makes me question my competence in spelling.

I feel productive when I have time to accomplish a number of things from my "to do" list for the day before I ever truly leave bed and my pajamas.  There's something lovely about being super productive before ever dressing for the day.

And with that, I'm wrapping up this blog post, and off to tackle that last lesson that really is all Greek to me!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 161

Today's Daily 5:

1. getting a phone call from my dad in West Africa early this morning
2. laughing over the ridiculous confluence of timing of an email conversation and some actual events
3. getting a seat in all three of my classes today where I could plug my laptop in, instead of using battery power.  
4. 10 minute yoga
5. getting a ride home from mom and dad's
6. putting on clean pajamas, still warm from the dryer
7. crawling into a freshly made bed, with sheets fresh from the laundry, still tight and sweet smelling and unmussed.
8. finally getting my newest booksneeze.com book to review in the mail (I've been waiting for this one for close to a month - I love the program, but it takes FOREVER for them to mail books to people who don't live in the USA)
9. watching escapist television with a friend tonight
10. crossing a whole pile of things off my list today - love that a day that was actually one in need of much eye rolling and snark was also very productive.

One Word 2010 Meets One Word 2011

I am already learning much about myself in this year with the one little word of heal.

I'm learning that healing is a pretty ugly process sometimes, hard and painful, but that it's one I don't have to walk alone.  That I need to give some of that to others, to make choices to let myself be carried.  (I'm also learning that I have way more of a problem with pride than I thought.  Even with those people who have some sense of the ugly parts of this journey, I hesitate to share the harder moments and days, not wanting to appear less than whole.)

I'm learning that if I hold on tightly, God sends lots of practice my way.  Almost a question, really, "Were you serious about healing?  What if it means walking through this? What about in this spot?  How long are you going to avoid that one?"  Lots and lots of practice, for which, to quote Susan, "I am alternately pissed off and grateful."

And I'm learning more about my one little word for 2010, that word that has become, I think, the overarching word for the rest of my life.  Story. 

I actually talked extensively about that word with someone the other day.  Someone who encouraged me that I am in fact finding my voice.  I'm learning to write my own story again, to not let anyone else author it.

Saturday night I watched the movie, The King's Speech and I was deeply struck by it.  I don't think I understood precisely which parts of my heart it so deeply touched until a friend posted on facebook that after seeing the movie, she spent the evening repeating to herself, "I have a voice."  I read that and was reminded of the conversation I'd had the day before - about finding my voice.  I was reminded that so much of my journey of story, and more so, so much of this journey of "heal" seems to be about precisely that - finding and trusting my own voice, not the voice that is expected of me by people around me, not the voice of others foisted upon me, but mine, the one that is mine, and that carries with it an understanding knowing of it's own story, as one that tells of a God who loves and heals and writes incredible stories.

Yes, I have friends who are trusted contributors and editors to my story (the bit from that last post I quoted from), but I'm discovering that I have the final say.  That it is mine and mine alone to value, and hear and live and to write.  I'm so thankful for the friends that have chosen to support me, to love me, to edit and contribute, but who also choose to hand me the pen, and remind me that this is mine to live and mine to write, and that it can and will be beautiful.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 160

Today's Daily 5:

1. 1 year, 160 days of making these lists
2. actually getting a desperately needed long night of sleep last night
3. pomegranate green tea
4. canned peaches
5. wearing yoga pants and a very comfy workout top all day
6. a long skype chat with a dear friend
7. making my first new recipe of the year - tortellini soup.  It turned out pretty well - not my favorite thing ever, not totally sure I'll repeat it, but still a good experiment.
8. magic bags
9. mentally resolving some things
10. finally making some progress on some class work that has needed to be done for a couple of weeks.

World Air Traffic

The travel geek in me found this incredibly fascinating.
ht to Adam Mclane

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 159

Today's Daily 5:

1. another yoga class this morning
2. some great deals on some necessary groceries
3. emails to laugh over
4. a hot shower
5. spinach dip and a french baguette
6. Totally fell in love with the store Anthropologie after my first visit there.  I also fell in love with a dress I tried on just for the heck of it, since the friend I was shopping with was trying stuff on.  I can't afford the dress, but it was beautiful
7. Loved the movie "The King's Speech".  So good.
8. movie theatre popcorn
9. dinner and great conversation with my friend J.
10. chocolate

Bus Etiquette

Ian posted a fabulous list of bus etiquette tips yesterday.  Go read it, leave him a comment, and then come back here and tell me your favorite public transportation story in my comments.

I've had many, many adventures on public transit.  I actually have a tendency to attract truly bizarre and awkward situations like a magnet.  I was once even the victim of a "random act of evangelization"on an early Monday morning train commute.  But that's a story for another time.

My latest story, you ask?  Well, one day last week I had the immense pleasure of riding the bus with a young gentleman who was proudly (and loudly) proclaiming to the world that he'd been twice expelled from his designated high school - once because he was high on mushrooms and bit the assistant principal.  (I'd have doubted that last bit of his story as posturing and bravado to impress the cute girl he was talking with, but his friend volunteered it, not him.)  He then went on to expound at length on the topic of his new vocational high school - the only one in the city that would admit him given his umm, history.  He spoke at length about his theory that the trick is to make friends with a couple of the teachers - preferably at least one who is also an administrator.  He should have, after all, he informed the bus at large, been expelled at least four more times from the vocational high school, but he was "untouchable" because he was friends with Mr. So and So, who was in charge.

Despite my collection of stories, most days I really don't mind that transit is my method of travel.  I even spend my time "bus reading" - finding it a meaningful way for me to create space for reading and thinking and prayer.  But, if you'd caught me on that day last week, which continued with a truly lovely set of teenaged boys hitting each other in a show of machismo, to see who could make the other flinch, while cursing loudly every other word, I probably would have quite comfortably discussed with you how little in that moment I cared about global warming and the troubles of multi-car families for traffic and the environment, and happily day dreamed of the days when I drove my own car in relative peace.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 158

To be honest, today was one of the harder days I've had in a long time.  A whole combination of factors just came together to make it the sort of day when no matter how hard I tried, feeling positive was mostly beyond my reach.  It was the sort of day when a lot of the items on the daily 5 list are there more because I'm making the conscious choice to be thankful for them, than because they brought true smiles.  It's not true of all the items, but it is true of several.  And that's okay.  It's kind of the point - to choose gratitude in those moments too.  To believe that it still shapes my heart when my heart hurts too much to notice that gentle shaping.

so, here's today's daily 5:

1. Glancing at my "wall of smiles" as I got dressed for the day this morning, and especially noticing a photo taken of my former roommate and I by a waitress at a Peruvian restaurant in Toronto about a year and a half ago.  That evening was a bizarre one in that we had picked up groceries after a day of touring and were planning to cook dinner for ourselves in the home of our hosts who were out for the evening.  We ended up being locked out of their apartment (a tricky lock) and unable to reach them to find out the trick to the lock.  So, we walked.  We stumbled across a Peruvian restaurant and given how Peru has been on my heart for most of my life, couldn't pass it up.  The food was fabulous, and we followed it up with a trip to the drug store to pick up a newspaper and a magazine, and an hour in a coffee shop, eating really decadent chocolate desserts and enjoying our respective reading materials.  We eventually heard from our hosts, and got into the tricky apartment door.  What stands out for me is how relaxed I was - we were in a strange city, locked out, with a complete change of plans - all things that would stress me out.  Instead, I was very relaxed, we laughed, went on a sort of God adventure that culminated in a great evening and a great memory.  One that was especially nice to start out my day with today, given how the rest of it went.
2. starting to have a bit of a morning routine for the days that I have classes
3. making two different very tight bus connections today
4. finally beating a level on Angry Birds that I'd been stuck on for ages
5. eating an Almond Joy bar on the bus on the way home from a challenging appointment
6. stopping to pick up my version of comfort food - Vietnamese take out for supper tonight
7. helpful customer service when I had a problem with accessing some online banking tonight
8. a friend who knew what kind of day I was having and knew that I'd likely need to laugh quite badly and obliged by sending a whole slew of very snarky emails that succeeded in the nearly impossible task of getting me to grin on the bus after my very challenging day and appointment
9. getting a fun email thanking me for a package I sent as part of my goal to send "real" mail to people at least twice a month this year
10. getting notification that my student loan has gone through.  the amount isn't great, but it will suffice for now.  Now I just sign the forms and wait for the cheque to arrive.

Random Things

A whole variety of random thoughts crossing my mind this morning:

• The clicking sound that high heels make is totally a thing that makes you feel empowered when you're wearing them.  It's a fun sound.  Until you're not the one wearing the shoes, and they're the only sound in an otherwise very peaceful hallway.  Then the sound is just annoying
• Getting books out of the university library to write term papers is going to be a pain this semester.  They're in the process of moving the entire library from one building to a new one.  Why, you ask, are they moving the library?  Well, it turns out that the old library tower is quite literally sinking into the ground under the weight of all those books thanks to some construction faults way back when.  The books that have been moved to the new building are on floors that students can't access yet.  You have to request them, and wait 24 hours for a librarian to retrieve them.  No easy trip to pick up 5 books this semester.
• Yoga.  I'm thinking about yoga.  I have hated exercise my whole life (with the possible exception of all those years of synchronized swimming.)  Yoga is the first thing I've ever encountered that not only do I not hate it, I actually like it.  I can make it through a 90 minute Hatha Yoga class without looking at my watch and wondering when it's going to be over.  This is a revelation for me - that there is something that will not only help with my stress level, but will help keep my body in good health, AND I can actually enjoy it!
• I will spend close to 4 hours on the bus today, transiting between school and various appointments.  I wish it was a bus reading circuit, but it's not.  I will however likely manage to do (or at least get a good start on) the ethics reading for next Monday's class while riding the bus for all of those hours.
• I am a back row student.  Always have been, probably always will be.  I like the quiet and the anonymity.  I like that there's no distraction of someone moving and making noise behind me.  It's just my preference.  Plus, if I'm not into the lecture, I can do something totally other than the work for that class far more unobtrusively than if I sat at the front.
• An oatmeal raisin cookie and a bottle of juice is a viable breakfast, right?  Because that's definitely what I had today.  I figure, it contains oatmeal and raisins - both normally part of the breakfast genre.  And fruit juice - lots of healthy stuff in there, right?

FITE

I appreciate Kiva.org and the work they do with microloans, so I was excited when I came across this new project that they're launching, specifically targeting women.

I loved the video.  I thought it was very well done, and wanted to share it with you as well.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 157

Today's Daily 5:

1. A smooth bus ride to a new location this morning
2. Coffee and conversation with my friend M.
3. Iced passion tea lemonade
4. Hearing my "one word" for the year come up in conversation
5. Smoked gouda
6. taking a minute to send a letter to the finance minister and my MP advocating for legislation around global poverty
7. tackling a nagging (and boring!) homework task that's been hanging over my head all week - not quite done, but close!
8. a hot shower
9. a surprise phone call from a dear friend
10. buttered popcorn

Thursday Thoughts

I don't have classes on Thursdays, a fact I appreciate as time to recover, and do homework, and simply catch my breath.

I started this morning almost as early as days with classes, though, because I needed to catch a bus to meet a friend for tea.

The way in which I met this friend still makes me laugh - at a very unlikely event, one that God quite literally dragged me to, making my attendance unavoidable.  I wanted nothing so much as to not attend, but ended up attending and meeting a friend with whom I share many unexpected commonalities.

We don't see each other often, and our friendship is still very much in the getting to know each other phase, but the conversations are always challenging and inspiring, usually over starbucks.  This morning was no exception, and I left feeling encouraged and so thankful for this unlikely friendship, today.

Last night I took a 90 minute warm (as opposed to hot - the room is only heated to 25 C instead of 39 C) yoga class.  Yoga was one of the things we talked about over coffee this morning.  We share a mutual hatred of exercise and have both recently begun taking yoga classes and discovered that not only do we not hate it, but we actually enjoy it.

A conversation that spanned family, Spanish, missions, yoga, food, travel, life, health, self-care and faith is, well, perhaps broad and unusual in my experience, but is also pretty much my idea of heaven and I'm quite delighted to have started this day off like that.

And now, I'm off to tackle homework and some to do list tasks before house church tonight.  I'll be back later with the daily 5!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 156

Today's Daily 5:

1. Seeing the mountains with sun on them in the distance
2. accomplishing a bunch of assigned homework reading while on the bus
3. a turkey & swiss sandwich
4. a successful trip to the mall - including a new wallet, a couple of yoga tops, and a pair of yoga pants
5. a 90 minute warm yoga class
6. spotting the full moon on my way home
7. smooth bus connections to get home after the yoga class
8. comfy pajamas

To Do

Just because I need a spot to make a list of what still needs to (or at least hopefully should) be done today (because maybe if I post it here, having listed it publicly will drive me to accomplish it!):

• tackle the items on my paper to do list for the day
• take a yoga class tonight
• finish the reading for the week for my latin American history class
• make a trip to the mall to pick up several items that are on my needed items list
• finish the reading for the week for my European history class
• 3 healthy meals
• mail a letter that is riding around in my purse
• tackle the first week's work of the medical terminology class
• work on a list project that's been on my "to do" list for the last three weeks
• write a daily 5 post tonight
• stop at the community food market after the mall to pick up some food items and supplements
• try to make time for some pleasure reading as well

What Flavor of Gum?

It's been a while since I posted a quiz here, and this one made me chuckle, and was fairly accurate.  (I do actually chew gum, though I tend to stick to peppermint over fruit flavors.)  Leave your results in the comments!

You Are Fruit Flavored Gum

You are quirky and independent. You don't tend to follow any one style or rule book. You are a mix and match type of person, and you draw inspiration from many sources. While you're definitely a bit unusual, you get along well with other people. You're eager to welcome anyone into your world. You are not judgmental at all. You form close bonds with your friends, and your relationships tend to be very secure. You hold firm to your beliefs and values, and you don't let anyone talk you into compromising them.

What Flavor Gum Are You?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 155

Today's Daily 5:

1. the gift of a song on itunes from a sweet friend
2. taking the first shower in a freshly cleaned bathroom
3. 1 year, 155 days of making these lists
4. belgian chocolate seashells
5. working on a scrapbook page
6. coconut body butter
7. crossing things off my list
8. a sunny day
9. doing a simple "good deed" this afternoon
10. mango juice
11. cozy and cute new mittens
12. loving the university bookstore - it's like stationary and book geek heaven!
13. finding a seat in class where I could plug my laptop in
14. class ending 40 minutes early on a day when my evening plans were tight
15. a beautiful full moon through the bus window
16. a giant mug of rooibos tea
17. the arrival of a package I'd been expecting
18. doing a bit of cleaning
19. trading honest (and sometimes snarky) emails with a few friends
20. escapist television watching

Lot's Wife

This morning as part of my chronological trip through scripture in 2011, I read Genesis 19 - the story of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.  And while the story had it's usual vivid images attached to it, what really stood out to me was Lot's wife.

I relate to Lot's wife.

The relevant passages are these: 

This one, where they are commanded to get out and not look back:

Genesis 19:17 (The Message)

When they had them outside, Lot was told, “Now run for your life! Don’t look back! Don’t stop anywhere on the plain—run for the hills or you’ll be swept away.”

And this one, where destruction rains down, and Lot's wife looks back, with rather disastrous consequences:

Genesis 19:24-26 (The Message)

Then God rained brimstone and fire down on Sodom and Gomorrah—a river of lava from God out of the sky!— and destroyed these cities and the entire plain and everyone who lived in the cities and everything that grew from the ground. But Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.

 I think most of the time, we read that, and we think, "What was she stupid?  She'd been clearly warned not to look back.  Maybe she deserved what she got."

But this morning I read that, and thought "I get it."  Her life is in destruction behind her, and only uncertainty stretches ahead.  And yeah, based on the Biblical descriptions, it doesn't sound like Sodom and Gomorrah were all that great as places to make a life, they probably weren't the healthiest places to be, but they were what she knew, and now that life was quite literally in flames.

I feel like Lot's wife sometimes lately.  Eternally frozen in place.  Turned to a pillar of salt.  

Salt.  Have you ever thought of that?  Salt.  Not something lasting like stone.  She didn't become some sort of monument.  Salt.  Easily eroded by wind and rain.  Soon weathered into nothingness.

All because she looked back at a life that probably wasn't even all that healthy or good.

I'm tired, lately, on this journey of healing, and I feel like looking back.

Yeah, it's not that much to look at.  It wasn't healthy, really.  But it was what I knew.  There was a comfort in that.  A comfort in staying in the places that weren't healthy, simply because they seemed less risky than moving into the unknown ahead of me.

I don't want to turn into that pillar of salt, frozen in place, at the mercy of the elements, weathering away slowly to nothing.  

And so this morning, as I read, I felt that slight whisper of resolve.  "Stop looking back.  Look forward.  Trust me."

Yep.  Trust.  Trust Him with the great unknown ahead.

Not an easy next step on this journey of healing, that one word that's mine for 2011. To reorient, away from what's behind me, and towards the new things.  To face forward continually, acknowledging the past, but not being immobilized by it.

But perhaps a necessary step, and one I'm going to throw my being into attempting again, starting today.

Do You Finish?

A lot of blog authors include books that they're currently reading, but haven't completed in their reading lists.  You'll notice I don't do that on mine.

Why?  Well, I have this problem with finishing.  I pick up a book, I'm enthralled for a couple of chapters, and then the newest and latest appears.  That book I've been on the waiting list for at the library forever arrives, and I have a limited time span before it has to be returned.  I see one that catches my eye at the bookstore, or even on my own shelves, and I pick it up, and set down the one that had been temporarily enthralling me.  I own probably close to a thousand or more books (my library is easily my largest possession,) and I would be willing to wager that a very high percentage of those are books that I've started and not finished.

So, I'm currently reading:

• Tea with Hezbollah (Ted Dekker & Carl Medearis)

• Three Cups of Tea (Greg Mortenson) - I'm actually listening to the unabridged audio book version of this one.

• Crazy Love (Francis Chan) - this one our house church is reading and studying together

• and an assortment of text books for school

My goal is to actually finish these ones!

But my question is this - do you finish?  Are you the type of reader that picks up a title and doesn't start another one until you've finished?  Do you read multiple titles at once?  Are you easily distracted and fail to finish?  What sort of reader are you?  (And have you read any great titles lately to recommend to us?)

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 154

Today's Daily 5:
(Background to the Daily 5 can be found by clicking the link in the sidebar to the left)

1. The relief of realizing that the clock I was looking at as I was getting ready was 10 minutes fast and I wasn't in fact running late this morning
2. actually enjoying the assigned readings for my ethics class
3. getting to my first class early enough to plug my laptop in
4. a sweet gala apple
5. smoked gouda and gourmet crackers as part of my lunch

To Love

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” - C.S. Lewis.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 153

This has been one of those weeks where it becomes clear that the Daily 5 is still a very necessary discipline in my life.  It's also been one of those weeks when coming up with items to put on this list has been a far greater stretch.  That said, it confirms that this is still an exercise that is helpful to me, and so I continue to make these lists.

Today's Daily 5:

1. A longish sleep last night
2. playing Zuma Blitz on facebook
3. making time today for a bit of pleasure reading instead of textbooks
4. a bubble bath
5. the chocolate chip cookies I baked yesterday
6. showing up in the #OneWord2011 Daily Paper again today
7. watching a fascinating documentary on birth
8. a treatment from mom

Wolves and Sheep and The Ache

I came across the video below on Carla Harding's blog the other night.

I am a university student again, and while I don't relate with all of this this time around, some of it is still deeply powerful, and it's definitely worth listening to.





Not long after watching this, I also came across this cartoon at nakedpastor.  It spoke to the same parts of me that the video did. I think far too often I've been a victim of the second frame from the cartoon, rather than the first.  Wolves among Sheep, instead of Sheep Among Wolves.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 152

Today's Daily 5:

1. Starting the day off by taking a fabulous yoga class with my friend H.  (This was my first "real" yoga class, and I loved it!  Is it possible that I've found a form of exercise that I don't hate???)
2. A long hot shower when I got home after the class
3. chicken breast with roasted asparagus and mushrooms for lunch - healthy and tasty
4. A sunny day
5. having the house to myself all day and enjoying the quiet
6. feeling a bit more like myself than I have all week
7. freshly baked chocolate chip cookies - my means of bribing myself to do some less than enthralling homework
8. watching season one of The Big Bang Theory on DVD
9. making flashcards with greek and latin word prefixes and bases while watching Top Chef on food network tonight
10. lots and lots of great filtered water to drink all day

Not Easy

It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy.  It's also no secret that over the last seven years that the show has been airing, God has regularly borrowed the characters voices, and especially the words of the opening and closing monologues to speak directly to my heart.

That happened again this week.

I was in a bad mood last night when I transcribed the monologue from the newest episode for posting on the Grey's Monologues blog that I also maintain as a sort of hobby.  This hasn't been the easiest of weeks, and yesterday was a day where the "not easyness" of the week was flaunting itself.  Everything from really crude fellow public transit passengers (on both modes of transit I took, in both directions), to generally crappy weather (it is, after all, January in Canada), to some health issues and just a generally funky sort of mood were making the challenges of the week that much harder to cope with, and I was mid pity party when I decided that the next thing on my "to do" list for the day would be to watch the latest episode of Grey's, and transcribe the monologue for the week.

This is the monologue that I transcribed:

People are really romantic about the beginnings of things.  Fresh start.  Clean slate.  A world of possibility.  But, no matter what new adventure you're embarking on, you're still you.  You bring you into every new beginning in your life, so how different can it possibly be?

It's all anybody wants, right?  Clean slate.  A new beginning.  Like that's going to be any easier.  Ask the guy pushing the boulder up the hill.  Nothing's easy about starting over.  

Huh.

I typed those words, and was struck by them.  I heard God repeating them as they began to rattle around inside of me, echoing in the aching spaces I'd been filling with a pity party only moments earlier.

"Nothing's easy about starting over."

I forgot that.

I forgot it in the two days since I wrote about the fact that I'd also forgotten that the process of healing is painful.

I bought into the very churchy lie I've ranted about in the past.  The one that says that if God is in it, how could it be anything but easy?

I bought into that ridiculous lie in the same week I've been reading the book of Job as part of my chronological trip through the Bible this year.  Job.  One of my favorite books in the Scriptures.  The one I love because it speaks to the parts of me that understand what it is to be depressed, and the parts of me that know what it is to see life deconstruct itself beneath you.  Job.  Because there's so much in that story that screams that new beginnings and life with God will be easy.

(I'm rolling my eyes here.)

It's kind of a bleak truth, that one that I forgot.  "Nothing's easy about starting over."

But last night it encouraged me.

Because I think I was expecting it to be easy - this year of healing and new beginnings.

This sorting out life after some major decisions.

This figuring out the whole being a student, but not yet in the arena I want thing.

This whole change careers and life directions thing.

The thing where I let the raw wounds be exposed so they can be healed.

I thought it was going to be easy, and I've been in a funk, feeling forgotten and disgusted and generally grouchy at the world because it hasn't been.

But somehow, that reminder, in Grey's last night, that was what it took.

It won't be easy.  But that doesn't mean I'm alone.

(I love that God speaks to me via a primetime soap opera.)

It won't be easy.  But I'm not alone.

God is with me, and, as a friend reminded me, when I emailed her the monologue, there are friends journeying with me too.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 151

Today's Daily 5:
(an introduction to the Daily 5 is available in the left sidebar)

1. Having my post "Thirteen Days In" show up here in the #OneWord2011 daily paper for today
2. my passport came in the mail today.  I like the possibility that having a passport symbolizes.  I feel like I have some sort of freedom if I have a valid one sitting in a drawer or lock box.  Not that I can afford a plane ticket, but having a passport offers the possibility of travel.
3. Choosing to laugh at my transit commute today, which contained some truly horrible people experiences in both directions.
4. Vietnamese take out
5. Finding a few little reasons to laugh or smile, despite a day that was actually pretty hard.
6. Making it to a total of at least five items today

Healer

After declaring that my one little word for 2011 was going to be Heal, and then admitting late Wednesday night that that word hasn't looked anything like what I thought it might, I had to smile when I woke up Thursday morning and discovered this daily text from the Moravians in my email inbox:

Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength! We will sing and praise your power. Psalm 21:13

When Jesus laid his hands on her, immediately she stood up straight and began praising God. Luke 13:13

We rise this day to praise you as healer and Lord! By your power, mercy, and strength we can rise this day to new life. In Jesus' name. Amen.

God's timing makes me laugh.  And laugh I did at this reminder that it is He who is the Healer coming at so timely a moment.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 150

Today's Daily 5:

1. 1 year, 150 days of making these lists
2. Almond Joy bars
3. that melatonin works for me, and does let me get some sleep
4. sleeping nearly nine and a half hours last night - this is an almost unheard of miracle for me, and was SO needed this week
5. pampering myself a bit after showering this morning
6. finally accomplishing some government paperwork after four days of trying to get through to the office I needed to contact
7. marking two nagging tasks off my list 
8. feeling just a little bit better
9. hearing from two different friends to set up times to get together next week
10. wearing a pretty purple scarf
11. lunch with M (and adventures with her car afterwards)
12. a bracelet from the Philippines delivered to me
13. talking about wedding plans for a friend tonight
14. a relatively good discussion at house church
15. secret moments of laughter because of a wonky conversation

Thirteen Days In

Thirteen days ago I came to this space and declared to the world that my one little word for 2011 was Heal.  I'd almost picked "grow", but as I'd been journaling and praying that day, I felt the Lord clearly saying that Heal needed to come before the word I'd nearly picked.  That before the aim became growth, there needed to be foundational repairs.  That what had begun needed to be seen through to completion.

In the days just before the new year began, I'd made a series of decisions.  Decisions that didn't come easily, but that I was excited about.  Decisions to care for myself, to respect and honor who I am.  Decisions that were part of a process that began last year when my world started falling apart.  A process of healing.

And after all of that, after a whole year of the deconstruction of my life, and then slowly beginning to pick up the pieces, I was pretty confident that I had a handle on what "heal" would look like for my life.  I'd made some good choices, and I was riding a wave of confidence based on those successes, based on the ways I'd seen healing happening tangibly in my life.  Things were, after all, looking up.

Thirteen days in, I'm here to tell you that it doesn't look anything like the happy and victorious walk that I'd imagined it would be.

Some days it's sad.

Some days it looks like slogging.

And some days it hurts like hell.

I forgot, you see, a few fundamental things.

First, I forgot what I know about the process of healing.  What I'd learned as I studied anatomy, and what I know from friends who work in the medical profession, and what I know from years and years of being obsessed with every medical drama on television.  I forgot the part where sometimes the process of healing is slower and more meticulous and more painful than the thing that actually inflicted the wound in the first place.  The the dead and dying bits - the diseased bits, and the parts that are poisonous must be removed for healing to happen.  And that that process of removal is rarely without pain.

And I forgot something even more basic.

I forgot that what I envision and see is so very often not what God sees.

I forgot this ongoing lesson of trust.  Of trusting that what he envisions for me is so much better than what I had been counting on.

I forgot that while He had been calling me to long for things, to really desire things, instead of constantly walling my heart in, guarding it against disappointment, that in being obedient, there would quite possibly again be disappointments when my timing and longings didn't match His.  And that those disappointments would come, and then I would still need to be willing to risk my heart, and continue to long for the dreams He'd placed within me, and trust His timing for them instead of mine.

It doesn't look anything like I thought it would, only thirteen days ago.

But I still trust that word, and this process.

I trust that 2011 will be a year where heal will come to mean deep things to me.

Where I will see healing at work in my life.

Even, and perhaps especially on the days when it feels sad, or like lonely slogging, or it hurts like hell.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 149

Today's Daily 5:

1. the feeling of relief that comes in the moment when you're finally able to just stop, because your energy is gone, and you'd been pushing through to get things done, but are about to collapse.  I felt that relief this afternoon, and spent the next two hours laying flat on my back.  It was relieving to just lay there, because I was totally spent, and while I could have pushed through, it wouldn't have been wise.
2. a really tasty salad, with rotisserie chicken, and pomegranate seeds (yesterday I cut a pomegranate for the first time ever), and other tasty bits and pieces
3. finishing a 60 day commitment to pray for a different nation each day
4. mango juice, through a straw
5. getting homework reading done on the bus this morning, meaning I could collapse this afternoon without dire consequences.

Haiti

A quick spin around the blog world will tell you that there's no shortage of posts about Haiti today.

It's been one year since the devastating earthquake, and there is still much to be done.

A year ago my heart broke for a nation I'd never seen.  I followed the story, I cried and prayed, even in my dreams.

And then slowly, it faded to a back burner.  Still something I was conscious of, watching the news for, but not a focus of waking moments.

Somehow I doubt that that was the case for those actually in Haiti.

And so today, I pause with so much of the world to remember, and to call attention again to a nation that continues to need our support and prayers.

I want to point you to this excellent blog post on Haiti's history, written a year ago by Steve Bell.

I want to point you, as well, to this challenging post written by Tony Campolo.  I'm not at all suggesting that North American aid organizations should leave Haiti.  I think they're likely doing very valuable work.  But I love Campolo's challenge to recognize the value of the Haitian contributions as well.

And mostly I want to call you again to consider the challenges that Haiti faces and continues to face. 

And I want to call you to lift this nation, and those who are working there up to the Father in prayer.

Change?

I laughed when this Garfield cartoon arrived in my inbox last week:

My sentiments exactly.

(Though, actually, it turns out that I'm getting much better at accepting change somewhat gracefully, instead of hating it and being forced, kicking and screaming, into it.)

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 148

Today's Daily 5:

1. Orange butterfly earrings that I made a while ago
2. a cozy hoody
3. getting to sleep in a bit this morning
4. waking up and finally feeling a bit like myself for the first time in quite a few days
5. making lists
6. curly hair and a cozy scarf
7. a lesson in how our worldviews affect the context in which we read things
8. getting a ride home instead of having to take the bus in the freezing cold
9. escapist television
10. finally tackling some nagging tasks on my list (not quite done, but a productive day/start)

Mini Reviews (Part 1)

I've had several books that I read (mostly while doing bus reading) on a pile for about a month now to review here and have finally realized that I'll never make the time to write full reviews of all of them.  So, I'm going to break them into a couple of posts, and do mini reviews/recommendations for you instead.

Muslims, Christians and Jesus (Carl Medearis)

I ordered this one because it came highly recommended from two very divergent sources.  The first source was someone I met who works in the Muslim world.  The second source was a Mid-western American woman from a fairly conservative evangelical tradition.  Because I'd suddenly been exposed to the Islamic world, I was looking for a fairly straightforward introduction to the Muslim faith, without all the "this is evil" rhetoric that seems to be far too commonplace.  This book served that need nicely, providing an introduction to the foundational principles of Islam, and then focusing on how a constructive dialogue can be established, rather than on the things causing polarity.   I particularly appreciated the chapter that talked about what the Qur'an says about Jesus, and walked away from the book very much open for the first time in my life to ordering a copy of the Qur'an to read and explore more thoroughly for myself.  This book definitely whetted my appetite for future reading about Islam and relationships between Muslims and Christians.

Dancing With Max (Emily Colson)

This book was the account of the author's experiences raising her severely autistic son as a single mom, and came to me via a recommendation from a dear friend who knew of my interest in autism and love of memoirs, and had recently read the book.  I read it in one session of bus reading (about three hours) and was fascinated by the story.  I'm a lover of memoir anyway, and have recently been reading a bit about autism and related disorders and this memoir was at turns poignant, funny, challenging and deeply touching.  I definitely worked to hide tears at various moments as I sat on the bus and read.  I was moved by Colson's account of her quest to find ways to communicate with her son, and also by her account of Max's relationship with her father, well known Christian figure, Charles Colson.  My favorite story was her account of Max's baptism, but what moved me was the evident love for her son throughout the narrative, and her determination to acknowledge her son's limitations, but also allow him to succeed in all the ways that were unique to him.  I'd highly recommend taking the time to read this beautiful story.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 147

Today's Daily 5:

1. watching an old episode of the Bachelor late last night
2. laughing over a bunch of blog posts from the southern parts of the US where they don't usually get snow.  one showed a bunch of pictures of children playing in the snow and read simply, "It's snowing so we went outside."  Late last night, in weather that also involved falling snow, but temperatures in the -27C range with windchill, the fact that snow could be that much of a novelty was hilariously funny to me.  I clearly need to relocate to a different climate where I can appreciate snow from a distance or as a novelty!
3. an early bedtime (for me anyway) last night
4. my neck pillow
5. wearing cute earrings today
6. banking via iphone
7. smiling at my first lecture (and all the rest, actually)
8. watching a sign language interpreter (there's a deaf student in one of my classes - how fun to get to experience the interpreter all semester.  signing fascinates me - just another language that I'd love to learn)
9. a winter sunset as I waited for the bus - the colors are so different in winter, and pretty in a much more stark way.
10. An effusive professor, guaranteed for some laughs this semester
11. making a Peruvian friend in one of my classes
12. a short line at the bookstore (not cheap prices, but a short line was nice!)
13. feeling like I'm actually interested in the random classes I signed up to take
14. inside walkways - I can get all over campus, from building to building, without ever going outside
15. a good natural health treatment appointment tonight to wrap up a very full day

First Day

As of this morning, I'm officially a full-time university student again.

Monday's are going to be my full days, with lots of back to back classes, so it'll be interesting to see how it goes.

It feels a bit weird to know that I'm going to be taking first year classes, ten years after my first year of university.  I'm curious to see how odd that feels once I walk into a class that ends up being filled with eighteen year olds.

I'd love your prayers today, and through this semester, as I work and study and prepare to hopefully enter a nursing program in September.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 147

Today's Daily 5:
(I finally created a brand new introduction page to the Daily 5, available here.)

1. The news that some friends are engaged
2. a lazy morning spent drifting in and out of sleep in bed, since I wasn't feeling well today
3. the happy results of taking a risk
4. blue gatorade (helpful to take in something other than water, again, thanks to not feeling well)
5. a treatment from mom tonight

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 146

Today's Daily 5:

1. Laughing at my dad mocking some really bad soft rock/pop elevator style music that was playing in a store we were in together this morning
2. a cozy scarf and toque
3. a bus driver who actually turns up the heat
4. the intricate beauty of individual snowflakes (even if I hate that combined they make SNOW!)
5. peanut m&m's  
6. reasons to laugh
7. a very good appointment this afternoon
8. "Random Acts of Facebook"
9. wearing my hot pink crocs (a gift from my brothers for Christmas a couple years back, now resurrected to new life as my "slippers" at mom and dad's house)
10. reading a novel
11. a bubble bath
12. watching sessions from the Jesus Culture conference live via the internet

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 145

Today's Daily 5:

1. Peanut butter toast
2. New episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice to watch online
3. a tasty salad for lunch
4. a restful afternoon
5. getting a whole list of errands finished
6. spending time with a friend, laughing, talking, eating
7. a new battery for my laptop - it's now possible for me to use the computer without a power cable - first time in a year! (essential since I'll want it for in class starting next week)
8. magic bags
9. helpful strangers when my friend's car was stuck in the snow tonight
10. weekend escape at mom and dad's

Apparently Not in Canada!

On my last day of work after Christmas, one of my final administrative tasks was to total up the inventory sheets that our volunteers had tallied the donated toys on, as they "priced" them and sorted them into age groups.

One would think that making a tally would be self-explanatory, right?  Four lines, and then a line through, making groups of five, for easy totaling at the end.

A few minutes in to my task, I discovered that this is apparently not as self-explanatory as I'd thought, and starting taking pictures, emailing them to a friend in California with incredulous comments.

Pictures like this:



And this one (it's hard to see, but they made check marks!):



And last, but not least, there was this:


This person counted in groups of six!

That last one was my final straw.  I sent it to my friend with a message that read "This one counted in groups of six! Do they seriously not teach this in school or something??"

I laughed out loud when her response came:

"Apparently not in Canada! ha!"

I've been laughing ever since.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 144

Today's Daily 5:

1. Spending time with my dad today, doing errands together as he prepares to make another overseas trip.  Errands with dad is one of my favorite ways to spend time with him.
2. Curly hair day again
3. Wearing my favorite jacket (the one that makes me feel beautiful) with my cute new hat
4. eating a Kit Kat bar in the middle of the afternoon
5. using my SAD lamp - it really does seem to be helping with energy levels and mood
6. Lime jello (I love jello, but smiled when lime finger type jello was the snack at house church tonight)
7. being back at house church
8. good conversations with friends
9. Encouraging comments from long time faithful blog readers (Hi Jenny!)
10. being with people who love me, and who are interested in my life, and getting to love them and be interested in their lives in return

An Update On Where Things Are At

I haven't talked much about my plans to pursue nursing for a while.  That's because everything has been up in the air as I waited to see if I was accepted into the program this go around.  I finally heard yesterday, and below is the email update I sent out to friends:

Hi All,

So, I finally talked to the nursing department today and confirmed what I'd already guessed - I was not accepted into the nursing program for this go round.  Instead, I've spent a good portion of the day sorting out the details around registering in classes as an "open studies" (basically undeclared) student, with the hopes that taking these classes will bring my GPA up enough to be accepted into nursing for a September entry. 

If I'm really honest, I'm fairly disappointed, and hurting a bit, but I still feel mostly peaceful.  I still believe that nursing is the path that God has directed me towards, and I believe that it will happen in his timing.

I'm choosing to see the five classes that I've enrolled in as simply a necessary step towards nursing.  In some ways, I feel like this is still God's way of creating time around me to continue to heal and become strong and whole before diving into the challenges of studying towards a new career path.

Please pray for me, too, as I begin to study.  Pray for diligence in me as I work, and for the ability to really retain and understand the material in the courses I'm taking.  There is a definite need to perform well in these classes in order that they do actually pull up my GPA and allow me to be admitted to nursing.

The rest of my life remains very much up in the air.  My short term contract at the Mustard Seed came to an end at the end of December, and I'll once again be looking for a job.  Please pray that the right job would present itself - one that will meet my financial needs, but will still allow me to devote the time necessary to study successfully.

And, my living situation remains incredibly tenuous.  I most definitely need to relocate out of Grandma's house, but my ability to do so will depend to a large extent on where I end up working, and what my income is.  Because I don't own a car, I'll also need to find something affordable that is easily accessible by public transit.  You can pray that the right living situation would also present itself to me.

I'd love to hear how each of you are doing, and I so appreciate your friendship and your prayers.

Much love to all of you!

Lisa

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 143

Today's Daily 5:

1. Being thankful for healing that has already happened
2. Wearing a cute hat
3. Getting my favorite seat on the bus for bus reading
4. Having a plan
5. Unexpected savings on some financial costs today
6. A helpful advisor
7. A hug when I really needed one
8. Recognizing a new truth about myself
9. A long catch up Skype call with a very good friend
10. The chance to celebrate the good news of several friends with them this week thanks to technology

Coming Soon

I have a slew of posts that I want to write, but finding the motivation to sit and do them hasn't been that easy.  I've been enjoying having time to catch up with a few friends, and to just rest the last few days.

But, some good stuff is coming soon.

In the meantime, I'm desperately in need of a session of bus reading, so I'm off to do that for a while.  I need the time and space to process.  To read and think and pray as this new year begins.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 142

Today's Daily 5:

1. Fresh French bread with a thick layer of butter
2. Taking on and completing a nagging computer task
3. Seeing pictures of the brand new baby of some dear friends
4. Lazy late night hours spent doing things I enjoy
5. pomegranate green tea
6. productive morning hours
7. two hours on skype this afternoon with my former roommate L.
8. cooking a really tasty supper tonight (hadn't cooked in a while, felt good to be in the kitchen again)
9. Banana cream pie
10. the arrival in the mail this morning of a DVD I'd ordered and am looking forward to watching

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 141

Today's Daily 5:

1. late night chocolate
2. finding a blog late last night that made me laugh out loud
3. This quote from C.S. Lewis (that also made me laugh): "She's the sort of woman who lives for others — you can always tell the others by their hunted expression."
4. keeping a list of books to read "someday" in my phone (I add interesting titles to this on a daily or multiple times daily basis as I encounter them online or in stores or via conversations with friends
5. waking into prayer from good dreams
6. a productive day
7. trying a new burger joint for supper "5 Guys Burgers and Fries" - tasty stuff!
8. coming home for the first time in several days and unpacking
9. painting my toenails
10. a brand new, soft and very supportive neck pillow

First Monday, New Decade

Well now, with a pretentious title like that, how can this post go anywhere?

Actually, I'm just thinking again this morning about newness, and wondering what this year and decade are going to hold.

I woke from dreams this morning that made me smile.  And dreams that stirred prayer.  And dreams that surprised me in what they contained - people and places I wouldn't have expected.

This is the week that I'll find out if I've been accepted into the nursing program for January entry.  The week that I'll either come off of the waiting list, or I won't.  I'll be in school either way, it's just that taking classes as a nursing student would be my preferred outcome.

I'm mentally planning my week as I sit here, too.

Tonight my parents and I are trying a new "cult following" burger chain from the states that has made it's way to Canada.

Tomorrow afternoon I'm skyping with one of my best friends.  Tomorrow night I'm meeting another dear friend for dinner and a chance to chat and catch up.

Wednesday night I know that I'm cooking dinner at mom and dad's, and Thursday night house church starts back up.

This afternoon I have errands to do.  A stop at the library, probably a trip to walmart.  I need boring things like deodorant, and a neck pillow.  (The neck pillow that has been my soreness savior that I purchased for $2 at a local dollar store wasn't all that sturdy it turns out.  I've repaired it twice already, and now I'm ready to just buy something with quality that I won't have to stitch shut every couple of weeks.)

I read this post at Donald Miller's blog this morning, and remembered reading the story of the Scott Street Parade in his book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years."  I choked up a little watching the video in the post, when I spotted the smiling and waving parade queen and remembered the story in the book about how they choose a special woman from the street each year to be appreciated as the parade queen.  Reading the post made me think again about how story was my "one word" for last year, and how it's become an overarching theme to my dreaming and hoping and planning.  It reminded me, too, that I want to give "A Million Miles" another read through sometime in the coming month.

This post at Stuff Christians Like made me laugh this morning too.  Yes, I'm one of those people who is doing the read through the Bible in a year thing this year.  I particularly enjoyed tip # 6: "Start mentally preparing for Leviticus.That book will break you. I promise. Unless you have some very specific questions about mold. It’s a beautiful book, but 87% of all read through the Bible plans jump the sea cow right here. (That will make sense once you get to Leviticus.)"  I've bailed on at least a couple of read through the Bible plans because I got stuck in Leviticus.  So, I'm taking his advice and mentally preparing myself now.  (And grinning at the very idea of that!)

So, on the agenda this week (other than the aforementioned things):

• hang out with dad and do errands with him, stuff he needs to do to get ready for his next trip leading a team to Ghana (he leaves in less than a week)
• create a plan for cleaning and purging stuff at home, and follow through
• catch up on a number of blog posts I've been meaning to write about books I read (many of the books I read when I was doing all that bus reading, before starting my contract job)
• and speaking of bus reading, get one or two sessions of that in (Like I said, I want to make another trip through "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years", and I've got a few other books on the agenda)
• Listen to the audio book I spent months waiting for at the library
• tackle a few little nagging administrative tasks (like product registrations, and some changes to my cell phone plan)

Not perhaps the most glowingly auspicious way to start a new decade, but for me, the stuff of day to day life, the accomplishing of the little things is what lets me tell a better story with my days.  Having a list and tackling it.  Planning the fun moments too.  These are important in my life.

So, those are my plans, what's on your agenda for starting out this decade?

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 140

Today's Daily 5:

1. 1 year, 140 days of making these lists
2. Breakfast in bed (even if I did have to get out of bed to make it for myself)
3. A text message announcing that very dear friends of mine welcomed a daughter to their family in the early hours of this morning (and later in the day, the bonus of being friends with the proud new auntie of the baby as well, meaning I got to see a picture of the new little beauty)
4. smiling at the way a t-shirt that has had some painful memories attached to it in the past just made me grin when I wore it today, because it reflects a part of myself that I love
5. A grande caramel apple spice and an apple fritter at starbucks today
6. spending the afternoon hanging with a friend, doing a bit of clean-up at her place and chatting (really random tasks like having to clean up the Christmas tree because it had toppled over in the 24 hours since she'd last been home can make for some of the best times, laughing over the task that needs to be done, and chatting while accomplishing it)
7. watching church online tonight while I did some reading and surfing
8. one last night of retreat at mom and dad's before returning to my crazy living situation tomorrow night
9. leftover Chinese takeout for supper
10. reading a few new blogs as I surfed around some of the one word posts tonight

Laughing at Myself

I'm chuckling this morning.

I wrote yesterday that after vascillating for a couple of days, I'd chosen the word "Heal" to be my "one word" for 2011.

I was going through a few old blog posts this morning and realized that the very first Reverb 10 post that I wrote asked me to pick a word to describe 2010 (I chose deconstruction or duckless), and then to choose the word I'd like to define 2011.  I'd totally forgotten that I'd written that post.

The word I picked at the beginning of December?  Healing.

Which made me laugh this morning in a "oh God, you're funny in getting your theme across" kind of way.

Because the word that was on my heart at the beginning of the month, is the word that I almost didn't choose.  I'd pondered it as a word, but then picked something totally different. As I was sitting with my journal yesterday and writing out a list of hopes and goals and dreams for the coming year, shaped by my one word, I felt very strongly a conviction that the new word was one that would have to wait.  That I needed to go with my original gut instinct and choose "heal". 

And then I discovered this morning that that was the word I'd chosen earlier, too.  And I smiled at the funny little confirmation of timing and choice.  The whisper that speaks to my heart that this is a theme that God has for me for the year to come.

Most Read Posts December 2010

It would seem December was almost exclusively about the Reverb 10 posts here on my blog.  At the very least, those were the posts that attracted the most attention.

Here's a recap of the 10 most read posts of December 2010:

1. Reverb 10: Day 3 - Most Alive.  In this one I recounted the moment in which I felt most alive.  I talked about the translation of an online friendship to real life.  This post had nearly triple the number of reads of anything else on my blog in December.

2.  Reverb 10: Day 11 - 11 Things I Can Live Without.  This is perhaps one of my favorite of the reverb10 prompts that I answered over the course of the month.  As I sat down to formulate some of my goals for 2011, I looked back at what I'd written.  This post was also one of the hardest to write.  When I started writing, I was very convinced I'd never make it to 11 items.  But somehow, as I sat and stared at the screen and pondered, I came up with a list that really does reflect me, and makes me smile.




3.  Reverb 10: Day 12 - Body Integration?  I don't feel like I live separately body and mind/spirit.  Most of the time I think I'm pretty integrated.  I'm not sure if this is a novel concept, or if the keywords just caught people's attention to make this the third most read post of the month!

4.  Reverb 10: Day 5 - Let Go.  A year of deconstruction, and how I suck at being all zen.

5.  Reverb 10: Day 8 - Beautifully Different.  The one in which I felt like my answer was a cop out, but I really didn't have an answer either.

6.  Bus Reading.  Definitely one of my favorite posts from the last while.  Partly because bus reading is one of my favorite ways to rest and pray and think and be restored.  And partly because it seems like such a random idea - to ride a bus in a circuit, with no destination, but simply the goal to read and pray.  And a random idea like that definitely needs a guide -  a guide which I had great fun writing.

7.  Reverb 10: Day 26 - Soul Food.  Some of my favorite meals of 2010.  And how could a post that talks about Mizithra from Old Spaghetti Factory go wrong?

8.  Reverb 10: Day 24 - Everything's OK.  One of the shortest posts I wrote for reverb10.  Everything may not be okay, but I will be.

9.  Reverb 10: Day 19 - Healing.  A post centered around one of my favorite topics, healing.  For me, healing came in very unexpected places and forms in 2010, and I'm curious to see how that carries forward into 2011.

10.  Reverb 10: Day 23 - A New Name.  Not choosing a new name, but the realization that I've finally made peace with the name that I have.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 139

Today's Daily 5:

1. sleeping in after staying up late to greet the new year
2. reading, writing, thinking, praying and reflecting on the new year ahead
3. wearing my cozy scarf purchased in the LA garment district
4. Chinese take out
5. the funny scene of watching immigrants from two very different cultures (an employer and employee) try to communicate using their common language (English, which neither spoke well).  I shouldn't laugh, but it was one of those cross cultural moments that really was quite humorous to witness (even with sympathy for the language barrier.)
6. choosing one word for 2011
7. snarking, plotting, and laughing by email
8. baby corn.  little know fact - I LOVE those tiny little baby corns.  I've been know to eat a whole can of them as a snack.
9. magic bags (kept me cozy warm in the basement while I wrote and thought and prayed all afternoon)
10. meat.  just meat.  I know, I know, it's better for the environment if I eat less of the stuff.  But I really like it.  and I don't eat it every meal or anything.  but sometimes it's just so satisfying.
11. green grapes
12. fortune cookies (where can I buy these?  I would like to eat them way more often.)
13. a bubble bath
14. finishing a novel (Hooray for already having a book on my reading completed list for 2011!  Who cares if I read most of it in 2010?  It was a novel about a little boy in Afghanistan and quite good.)
15. printing things out and getting ready for the one word scrapbooking class.