Raw Hope

Psalm 116

1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

10 I believed; therefore I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."

11 And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."

12 How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.

16 O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant;
you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD.

Pulling. Ripping. Groaning.

There's a verse in scripture that talks about all creation groaning in need of redemption.

There's another verse that speaks of the Spirit interceding on our behalf with groans beyond words.

Somedays I think my body knows those groanings deeply. I feel and sense them in ways I can't quite explain.

Today is one of those days.

I feel a ripping. A pulling. A groaning. A longing of all creation.

And I wonder what it means.

I wonder what is coming.

And I sit unsettled in the midst of it.

Praying.

Listening.

Restless.

Resting.

Waiting.

Longing.

Groaning.

Bittersweet December

I'm finding this advent season bittersweet.

It's very marked for me with lots of first anniversaries this year. Lots of memories of anticipation. Of decisions made. Of longing. And the sudden and painful way so much of that went sideways.

It's been a hard year. I'd trade a lot of the things that happened. I'm not sure I'd trade the results. I know God so much more deeply, intimately, personally. I suppose I can't have the results without the events of the year, but if I could trade the events away and keep the results, I would in a heartbeat.

And so, this morning, I find myself longing again. More deeply than usual. Feeling the pull of the advent season, and the closeness of the tears as I reflect on the year. I'm longing for the coming of the light. For the peace and joy and hope it brings.

I wait here in the darkness and pray and long for the light. For it to come fully. For it to come quickly. For it to bring deep healing and restoration.

Come quickly Lord Jesus and have mercy on us.