Weary

My roommate just ordered me to bed. We were talking, I expressed how weary I've become, she took a closer look at me and ordered me to go to bed. "You don't look well."

I'm not well. I think I will be again. But I'm not in this moment.

I'm exhausted. I've been buoyed through the many challenges of these last few months by prayers, adrenaline, and few brief oasis moments. And I'm pretty spent, with two days of work left this week, then another challenging and draining trip over the weekend, and then three more days of work before I finally have a little bit of jealously guarded and carefully scheduled down-time.

I made a decision last night that I think will ultimately bring some freedom and relief, at least for a time. But right now it's a decision that, as right as it seems to be deep within me, is causing pain and grief as well.

I've had enamorment, and deep hatred in turns for 24/7 prayer, but tonight, tonight my mind is being drawn back to a line from "The Vision" that Pete Greig wrote, "my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from heroes of the the faith, from Christ himself..."

I sort of need that to be true tonight. I need to be buoyed on the prayers of the saints, on the voices of angels, on the faith of others. Because tonight I'm feeling feeble, barely able to summon even a whisper, and most definitely exhausted and faithless.

Quoting Again

A couple great quotes I've come across recently:

"The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we as Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. "
- Søren Kierkegaard, Danish philosopher, theologian, and ethicist (1813-1855)"

And, from the calendar that sits on my desk:

"He will never fail you, but will help you in all your troubles, and you will find him everywhere."
-Saint Teresa of Avila

In my purse...

I'm feeling decidely uninspired just at this moment for topics to write about.

So, I'm going to tell you about what kinds of things are residing in my purse these days, just because the list is a bit more unique than usual:

• a stash of vitamins, generally covering whatever meals I'm away from home in a given day
• a nail file that was a promotional gift from the company that installed our office filing system (a file from the filing company! cute or lame, depending on your perspective!)
• a temporary drivers' license - basically a slip of paper that says I can legally drive, while I wait for the new card to come in the mail
• my passport, which makes me nervous to carry around. But, since I am sans a permanent drivers' licence just presently, I'm needing some form of photo ID, so, my passport is living in my purse.
• a daytimer and variety of other papers
• my ipod (and the cable that attaches it to a computer)
• headphones (in case I get the urge to go for a walk in the park after work)
• a paystub
• a checkbook
• a rosary that I purchased at the Vatican
• several pens
• and my prescription sunglasses

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I can safely bet that almost no one else I know will have this combination of items residing in their purses right now!