- 175 days of deliberately choosing to seek the things that bring joy in my day. There's something significant to me in reaching the 175 tonight, on the eve of 4 days of anniversaries that were initially anything but joyful.
- Thankful for the dream I had this morning, and the things it is speaking to me tonight as I let it ruminate, and slowly pray and ponder and process it.
- Got a phone call from my dad today to let me know that a package had arrived for me at their house. Because of the lack of a vehicle, I likely won't be able to pick it up and dig into it until the weekend, but it made my day to get a call that I had fun mail waiting for me.
- Coffee with a friend tonight - was fun to catch up. Had a cup of one of my favorite teas, and then satisfied a craving by eating Mexican at a restaurant in Kensington. (Note: don't really recommend the restaurant actually, though the flautas I had were decent. Salt and Pepper is much better and more authentic Mexican food.)
- Loved walking in Kensington again tonight. I haven't been there in months, but there is something about that neighborhood that always stirs me. Something about the color and creativity, even with all the weird little new age shops with psychics and crystals and all sorts of stuff. (Can't walk into some of those shops, given my particular sensitivities to the spiritual realm, but I do love to walk in Kensington.)
- Went into Eleven:Eleven with my friend. It's a funky shop that sells clothes and accessories made by a local designer who travels to India and buys used saris and silks, and then brings them back and fashions the fabric into incredible tops and dresses, for relatively decent prices. One of these days I'm going to manage to be in there when I have money to spend - so many of the clothes suit my current penchant for flowy, slightly hippy, and quite colorful clothing, while still being incredibly beautiful and unique.
- Been enjoying watching old seasons of ER on dvd these evenings while I've been resting.
- A productive meeting at work this morning that led to a productive afternoon, and a much more workable solution for entertaining a large number of children and their moms at our upcoming conference.
- Some good reminders via email from a dear friend.
- Some new friends from the house church I've been attending emailed the other day, offering me a ride for tomorrow night. I was so thankful to be included without having to ask. We confirmed the ride today. It really meant quite a lot that they would seek me out and offer to pick me up if I was up to coming. I'm so grateful to get to be part of that again tomorrow night. It will be nice to be with people who are becoming friends, and who love Jesus.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Daily 5 - Day 175
Today's Daily 5:
Dreaming
I woke this morning from a deep and moving dream.
I was with two people whom I've never met, but for whom I have a great deal of respect. First, in their home, being absorbed into the stuff of everyday life. A kitchen, a communal one. Being pulled into cooking. This odd sense of being willing to do just about anything, to be part of this place that felt so beautiful and home-like. And then in a different context. A large conference... standing between the couple. They are surrounding me, leaning in, teaching as events go on, helping me to see. Pointing out the places where the Spirit is at work, teaching me how to spot that. And then again, in a smaller, more intimate, prayer-filled room. Sitting on the floor with the woman, weeping together, her praying for and with me.
It was oddly healing, and moving in ways I can't explain.
Perhaps more poignant today, as tomorrow begins a series of 4 anniversaries. Hard, beautiful, painful, full, deep, rich anniversaries.
The first marks another dream, and the way it played out one day a few years back. A moment that I can't even begin to explain. It's an odd thing to see something powerful that you've dreamt play out in front of you in your waking moments. The memory is strikingly clear, and incredibly blurry all at once.
And tonight, as I look towards it, I am holding on to the sense of healing from this morning's dream, and looking backwards at the memories and reminding myself that those, too, are healing.
I was with two people whom I've never met, but for whom I have a great deal of respect. First, in their home, being absorbed into the stuff of everyday life. A kitchen, a communal one. Being pulled into cooking. This odd sense of being willing to do just about anything, to be part of this place that felt so beautiful and home-like. And then in a different context. A large conference... standing between the couple. They are surrounding me, leaning in, teaching as events go on, helping me to see. Pointing out the places where the Spirit is at work, teaching me how to spot that. And then again, in a smaller, more intimate, prayer-filled room. Sitting on the floor with the woman, weeping together, her praying for and with me.
It was oddly healing, and moving in ways I can't explain.
Perhaps more poignant today, as tomorrow begins a series of 4 anniversaries. Hard, beautiful, painful, full, deep, rich anniversaries.
The first marks another dream, and the way it played out one day a few years back. A moment that I can't even begin to explain. It's an odd thing to see something powerful that you've dreamt play out in front of you in your waking moments. The memory is strikingly clear, and incredibly blurry all at once.
And tonight, as I look towards it, I am holding on to the sense of healing from this morning's dream, and looking backwards at the memories and reminding myself that those, too, are healing.
Mish Mash From Henri on Forgiveness
A collection from Henri Nouwen on forgiveness. (Still cleaning out the email inboxes!)
Forgiveness, the Way to Freedom
To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, "I no longer hold your offense against you" But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the "offended one." As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, worse, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.
Healing Our Hearts Through Forgiveness
How can we forgive those who do not want to be forgiven? Our deepest desire is that the forgiveness we offer will be received. This mutuality between giving and receiving is what creates peace and harmony. But if our condition for giving forgiveness is that it will be received, we seldom will forgive! Forgiving the other is first and foremost an inner movement. It is an act that removes anger, bitterness, and the desire for revenge from our hearts and helps us to reclaim our human dignity. We cannot force those we want to forgive into accepting our forgiveness. They might not be able or willing do so. They may not even know or feel that they have wounded us.
The only people we can really change are ourselves. Forgiving others is first and foremost healing our own hearts.
Forgiving in the Name of God
We are all wounded people. Who wounds us? Often those whom we love and those who love us. When we feel rejected, abandoned, abused, manipulated, or violated, it is mostly by people very close to us: our parents, our friends, our spouses, our lovers, our children, our neighbors, our teachers, our pastors. Those who love us wound us too. That's the tragedy of our lives. This is what makes forgiveness from the heart so difficult. It is precisely our hearts that are wounded. We cry out, "You, who I expected to be there for me, you have abandoned me. How can I ever forgive you for that?"
Forgiveness often seems impossible, but nothing is impossible for God. The God who lives within us will give us the grace to go beyond our wounded selves and say, "In the Name of God you are forgiven." Let's pray for that grace.
Healing Our Memories
Forgiving does not mean forgetting. When we forgive a person, the memory of the wound might stay with us for a long time, even throughout our lives. Sometimes we carry the memory in our bodies as a visible sign. But forgiveness changes the way we remember. It converts the curse into a blessing. When we forgive our parents for their divorce, our children for their lack of attention, our friends for their unfaithfulness in crisis, our doctors for their ill advice, we no longer have to experience ourselves as the victims of events we had no control over.
Forgiveness allows us to claim our own power and not let these events destroy us; it enables them to become events that deepen the wisdom of our hearts. Forgiveness indeed heals memories.
Forgiveness, the Way to Freedom
To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, "I no longer hold your offense against you" But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the "offended one." As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, worse, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.
Healing Our Hearts Through Forgiveness
How can we forgive those who do not want to be forgiven? Our deepest desire is that the forgiveness we offer will be received. This mutuality between giving and receiving is what creates peace and harmony. But if our condition for giving forgiveness is that it will be received, we seldom will forgive! Forgiving the other is first and foremost an inner movement. It is an act that removes anger, bitterness, and the desire for revenge from our hearts and helps us to reclaim our human dignity. We cannot force those we want to forgive into accepting our forgiveness. They might not be able or willing do so. They may not even know or feel that they have wounded us.
The only people we can really change are ourselves. Forgiving others is first and foremost healing our own hearts.
Forgiving in the Name of God
We are all wounded people. Who wounds us? Often those whom we love and those who love us. When we feel rejected, abandoned, abused, manipulated, or violated, it is mostly by people very close to us: our parents, our friends, our spouses, our lovers, our children, our neighbors, our teachers, our pastors. Those who love us wound us too. That's the tragedy of our lives. This is what makes forgiveness from the heart so difficult. It is precisely our hearts that are wounded. We cry out, "You, who I expected to be there for me, you have abandoned me. How can I ever forgive you for that?"
Forgiveness often seems impossible, but nothing is impossible for God. The God who lives within us will give us the grace to go beyond our wounded selves and say, "In the Name of God you are forgiven." Let's pray for that grace.
Healing Our Memories
Forgiving does not mean forgetting. When we forgive a person, the memory of the wound might stay with us for a long time, even throughout our lives. Sometimes we carry the memory in our bodies as a visible sign. But forgiveness changes the way we remember. It converts the curse into a blessing. When we forgive our parents for their divorce, our children for their lack of attention, our friends for their unfaithfulness in crisis, our doctors for their ill advice, we no longer have to experience ourselves as the victims of events we had no control over.
Forgiveness allows us to claim our own power and not let these events destroy us; it enables them to become events that deepen the wisdom of our hearts. Forgiveness indeed heals memories.
On the Fly
I was in a meeting for most of the morning.
A meeting that left me with a task list a gazillion items long, all with some degree of urgency attached to them.
So, going to be busy the next few days. Which will be a little bit interesting, given that my energy level is still lagging, and my body still hurts a fair bit.
Ah well... at least I'll have things to fill my time!
And with that, back to work!
There's another mish-mash post from Henri Nouwen coming this afternoon, and I'll be back sometime tonight with the daily 5.
A meeting that left me with a task list a gazillion items long, all with some degree of urgency attached to them.
So, going to be busy the next few days. Which will be a little bit interesting, given that my energy level is still lagging, and my body still hurts a fair bit.
Ah well... at least I'll have things to fill my time!
And with that, back to work!
There's another mish-mash post from Henri Nouwen coming this afternoon, and I'll be back sometime tonight with the daily 5.
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