- Grateful that the bus was late, meaning I made a connection tonight, instead of having to stand in the cold for 25 minutes waiting for the next bus.
- My books are now all on shelves in my new space. It's still a mess, but getting the books (and dvds actually) unpacked is a huge step in the right direction.
- Did yoga for the first time since the car accident. Didn't do the whole routine yet, but it was so good to be back to doing it.
- A somewhat smoother evening tonight with Grandma.
- Made good progress on my to do list for tonight.
- Caught up on "The Amazing Race" - it's got to be the only reality show I'll watch. Loving that the two cowboys that everybody thought were going to be stupid have finished first two weeks in a row.
- Plans have come together for the next couple evenings that will let me be with friends, give me a break from unpacking, and a break from the ongoing Grandma saga.
- Loving the audio book I'm listening to right now on the commute home in the afternoon.
- Catching up on Grey's Anatomy tonight too. I'd forgotten a little just how much that show is the thing I watch to just chill out a bit.
- had a hamburger for supper. Maybe it's weird, but I love the way the ketchup and mayo combine and the taste they make together. My brothers would say that the mayo thing is our American side - it's not very common in Canada - but I love it!
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Daily 5 - Day 202
Today's Daily 5:
Grey Skies and Evening Thoughts
It was supposed to be 10 degrees above zero today. As I write it's -2 C and incredibly foggy, with the possibility of snow. They're saying we'll still make 7C, but I'm thinking "they" are overly optimistic.
Something about grey days tends to make me exhausted, distracted, reflective.
I'm thinking about lists.
About plans for tonight.
If I can stave off Grandma, I think I'll do some of the following:
Something about grey days tends to make me exhausted, distracted, reflective.
I'm thinking about lists.
About plans for tonight.
If I can stave off Grandma, I think I'll do some of the following:
- Eat a hamburger for supper, with some grapes most likely.
- yoga, for the first time since my accident. I've missed the simple routine of stretching and breathing.
- catch up on my online television viewing
- check the lane swim schedule for the city pool that's only a block from where Grandma lives (it's still so weird to think that that is also where I live)
- do a bit of reading. I recently joined a program with a Christian book publisher that will send you copies of their books for free if you agree to post a review of the book on your blog. I'm having a bit of trouble making much headway through the first book I requested, and needing to schedule time to work on it.
- send emails to some friends.
- update my budget (I know, doesn't sound exciting, but I'm looking forward to it.)
- see if I can formulate a grocery list for a shopping trip on the weekend
- write a going away card for my former roommate, and text message her to confirm our plans to hang out tomorrow night.
- download a new version of Paul Brandt's "Canadian Man"
- write a letter to my internet provider politely expressing my displeasure at the service I received over the course of this move
- finish putting my books on their shelves
- move some boxes around, sorting out furniture and other items.
- fold the laundry I did last night.
- see if I can find a few candles in the boxes of stuff that's still packed, and light them.
I'm thinking a lot about the word no these days.
Mostly because I've probably used it more in the 72 or so hours that I've been living at Grandma's house than I have in the previous month. Last night I used it at least four times in the 3 minutes between walking in the front door, and making it downstairs to change clothes after work.
No, Grandma, I don't want you to drive me anywhere tonight.
No, Grandma, I don't want any of the ham you made today. I don't actually like ham very much. (This one elicited a semi-horrified "you don't?" response.)
No, Grandma, I don't want you to drive me to the c-train in the mornings.
No, Grandma, I don't want you to pick me up from the train after work, or the mall after doing errands.
My mom and I were laughing on the phone last night that this particular living situation is going to give me boatloads of practice in saying no and setting personal boundaries.
I'm trying to find humor in this situation, because I'm not sure I'll survive it if I don't. (I will however admit that at the moment my sense of humor in relation to it is extremely sarcastic and perhaps a bit cynical.)
But I'm thinking too, about if I sometimes say no to her because I am reacting to her and her rather overbearing, smothering ways.
For example, if my mom or a good friend offered to drive me to do errands, in my current carless state, I likely wouldn't say no. But Grandma makes me just a little bit crazy, and so I say no almost automatically.
I think, too, that I'm fiercely guarding my independence, and that I've likely come close to lying, if I haven't in fact crossed that boundary, in answering some of her questions negatively, to create space for myself. I probably do like some of the things she's offered to cook or bake, but I'm not wanting to open the door to that, because I sense that once it's opened, it'll be hard to close.
I fear little things like the idea that if I do some baking, she'll demand the recipe, and I'll be eating the same baked good forever. I'm not like that. She makes the same few foods over and over and over. I crave variety, even in my sweets. A week of eating a particular type of cookie or square is enough. Grandma doesn't understand that.
I pay to live there, so I have a certain right to privacy.
At this point I'm fearing a need to lay down boundaries. Because it's hard to set boundaries when the person you're setting them with owns the home you're living in, is eighty years old, and has lived in that home for more than 40 years.
But right now, every time I go upstairs, even for just a moment, to use the kitchen, to shower, she appears, and it turns into a 10-15 minute conversation about minutiae. And she's come downstairs a few times too. Clearly if that continues I'll have to say something.
No is not an easy thing to say lovingly and respectfully when you're feeling smothered. And two days in, I'm feeling a little bit smothered.
Life at grandma's is clearly going to be an "adventure." (And I haven't even mentioned the whole blocked sewer scenario that we experienced last night.)
Mostly because I've probably used it more in the 72 or so hours that I've been living at Grandma's house than I have in the previous month. Last night I used it at least four times in the 3 minutes between walking in the front door, and making it downstairs to change clothes after work.
No, Grandma, I don't want you to drive me anywhere tonight.
No, Grandma, I don't want any of the ham you made today. I don't actually like ham very much. (This one elicited a semi-horrified "you don't?" response.)
No, Grandma, I don't want you to drive me to the c-train in the mornings.
No, Grandma, I don't want you to pick me up from the train after work, or the mall after doing errands.
My mom and I were laughing on the phone last night that this particular living situation is going to give me boatloads of practice in saying no and setting personal boundaries.
I'm trying to find humor in this situation, because I'm not sure I'll survive it if I don't. (I will however admit that at the moment my sense of humor in relation to it is extremely sarcastic and perhaps a bit cynical.)
But I'm thinking too, about if I sometimes say no to her because I am reacting to her and her rather overbearing, smothering ways.
For example, if my mom or a good friend offered to drive me to do errands, in my current carless state, I likely wouldn't say no. But Grandma makes me just a little bit crazy, and so I say no almost automatically.
I think, too, that I'm fiercely guarding my independence, and that I've likely come close to lying, if I haven't in fact crossed that boundary, in answering some of her questions negatively, to create space for myself. I probably do like some of the things she's offered to cook or bake, but I'm not wanting to open the door to that, because I sense that once it's opened, it'll be hard to close.
I fear little things like the idea that if I do some baking, she'll demand the recipe, and I'll be eating the same baked good forever. I'm not like that. She makes the same few foods over and over and over. I crave variety, even in my sweets. A week of eating a particular type of cookie or square is enough. Grandma doesn't understand that.
I pay to live there, so I have a certain right to privacy.
At this point I'm fearing a need to lay down boundaries. Because it's hard to set boundaries when the person you're setting them with owns the home you're living in, is eighty years old, and has lived in that home for more than 40 years.
But right now, every time I go upstairs, even for just a moment, to use the kitchen, to shower, she appears, and it turns into a 10-15 minute conversation about minutiae. And she's come downstairs a few times too. Clearly if that continues I'll have to say something.
No is not an easy thing to say lovingly and respectfully when you're feeling smothered. And two days in, I'm feeling a little bit smothered.
Life at grandma's is clearly going to be an "adventure." (And I haven't even mentioned the whole blocked sewer scenario that we experienced last night.)
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