Pity, party of one...

I'm laying here having a little tiny pity party.

I'm a terrible sick person. And when I'm overly tired it's worse.

So, I'm laying here feeling sorry for myself.

I'm thinking about the fact that June has presented certain challenges for the last several years. Challenges where the pace of transition in my life has stepped up dramatically, creating in my heart the need for greater time alone, or with those who know the deep places in my heart. Usually June prevents either, and I become crankier and crankier, and then I become ill.

Ill is arriving right on schedule.

I'm going to somehow have to find a significant chunk of time to get away alone. In a time when that time alone isn't taking away from a thousand other things that need to be done. And preferably not on an evening, when I need to be thinking about the fact that the next day I'll need energy for work.

Unfortunately, once we finally move, the first weekend will be taken up with a wedding... and the inevitable time necessary for settling in to a new home.

So, just at this moment, I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. It seems one set of symptoms had only begun to clear up (and has since returned) and I got hit with another one. And somehow, despite the fact that each of the things I did this weekend were at least somewhat enjoyable, together they've managed to destroy my energy reserves.

I'm musing about things like the fact that a normal person would just go to bed right now, but, because of my disturbed sleep abilities, I daren't go to bed this early unless I want to be wide awake at 2:00 tomorrow morning, and on into the rest of the day. (Can I just say that that thought isn't really doing anything to add cheerfulness to my disposition either?)

I'm lonely too. Missing some of the people with whom my heart connects most deeply.

I'm watching my own temper closely too. The little pet peeves are seeming bigger in the face of exhaustion, illness, and too many people. I think I've successfully managed to keep from lashing out at anyone, but I'm not loving the attitudes I'm finding within myself.

So, I'm off to have a shower, and maybe read in bed. Or maybe I'll just start packing boxes. I definitely can't stay on the couch... wedding central has returned, re-invaded, and I'm off to find some quiet.

Worse for wear...

It has been a long day (and it's only 5:30ish).

I treated myself to Macdonalds for breakfast on the way to church this morning. Not something I do often, but worth it for the treat and pick me up I needed.

Then church. Lots of pictures from my parents trip.

Steak lunch at their house afterwards to celebrate father's day. A few gag gifts and funny cards. Lots of laughing and visiting.

But somewhere along the way I started to get sick. I've got a pretty sore throat, and the muscles in my neck, back and shoulders are badly acting up again.

I mowed the front lawn, but not the back one when we finally got home.

And then I promptly put my pajamas on and collapsed on the couch with a wheat bag around my neck and another on my lower back. I'm not moving unless I have to for the rest of the evening. With the possible exception of a hot shower. And maybe a little bit of tidying, sorting or packing. There are a few things I need to accomplish (like list-making) that can be done while I'm laying here. But mostly, I'm going to watch M*A*S*H*, catch up on a few emails, and maybe read a little... and rest.

Sunday Morning Again...

In an hour I'll leave for church. Not the church I'd prefer to attend, but the church I grew up in.

My parents are speaking about their recent ministry trip to Africa, and that somewhat necessitates my presence.

Hopefully a few of the people with whom I've always had good relationships will be there, letting me at least visit and catch up with them.

Then, this afternoon, after church I'll be at Mom and Dad's house, celebrating Father's Day.

Father's Day is always a bit hard on my heart. My relationship with my dad, though a bit better in recent months, has always been a challenging one. My relationship with a heavenly father is so mixed up at times in my relationship with my earthly one.

I bought a father's day card recently. It was awfully hard to find an appropriate one, and I went with the fallback of a humorous one. It was the most appropriate to our relationship.

Anyway... time to find clothing to replace my pajamas, and breakfast.