Daily 5 - Day 33

Today's Daily 5 is mostly a list of things for which I'm grateful today:

1. I'm thankful for a roommate who listens and understands - who "gets" me and let's me process outloud at times, and then helps to offer perspective
2. I'm thankful that the stabbing situation that Mom and her cousin and I bumped into in "my" park tonight, didn't happen earlier in the day, when I was alone in the park writing and thinking... I'm also thankful that we were safe as we were walking. (waiting for the news outlets to have more details on this... but the long and short is that there was a strong police presence right where we were walking, and the police helicopter circling, and when we walked down one particular path, there were spatters of fresh blood so we turned around and headed the other direction... a newspaper photographer we talked with briefly on our way back to the car told us that there had been a stabbing)
3. I'm thankful for new knowledge of family, and a sense of belonging, even in the midst of a new layer of woundedness
4. I'm thankful for the leftovers that mom sent home with me, that fed me for supper and will also cover my lunch tomorrow.
5. I'm thankful for quiet, joyful moments at the zoo this morning, watching the baby gorilla play with a blanket and explore a little.
   

Family and Belonging

This has been a week full of family. There have been visitors from my mom's family in town, and that is a rarity that I tend to soak up when it is available.

It hit me in a new and deep way, that I'm not quite sure what to do with yet, that I come from an enormous family, that I have a tremendous network of roots, and yet I know nothing of them. That is hard for someone who sees the world as a historian, and who also places tremendous value on family - the kind that comes by blood, and the kind that comes by heart.

There have been hard questions raised within me on the fronts of both types of family.

I was stunned, in a good way, by some of the things my mom's cousin shared. Facts about my grandma, and great grandparents and their families. I know very little about my mom's family, because mom's childhood was less than ideal, and it has always felt that talking with her about her family was somewhat of a taboo topic. I didn't realize until mom's cousin began to share, how deeply that lack of information, the lack of roots, bothered me.

There have been themes of family and belonging in much of what I've been walking through with Jesus lately, seeking healing and rest.

I found some of that this week. Some new wounds, but also a sense of rootedness, a bit of belonging. I come from a family of strong and stubborn women, who didn't always walk the exact path set out for them. I loved hearing that, since I knew very little about these women, and even less of that was positive. There was a sense of "oh, I'm not so strange as I've been feeling" in hearing about some of these ladies.

I learned too, about family of the heart this week, as I dealt with some decisions that needed to be made. I was surprised at discovering that there are some who my heart still considers family. I was surprised by the moments, decisions, and situations I encountered because of that.

And yet, in the midst of a week where the wounded places of family and belonging have been prominent, I have felt Jesus incredibly near. Offering healing even amidst uncovering new wounds. Offering assurance that small healings are happening, and will continue to grow within me. Showing me places where reserves of strength and joy I didn't know I had existed and will continue to grow.

And so, as I thought about all of this, laying on my stomach on the creek bank in "my" park this afternoon, writing and journaling and praying, I found that the most prominent emotion of the moment was thankfulness.

I am thankful for the nearness of Jesus. For the joy that He has offered, and the strength He has given. And I am thankful that He is continually close, offering healing.

A Mish-Mash of Quotes and Other Things

A few lovely and/or challenging thoughts that have been collecting in my inbox again.

Yesterday's daily text from the Moravians:

Who is a rock besides our God? Psalm 18:31

Paul said, "Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified."
Acts 20:32 (NIV)

O God, how grateful we are that you are the rock of our salvation and not the shifting sand of our human leaders. We commend all the leaders of our world to
your care and your leadership this day. Give to them your wisdom and compassion that they may rule in their tiny, human kingdoms as you do in the entire universe. Amen.

Several thoughts from Quiet Moments With Padre Pio

By loving God the soul is certain of possessing him. When a person loves money, honors, and good heath, unfortunately, he does not always possess what he loves, whereas he who loves God possesses him at once.

The more numerous your enemies become, the more you ought to abandon yourself with complete trust in the Lord. He will always sustain you with his powerful arm so that you may not stumble.

Let us take care to mortify our selfish spirit which puffs us up, makes us impulsive, and leads to aridity of the soul.

Raise your mind to the Lord and implore him to guide your mind himself, to speak to your heart and move your will.