Thankful...

Because today is ending a lot better than it started, and I want to remember that Jesus works even in the really crappy moments...

Tonight, I'm thankful:

• for my baby brother and his huge heart for people and God and the world.
• that he partnered with me in a ministry opportunity tonight, letting me relax more readily, because he helped carry the somewhat awkward at times conversation.
• for dear friends spread across the country.
• for one friend in particular who has been a special gift in this crazy intense season of life, and ever so patiently and helpfully answers my myriad of questions as I learn to walk out some new things that Jesus is placing in my life.
• that Jesus is placing new things in my life.
• for a great time with friends at the Paul Brandt concert last night.
• for photos of Paris hanging on my living room wall.
• for my mom who sent stuff with my brother that should help cure the mild infection that I've currently got in my nose piercing.
• for the book of Psalms, and particularly Eugene Peterson's translation of many of the Psalms in "The Message."
• for books in general, and any of the Mitford or Father Tim novels by Jan Karon in specific.
• for a heart that is being broadened to the world - even when I'm pretty sure that it will kill me as it is stretched and broken.
• for one day down, and only four left before the weekend.
• that my mom is cooking turkey dinner tomorrow night, and invited my roommate and I to come and eat.
• for cozy furry socks on a freezing cold day.
• for warm pajamas, and a soft duvet.
• for a peaceful heart and a sense of the presence of Jesus so closely with me these days.
• for an appointment tonight that was far less intense than anticipated. (I needed the break.)

I think that'll do it for tonight. I always feel better after stopping to list this stuff.

Thanks Jesus, for all the blessings you've poured out on my life today, even in the midst of the ugly stuff.

Holding My Place

Is it weird to say that I already knew late last night what this week would look like? That I think Jesus was whispering a warning to me, letting me know that this would be a week that would require much of me, that would sap my energy, drain my strength, and test my resolve?

I was at a Paul Brandt concert last night - and it was FANTASTIC! worth every minute over the last five years that I've waited because I missed getting tickets when they sold out too quickly. I had a GREAT TIME! A much needed time to chill out, to not think, to relax and laugh and sing along with friends. My only regret is that I looked at the ticket, and it said "no cameras" so I left mine in the trunk of my friend's car. So many people had cameras, and we had great seats, would have been nice to have the camera there with me...

As my roommate and I were driving home, though, I began to feel the whispers...

And I knew, with a great deal of certainty, that I wasn't going to get much sleep last night. (this proved true - I was horizontal, with my eyes closed for about six hours, but was awake for much of that, I know I came awake at least 4 separate times).

I woke feeling nauseous, achy, and knowing exactly what kind of day I was about to push through.

I'm not interested in fighting, though I know I'm under attack just presently.

Gaining ground is not even on my radar this week.

I will be happy with holding my place. With making it through without collapse or defeat. That, in my eyes, will be a victory this week.

I'm listening to a mix cd that I made for a friend a few months ago. The lyrics are spilling over me and helping me to hold on. They're helping me to ignore the tension in the office around me. They're helping me to ignore the migraine that's threatening. They're helping me to ignore the fact that my body's thermostat is once again acting up and refusing to heat me. They're helping me to ignore the upset stomach, and the infected nose piercing, and the general desire to melt into a puddle and cry my eyes out.

Henri Nouwen again...

I liked these two reflections from Henri Nouwen...

The Hidden Resurrection

The resurrection of Jesus was a hidden event. Jesus didn't rise from the grave to baffle his opponents, to make a victory statement, or to prove to those who crucified him that he was right after all. Jesus rose as a sign to those who had loved him and followed him that God's divine love is stronger than death. To the women and men who had committed themselves to him, he revealed that his mission had been fulfilled. To those who shared in his ministry, he gave the sacred task to call all people into the new life with him.

The world didn't take notice. Only those whom he called by name, with whom he broke bread, and to whom he spoke words of peace were aware of what happened. Still, it was this hidden event that freed humanity from the shackles of death.

Wounds Becoming Signs of Glory

The resurrection of Jesus is the basis of our faith in the resurrection of our bodies. Often we hear the suggestion that our bodies are the prisons of our souls and that the spiritual life is the way out of these prisons. But by our faith in the resurrection of the body we proclaim that the spiritual life and the life in the body cannot be separated. Our bodies, as Paul says, are temples of the Holy Spirit (see 1 Corinthians 6:19) and, therefore, sacred. The resurrection of the body means that what we have lived in the body will not go to waste but will be lifted in our eternal life with God. As Christ bears the marks of his suffering in his risen body, our bodies in the resurrection will bear the marks of our suffering. Our wounds will become signs of glory in the resurrection.