Thoughts Scattered (At Rest)

Update:

A dear friend let me know that the image I've included with this post is not of the baptism of Jesus as identified below, but is actually of the resurrection. I'd wondered a bit when I posted it, as I'd seen a similar icon that I knew was not the baptism, but decided to go with the information provided with the image. In any case, I am still thinking a lot about baptism, and the image is deeply striking to me as well, for a wide variety of reasons.

~~~

Image via Wikipedia

I have just passed one of the more delightful half-hours or so that I've spent in a while. I spent it sprawled on my bed, reading more of a book by Anne Lamott. I always seem to return to Lamott just in the moments when I most need to be reminded that people who don't have it all together can follow Jesus too. Earthy, fun loving people. Slightly neurotic people with all sorts of varying thoughts and opinions, joined by a love of Jesus and a belief that he deeply loves us.

I'm feeling fairly peaceful. A nice change given some of the many things that continue to swirl around me.

It's dusk outside the living room window near where I'm sitting now, and a streetlight is glowing orange.

And even at rest, even in the moments of peace, my thoughts are scattered.

I'm pondering bits and pieces of Lamott's writing - savoring the simple beauty she brings to ordinary life.

I'm thinking a lot about church. And about the fact that I need to at the very least journal, and possibly blog some of those thoughts in the coming days.

I'm letting my heart wind it's way around some thoughts from two separate sermons by Rob Bell that I've listened to recently. Thoughts that in their own way seem to be answering questions I'd only barely voiced.

I'm have an add on to blogger that suggests images based on the words in my posts. The image above came up for some reason tonight. An icon depicting the baptism of Jesus. I've thought a lot about baptism this last year, and encountered some of those thoughts again in passing yesterday.

And I'm thinking about mental illness, and a comment a friend made. About stigma and how it seems to go hand in hand with mental illness. I'm thinking about the fact that I've spoken strongly against this stigma, but also that I fall prey to it. That there is a pattern in myself of being unwilling to acknowledge the areas where I am unwell. A pattern of being unwilling in some ways to admit the struggles, even to myself. I would imagine that these thoughts, too, are ones that will be revisited.

And I'm still letting the words from the weekend, the thoughts about the state of my heart, about chopping versus pointing with the sword of truth wend their way through my life. I am noticing and seeking to be consciously aware of the places where my heart response is anger or hatred. Where I want to chop. I am finding them in the oddest of places and seeking to release even just those little bits of resentment in search of deeper freedom.

And now, now I'm going back to my book, and then to bed. It's a bit cooler tonight, and that will likely help with the sleeping situation.

Short is an Advantage!

Finally an advantage to being short - at least according to these Korean researchers.

Height may play a role in Cancer Risk

How Do You Paint the World?

You Paint the World with Calming Colors

You are a true friend. You are very dependable. Your friends can always count on you to be competent. You are good at anything you do. You are a truly successful person ... though sometimes it's hard for you to appreciate your success. You are quite cautious and conservative. You like to weigh risks carefully.

How Do You Paint the World?

Several thoughts from Henri Nouwen...

Bridging the Gap Between People

Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood: swings from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos. A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us.

Thus it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the life of the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God's beloved children.

Overcoming Our Mood Swings

Are we condemned to be passive victims of our moods? Must we simply say: "I feel great today" or "I feel awful today," and require others to live with our moods?

Although it is very hard to control our moods, we can gradually overcome them by living a well-disciplined spiritual life. This can prevent us from acting out of our moods. We might not "feel" like getting up in the morning because we "feel" that life is not worth living, that nobody loves us, and that our work is boring. But if we get up anyhow, to spend some time reading the Gospels, praying the Psalms, and thanking God for a new day, our moods may lose their power over us.

Digging Into Our Spiritual Resources

When someone hurts us, offends us, ignores us, or rejects us, a deep inner protest emerges. It can be rage or depression, desire to take revenge or an impulse to harm ourselves. We can feel a deep urge to wound those who have wounded us or to withdraw in a suicidal mood of self-rejection. Although these extreme reactions might seem exceptional, they are never far away from our hearts. During the long nights we often find ourselves brooding about words and actions we might have used in response to what others have said or done to us.

It is precisely here that we have to dig deep into our spiritual resources and find the center within us, the center that lies beyond our need to hurt others or ourselves, where we are free to forgive and love.

The Dynamics of the Spiritual Life

Our emotional lives and our spiritual lives have different dynamics. The ups and downs of our emotional life depend a great deal on our past or present surroundings. We are happy, sad, angry, bored, excited, depressed, loving, caring, hateful, or vengeful because of what happened long ago or what is happening now.

The ups and downs of our spiritual lives depend on our obedience - that is, our attentive listening - to the movements of the Spirit of God within us. Without this listening our spiritual life eventually becomes subject to the windswept waves of our emotions.

A Window on Our Spiritual Lives

Even though our emotional and spiritual lives are distinct, they do influence one another profoundly. Our feelings often give us a window on our spiritual journeys. When we cannot let go of jealousy, we may wonder if we are in touch with the Spirit in us that cries out "Abba." When we feel very peaceful and "centered," we may come to realise that this is a sign of our deep awareness of our belovedness.

Likewise our prayer lives, lived as faithful response to the presence of the Spirit within us, may open a window on our emotions, feelings, and passions and give us some indication of how to put them into the service of our long journey into the heart of God.