So, there seems to be a developing theme for me again lately...
A week or two ago I mentioned here that I had started reading the first ever book I've picked up on AIDS and Africa. Africa has been a growing presence in my conciousness lately, and that has been a little bizarre, since I've worked for years to keep it in the corners of my mind.
I pulled a novel off my shelves last night, looking for light reading to pass the bus trip to and from the office. It was one I've only read once, but remembered enjoying.
Once again the story has sucked me in, but I have to admit, it's not the light reading I was looking for. One again, it's a story encompassing AIDS, poverty and Africa.
like I said... a theme...
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Fuzzy... and other things
My headache isn't going away. (I may have to take another pill.) And it's making my brain functions just a little bit fuzzy.
I'm feeling relief. I've followed through on a decision, and made (at least as much as possible at this point) a commitment.
I talked to the young lady I desperately needed to track down last night. She leaves tomorrow. At least I have a way to contact her in the new city and make sure (as much as one can long distance wise) that she's okay on a weekly basis for the next while. I've got a few feelers out for resources and support for her in that city as well. I fear just a little for her - she's walking back into a situation that has in the past been threatening. Praying protection, peace, a shield and covering over her life. Praying that she would know the support of those who love her, know that she's not alone. Praying that the lies that are bombarding her would not penetrate.
I am not by nature good at long-distance crisis. I am a planner, a fixer. When something like this happens, I find myself mentally evaluating what the worst that could happen is, and then working solutions to that in my head. So this morning I've thought about phone calls from hospitals, needing to get a flight out there, wondering if another friend would travel with me, and how I would afford those things.
And then, I realize that I'm taking control again, and I find myself once again in front of Jesus, having to say, "My hands are open, take this from me. I'm not in control, and I can't fix or heal this, but you can. May your will be done. Use me or don't. Protect her life and comfort her."
I think that this is a good place to be.
I'm feeling relief. I've followed through on a decision, and made (at least as much as possible at this point) a commitment.
I talked to the young lady I desperately needed to track down last night. She leaves tomorrow. At least I have a way to contact her in the new city and make sure (as much as one can long distance wise) that she's okay on a weekly basis for the next while. I've got a few feelers out for resources and support for her in that city as well. I fear just a little for her - she's walking back into a situation that has in the past been threatening. Praying protection, peace, a shield and covering over her life. Praying that she would know the support of those who love her, know that she's not alone. Praying that the lies that are bombarding her would not penetrate.
I am not by nature good at long-distance crisis. I am a planner, a fixer. When something like this happens, I find myself mentally evaluating what the worst that could happen is, and then working solutions to that in my head. So this morning I've thought about phone calls from hospitals, needing to get a flight out there, wondering if another friend would travel with me, and how I would afford those things.
And then, I realize that I'm taking control again, and I find myself once again in front of Jesus, having to say, "My hands are open, take this from me. I'm not in control, and I can't fix or heal this, but you can. May your will be done. Use me or don't. Protect her life and comfort her."
I think that this is a good place to be.
Things I'm Thinking About Right this Second
These are the short version of the things at the front of my mind at this moment:
- I'm excited for the Paul Brandt concert I'm attending on Sunday night with 3 friends.
- I'm thankful for tea.
- I'm distracted by a headache and stiff neck muscles. Debating the merits of painkillers to make the day more doable.
- I'm applying for a job that I'll likely get today. A big change. More on that later.
- I'm having dinner with a friend tonight. Looking forward to that. Hoping we don't eat at Moxies again. I've been eating there a lot lately.
- I'm hoping that today doesn't follow in the pattern of recent Wednesdays. I'm hoping that yesterday's crazyness abated my "Wednesday" for the week.
- I'm praying for a friend who's walking into an unstable, uncertain situation. She flys out tomorrow for an undetermined length of time.
- I'm praying for another friend who's also going through a bit of a rough time. And her best friend is the aforementioned friend who's leaving town with no specified return date.
- I'm thinking that I'm going to eat a cookie that I baked the other day, and a mandarin orange and sip my tea now.
See ya later!
More from Nouwen on Waiting
Waiting in Expectation
Waiting patiently for God always includes joyful expectation. Without expectation our waiting can get bogged down in the present. When we wait in expectation our whole beings are open to be surprised by joy.
All through the Gospels Jesus tells us to keep awake and stay alert. And Paul says, "Brothers and sisters ... the moment is here for you to stop sleeping and wake up, because by now our salvation is nearer than when we first began to believe. The night is nearly over, daylight is on the way; so let us throw off everything that belongs to the darkness and equip ourselves for the light" (Romans 13:11-12). It is this joyful expectation of God's coming that offers vitality to our lives. The expectation of the fulfillment of God's promises to us is what allows us to pay full attention to the road on which we are walking.
Waiting patiently for God always includes joyful expectation. Without expectation our waiting can get bogged down in the present. When we wait in expectation our whole beings are open to be surprised by joy.
All through the Gospels Jesus tells us to keep awake and stay alert. And Paul says, "Brothers and sisters ... the moment is here for you to stop sleeping and wake up, because by now our salvation is nearer than when we first began to believe. The night is nearly over, daylight is on the way; so let us throw off everything that belongs to the darkness and equip ourselves for the light" (Romans 13:11-12). It is this joyful expectation of God's coming that offers vitality to our lives. The expectation of the fulfillment of God's promises to us is what allows us to pay full attention to the road on which we are walking.
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