Alive?

Have you ever heard Tony Campolo tell his story about being "fully alive?" He starts by talking about how he used to teach introductory sociology, and he'd ask the class every year, "how long have you been alive?" and they'd answer in the way you'd expect for freshman university students. "24 years." "22 years." and so on. Then Dr. Campolo would ask again, "No, how long have you really been alive?" and he'd tell a story of a moment when he felt fully and completely alive. As the students would catch on, someone would always be forced to admit, "Well, Dr. Campolo, by that definition, I've only probably really been alive for a few minutes."

I've had moments this week where I felt really alive. And I'm hungry for more.

I was sharing some long time fears with a dear friend last weekend. Fears at the way the Lord has hijacked my life in recent months. Fears of becoming "weird" if I continue to walk into the things He seems to have placed in front of me. At some point she stopped me from talking and began to pray, and spoke a simple sentence that I've come back to all week, "You've been ruined for the ordinary." All week those words have haunted me, wrecked me.

There's something so appealing in being ordinary at times. In fitting, in not living on the fringes. And yet, Jesus seems to be able to be found on the fringes. I've encountered Him there in places I've never expected.

It's hard to live a life that has been "ruined for the ordinary" - to never quite fit, to feel like a stranger in your own roles.

My prayer today is that I will be alive - not one foot in death, and one in life, but fully alive. To live in that space of being ruined, and be okay with it.