Cozy.

My roommate just came into the living room and remarked that I looked "cozy".

I suppose I am, though mostly it's the lamplight that's doing it. Throwing that atmosphere of cozy warmth, and compensating for the fact that it's now well past dusk, and too dark to count on natural light for seeing.

I finished another book tonight. I'll be adding it to the list in my sidebar shortly. Anne Lamott, was, I think, just what my heart has needed this last little while.

I made a quick trip to the scrapbooking shop after dinner tonight. I had a coupon, and wanted to buy something to organize my cardstock. I'm still working on sorting and unpacking the last several boxes. Most of what is left contains craft and scrapbooking supplies, and I am hoping that if I store it in a way that is organized, but also visible, I will feel a bit more regularly inspired to make use of some of it. Organizing what's left is going to require another trip to Ikea, but I know what I need now, and think it's totally doable to get this all sorted out.

It was a really nice break to not have to cook dinner tonight too. My roommate made frittata for us (and it was great). That meant that when I got home from work I could relax, instead of immediately diving into cooking and cleaning up in the kitchen. I sent a few emails, and did some reading.

The ability to relax like that created the mental space, too, to finally sit for a while with a journal. I've been avoiding my journal this week because there is so much going on in my mind and heart and it seemed overwhelming to try to write and capture it.

As I sat down to write, I remembered a piece of advice from Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird: Some Thoughts on Writing and Life" and decided to just capture what fit within a "one inch picture frame". I gave myself permission to only journal about one pressing topic, and it is helpful to me to have finally written it, and prayed it out in writing in the pages of my journal. It feels someone more sorted within my head.

Yes, there are still many topics that I need to capture in those pages. And yes, there are still so many thoughts outstanding within my heart, so many deep things that Jesus is speaking and nudging and causing me to wrestle with as they surface, but for tonight, I captured that which was most pressing, and in that I found some rest.

And now, now I'm off to run through my nightly devotional routine, and then to rest. Sleep was deeply marked by intense dreams, filled with themes that grabbed at my heart last night, and I find myself tired. I'm praying for rest and dreams of Jesus tonight.

He Is.

A friend of mine posted these lyrics recently on her blog, and then was gracious enough to send the song on to me. I've been listening on repeat for the last day or so, needing to hear these words.

He Is

Father let the world fade away

Let me feel your presence in this place

Lord, I’ve never been so weary

How I need to know you’re near me

Father let the world just fade away

Till I’m on my knees

Till my heart can sing

He is

He was

He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still my soul

He is

Father let your Holy Spirit sing

Let it calm the storm inside of me

As I stand amazed

Lift my hands and say

He is

He was

He always will be

He lives

He loves

He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still my soul

Through every fear

and every doubt

and every tear I shed

Down every road

I’m not alone

No matter where I am

He is

He was

And He always will be

He lives

He loves

He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still my soul

Be still and know

Be still my soul

He is

Just when I thought...

Just when I thought that I was perhaps finally, after months of wrestling through a particular dillemma, close to an answer. Just when it seemed like it was settling out in my mind and heart and becoming clear, just in that moment, 2 days in a row now, things have happened. Things that are badly re-muddying a situation that was finally clearing.

Groan. Back to listening and rolling things around in my mind and heart like one of those little steel ball games, where you try and get all the bits and pieces to come to rest in the appropriate slots.