- This is probably going to sound strange to some of you, but the absolute highlight of my day was getting behind the wheel of my grandma's truck a little while ago, and driving it from her house to my apartment. But not because I was driving her truck. It's because I drove, at night, for the first time since my accident. And I was alone while doing it. And it was pretty much as panickyn as I'd been thinking it might be. And I drove all the side streets to make it home. But I'm really proud of myself for managing to do that tonight.
- Feeling actually really good about how this move is coming together.
- So grateful for being allowed to take the afternoon off and the time it allowed me tonight to just rest.
- Thankful for the family members who have been so helpful in making this move smooth.
- Thinking about the fact that this is the last night in this apartment, and grateful for the seven months we lived here. After two really brutal years, the last seven months in this place have been a time where I've finally seen healing begin to happen, and for that time I'm so incredibly grateful.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Daily 5 - Day 198
Today's Daily 5:
At Rest
At some point in the coming days, I want to write a bit about the process of this move, how it was that I've decided to live in my Grandma's basement at nearly 27 years of age. I want to talk about the very unique challenges that this move is creating in me.
But for tonight, I'm trying to rest. I have to go out one more time, a bit later, to pick up my grandma's truck so that it's at my house and ready to be loaded when the people who are helping me move arrive in the morning.
About half way through the morning today I realize that I was pretty much useless at the office thanks to my distraction and fairly high stress level. After a quick chat with my boss I'd gained permission to take a half a personal day on incredibly short notice. That meant that the load of stuff I was supposed to move tonight was moved this afternoon, and then I was able to come home, move quickly through the vast majority of what remained for packing tasks, do a few little cleaning things, and now I can rest.
I don't think I can quite express how grateful I am right now for my boss' flexibility this morning. It's an invaluable thing to me to be able to rest and sit quietly for a bit tonight, reflecting a little, praying a little, and just breathing.
If you've been around this blog through the last three moves, you know that my struggle with panic tends to greatly intensify in times of massive change - and particular when I'm moving. I've been so grateful to see a degree of healing in that this time. Yes, the panic is still lurking close by, but thanks to the help fo friends and family, I think tomorrow will actually be a fairly quick, one, maybe two load process, followed by some cleaning. My thoughts aren't in overdrive right now (though I am conciously stopping myself from moving, and forcing myself to take advantage of the opportunity to rest.). The very lack of thought overdrive is a total blessing, and an answer to prayer.
So, for the moment I'm resting, and thankful.
But for tonight, I'm trying to rest. I have to go out one more time, a bit later, to pick up my grandma's truck so that it's at my house and ready to be loaded when the people who are helping me move arrive in the morning.
About half way through the morning today I realize that I was pretty much useless at the office thanks to my distraction and fairly high stress level. After a quick chat with my boss I'd gained permission to take a half a personal day on incredibly short notice. That meant that the load of stuff I was supposed to move tonight was moved this afternoon, and then I was able to come home, move quickly through the vast majority of what remained for packing tasks, do a few little cleaning things, and now I can rest.
I don't think I can quite express how grateful I am right now for my boss' flexibility this morning. It's an invaluable thing to me to be able to rest and sit quietly for a bit tonight, reflecting a little, praying a little, and just breathing.
If you've been around this blog through the last three moves, you know that my struggle with panic tends to greatly intensify in times of massive change - and particular when I'm moving. I've been so grateful to see a degree of healing in that this time. Yes, the panic is still lurking close by, but thanks to the help fo friends and family, I think tomorrow will actually be a fairly quick, one, maybe two load process, followed by some cleaning. My thoughts aren't in overdrive right now (though I am conciously stopping myself from moving, and forcing myself to take advantage of the opportunity to rest.). The very lack of thought overdrive is a total blessing, and an answer to prayer.
So, for the moment I'm resting, and thankful.
Spinning
Are you sick of hearing about the process of this move yet? In case you can't tell, it's sort of consuming my life at the moment.
My thoughts are running and spinning a thousand miles a minute. Keeping me awake at night, not letting me focus.
Constant mental lists.
The "Oh! I've got to do that too!" moments.
Somehow, it'll all get done.
In the meantime, once I leave work today, I think blogging will be pretty scarce for the next few days. I've got a few posts scheduled to go live (at least one a day). I'm hoping the internet connection move goes smoothly this time, and that I'll be back to blogging my regular daily 5 list tomorrow night, only from Grandma's this time. But I'm not all that confident it'll be as smooth as all that. So. I'll see you when I see you!
My thoughts are running and spinning a thousand miles a minute. Keeping me awake at night, not letting me focus.
Constant mental lists.
The "Oh! I've got to do that too!" moments.
Somehow, it'll all get done.
In the meantime, once I leave work today, I think blogging will be pretty scarce for the next few days. I've got a few posts scheduled to go live (at least one a day). I'm hoping the internet connection move goes smoothly this time, and that I'll be back to blogging my regular daily 5 list tomorrow night, only from Grandma's this time. But I'm not all that confident it'll be as smooth as all that. So. I'll see you when I see you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
