The blog will be quiet for the next couple of days.
Right after work tomorrow I'm heading out for a fast 24 hour trip to Montana. One of my roommates needs to cross an international border to activate the extension on her work visa, and my dad and I are driving with her.
I'm both totally ecstatic that my dad decided to join us, and nervous as well. Our relationship hasn't always been the best (though I know with certainty that he loves me), and extended time together is always a bit of a challenge for my heart. On the other hand, I love that he's coming because I don't love driving, and ten hours of driving within the span of 24 hours would be a bit much. He loves to drive. And we're taking his vehicle, which is definitely more up to a long trip than George.
So, I'll be home sometime Saturday, depending on things like road conditions and length of time at the various border crossings. But I probably won't be back to blogging until Sunday or Monday. The hotel we're staying at has free wireless, but I've decided to leave my computer at home. I'll catch up with all of you on the other side!
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Everything has influence
I’m struck this morning by how inter-connected life is. How likes and dislikes are influenced by those around you, and shift, based on time and relationships. How something can take on a totally different set of connotations depending on time and space and those around you.
Take for example (because this is what made me start thinking about this) the new U2 album. I downloaded it from itunes the other night and have been listening to it off and on ever since. I was thinking about how I was first introduced to the music of U2 in high school, while attending a young life event, when a speaker used the song “Peace on Earth” to illustrate his point. I was captured by the lyrics, and went out and bought the album the song appeared on, and I’ve been hooked on U2’s music ever since. (That, for those of you who are counting, gives me about a 10 year or so history of loving the music they put out.)
I’ve felt weird about listening to the newest album the last while though. Partly because some people who I know have also been listening, and stuff that they engage in has not always been the healthiest thing for me. Partly because some of the people who I know are listening are people with whom there is relational strain, and there is a part of me that doesn’t want to identify with them in any way.
And so I find myself having this ridiculous self-conversation to justify enjoying a new music purchase. Defending myself to myself. Saying things like, “I’ve liked U2 since long before I even knew so and so.” Berating myself for feeling at times so petty that I will turn away from something that could be beautiful simply because someone with whom I’ve struggled also thinks it could be beautiful.
It’s funny how it spreads, the connotations that things have. I’ve been accused off and on of using specific phrases in my day to day speech that are associated with various people I know (and again, people with whom there are tensions). And I’m quick to jump to my own defense, to deny association. “No, I was saying that long before I met so and so. I picked it up from my brothers.”
And I wonder at the way we’re interconnected. How we borrow words from each other, and how those we’re close to shape our language. And, when there is tension with someone, how quick we are to deny the shaping influence of that person, though if we’re honest, the tension, too, is shaping us.
So, I’m going to listen to the new U2 album. And I’m going to let my heart wrestle a bit with the memories and thoughts it raises. The reminders of relationships in which I long for restoration. The tensions it raises within my heart about these things. I’m going to let it expose the pettiness, and I’m going to work to have a heart that is less that way. And I’m going to refuse to let those tensions (which have stolen much from me this year in many ways) steal my enjoyment of one more thing I’ve loved.
Take for example (because this is what made me start thinking about this) the new U2 album. I downloaded it from itunes the other night and have been listening to it off and on ever since. I was thinking about how I was first introduced to the music of U2 in high school, while attending a young life event, when a speaker used the song “Peace on Earth” to illustrate his point. I was captured by the lyrics, and went out and bought the album the song appeared on, and I’ve been hooked on U2’s music ever since. (That, for those of you who are counting, gives me about a 10 year or so history of loving the music they put out.)
I’ve felt weird about listening to the newest album the last while though. Partly because some people who I know have also been listening, and stuff that they engage in has not always been the healthiest thing for me. Partly because some of the people who I know are listening are people with whom there is relational strain, and there is a part of me that doesn’t want to identify with them in any way.
And so I find myself having this ridiculous self-conversation to justify enjoying a new music purchase. Defending myself to myself. Saying things like, “I’ve liked U2 since long before I even knew so and so.” Berating myself for feeling at times so petty that I will turn away from something that could be beautiful simply because someone with whom I’ve struggled also thinks it could be beautiful.
It’s funny how it spreads, the connotations that things have. I’ve been accused off and on of using specific phrases in my day to day speech that are associated with various people I know (and again, people with whom there are tensions). And I’m quick to jump to my own defense, to deny association. “No, I was saying that long before I met so and so. I picked it up from my brothers.”
And I wonder at the way we’re interconnected. How we borrow words from each other, and how those we’re close to shape our language. And, when there is tension with someone, how quick we are to deny the shaping influence of that person, though if we’re honest, the tension, too, is shaping us.
So, I’m going to listen to the new U2 album. And I’m going to let my heart wrestle a bit with the memories and thoughts it raises. The reminders of relationships in which I long for restoration. The tensions it raises within my heart about these things. I’m going to let it expose the pettiness, and I’m going to work to have a heart that is less that way. And I’m going to refuse to let those tensions (which have stolen much from me this year in many ways) steal my enjoyment of one more thing I’ve loved.
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