Whining at God

I've had a bit of a rough week again. I've been wrestling over and over again with questions that don't seem to have answers, feeling pulled by strong forces in a wide variety of opposing directions. My mind refuses to shut down, even at night. Last night I left an important document somewhere, and realized it just before I went to bed. All night I dreamt and worried about it. My brain mixed it up with all the other wrestles of my week, and it made for a rather restless night.

As I was walking to work this morning, I started to have my typical morning conversation with God. It goes something like this: "God, I'm so tired this morning. I had another restless night, and I'm frustrated. I'm tired of the way my life has been for the past two years. I want something new. Break through the exhaustion, the depression, the frustration. I love you so much. You're so important to me - why don't you hear me? Why don't you respond?" and on it goes from there.

Only this morning, it was different. Before I got to the line where I whine at God for not hearing me, He interrupted. Suddenly, the first line of Psalm 116, that I've been memorizing at work and meditating on popped into my head. "I love the Lord for he heard my voice." Whoops!

I needed that reminder this morning. I was lonely, feeling unfulfilled, unheard, feeling like my soul was lacking deep connection - with other people and with God. So, as I started to whine to God, he reminded me gently that he does hear, and care.

Psalm 116:1-2 "I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live."