I feel like a lot of parts of my life are quiet right now. In a weirdly intense kind of way.
Like there just aren't a lot of words to go around the things that are going on in me.
I don't know how I feel about that.
I kind of want the control of being able to name exactly what I'm experiencing.
On the other hand, I know that the things I'm going through are deep and beautiful, and worth experiencing, even if they can't be named or controlled.
So, I'm quiet again.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Tired...
Have you ever had those times when you're so chronically behind on sleep that even when you've had a decent night's rest, you still feel fuzzy and completely exhausted? I'm there right now, though I've only had about 2 proper nights of sleep in the past couple of weeks.
Work remains crazy. I told someone this morning, "I'm really good at multi-tasking, but right now, if anyone asks me for one more thing, my brain may implode." I am a methodical, linear thinker by nature. I like to do one thing, from start to finish, or at least to a good stopping point, before I start the next thing. This is an impossibility at the moment, and it's taxing my limited mental reserves.
I'm wondering where I'm going to find the energy to read and write a Bible study about chapters 5 and 6 of Velvet Elvis before Thursday night when I have to lead a Bible study about said chapters. I tried to read a novel that I've read several times previously just for a few minutes last night, and fully fell asleep making the attempt. Not sure how I'm going to manage to stay awake and think coherently enought to create discussion questions around 2 full chapters of a book.
The stress and exhaustion are affecting my appetite again. I'm subsisting on mandarin oranges and crackers, and even those aren't sitting all that well. I'm also eating chocolate, because it's appealing, my body doesn't seem to be rejecting it, and it gives me the little sugar rushes I've been needing. (I know - SO not healthy, but I'm working on it!) I'm drinking water by the gallon as well.
I need a nap - or to stay home from work for a day and do nothing but sleep. I can't do either. I don't have time.
One month from today I'll be on a plane to Malta - how crazy is that?
Until later!
Work remains crazy. I told someone this morning, "I'm really good at multi-tasking, but right now, if anyone asks me for one more thing, my brain may implode." I am a methodical, linear thinker by nature. I like to do one thing, from start to finish, or at least to a good stopping point, before I start the next thing. This is an impossibility at the moment, and it's taxing my limited mental reserves.
I'm wondering where I'm going to find the energy to read and write a Bible study about chapters 5 and 6 of Velvet Elvis before Thursday night when I have to lead a Bible study about said chapters. I tried to read a novel that I've read several times previously just for a few minutes last night, and fully fell asleep making the attempt. Not sure how I'm going to manage to stay awake and think coherently enought to create discussion questions around 2 full chapters of a book.
The stress and exhaustion are affecting my appetite again. I'm subsisting on mandarin oranges and crackers, and even those aren't sitting all that well. I'm also eating chocolate, because it's appealing, my body doesn't seem to be rejecting it, and it gives me the little sugar rushes I've been needing. (I know - SO not healthy, but I'm working on it!) I'm drinking water by the gallon as well.
I need a nap - or to stay home from work for a day and do nothing but sleep. I can't do either. I don't have time.
One month from today I'll be on a plane to Malta - how crazy is that?
Until later!
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