Daily 5 - Day 271

Today's Daily 5:

1. Reading the latest book I'm working through
2. finding almost everything I needed while running errands tonight
3. an updated and very workable budget
4. a generally personally productive evening (I finally managed to check a bunch of stuff off of to do lists and shopping lists)
5. Chinese take out
6. Watching (a few days late, and evening knowing the results) the Amazing Race season finale.  I thought the cowboys went out with class, which is more than I can say for some of the teams.
7. Made sure I had all the clothes and stuff I need for the wedding, and that everything works together (this includes a pair of very mimimalist yoga shorts purchased tonight, since my bridesmaid dress is ummm... short, and I was a little concerned about displaying everything accidentally!)
8. chocolate
9. downloaded a new game onto my iphone (I'm all about the random free game apps at the moment)
10. going to bed early!!

Slightly Recovered

I'm doing slightly better than this morning.

Emails and comments from a few friends brought smiles.

The roses that are still hanging in there on my desk helped.

Booking a pre-wedding manicure and pedicure for Saturday helped.

A sandwich for lunch full of this beef filling that my mom makes, and I rarely get these days helped.  (My mom gave me a container of the filling last night.)

Settling into a few tasks at the office helped too.

I'm still tired, still distracted, still feeling a bit overwhelmed by the curve-balls of life.

But I'm doing slightly better.

And for that, I'm thankful.

Slight Smile

This link brought a slight smile to my face.

And this article encouraged my heart a little.  To at least keep picking myself up and pressing in.

Tired

Overnight a minor flare-up of "I'm tired of all the crap-itis" turned into a full blown case.

I'm tired of the many, many curve balls that life has thrown my way this last while.

I'm tired of the the politics and the maneuvering and the bending of morals and standards in my place of employment.  There hasn't even been a recent influx of those things.  Just a build-up of long term exhaustion.

I'm tired of relationships that have to be carefully managed.

I'm tired of living (well, it feels like hiding sometimes) in the basement at Grandma's.

I'm tired of trying to come up with ways to smile and laugh at all the ridiculous things that life has thrown at me in the last few months.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to pretend.

I'm tired of being around people (my grandma especially) where I have to carefully watch every word I say.

To be honest, I'm not sure I'll post this, or, if I do, that I'll leave it up.

It's not the choosing differently attitude that I'm trying to embrace these days.

It's more of a wallowing.

And I'll be honest in saying that life circumstances are definitely making this choosing joy and choosing life thing a lot more challenging at the moment.

I'm weary.

I'm even tired of myself.