Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 69

Today's Daily 5:

1. Cookies for breakfast
2. laughter from a note from my former roommate
3. a beautiful glimpse of the moon still out this morning
4. re-reading the Mitford novels
5. curled up at home, in my own bed.

Daydreaming...

In seasons of limbo, when discontent strikes hard and deep, I daydream.  I think about the things I miss about a more stable living situation - showering in the same house where I sleep most nights, normal meal planning and cooking, not feeling confined to one small part of the space.  I dream about plants that fill a space - jasmine plants in every room, filling the air with their lovely scent.  Palms, Boston ferns, peace lilies, spider plants and rubber plants for their beauty and air purifying properties.  A cozy chair with cushions, an ottoman and soft blankets in which to wrap oneself while curling up to read.  I dream about coming home easily, not catching my breath and breathing a prayer for patience and grace before I open the door (or at least not doing that every. single. day.) I dream about a space with windows and sunlight, instead of a basement cave.  I dream about not having to plan and schedule things like laundry, showers, and other random tasks.

And then, in an effort to combat the discontent, I remind myself to count some blessings.

Today, as I head back to grandma's after a week of house-sitting, I'm reminding myself that I have the following to look forward to:

• access to my entire closet, instead of a suitcase for making daily wardrobe choices
• access to my entire stash of snacks, to supplement work lunches, not just what I packed to get me through the week
• being surrounded by my book collection
• curling up in my own bed.
• getting back to a regular nighttime routine, including a liturgical prayer book that I'm very much enjoying
• finding rhythm again
• access to my stash of creative supplies, tackling a couple of projects, and being free to be inspired for more
• lighting candles all around the room for warmth, atmosphere, and happy smells

Pondering

I feel very unsettled these days, and I honestly couldn't tell you if that's a good thing or not.

The retreat over the weekend left more questions than answers in my heart as we ponder moving forward.  The part of me that hates change is cringing and wanting to cry at the prospects of the need for shifts to happen in my beloved little house church.  The part of me that loves God's heart, and being a part of the places where he's working?  Well, that part of me is excited.

And those two parts of me are pretty much warring over large areas of internal heart real estate these days.

I'm finding this life lived in limbo, waiting and praying to see what steps come next, to be a life that chafes.

And so, tonight, after work, I'm heading to mom and dad's to pick up my things from house-sitting last week and grab some dinner, and then I'm heading home.  Last week was good, but crazy full. And tonight I need just a bit of quiet and rest.  And I'm going to avail myself of that as much as I can this week.  Avail myself of it, and try to sit patiently, and gracefully and with trust in the midst of the chafing and the unsettledness.