Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 99

Today's Daily 5:

1. Having a job to distract me from some of the challenging things in my life right now
2. little text messages and emails through the day from a traveling friend
3. the reminders of Sidney and Norman. "first, he loves me.  second, he loves me.  third, he loves me."
4. unexpectedly making plans to have dinner with a very good friend
5. laughter over dinner with a friend.  particularly enjoying the sort of sick and twisted humor over the darker moments that can't be shared with anyone.  it's good to have a friend to share that with.
6. "F*** You isn't exactly a prayer that is sanctioned anywhere in the Bible."  You kind of had to be there to appreciate the laughter over that particular statement, but oh, I laughed as my friend shared honestly with me.
7. Reading a blog post and smiling at this quote from Sleepless in Seattle that it contained.  It seemed appropriate today: "Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out..." 
8. choosing again and again to trust
9. green grapes
10. a ride home, and sleeping in my own bed

Blow after Blow

This last week has held another couple major blows in life.

I'm feeling pretty beat up as I lay here, getting ready to get out of bed.

I'm confused and hurting and oh so tired from nights in a row of restless rest.

So, this morning as I work to get myself up, I'm thinking about the kids book I wrote about here.

About this line from near the beginning, "Sidney felt broken.  And some days that made it hard to get up in the morning.  Some days, in fact, Sidney couldn't get up at all."

And these lines from near the end: 

As for Sidney, he still had his share of messes, though not as many as before.  And there were still a few days when he wasn't quite sure he could get up in the morning.  But if you stood outside his window on one of those days, this is what you'd hear:

"First of all, he loves me.  Secondly, he loves me.  And thirdly - He loves me."  

And that was all it took.

 
And as I lay here, feeling physically ill from the emotions and exhaustion exacerbated by the latest blow, I'm talking to myself, repeating as a mantra, "first, he loves me.  secondly, he loves me.  thirdly, he loves me."  Over and over again until my heart can again absorb the truth my head is trying to communicate to it.