Ongoing thoughts...

I'm still struggling with some health problems. They're not unexpected, or even concerning - more the result of some medication changes that my body is taking a while to adapt to - but they are a bit of a nuisance. I haven't been feeling well, I've been having some problems with pain, and it's affecting my sleep (which had been finally semi-regular and semi-controlled). I'm praying that they will settle out shortly, and that tonight I will be able to rest deeply.

I had dinner and did an errand with a friend tonight. Yet another shifting relationship, and one I'm struggling with in some ways. It seems so much exists beneath the surface, left unsaid. It was a very controlled conversation, with her avoiding the unsaid things, and me steering the conversation away from those topics that cause the areas wounded by the unacknowledged things to ache.

Then home, and the first official bit of packing. I've sold my bed frame to a coworker, who wants it for her son's bedroom. She and her husband will be coming tomorrow night to take it apart and take it home with them. Which means I needed to empty it of the clothes and books and things I'd stored within it. So I packed, and I have a bit more to do before they arrive tomorrow evening.

It will, I think, be a full weekend. More full than I'd prefer, and likely not all that restful. But I'm hoping to find a few moments for rest, or a little bit of time to sneak away by myself and simply be. I rather desperately need to find time to simply breathe. I desperately need to encounter Jesus and let his peace envelope me again.

And with that, I'm off very soon to bed.

From the calendar today...

Another quote from the calendar that sits on my desk - a gift from a dear friend.

"Dear Lord, I do not ask to see the path. In darkness, in anguish and in fear, I will hang on tightly to your hand, and I will close my eyes, so that you know how much trust I place in you, Spouse of my soul." (Blessed Maria Elizabetta Hesselblad)

Not at our beck and call

As planned, I closed last evening with more of the prayers of Walter Bruggemann. As anticipated, they spoke again to and from the deep places of my life. And I have another to share with you this morning, as I head (with exhaustion) into what promises to be a very busy day.

Not at our beck and call

We call out your name in as many ways as we can.
We fix your role towards us in the way we need.
We approach you from the particular angle of our life.
We do all that, not because you need to be identified,
but because of our deep need,
our deep wound,
our deep hope.
And then, we are astonished that while our names for you
serve for a moment,
you break beyond them in your freedom,
you show yourself yet fresh beyond our utterance,
you retreat into your splendor beyond our grasp.
We are - by your freedom and your hiddenness -
made sure yet again that you are God...
beyond us, for us, but beyond us,
not at our beck and call,
but always in your own way.
We stammer about your identity,
only to learn that it is our own unsettling
before you that wants naming.
Beyone all our explaining and capturing and fixing you...
we give you praise,
we thank you for your fleshed presence in suffering love,
and for our names that you give us. Amen.

(From "Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth" by Walter Bruggemann)