- Laughing with a fellow student this morning over how ridiculous a particular class we're taking really is
- A smoothie and wrap for lunch from Jugo Juice
- my midterm went smoothly
- Knowing the answer to one of the essay options cold and being able to write it confidently
- After listening to some girls on the bus talk about delaying gratification by prolonging a smoke for an hour when a craving hit, I was struck by how grateful I am that I don't suffer from some of those addictions
- Mom treating me to an iced passion tea lemonade at starbucks tonight
- A Kit Kat bar
- A roasted chicken dinner
- listening to the newest album that my friend Karla was part of (Check out The Emporiums!)
- knowing enough yoga now to make up my own short practice instead of using a video tonight, allowing me to protect my still sore knee
- crawling into a bed with clean sheets and pajamas
- a clean bedroom - because I'm here so rarely, clutter had built up, and I'd hit my tolerance point, and it was bothering me, but I'd been too lazy to do anything about it. Tonight I cleaned, and it's lovely.
- marking several necessary tasks off my list.
- starting Ann Voskamp's new book on the bus after class today
- laughing and snarking at The Bachelor with a friend.
- Getting an email from a far away blog reader with the first in a series of pictures of palm trees - totally made me smile! Thanks Jenny!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 182
Today's Daily 5:
Coming Into Herself
It's no secret that Grey's Anatomy has played a huge role in my life and journey for the last seven years.
God has spoken to me over and over and over again through the years in the various episodes.
And, in a lot of ways, I feel like my journey has very much paralleled that of the characters, particularly of Meredith. That sort of coming of age, and growing into oneself, and healing and overcoming the "dark and twisty" pasts.
I was thinking about that journey again on Saturday night as I watched last week's episode of Grey's, transcribing the monologue for the blog I maintain with the various monologues from each episode on it.
It wasn't so much the monologue that caught me in that episode, as the decision Meredith had to make.
She had her choice of two clinical trials to participate in. One was seeking a cure for the Alzheimers, the disease that her mom died of. The other, being pushed at her by the chief of surgery, was working to cure diabetes, and was being promoted as her "birthright" - her legacy. It was based on research left behind in her mother's journals, and she was being told that it was really very much hers to carry on her mother's work.
And so I watched as she wrestled with the decision. With the pressure coming from the chief, and, to a great extent, the pressure of her terrible relationship with her deceased mother, and all the years of wounding and healing that that had led to.
And I watched, as, at the end of the episode, she walked back into the chief's office, finds him poring over her mother's old journals, listens to his pitch one more time, and then calmly handed back to him the folder of information on his proposed trial. "You knew the woman who wrote them. That's why I gave them to you. I was happy to read them and to understand her better, but the woman I knew was different. But I am starting to realize how scared she must have been. That had to be why she was writing everything down. She must have been so scared. So please, go ahead, I think it's right that you continue her work, but I really, just, want to cure her disease. Good night, Chief."
I'm having trouble finding words for it, but watching that scene was a moment of clarity for me. In a way that her character hasn't before, she was able to say, "No. Despite all these other things, present and past, this is who I am, and I don't want to carry on her legacy, I just want to prevent the thing that killed her from killing others."
She stepped into herself, and in watching that I felt Jesus reminding me that I am learning to do this to. That on the same night I watched that episode, I'd had a realization of an area in which I needed to step into myself again. That that night I was able to see a decision that needed to be made, and make it.
It's an interesting thing, this coming into oneself. This thing where it becomes about me and God, not me and all the people I try at times to please. Not me and all the fears and guilt and pressures. But me and God, and He offers me the chance to step into myself. To heal a little tiny bit more (because that is my one word for the year). And if I turn Him down, it's disobedience, and sin.
And so I'm choosing to step into myself in this moment. To make that choice, to be obedient. And I'm looking forward to seeing the results.
God has spoken to me over and over and over again through the years in the various episodes.
And, in a lot of ways, I feel like my journey has very much paralleled that of the characters, particularly of Meredith. That sort of coming of age, and growing into oneself, and healing and overcoming the "dark and twisty" pasts.
I was thinking about that journey again on Saturday night as I watched last week's episode of Grey's, transcribing the monologue for the blog I maintain with the various monologues from each episode on it.
It wasn't so much the monologue that caught me in that episode, as the decision Meredith had to make.
She had her choice of two clinical trials to participate in. One was seeking a cure for the Alzheimers, the disease that her mom died of. The other, being pushed at her by the chief of surgery, was working to cure diabetes, and was being promoted as her "birthright" - her legacy. It was based on research left behind in her mother's journals, and she was being told that it was really very much hers to carry on her mother's work.
And so I watched as she wrestled with the decision. With the pressure coming from the chief, and, to a great extent, the pressure of her terrible relationship with her deceased mother, and all the years of wounding and healing that that had led to.
And I watched, as, at the end of the episode, she walked back into the chief's office, finds him poring over her mother's old journals, listens to his pitch one more time, and then calmly handed back to him the folder of information on his proposed trial. "You knew the woman who wrote them. That's why I gave them to you. I was happy to read them and to understand her better, but the woman I knew was different. But I am starting to realize how scared she must have been. That had to be why she was writing everything down. She must have been so scared. So please, go ahead, I think it's right that you continue her work, but I really, just, want to cure her disease. Good night, Chief."
I'm having trouble finding words for it, but watching that scene was a moment of clarity for me. In a way that her character hasn't before, she was able to say, "No. Despite all these other things, present and past, this is who I am, and I don't want to carry on her legacy, I just want to prevent the thing that killed her from killing others."
She stepped into herself, and in watching that I felt Jesus reminding me that I am learning to do this to. That on the same night I watched that episode, I'd had a realization of an area in which I needed to step into myself again. That that night I was able to see a decision that needed to be made, and make it.
It's an interesting thing, this coming into oneself. This thing where it becomes about me and God, not me and all the people I try at times to please. Not me and all the fears and guilt and pressures. But me and God, and He offers me the chance to step into myself. To heal a little tiny bit more (because that is my one word for the year). And if I turn Him down, it's disobedience, and sin.
And so I'm choosing to step into myself in this moment. To make that choice, to be obedient. And I'm looking forward to seeing the results.
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