- Deep gratefulness for "church" held in sitting in a van on a side street tonight
- The slippers that were a gift from my original roommate, lined with sheepskin, and covered in a pattern of kiwi fruit.
- Clean sheets on my bed tonight
- A much needed hug and smile from a friend
- Hope that arrived by mail from a friend.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Daily 5 - Day 1
My five things for today include:
Daily 5: Introduction
I'm needing to refocus some things in my life. And I'm definitely needing help to find the moments of joy and gratitude in my life.
I've talked often and written often here about smile lists. About how I read once upon a time that making a list of things you were grateful for actually has the same effect on your brain chemistry as a mild dose of anti-depressant.
So, let me introduce you to the daily 5. Once a day for a while, I'm going to list 5 things I'm grateful for, or five things that made me smile that day, or 5 little successes or accomplishments from that day, or some combination thereof. And I'm going to do it here, because, well, it's my blog, and it seemed a good enough place for it. I'll probably be repetitive for a while too, and I'm okay with that. I'm a bit out of practice at searching for the joyful bits of life, and sometimes the same simple thing really does give me that little bit of a smile day in and day out.
Sometimes it's just in noticing that there is actually something that drew a smile, however minute that smile was, that the hope comes. I experienced that today. As I'd already mentioned, the weekend was hard, as I've already mentioned. Really hard. But today, for the first time in several days, I began to feel like I was emerging. There were little moments that drew a half smile, and even one out loud snicker. And it was such an unusual experience to feel that again that it caught my attention. It reminded me that there is hope, and that the growth within my heart that seemed to have been taken out in a massive landslide can grow again. That the things that felt stomped on can be cared for and receive light and nourishment and be revived.
So, watch for the daily 5, starting sometime later tonight!
I've talked often and written often here about smile lists. About how I read once upon a time that making a list of things you were grateful for actually has the same effect on your brain chemistry as a mild dose of anti-depressant.
So, let me introduce you to the daily 5. Once a day for a while, I'm going to list 5 things I'm grateful for, or five things that made me smile that day, or 5 little successes or accomplishments from that day, or some combination thereof. And I'm going to do it here, because, well, it's my blog, and it seemed a good enough place for it. I'll probably be repetitive for a while too, and I'm okay with that. I'm a bit out of practice at searching for the joyful bits of life, and sometimes the same simple thing really does give me that little bit of a smile day in and day out.
Sometimes it's just in noticing that there is actually something that drew a smile, however minute that smile was, that the hope comes. I experienced that today. As I'd already mentioned, the weekend was hard, as I've already mentioned. Really hard. But today, for the first time in several days, I began to feel like I was emerging. There were little moments that drew a half smile, and even one out loud snicker. And it was such an unusual experience to feel that again that it caught my attention. It reminded me that there is hope, and that the growth within my heart that seemed to have been taken out in a massive landslide can grow again. That the things that felt stomped on can be cared for and receive light and nourishment and be revived.
So, watch for the daily 5, starting sometime later tonight!
What if I said it out loud?
What if I said it out loud? That's the question that's been echoing in my head for the last few days.
What if I said out loud that I am absolutely, madly in love with this God who will not let me go, and that, despite that, I am also terribly, burningly angry with that same God?
What if I admitted that I just don't know how to reconcile this lover who has so doggedly pursued me in the last two years with the God who has stood by while my life has fallen into chaos and despair?
What if I said that I understand the hope and desperation that Job was feeling when he cried out, "I know my redeemer lives and in the end he will stand upon the earth, and though my flesh be destroyed, I will see him with my own eyes. I myself, and not another." And then what if I said that I find myself saying "the hope of those moments is not enough when there is a Jesus who spoke of life abundant on earth."
What if I said that I am nearly equally convinced and unconvinced that there will be an end to all of this, that I will pull through this space that has been so tormented, and that I will find hope and joy and a beautiful, full, rich life?
What if I said that as much as it makes me cringe, and feels like a regimented legalism, I think I'm being asked to simply check some things off a list every day? To re-establish some habits that have died in the midst of this space.
What if I said that I don't understand how Jesus can promise a life abundant, and then stand by while the enemy torments those who have offered their lives to Jesus?
What would happen if I said all those things out loud, say in a public spot, like, oh, a blog?
Would the world cave in or come suddenly to a halt?
Would I be shamed for being less than whole?
What happens if I say it out loud?
What if I said out loud that I am absolutely, madly in love with this God who will not let me go, and that, despite that, I am also terribly, burningly angry with that same God?
What if I admitted that I just don't know how to reconcile this lover who has so doggedly pursued me in the last two years with the God who has stood by while my life has fallen into chaos and despair?
What if I said that I understand the hope and desperation that Job was feeling when he cried out, "I know my redeemer lives and in the end he will stand upon the earth, and though my flesh be destroyed, I will see him with my own eyes. I myself, and not another." And then what if I said that I find myself saying "the hope of those moments is not enough when there is a Jesus who spoke of life abundant on earth."
What if I said that I am nearly equally convinced and unconvinced that there will be an end to all of this, that I will pull through this space that has been so tormented, and that I will find hope and joy and a beautiful, full, rich life?
What if I said that as much as it makes me cringe, and feels like a regimented legalism, I think I'm being asked to simply check some things off a list every day? To re-establish some habits that have died in the midst of this space.
What if I said that I don't understand how Jesus can promise a life abundant, and then stand by while the enemy torments those who have offered their lives to Jesus?
What would happen if I said all those things out loud, say in a public spot, like, oh, a blog?
Would the world cave in or come suddenly to a halt?
Would I be shamed for being less than whole?
What happens if I say it out loud?
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