Tuesday evening...

I'm curled up in my praying chair, in the corner of my bedroom. There are candles lit, the scent of incense in the air because I was burning it earlier. A mug of tea within easy reach - mango rooibos is the brew of choice tonight. Soft instrumental piano music playing quietly on my laptop - a cd of old hymns.

The clutter around the room is bothering me, but I don't have the energy or drive to clean it tonight... maybe tomorrow, maybe not...

As I was driving home from the grocery store earlier tonight, I was searching for a word to describe how I've been feeling lately.

The word I came up with is "displaced".

I remember telling a friend towards the end of the summer that I was so tired of feeling as if my whole life was in transition all the time. The transitions have smoothed out, but there isn't yet the sense of comfort, of knowingness that comes with time and patience.

Displaced sounds like a bad thing. I don't mean it that way at all. I just mean that I am feeling as if I am slightly in between spaces. I'm no longer in the old (boring) comfortable and familiar space. I'm not quite fully into the new spaces I've begun to sense the Lord asking me to occupy. So I'm inbetween, slightly displaced. And I think it's a very good spot to be.

I had salad for supper (and at lunch, too, come to think of it). I can't remember the last time I had salad twice in one day. Probably before I moved out of mom and dad's house. Not being a huge lover of lettuce, I don't buy the stuff, and rarely make salads for myself, preferring to get my daily dose of vegetables in other forms. But today, it tasted really good.

I bought two books and a magazine tonight. Reading related purchases always make me happy. One of the books is the book on Africa that I started reading three weeks ago - I have to return my copy to the library, and wanted to purchase my own, and mark a few things I'd flagged before I returned the copy to the library. The other is a memoir about life and spirituality. Can I just say that memoirs make for some of my favorite reading of all-time? Particularly those that fall into the genre one of my university professors described as "spiritual autobiography." The magazine is one that looked like it might have some fun, uncomplicated Christmas ideas among other things, and will, if nothing else, probably provide some great clipping for collage projects in the future.

I'm thinking that I'll probably need to make a list of things that are making me smile either tonight or tomorrow morning. I'm in need of the reminders of the beautiful things in life at the moment...

Well... I think I'll read, and finish sipping my tea for a few minutes, then maybe watch a bit of television before bed...

until next time!

Nurturing the Eternal Life Within Us - Henri Nouwen

Nurturing the Eternal Life Within Us

The knowledge that Jesus came to dress our mortal bodies with immortality must help us develop an inner desire to be born to a new eternal life with him and encourage us to find ways to prepare for it.

It is important to nurture constantly the life of the Spirit of Jesus - which is the eternal life - that is already in us. Baptism gave us this life, the Eucharist maintains it, and our many spiritual practices - such as prayer, meditation, spiritual reading, and spiritual guidance - can help us to deepen and solidify it. The sacramental life and life with the Word of God gradually make us ready to let go of our mortal bodies and receive the mantle of immortality. Thus death is not the enemy who puts an end to everything but the friend who takes us by the hand and leads us into the Kingdom of eternal love.

The Motorcycle Diaries, Take 2

I fell in love with the beauty of South America all over again last night.

One of the kids I watched the movie with commented as it ended, "Crap, now I have to buy it, and I really want to go to Peru..."

I watched the faces of the two young artists sitting in my living room, as much as I watched the movie.

I watched and thought about the need for breath, such a strong theme in the movie. The need to overcome, the strength for change that comes in finding breath.

I watched and thought about breath, and prayed for the two sitting in my living room, that the things in their lives that stifle - the anxieties, the illnesses, the fears, the stuff of everyday boredom too - would lift, and that they would push through and find strength.

And I prayed for Peru, for this country that has a tiny portion of my heart. I prayed that Jesus will continue to speak to my heart, that he will make clear the timing of that trip, that the right companions for traveling will present themselves.