Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 169

Today's Daily 5:
(an introduction to the Daily 5 can be found by clicking the link in the sidebar on the left)

1. The bus shelter this morning that not only got me out of the brutally cold wind, but aided in warming me by the effect of magnifying the meager heat of the sun through the plexiglass onto my black touque.  It was actually quite pleasant, and I was so thankful for the shelter from the wind.
2. Wearing cute earrings made by a friend.
3. Russian salad dressing... mmm... so good
4. Brilliantly blue skies
5. cute mittens
6. wearing my "Audrey Hepburn" makes me feel classically elegant winter coat
7. getting a book order from Amazon that I'd been expecting
8. thinking I'd permanently lost one of the aforementioned cute earrings because it had fallen out of my ear, and then finding it in a very unexpected location
9. finally getting some prints that have been around forever in the frames I bought for them, and on display
10. reading until I began to drift to sleep in the sun on the bus this afternoon (don't worry, didn't fall asleep, but it was nice to read something just for fun, to that state of relaxation after classes)

Discombobulated

It's a new month, and I find it hard to believe that January has already passed by.

Changes continue as I work to adapt to school, and to other ever changing aspects of my life.

Waiting continues, too.  Waiting to hear about student loans.  Waiting on other fronts as well.

Honestly, the start of 2011 has been hard, and I'm struggling to know how to talk about it here.  For a variety of reasons, this blog, my safe place for the last six years, has been less safe for me the last several months, and I've pulled back, in some ways, from sharing the bits and pieces I'd like to share.  It makes me sad to admit that.  I've made some wonderful online and real life friends because of this little space, and I'm working to sort out a new normal in my approach to what is shared here.

I'm feeling discombobulated, undone.

I'm struggling a bit with discontentment.  It's been a harder month in the ongoing journey to be at peace with my crazy living situation.  Some months seem smooth, others not so much.  It cycles.  And this has been the hard end of the cycle.

It's the same thing with loneliness.  I'm blessed with some very dear friends, some near, most far away.  Most months I can successfully juggle my friendships, leaving myself at peace with the balance of the near and far.  These last few weeks that juggling act has not been so successful, and I find myself longing for in person time with my safe people, scattered across at least three countries and two continents.  (I'm reminding myself that one of my dear friends who is currently farthest away will be visiting at the end of this month, and pushing myself to contact some who are near, in the meantime.)

I'm figuring out the juggling act, too, of content and discontent.  I'm struggling with the realities that are mine.  Struggling hard.  And yet, I've received several emails in the last 24 hours, from friends both near and far, that remind me that in relative terms, my situation could be so much worse.  This is perhaps the most bizarre juggling act of all to me.  This one that holds in one hand the realities of my own that are far less than ideal, and in the other hand the reality that I have oh so much to be thankful for.  I haven't figured it out yet.  I wonder some days if I ever will.  And I'd love to hear some thoughts if you have any to share.

I'm craving simplicity again, and it shows in my daily "to do" lists which include things like cleaning, purging, sorting, repairing, and breathing.  Sorting out the delicate balance of consumption and over-consumption.  I haven't figured this one out yet either, though I'm getting better at it.  (I'm better at it when there is no money coming in, quite honestly.  Figuring it out when there is steady income that more than meets my basic needs will be a whole other thing, I suspect.)

And so, there it is, my discombobulated self, and my discombobulated update.  Leave me a comment telling me what's up in your worlds these days.  I haven't heard from some of you in a while.

Most Read Posts January 2011

The month of January was almost all about my one little word.  Here are this month's most read posts:

One Word: 2011 - the announcement of what my word for the year was going to be.

Two from Henri Nouwen on Baptism - some of the many tidbits of Henri Nouwen's wisdom that I've shared here through the years

One Word 2010 Meets One Word 2011 - on the intersection of my word from this year (heal) on my word from last year (story)

Feel Good - my fun new way to aid in both my one word and in self-care

Thirteen Days In - in which I report on how "heal" was not looking at all like I expected it to

Thursday in Rome - a story of day in Rome (duh!)

Lot's Wife - another one word post, and quite possibly the favorite post I've written in a very long time.

A Healing Story: 2011 Goals/Hopes/Dreams - the list of goals to go with my word for the year.

Not Easy - Grey's Anatomy and my one word, all rolled up into one little post!

Facebook Status Updates that Will Never Make It - a very old post, written in a fit of sarcasm, after a very bad day at work.  Always gets lots of google traffic.