- Having an apology accepted
- eating a banana for breakfast
- An unexpected phone call from a friend on a really rough morning, inviting me out to lunch
- an email from another friend that reminded me that I am loved
- another email reminded me I am being prayed for and taking steps towards being really free
- lunch and prayer with a dear friend
- sunbeams
- basil mayo and Mediterranean flat bread at the restaurant for lunch
- learning a new word in Spanish
- a long hot shower
- leftover Chinese take-out for supper
- dropping off a few resumes and getting an almost immediate call scheduling an interview for Wednesday afternoon
- a day that was so much better than it seemed it would be upon waking
- really great service (above and beyond) at the Blacks Photo location I went to to get photos printed
- complimentary printed photos because of issues I'd been having with the website for Blacks this last week
- lighting candles
- spending a chunk of time sticking photos of people I love and of moments that are happy memories to a wall where I can see them easily.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 64
Today's Daily 5:
Limbo
If I could take back the last hour and a half, I would.
Sometimes this living my entire life in limbo business catches up to me, and exhaustion piles up, and I stay stuff I regret.
out loud. to people I love.
this was one of those nights, the sort of ridiculous capper on a day that actually wasn't too bad.
honestly, after moments like this I contemplate life as a hermit, and battle against feeling convinced that I don't fit in any sort of polite company.
and I speak out of this place of limbo.
and out of a place where the longer the limbo lasts, the more invisible and discouraged I feel at times.
and I battle some long held thought patterns. lies mostly.
thankfully with a bit more help than I used to have.
tonight I am reminding myself that I'm not a total disaster all of the time.
that for most of today I was not an emotional basket case (or that I at least didn't share my basket-case like feelings with the world at large.)
that not every day will be like this.
that I am taking steps in my life to make this better.
but today, right this minute, with tears running down my face, after having another tired, emotional and angry conversation with someone I love, I feel just a bit helpless and hopeless and alone.
and living in limbo feels like hell.
Sometimes this living my entire life in limbo business catches up to me, and exhaustion piles up, and I stay stuff I regret.
out loud. to people I love.
this was one of those nights, the sort of ridiculous capper on a day that actually wasn't too bad.
honestly, after moments like this I contemplate life as a hermit, and battle against feeling convinced that I don't fit in any sort of polite company.
and I speak out of this place of limbo.
and out of a place where the longer the limbo lasts, the more invisible and discouraged I feel at times.
and I battle some long held thought patterns. lies mostly.
thankfully with a bit more help than I used to have.
tonight I am reminding myself that I'm not a total disaster all of the time.
that for most of today I was not an emotional basket case (or that I at least didn't share my basket-case like feelings with the world at large.)
that not every day will be like this.
that I am taking steps in my life to make this better.
but today, right this minute, with tears running down my face, after having another tired, emotional and angry conversation with someone I love, I feel just a bit helpless and hopeless and alone.
and living in limbo feels like hell.
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