If it be your will...

I was listening to Jann Arden tonight, as I sat at my computer to reflect on the CBC documentary I mentioned in my previous post a few minutes ago. As I listened, I was caught by the words of this song... It's an old Leonard Cohen song, but as I listened, I couldn't help but be caught by the intensity of the lyrics, particularly from after the first verse to the end. (Not that I don't love the first verse...) This prayer, this song, this prophetic cry grabbed my heart. I have spent so much of the last year learning about the beauty in brokenness, and I can 't help but cry out with the song, " If it be your will/That a voice be true/From this broken hill/I will sing to you/From this broken hill/All your praises they shall ring." I'm standing here Jesus, singing your praises in the midst of the brokenness, "let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell."


If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will

If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring

If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell

If it be your will
to make us well
And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light

In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will
If it be your will

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Kingdom Justice

I just saw this stat on CBC's "The Nature of Things" which was profiling Stephen Lewis.

The US spends $8 Billion a Month on Iraq.
It spent $8.3 Billion on Aids last year.

A challenging and painful thought coming on the heels of reading Shane Claiborne's book, and listening to a couple of messages by Claiborne that I downloaded from the internet.

I've got to be honest and tell you that when the US first went into Iraq, I was strongly in favor of the idea. To be honest, I wrestle still with the issues. Do I think it's probably a good thing that a dictator like Hussein has been removed? Yes. Do I still think that the American intervention is a completely good idea? No. Do I think the US should just drop everything and withdraw? I'm not sure.

And Saddam being sentenced to death... that's a conflicted thought for me too. Does part of me feel that this person who inflicted suffering on so many deserves to die? Yes. Does another part of me wonder if we are really valuing human life if we take another life as the price for those he killed? Yes.

My thinking has been changed this last while. I've been reading and talking, listening and thinking. I'm being ruined. I don't fit so well in some of the conservative circles my family and the church I grew up in inhabit. And yet they are also so much a part of me. I am asking questions about what justice looks like.

I watched this special on Stephen Lewis, and wanted to weep. I watched these beautiful African grandmothers weeping as they describe watching their children die from aids, and then describing what it is like to now be caring for their HIV positive grandchildren.

My heart broke and I was left asking - Jesus, who will care for these orphans, these widows, these broken human beings. I feel powerless and yet empowered. I live in a wealthy country. I have a bit of money to spare. I want to make a difference.

I am asking what the justice of God's kingdom looks like. I am looking to discuss, to debate, to understand this issue. I am being broken for the poor, for the women, for the orphans and widows and homeless, for the aliens. I am after God's heart, and I think my life is being forever changed.

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