Not Knowing What to Say

There are a number of things in my life right now that are frustrating me.

Things that are up in the air.

Things that are confused or damaged.

Things where I just can't find the words to know what to say.

Things where every response seems equally bad.

I'm thinking about mountains and coastlines. About waves and islands and standing on walls. I'm thinking about energy and exhaustion. About roses. About eyes that see and ears that hear, and hearts that understand. About relationships and loneliness, and the things that underscore the loneliness. About the longing for family, and a place to call home. About how different my life is today than what I would have predicted a year ago. About definitions of joy and hope and peace. About Isaac (whose name means laughter) laying bound on an altar, trusting his father, who was also trusting, that a ram would be provided. About Hannah, weeping in deep anguish, crying bitterly, in such distress that she was accused of being drunk. About waiting for her prayer to be answered, and then offering the answer to that prayer back to the Lord for his service. About the line of scripture that speaks of weeping that endures for a night and joy coming in the morning. I'm thinking about the morning not so very long ago when I woke suddenly, startled by some unheard voice, and the words that rolled instinctually from my lips, were those of Hannah's son, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening."

My heart is restless.

I lay with Isaac and wait for the ram.
I weep with Hannah, and wait for morning, crying bitterly.
And I say again with Samuel, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening."

And I pray for the process of birthing. For a birth that is smooth, and happens quickly, and is filled with health.

When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there's no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you'll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You'll no longer be so full of questions. (John 16:21-23, The Message)

Baptism and Eucharist: Spiritual Pillars

Another great thought from Henri Nouwen...

The Pillars of the Church

The two main sacraments, baptism and the Eucharist, are the spiritual pillars of the Church. They are not simply instruments by which the Church exercises its ministry. They are not just means by which we become and remain members of the Church but belong to the essence of the Church. Without these sacraments there is no Church. The Church is the body of Christ fashioned by baptism and the Eucharist. When people are baptised in the Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and when they gather around the table of Christ and receive his Body and Blood, they become the people of God, called the Church.