At about 6:30 tonight I hit overload.
Some combination of loneliness, lack of sleep, lack of a place to belong, work and personal stress, laundry, and a clogged bathtub.
I've been in tears, or near tears ever since.
I've unclogged a bathtub (and can I just say that I could kiss whoever invented drano).
I've driven to do an errand, and had a desperate conversation with God while driving.
I've talked (briefly) with a dear friend.
And now, now I'm going to attempt sleep. I'm going to fall asleep with a video of my favorite television show playing, and I'm going to pray that, just for one night, surreal will take a break.
Because I can deal with surreal, or I can deal with practical. But just at this moment I can't deal with both at once. I can't deal with dreams and relational stuff and God things, and still have energy left for laundry and making dinner and a clogged bathtub.
On nights like this I would normally call my best friend and laugh. I'd let intensity, and all that is surreal be put aside for an hour or two in favor of laughter (and possibly triple chocolate freezer cake), and her painting little tiny flowers on my toenails with a toothpick or a bobby pin. Because in a way that few others can, M. would understand why a clogged bathtub was just absolutely the last straw, and brought me to tears, and I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure it wasn't clogged anymore by the end of the night. (It isn't.)
But M. is in Pakistan, bringing babies into the world, and other than a few emails, I haven't talked with her since the beginning of September. So I settled for taking out my latent agression on a bathtub that was totally scummy after a week of slow draining. And then I took a shower. In a clean, unclogged bathtub.
And now, I'm going to try desperately to sleep. (Dreamlessly if I'm lucky.)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Wedding Central
One of my roommates is getting married next summer.
And I suddenly find myself living in wedding central. It is driving me CRAZY!
I would swear to you that since she became engaged, every conversation we've had has revolved around dresses and cocktail receptions, and do the guys wear vests or not, and flowers and colors.
Right now in the background the conversation is how many chairs, and when will the cake be cut, and how long will people stay at the reception. We've already discussed flowers, and bridesmaid dress styles ad infinitum.
She's already bought a dress and found a venue. The most significant details are taken care of. And yet, I live in 24/7 wedding central.
And the kicker is this: The wedding is still nine months away.
I'm not sure I'm going to survive the next nine months.
Right now, the two weeks at Christmas when both of my roommates will be out of the country are looking better and better.
In the meantime, I'm trying to do laundry, and waiting for a long enough pause in the conversation to enlist one of my roommates to help me attempt a new method of unclogging our clogged bathtub drain. (If I can get the drain unclogged, at least I can retreat to the quiet of the bathroom and soak in a long, hot, bubble bath.)
And I suddenly find myself living in wedding central. It is driving me CRAZY!
I would swear to you that since she became engaged, every conversation we've had has revolved around dresses and cocktail receptions, and do the guys wear vests or not, and flowers and colors.
Right now in the background the conversation is how many chairs, and when will the cake be cut, and how long will people stay at the reception. We've already discussed flowers, and bridesmaid dress styles ad infinitum.
She's already bought a dress and found a venue. The most significant details are taken care of. And yet, I live in 24/7 wedding central.
And the kicker is this: The wedding is still nine months away.
I'm not sure I'm going to survive the next nine months.
Right now, the two weeks at Christmas when both of my roommates will be out of the country are looking better and better.
In the meantime, I'm trying to do laundry, and waiting for a long enough pause in the conversation to enlist one of my roommates to help me attempt a new method of unclogging our clogged bathtub drain. (If I can get the drain unclogged, at least I can retreat to the quiet of the bathroom and soak in a long, hot, bubble bath.)
The Garden of the Saints
another great thought from Henri Nouwen...
The Garden of the Saints
The Church is a very human organization but also the garden of God's grace. It is a place where great sanctity keeps blooming. It is a place where great sanctity keeps blooming. Saints are people who make the living Christ visible to us in a special way. Some saints have given their lives in the service of Christ and his Church; others have spoken and written words that keep nurturing us; some have lived heroically in difficult situations; others have remained hidden in quiet lives of prayer and meditation; some were prophetic voices calling for renewal; others were spiritual strategists setting up large organizations or networks of people; some were healthy and strong; others were quite sick, and often anxious and insecure.
But all of them in their own ways lived in the Church as in a garden where they heard the voice calling them the Beloved and where they found the courage to make Jesus the center of their lives.
The Garden of the Saints
The Church is a very human organization but also the garden of God's grace. It is a place where great sanctity keeps blooming. It is a place where great sanctity keeps blooming. Saints are people who make the living Christ visible to us in a special way. Some saints have given their lives in the service of Christ and his Church; others have spoken and written words that keep nurturing us; some have lived heroically in difficult situations; others have remained hidden in quiet lives of prayer and meditation; some were prophetic voices calling for renewal; others were spiritual strategists setting up large organizations or networks of people; some were healthy and strong; others were quite sick, and often anxious and insecure.
But all of them in their own ways lived in the Church as in a garden where they heard the voice calling them the Beloved and where they found the courage to make Jesus the center of their lives.
Live Inside Hope
The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.
- Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
- Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
