At the end of a very long day

I am at the end of a very long day.

I'm wearing sweats and a favorite hoodie, and curled up on my couch with plans to watch some television, eat dinner, and hopefully head for bed early. Somewhere in there I have a few little things on my "to do" list.

Some things today were unexpected. And yet, once they began, they were very much the way I expected that they would.

Other things were pretty much how I knew they'd be, from the moment I woke up this morning.

I have a bad headache - and it's making me a bit nauseous.

I'm laughing in a cynical, ironic sort of way at some of the things I've explained today, and the way various things I've thought about have come up.

I'm so tired. Not at all hopeful or joyful in the space of watching and waiting, the way I was this morning. Just praying for a less interrupted sleep, and glad that I get a hug from a very dear friend tomorrow night.

So. We'll start again tomorrow.

Keeping Watch

I went to bed early last night. (Well, early for me anyway. My lights were out by 10:30 - that's pretty good for me.)

I don't really expect to sleep through the night anymore. I can't remember the last time I made it even three hours without waking. Last night was no exception.

And yet, last night was somehow different.

I woke once an hour, almost exactly on the half-hour mark, seven times in total through the night. Just long enough to glance at the clock, register the time, mumble a half-concious prayer, and groan as I rolled back over and into sleep.

An odd, half-concious keeping watch through the hours of the night. Waiting and praying. Mumbling and groaning, and sometimes resting.

It seemed oddly fitting, somehow, with this watchful, unsettled season of life. Oddly fitting with the advent scripture I read last night.

And so, as the day goes on, I still find myself watching and waiting and praying. Mumbling, groaning, and sometimes resting.