seeing birds...

I've had two odd "bird" encounters today...

The first was as I was walking to the train this morning (before I knew that it was going to make me very late). I was studying the clouds, and noticed one in particular, hanging separately from the others. Shaped like a dying bird (a swan, or maybe a duck), plummeting from the sky... Caught my attention, my breath, watching until the cloud finally morphed shape and joined another bank of cloud.

At lunch, just now, I was having a rather intense conversation about Jesus, and other things - big moral issues, with a coworker. She loves to pick my brain - to ask huge questions, and then hear what the questions make me think about. Today we talked about heaven, about rape, about abortion among other things. And for several minutes as we spoke, I was aware of a crow (raven? - how do you tell the difference?) sitting on a light post across the roof, watching. Eventually I glanced down, then back up, and it was gone.

This is an odd, off-kilter sort of day. Clouds with beautiful, majestic birds plummeting from the sky. A dark bird witnessing a conversation about Jesus. All of the other things I already wrote about.

And yet, as I walked back from the restaurant where I picked up lunch for myself and my coworker, all I could hear were some song lyrics...

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord
And my spirit exalts in God my Saviour
For He has looked with mercy on my lowliness
And so my name will be forever exalted
For the mighty God has done great things for me
And His mercy will reach from age to age

And holy, holy, holy is His name

(Steve Bell - The Magnificat)

Discombobulated

I do love that word - discomboulated. So descriptive. So accurate for what I'm feeling this morning.

I was up too late last night. Bible study, a conversation in my stairwell, a little bit of tv to unwind, some reading and praying... much later than I've been up in a while.

The conversation in my stairwell with two friends has left me with much on my mind and heart... praying for these two, who Jesus is doing beautiful things in, and who are facing difficult new things right now... praying for peace, for rest...

I dreamt again last night. That makes five nights in a row of significant dreams that I've retained. That has got to be a new record. And, as much as I'm working to be okay with the whole dreaming issue, five nights in a row, with four of those five being somewhat disturbing dreams, is getting to be a little much.

I'm carrying last night's dream a bit... the implications are touching on painful things...

It took me an hour and twenty minutes to get to work this morning. It normally takes forty five minutes. Ask me how excited I am about public transit right now...

I was late for work because of the public transit issues.

I really needed to be on time today.

I'm drinking tea, but it's not helping yet.

My thoughts are going in a hundred different directions. I feel like my head is whipping around in circles trying to follow the places my thoughts are going.

I'm angry.

I'm tired.

I'm confused.

I'm working to rest in peace.

To draw on the strength of Jesus.

To quiet my thoughts.

To pray.

I'm very, very, very, glad that it is Friday.