Daily 5 - Day 258

So, pretty much the last thing I feel like doing tonight is writing a list of any length at all of things that made me smile, or things I'm grateful for.  As days goes, this one really stunk.  Basically none of the things I would have liked to have happen did.  And I got some bad news concerning my car that likely means that I'll be back to having no car within the next week or two, probably semi-permanently (like for the next couple years).  More on that tomorrow, I'm busy trying not to think about it tonight.

So, anyway, these are the good things from today, however many I can scrape up, and actually, a day like this is probably the day it's most important for me to do this exercise anyway:

1. The antacid I took for whatever was going on with my stomach again this morning seemed to work.  I didn't feel good, but I could at least function for the day.
2. It was "pass out paystubs" day at work.  This is one of the best 10 minutes of every two week cycle of work for me.  Everyone is glad to see me on this day.  And I get such jovial thank you's from everyone when I drop off a piece of paper that says there will be money appearing in their bank account the following day.
3. The one thing that worked as planned tonight was I did make it to my hair appointment.  And I have these fabulous new highlights in a couple shades of blond and a coppery red.  And styled hair, which means, whatever tomorrow holds, I'm going to look nice for it.  I'll try and take a picture, or have someone take one for me tomorrow.
4. I got a hug from L. while I sobbed my eyes out in overwhelmed exhaustion after work.
5. I bought a new purse that I'm pretty excited about.
6. I really love my new iphone.  It was so cool to be able to check emails and facebook on the train, and at the mall tonight.
7. Even amidst all the sucky stuff, once I stopped sobbing I was able to just sit and let myself find some perspective, and even some things to be thankful for as life throws me yet another loop.
8. Because I'm having my hair put up for the wedding, my hairdresser just thinned it, and didn't cut it tonight after she colored it.  She recommended leaving it long for the girl who's putting it up.  That means that I have another hair appointment booked for in about three weeks time.  Sweet.  Next to massages, appointments with my hairdresser (and maybe pedicures) are my absolute favorite form of relaxation and pampering.
9. Because I have a medical appointment tomorrow morning, I have the morning off work and can sleep in by about an extra hour and a half.
10. I figured out how to connect my new phone to the free wi-fi in the mall.
11. I realized today that it's only about 2 more months until the U2 concert that I have tickets to!

Grey

After writing this morning about the morning posts full of random information seem to clear my head and make space for inspiration, I feel like I should be showing up here this afternoon with something profound to say.

The truth is this:  It's been snowing all day, I'm still not feeling well, coffee with my friend is likely off so he doesn't have to trek across the entire city in rush hour traffice and snowy roads, and these things combined, are leaving me less than inspired.

It is windy and snowy and wet outside, and in about an hour I'll make the 15 or so minute walk through that weather to the train.  I'll take the usual two trains to get to mom and dad's house, pick up my car, and head for the mall, wherein I'll be finding something that seems palatable as a supper option, and getting my hair done.

And somehow, in this grey weather, I'm okay with uninspired. 

I'll get pampered a little at the hair salon.

I'll find something I really enjoy to eat, even if I can't manage to eat very much of it.

I'll probably play with my new phone (I'm on a mission to update the calendar and contacts in it, and also to find a "to do list app" that I'll like and be able to use easily.)

I might read a bit more of Sara Miles' "Jesus Freak".

And I'll rest.

Because inspiration seems a stretch on a day like this, but rest and finding joy in some little things despite the greyness seems somehow attainable.

Chocolate and Depression

This article made me chuckle.  Seems they've finally done research that confirms that depressed people (both men and women) eat more chocolate than people who aren't depressed, but the jury is still out on why.

Owning Your Successes

Donald Miller had a fabulous post yesterday on "owning your successes."

I suck at this.  Tending to write off accomplishments of any sort.

Or to hesitate to take credit for them.

I think part of that is the Christian thing.

The, "you must be humble and never proud" thing.

I think I've been getting slowly better at this, and it's changing how I see myself.

And that is a very cool thing indeed.

In other news...

I was thinking that these random morning posts are becoming something like an exercise a bunch of my artistic friends used to do.  It was from a book by Julia Cameron, and called morning pages.  The whole idea was that if you started out your day by simply sitting down and writing 3 pages of just whatever was on your mind - shopping lists, things you're thinking about - whatever, then this regular practice stirred creativity.  I actually find that by stopping here and writing down the random things on my mind, I feel more free to really write at other times.  Like writing down the random things creates space for the deeper things stirring within me.

I'm sipping green tea and hoping it will calm my stomach.  I woke again with a terrible stomach-ache and heartburn.  It's been happening every few months, for no discernible reason.

It's raining outside and they're promising it will turn to a whole pile of snow by tonight.  Last week it was 20C and I was wearing skirts and capri pants to work.  Today we have a "winter storm warning" in effect.  Only in Calgary.

Actually, I blame my dad for the snow.  Everytime he leaves the country it snows.  Doesn't seem to matter what time of year it is.  He and mom are enjoying poolside weather in Phoenix with my aunt and uncle this week.  And we're having snow.  It's just how it works, I guess.

Yesterday's plans to have coffee with a long-time friend were postponed to today.  I'm hoping they happen today, anyway.  He can be a little bit flaky.  (He's actually forgotten that he was my ride home from somewhere.  Twice.)  But he's a great friend, the one who was with me on that odd night nearly five years ago now when my depression was healed so suddenly and unexpectedly.  And I hope I get to see him.  I could use some time right now with the kind of friend who has all the details.  Who's been around through it all, and we can just talk honestly with each other.  And a hug.  I could use a hug from that kind of friend too.

Last night, after months of deliberation and research, I joined the cult of iphone, and I'm quite looking forward to discovering all the fun things it will let me do.  I had thought that I was going to need to wait another six months, until my current phone contract expired, and then switch phone companies, as a different company had far better rates.  But, I called my phone company, and negotiated, and they decided customer loyalty (I've been with them for years) was worth rewarding, and comfortably matched the price the other company was offering.  So, I took the plunge, and I think I'm going to love it.

I also have a hair appointment tonight.  The annual getting other fun colors added to my existing natural state appointment.  I only do it once a year or so, because it's expensive, but it's always fabulous.  Getting my hair done and being pampered at the salon I use is right up there with getting a massage for me.  So relaxing and it makes me feel beautiful and feminine.  (Plus, being able to treat myself well, without feeling guilty for it, was on one of my lists of goals for this year, so any appointment like this is a step in the right direction.)

And with that, I'm off to dive into the stuff the day will require.

Back later!