Blue Like Jazz

Blue Like Jazz, the movie, opens next week, and I wanted to share the official trailer with you all.  I think it looks fabulous, and I'm definitely hoping it will come to Canada.  If it doesn't, well, then, I'm jealous of those of you who get to see it in a theatre!  Go check it out, and then drop me a note to let me know how it was!  I loved the book, I supported the record-breaking Kickstarter project to fund the movie, and now I can't wait to actually get to see the movie.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Quite honestly, I'm embedding this video as part of a contest to win a free paperback copy of Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

That said, I think the message of the video, and more importantly, the message of the book (available here on Amazon - and no I don't get any compensation for linking to it, other than maybe winning a paperback copy), is a really important one.  Last year my "one little word" was Story, inspired by this book.  Honestly, I think it's become the one word that will influence all of the one little words to come, and some of the reasons why were in this book, which I read at just the right time in my life, in a moment when my life needed some editing and rewriting.  So, I'm sharing the video with all of you!

Go buy the book - you'll be doing yourselves a favor!


What story are you telling? from Rhetorik Creative on Vimeo.

First Monday, New Decade

Well now, with a pretentious title like that, how can this post go anywhere?

Actually, I'm just thinking again this morning about newness, and wondering what this year and decade are going to hold.

I woke from dreams this morning that made me smile.  And dreams that stirred prayer.  And dreams that surprised me in what they contained - people and places I wouldn't have expected.

This is the week that I'll find out if I've been accepted into the nursing program for January entry.  The week that I'll either come off of the waiting list, or I won't.  I'll be in school either way, it's just that taking classes as a nursing student would be my preferred outcome.

I'm mentally planning my week as I sit here, too.

Tonight my parents and I are trying a new "cult following" burger chain from the states that has made it's way to Canada.

Tomorrow afternoon I'm skyping with one of my best friends.  Tomorrow night I'm meeting another dear friend for dinner and a chance to chat and catch up.

Wednesday night I know that I'm cooking dinner at mom and dad's, and Thursday night house church starts back up.

This afternoon I have errands to do.  A stop at the library, probably a trip to walmart.  I need boring things like deodorant, and a neck pillow.  (The neck pillow that has been my soreness savior that I purchased for $2 at a local dollar store wasn't all that sturdy it turns out.  I've repaired it twice already, and now I'm ready to just buy something with quality that I won't have to stitch shut every couple of weeks.)

I read this post at Donald Miller's blog this morning, and remembered reading the story of the Scott Street Parade in his book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years."  I choked up a little watching the video in the post, when I spotted the smiling and waving parade queen and remembered the story in the book about how they choose a special woman from the street each year to be appreciated as the parade queen.  Reading the post made me think again about how story was my "one word" for last year, and how it's become an overarching theme to my dreaming and hoping and planning.  It reminded me, too, that I want to give "A Million Miles" another read through sometime in the coming month.

This post at Stuff Christians Like made me laugh this morning too.  Yes, I'm one of those people who is doing the read through the Bible in a year thing this year.  I particularly enjoyed tip # 6: "Start mentally preparing for Leviticus.That book will break you. I promise. Unless you have some very specific questions about mold. It’s a beautiful book, but 87% of all read through the Bible plans jump the sea cow right here. (That will make sense once you get to Leviticus.)"  I've bailed on at least a couple of read through the Bible plans because I got stuck in Leviticus.  So, I'm taking his advice and mentally preparing myself now.  (And grinning at the very idea of that!)

So, on the agenda this week (other than the aforementioned things):

• hang out with dad and do errands with him, stuff he needs to do to get ready for his next trip leading a team to Ghana (he leaves in less than a week)
• create a plan for cleaning and purging stuff at home, and follow through
• catch up on a number of blog posts I've been meaning to write about books I read (many of the books I read when I was doing all that bus reading, before starting my contract job)
• and speaking of bus reading, get one or two sessions of that in (Like I said, I want to make another trip through "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years", and I've got a few other books on the agenda)
• Listen to the audio book I spent months waiting for at the library
• tackle a few little nagging administrative tasks (like product registrations, and some changes to my cell phone plan)

Not perhaps the most glowingly auspicious way to start a new decade, but for me, the stuff of day to day life, the accomplishing of the little things is what lets me tell a better story with my days.  Having a list and tackling it.  Planning the fun moments too.  These are important in my life.

So, those are my plans, what's on your agenda for starting out this decade?

Worth Checking Out

In today's edition:

Today's post from Donald Miller on knowing your work style seemed timely, since I'm definitely in the middle of a period of frustration with my job again.

I loved this post:  We are the Morning People

The recent knife attacks against Chinese school children, that are raising the issue of mental health in China continue to both sadden and fascinate me as they unfold.

Good Stuff - Thursday Edition

Are you a slacktivist? at Donald Miller's blog raises some good questions.

I liked this Q & A with former First Lady, Rosalynn Carter, about the mental health crisis in America.

Stuff to Check Out

I want to write a post.  I really do.  But my brain is just done at the moment.  I'm emotionally and physically and spiritually exhausted.  There is, for the first time this week, sunshine streaming through my office window, and, while that is definitely a hope-filled thing for me, quite honestly, the warmth of it is just making me want to curl up in a ball and sleep the rest of the day away.  I'm mentally running through my list of friends and trying to figure out who I can talk into making a somewhat impromptu day trip to the mountains next weekend - maybe lunch in Canmore and the hotsprings, but they'll have to drive... I could use an escape to some breathing space.  Or maybe someone's interested in just going for a walk in a park here in the city?  Next Saturday, May 8th.  Let me know.

In the meantime, until I can summon the mental capacity to write down the things I'm thinking about, here is some stuff that made me laugh, made me cry, or made me think this morning:

Dana posted the Veggie Tales Cheeseburger song today.  It was just the right amount of ridiculous to make me smile.

Kelle shared the most beautiful two part account of her daughter Nella's birth, written by Kelle's father.
You can find part 1 here. 
And part 2 here.
I think I would have cried at the beauty even if I wasn't already a puddle of tears today.

This revised list of the 10 highest and 10 lowest produce items for pesticides both surprised and alarmed me.  I'm thinking I need to re-work my grocery purchases to include a few more organic items.

I'll add the caveat that I haven't watched the video yet, but I loved Donald Miller's post today about writing a storyline for your life instead of a mission statement.  Good stuff there.  I might even give it a shot tonight.

Owning Your Successes

Donald Miller had a fabulous post yesterday on "owning your successes."

I suck at this.  Tending to write off accomplishments of any sort.

Or to hesitate to take credit for them.

I think part of that is the Christian thing.

The, "you must be humble and never proud" thing.

I think I've been getting slowly better at this, and it's changing how I see myself.

And that is a very cool thing indeed.

This and That

A collection of stuff worth reading and watching this morning:

A video of Governor General Michaelle Jean's apology to Rwanda for Canada's indifference during their genocide.

An article about forced sterilizations and the impact of China's one child policy.

A blog post with a Christian perspective on stewardship of the environment.  I particularly liked the statement "Dominion should not equal destruction."

Anne Jackson on being exposed.

Donald Miller on telling the truth.

Dana linked to this very cool way of viewing the Sistine Chapel.  It brought back very fond memories of how profoundly that room touched me when I visited, and how I wished I could have spent hours simply taking it in, instead of the maybe 10 minutes that I was able to spend there.

This article on the fact that Jamie Oliver is putting his own funds behind his vocal campaigns for better food and eating.  I am so on board with this idea that if we stop eating processed crap and start eating more healthy, home-cooked meals, we can make a huge difference in some of the health crises that seem to be on the rise, and I love that Oliver is putting his money where his mouth is.

Leaving Church

Yesterday I linked to Donald Miller's article on leaving church.

Today, Pete Wilson is also talking about leaving church.

It's not an easy topic, and, as a pastor's kid, I've seen it from several angles.

I've seen the acrimonious church split from the inside.

I've seen the people come who are enthused, and then leave a few years later, because they've decided that something just won't do, and it's never their fault either.

It's never easy to watch someone you've cared about leave.  Especially as a pastor's kid in a small church when they're leaving because they're angry at something your dad did or didn't do.  How do you navigate your friendship with that person vs. their anger at someone dear to you?

And it's weird to negotiate those relationships later on, too.  I ran into someone recently who had been a youth leader when I was a young teenager.  She'd lived with our family for a time, as well.  My dad had conducted their wedding, and my brother was their ring-bearer.  And then, she and her husband left, angry at dad, over what I'm not even sure.  My dad worked to shield my brothers and I from some of that drama.  I've run into her from time to time over the years, and she's always been overly friendly.  An almost fake, over-compensating sort of friendly. (Or at least that's my perception of it.)  It's a weird thing - to negotiate this relationship that I consider quite damaged, and non-existent, while she's busy ignoring the history and the turmoil that she caused.  I saw her again just last weekend, and it was the same.  So odd.

I've left a church or two.

I've left the church that my dad pastors.  Twice. 

And I left a church that was home during a period of dramatic change and healing in my life.

I left dad's church the first time because I needed space - I was in the midst of a serious depression, and I needed to figure out this God thing without the incredible, watchful pressure that exists on a pastor's kid in a rather small congregation.  It's not easy to be watched, held up as "the example" when you're not even sure you believe anymore.  I needed to make that "do I actually believe this, or is it just because my parents told me so" journey.

I left the second time because, after returning for what was supposed to be a short stay, I'd stayed too long.  The move that was supposed to make it a short stay didn't materialize, and the smaller reasons I'd left in the first place - lack of peers, some theological disagreements, and the ongoing pastor's kid expectations, really hadn't changed.  It was also a season where I'd been deeply wounded by church and some close christian friends, and I needed a season of healing, away from prying eyes.

I left the church that had been home in between those stays at dad's church with many tears. I loved that place and the people there, but I felt cornered and unheard.  My concerns seemed to be dismissed.  I prayed and stayed, offering my voice wherever possible, but there came a time when God made it clear that it was time, now, to move on.  I left hoping that I could maintain some relationships that meant a lot there.  A few lasted, most did not.

It's not an easy topic, but I've appreciated the words of both Donald Miller and Pete Wilson on the topic these last couple days, and the various thoughts they've both stirred within me.

On My Radar Today

Donald Miller wrote this great piece on "Asking People to Leave Church"

I loved this piece on new life at Ragamuffin Diva

And, as a dear friend of mine is currently in Malta, and was attending the Papal Mass, I've been following headlines about the pope's weekend visit to Malta.

Pope Cries in Malta Victim Meeting

Pope Reaches Five Year Mark with Church Mired in Scandal

Pope Cries with Church Abuse Victims in Malta

Pope and Church Satisfied with Papal Visit

Abuse Victims Say Meeting with Pope Gave Them Peace

Malta Set to Greet Pope Benedict

Pope Benedict's Historic Malta Visit Ends

He still sees a person

I mentioned yesterday that one of my brothers, J, currently works for a local social services agency, as an aide of sorts in a home for teenagers with severe emotional and behavioural issues.

On Tuesday, he was forced to restrain a teenage girl, to prevent her from harming herself or others.  In the process of restraining her (it took three grown men), she spat in J's eye, and bit him on his shoulder.

He's seen a doctor, who wasn't too concerned about the bite, and is getting bloodwork done, just to make sure she didn't transmit any diseases when she spat in his eye and bit him.  He's okay.

But his response is what struck me.

We traded text messages about the incident for a little while yesterday, and, after assuring me that he was fine, his response was this, "I understand the need to restrain her, but it still sucks, to have to hold her down, and to get spat at and bitten."

What struck me was this - he still sees a person.  Not someone evil who broke a lot of rules and is a danger to herself and others.  But a girl, who needs help.  A girl, who, while he'll restrain her to prevent injury to herself and others, is still a girl, and one who he regretted having to restrain.  He sees the person behind the issues in these teenagers, and that challenges me.

Because with that many issues, and after being bitten and spat at, I'd have a hard time seeing anything but a person who bit me and spat at me.

J. and I didn't get along for a lot of years, and it's only within the last year that we've begun patching together a tentatively functional friendship.  We are about as opposite as two siblings can be.

And yet, yesterday, with one line in a text message, Jesus borrowed his voice, and he taught me something.

He sees a person.

I think Jesus probably did too - when he was beaten and spat at and hanging on a cross.  He cried out "Father, forgive them, they don't know what they do."

I read a powerful post at Donald Miller's blog this morning about what kind of story you're telling, and what happens if you don't tell a good story.  And this morning I'm grateful for my brother, who told a story of love and acceptance.  Who saw a human being, and loved her, even when she bit him and spat on him.

Worth Checking Out

Angie wrote this beautiful post the other day.

There's been lots of good stuff at Donald Miller's blog lately.  He's been posting far more regularly.  I particularly enjoyed today's post, "How I Learned to Like Exercise, and Like Some Other Things Too" (which I'm having trouble linking to, so you'll have to find it on your own!)

Linking to Some Good Stuff

Check out these posts today:

Donald Miller's piece on how the greatest impact you may have can come from your pain.

Susan wrote a lovely piece "Life and Lifelessness" that rang true for me on so many levels as I ponder my own life.

Worth Checking Out

Donald Miller has been posting some great stuff lately.  Go to his blog, read today's post, and then scroll back and read a bunch from the last week or two.

You'll Need Tissues

Not so long ago I posted a link to Kelle Hampton's blog, "Enjoying the Small Things"

I'd fallen in love with the stories she was telling, and it was clear that she'd only recently and unexpectedly given birth to a baby girl with Down's Syndrome.  But I'd never had time to go back and read the back story, the story of beautiful Nella's birth. 

Until today, when Donald Miller posted Kelle's post about Nella's birth on his blog.

You will, as Donald warns, need tissues as you read this beautiful story.

I've been so challenged as I've been reading Kelle's blog, to continue to find life and joy and beauty, even in the midst of the hard stuff.

And it made me smile, somehow, to see that she too had read and been challenged by Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years."

I need to write more thoughts, sometime soon, on Miller's book.  I've been thinking about it a lot again lately, about what kind of story I'm telling with my life.  I was thinking about it again just this afternoon, as I was out walking, and how it inspired some of the things that are on my list of goals for this year.

More to come...

Worth Reading

A number of blog posts worth checking out today:

Donald Miller's latest post "Following God and Farming" is here.

Today's cartoon at the Naked Pastor hit close to home.  I've definitely felt like that at times.

Anne Jackson's last post from Haiti is here.

A Better Story: Hope List for 2010

I've talked before about Donald Miller's latest book, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life".  I've read all of Miller's books, and next to "Blue Like Jazz", this one is definitely my favorite (it may even beat out "Blue Like Jazz" - I can't quite decide!)

In any case, I read the book a few months back, when I was in the midst of needing to really make some decisions about whether or not I was going to stand up and take control of some issues in my life.  In fact, I distinctly recall sitting in my doctor's office, on a day when I had an appointment that ended up being pivotal in terms of the decisions that appointment forced me to make, and reading this book.  The doctor was running late, and as I sat there fighting back the panic attacks I was dealing with that day, I was reading and being challenged by the idea of writing a better story with my life.

My roommate gave me a magnet for Christmas, printed with an art piece from Curly Girl Design, that I saw on a canvas months and months ago, and have been hunting for in some smaller form ever since. The quote on the art piece that made me fall in love with it reads, "The world is full of people who will go their whole lives and not actually LIVE one day.  She did not intend on being one of them."  I loved that - "she did not intend on being one of them" - and it kind of became a personal mantra of sorts.  That I want to tell a great story with my life, and to really live. 

I'll share some quotes from Miller's book sometime in the next day or two, but for the moment, I wanted to share the list of goals, hopes, dreams, resolutions, things to do (pick your favorite term and insert it here) that I formulated for the new year over the last few days.

I'm sort of famous for making lists, and equally famous for adding a great deal of flexibility to the lists, and I'm sure that this one will grow and morph and change as the circumstances of the year shape it, but for now, I'm going to call this my "hope list" or my "better story list" and share the things (well, the formal things anyway) that I'm planning and dreaming about for this new year that is in front of me, this beginning to a new decade.

• Learn how L. makes frittata, hamburger soup, and pita chips (these are some staples of our roommate cooking, that I never make.  L. returns to New Zealand at the beginning of March and I want to learn to prepare these particular recipes before she leaves.)
• Alphabet photography and scrapbooking project (a post on this to come in the next day or two)
• Develop my photography skills
• See U2 live in concert (only a major life dream - and one I am definitely going to fulfill this year thanks to the tickets I've already purchased for a June show)
• attend at least one "real" yoga class (just because I'm curious, and because I've enjoyed the yoga videos and would like to do the real deal at least one time)
• read the equivalent of at least 1 non-fiction book per month.  basically, read at least twelve non-fiction books this year.
• continue to exercise consistently
• continue to consistently use a regime of vitamins
• cook at least 2 recipes a month and take photos of them (I love cooking, it's one of my current favorite creative expressions.  I also love feeding people.  The goal is simply to expand my repertoire and find some new creative expression.)
• work on significantly reducing my debt load (thankful for the good appointment at the bank just before the new year began that should really help with achieving this)
• continue to write Daily 5 lists, and to search for joy and things to be thankful for in the midst of the challenges of daily life
• Embrace Joy
• Choose Life (consistently - choose to really live)
• settle into and be involved somehow with a church or house church (this one is hard for me, but I'm feeling the need to really try to find community around me again)
• work on making new friends (again, a real challenge for an introvert who would prefer to spend the vast majority of her time alone, but I have been missing having community and a support network of caring, praying friends who are near enough in location to give hugs when they're needed, so I'm going to make an effort at this, hopefully via finding a church or house church)
• Continue the rhythm of blogging regularly (love the chance to just show up somewhere and talk about my day)
• Purge and simplify wherever possible (I'm likely moving again within the next few months, I have way more stuff than I likely need, and I'm sincerely wanting, within reason to really limit my consumerism and consumption)
• Save money for a rainy day (or for travelling, a new car, or a new laptop since I'm pretty sure either George or my trusty macbook are going to keel over in the next year, and since, well, I just love to travel)
• Finish memorizing the book of Philippians (considering I'm only about 15 of 104 verses in, and having a hard time finding a rhythm of working at this, this one will require a bit of discipline)
• Work on learning to be okay with (and not feel guilty about) spending money on my personal appearance (ie. haircuts, the occasional manicure or pedicure - I've felt guilty for a long time for spending money on myself in this way... it's okay to buy things like books or whatever, but to spend money on my hair or nails always seemed so frivolous and wrong.  Part of the journey of learning to really love myself for me is being willing to care about how I look, and that means being willing to spend a bit of money on how I look.)
• travel somewhere (LP/CA - you have any suggestions ??? :) )
• because of stress and illness over the past two years, I lost a significant amount of weight.  now that I'm slowly regaining my health, I'd like to maintain that weight loss (not gain it back) via the other things I already mentioned about diet, vitamins, exercise etc.
• be intentional in writing down the important stories (on my blog, in my journal - there are some stories that are important from this past year that months later I still haven't recorded because I wasn't intentional about sitting down and doing it.  I'd like to be more intentional with that in the coming year.)

So, that's my list.  For the moment at least.  Like I said, I'm sort of infamous for the morphing flexibility of my lists, so I'm sure it will grow and shift and change.  But, for the moment, I'm pleased with it.  It was a list I wrote prayerfully, and I think encourages the things I value, and forces me to choose regularly to really live.  As I said, there will be more posts to come in the next few days surrounding all of this, but for tonight, I have a daily 5 list still to write, and then I need to quiet down and head for sleep I think.

The story I want to write

I'm sitting here, and the quiet is surrounding me, and heightening my awareness.

The occasional burble of water in my oil burner and the soft scents drifting from it to fill the room I'm sitting in.

The softness of the blanket I'm wrapped in against my bare feet.

Sirens on the street swirl loudly on the street outside my window, catching my attention, and then they fade into the distance.

I've just finished reading a book about story. And about telling a better story with our lives.

Good stories have memorable scenes. Scenes that define and shape.

And I pause as I think of some friends and a memorable scene.

Of two friends living out their passions, making music, singing and strumming, and filling in rhythms, and another friend as he danced in front of the stage, totally unencumbered by who was watching... lost in the music...

I received an email from the friend who danced tonight. His sister is also a good friend of mine, and their mother is very ill. I told him, when they found out, and he emailed many of us to let us know, that I'd be praying for her. And I have been.

And tonight I read her update, words she'd written that he forwarded, and I prayed again.

And I thought of another family I know. All three of their children have a rare disease - one that is not genetically linked - they are the only siblings in North America to all have this disease. Their youngest is also profoundly deaf. And a little while back the mom to these three kids was diagnosed with a very serious cancer.

A number of people I know are grieving this week - a friend of theirs - young, only 25 or so, died late last week from complications of the H1N1 virus.

I pause for a moment to contemplate the things I said and did today, and the thoughts that were left unsaid, and I know that some of them didn't contribute to writing a good story.

I'm thinking about the experiences I have sometimes, about the one I had last night, and how that, too, shapes my story.

I want to write a better story.

The kind of story where less of the things I'm thinking need to be filtered out before they reach my tongue. Where there is more love and forgiveness, and less need to filter out anger and cruelty.

The kind of story that lets me see another person honestly, bumps and flaws and all, and love them anyway, even when they hurt me.

The kind of story where I live as a deeply loved daughter. Where I really know that as truth within me, and I let it permeate everything I do.

The kind of story with more memorable scenes. Swimming in a lake, and playing on the swings, and writing while propped on a hillside, or twirling in a park, and laughing. I want to write the kind of story that is filled with joy. The joy that somehow exists in the midst of ugly realities - of cancer and heartache and grief. Because sometimes the ugly realities are also memorable scenes.

I want to write a better story with my life.

What College Are You?

The results of this one made me chuckle. Partly because the statements are fairly true to who I am. But mostly because Reed is the school that Donald Miller talks about in "Blue Like Jazz". It's the school featured in one of my favorite scenes in that book - the confession booth scene - a scene that I loved for the backwardness of grace that it demonstrated.

You Are Reed

You love learning for its own sake, even more the most people. You believe that education is all about the experience... not about the degree. You prefer to go to an institution with other serious students and accessible professors. You rather be with people who are truly interested in ideas, not in showing how smart they are.

What College Are You?