Randomness

I feel like every post I start these days needs an apology.  A "I'm still processing internally and not really writing" sort of thing.  And that's mostly true. It's also true that I'm busy with school, and that I've been making some big life and faith decisions that are taking a lot of time and energy that I used to spend blogging.

So, I'm letting myself off the hook.  No more starting posts with apologies.  I'm just going to show up here when I have the time and motivation to show up here.  And today, I do.

So allow me to present a list of random thoughts for your perusal:

• Yesterday I purchased two lawn chairs.  It was sort of one of those "I feel like a grown-up" moments.  I mean, adults own lawnchairs, right?  Non-adults use blankets, or sit on the grass, or sponge a chair off a friend who has more grown-up cred than them.  So I get some grown-up points for buying a pair of lawn chairs for use at all future summer/outdoor parties!
• I'm pretty peopled out at the moment.  I always feel like that after the first week of a new semester, and this semester would appear to be following right along the same trend as usual.
• I have Mondays off this semester.  This is going to help immensely with the trend of getting overtired and peopled out so quickly.
• Also, I'm spending the semester in a perinatal placement.  That means I'm spending my summer doing two days a week in placements that include labor and delivery, NICU, and postpartum.  Mommies and babies all summer long! I'm pretty much ecstatic.
• Because I'm peopled out, I'm spend the day alone, enjoying quiet and getting ready for the week ahead.  That means I'm cleaning, organizing, doing laundry, making lists, and just chilling out.  It's kind of perfect.
• This morning I tried a gluten free pancake mix that I'd purchased with the hope that it would actually taste good.  It did!!!  Hallelujah.
• On that note, I should add that I've recently begun trying to seriously limit the gluten and starches that I consume.  I've noticed that if I eat a diet higher in protein and fruit and veggies, and lower in starch, I feel a lot better.  Also, I have less mood swings.  I find that slightly annoying, since most of my favorite foods are sweet and starchy and full of gluten.  However, these days I'm placing a pretty high premium on feeling healthier, so it's a toss up.  Also, I find that not being militant about it helps - it makes me thankful that my food sensitivities are just that - sensitivities - and not allergies.
• In other random food related news, I'm currently having a love affair with green smoothies. And quinoa.  But not together.
• Also, I've discovered that exercise really can reverse a low mood.  This discovery truly annoys me, since I hate exercising with a passion!  That said, it's hard to argue with results, and since I really am working on ways to be a healthier person, and to manage my anxiety and moods more naturally, I'm annoyed to admit that I have several times put on a Jillian Michaels video to kick a bad mood in the butt.
• In the area of managing anxiety and mood, after two years on my medication, I'm at a place where I'm starting to work towards weaning the dosage, and hopefully going off the medications. That said, I don't recommend the first week of a new semester as the time to start the weaning process.  Clearly I didn't think that one through.  Thus the need for those dates with Jillian Michaels videos!
• And finally, I woke up this morning thinking about loneliness and community.  Yesterday was a day where I got some rare in person time with a very trusted friend, and it was lovely.  It also highlighted the ongoing challenge of having my closest friends in other countries and continents, and the need to continue to build a supportive community here at home.

And with that, I'm going back to cleaning. And laundry. And organizing. And maybe baking.  And well, I might leave my introverted haven to go eat some frozen yogurt at some point today.  Because I kind of got hooked on the stuff while I was in Florida. And I'm craving it. A lot.  But I might just bake something tasty and gluten free instead, and stay in my quiet haven.  It's hard to predict!  See you soon!

Tuesday Ten

I have almost zero blogging mojo these days.  Most days it's pretty much all I can do to get from point A to point B and home again without forgetting something important.  Case in point: on Sunday I entirely forgot a skype date with my best friend, one that I'd been looking forward to for a couple of weeks.  It was only when I glanced at my phone screen and noticed a facebook message to the effect of "are we still on to chat" flash across the screen that I realized that there was in fact something on my schedule for the day.

That said, somewhere in the interweb realms today, I noticed a point form post that was basically a list of ten random things going on in the person's life right now, and I thought, "I can probably manage that!".  So, here I am, and here are ten things on a Tuesday night:

1. I'm trying to eat less starch in my diet.  I was inspired by a good friend.  I'm pretty much terrible at this.  What's worse is that I did well for a couple weeks after I got home from spending some time with my friend, and I felt really good.  So, now I'm doing terrible at the whole less starch thing, and I don't even feel good.  Sigh.  How depressing is it when bread ceases to solve all problems???
2. My reading list these days is eclectic.  A Brene Brown book.  A midwifery memoir.  Some Catholic theology.  A few cookbooks. Nursing textbooks. A random collection of novels.  All are contributing to various things I'm thinking, praying and pondering.  But definitely it's an eclectic list
3. I'm currently in love with anything teal or turquoise or any shade in between.  Basically anything in that greeny blue range.  I daydream about finally having a house one day, with lovely white walls, lots of windows, and accessories in these shades of bluish green.  (and some of the peacock images I've been collecting!)
4. Since google reader will be extinct (tears!) this summer, I've recently adopted Feedly as my RSS reader, and I'm actually really loving it.  (Mostly because, once I worked some of the kinks out, I can basically get it to look like and do what Google Reader did, but against a lovely minty green background).
5. Today I made chicken, lentil and potato curry in the crockpot, and it actually turned out great.  Only problem is that the recipe made WAY more than I thought it would.  I may now be eating nothing but curry for the next week.
6. While I still love the idea of real books, I've kind of been converted to ebooks since buying my ipad mini.  I mean, seriously, I can read bits of each of my eclectic reading list, all on the same bus trip, and I only have to carry the light weight ipad, not all ten books.  Plus, I'm kind of into the instant gratification of downloading books to my kindle app immediately, and not having to wait out the process of shipping.
7. Which brings me to Lent, and the fact that I gave up book buying for Lent.  Which is challenging when I such an addiction to the cheaper kindle prices and it's instant gratification.  But which has been good for my highly limited budget. and a good reminder on a daily basis that I'm supposed to be sacrificing, studying, and remembering Christ in this season.
8. I'm going back to Florida in 22 days.  I pretty much can't wait.  Sunshine, friends, cute baby, flip flops, and great conversations.  And just a chance to settle into really feeling like myself and moving more slowly for a couple of weeks.
9. Not so long after that I'm going to become an Aunt.  My brother and his wife are expecting in early June, and though they've stubbornly resisted finding out what they're having, it really doesn't matter to me.  I will officially be "Auntie Lisa" and that is a role that I know I will excel at.
10. Plus hey, I get to spend my summer clinical rotation dealing with mamas and babies in one form or another.  Don't know the exact details yet, but I know I got assigned to a perinatal rotation and that that pretty much has me jumping for joy!

And just like that, I made it to ten!  Maybe I'll have to make this a weekly feature?  At least it gave me a bit of blogging mojo for the day!

Thursday To Do's

I only have a half day of classes on Thursday's this semester, so those classes are the beginning of my to do list for today.  The rest of the list looks something like this:

• group of four meeting for next week's praxis teaching
• group of two meeting for evidence based paper
• finish preparing for house church leading
• assemble ceremony programs for my brother's wedding
• take the garbage out
• wrap a wedding gift
• wrap a father's day gift
• prep some blog posts
• reply to a few emails
• tackle some cleaning tasks
• a few various and sundry other tasks

It's a lot, but I do love having a list and moving through it, so hopefully I'll get quite a bit of this one accomplished.  I do have a good chunk of Friday also available to me, but there continues to be a need to carve out some time for quiet rest, and a need to tackle copious amounts of homework, so those things need to be taken into consideration as well.

What are your plans for the day?

Weekend List

I don't usually post on Saturdays, but today I felt the need to make a list.  This is the only weekend for the next three weeks or so when I don't have either wedding or baby related events to attend, and I'm taking advantage of it with errands, built in rest time, and trying to get just a bit ahead of the game on the homework front.  And so I'm making a list of things that I need to do today and tomorrow.  Not the exhaustive list that is in the app and website that I use for keeping my to do lists (and life) organized, but the list that reminds me of the priorities.  The one that is public and adds that funny level of accountability.  And so, without further ado, my weekend list:

• take bottles to the depot for refund
• work for mom for a few hours (thankful for parents who will "hire" me)
• grocery shopping
• bake banana muffins
• book a rental car for next week's clinical
• tackle homework
• catch up on a couple weeks worth of blog reading
• work on next week's blog posts
• deal with some banking requirements
• work on writing a personal biography
• tackle a few outstanding emails
• time for rest and creativity
• a little bit of brainless entertainment

Weekend Rest

I'm spending this weekend resting and catching up.  The first month of school has demanded more from me than I expected, or at least demanded something far different from what I was expecting.  Usually, when I get home on Friday nights, I do some homework, to protect the days of the weekend from also being fully over-run by school.  Last night I declared homework off-limits, and spent the evening doing a bit of cleaning, and a whole lot of relaxing and catching up on all my television favorites.

These are some of my goals for the rest of the weekend:

• hunt for my crockpot in the boxes of kitchen stuffs that are still packed away
• begin to study for the midterm that I have at the end of next week
• catch-up on emails that are waiting for replies
• hit the library and grocery store
• Reflect on a series of anniversaries that begin today - ones that have been bittersweet
• Work on blog posts for the coming weeks

Emails are the biggest one.  Emails and the midterm.  And maybe the shopping.  But basically I have a quietish weekend planned, and I'm really thankful for that!

Mental Lists

If you've been following me on facebook, you know that I've been spending a LOT of time pondering this week.  It's how I always tend to close out one year, and begin another.  I curl up with journals, books, blog posts, articles, magazines, music - anything and everything that helps me think about the way the year has passed, and the way the year to come will pass.

I've found myself making mental lists the last few days.

Lists that contain snippets of thoughts that will become blog posts:

• Love/Hate relationship
• What don't you love?
• scripture and political leaders/rulers

Lists of books I feel I need to revisit in the coming month or so, as I begin another year:

• The Echo Within (Robert Benson)
• Bird by Bird (Anne Lamott)
• A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals (Shane Claiborne et. al)
• Boundaries (Cloud and Townsend)

Lists of random kitcheny dreams for when I manage to have my own place again:

• a garlic press from ikea (used a borrowed one from a friend this week - best ever!)
• A kitchen aid mixer (seriously long term dream)
• A microwave (a maybe in the next couple weeks thing)

Lists of bits and pieces to finish up:

• chronological scripture reading plan
• student loan details

Lists of things to keep an eye out for on kijiji and in thrift shops:

• a nice largeish desk
• a couple of filing cabinets
• a place to live affordably

I'm making lists, and it's helping me continue to ponder, reflect, and prepare my heart for the end of one year and the beginning of another.

Boxing Day

My parents went snowshoeing with some friends today (I love the Canadian Boxing Day holiday that falls on the 26th!), so I have their home to myself.  It's lovely to have a place to myself, especially after the holidays and their busyness and people.

And how, you ask, am I filling this lovely time to myself?

Well, I slept as long as I possibly could (which I think was around 11am today - I didn't check the clock all that closely).  I'm eating a few leftovers.  I'm watching some episodes of Monk on DVD.  I'm reading.  I'm enjoying quiet, and I'm making lists.  Lists in my journal of things like music to check out in the coming days, foods to eat more of, movies to see, and books to read.

And this "To Do" List, which includes all the tasks to prepare a meal for my parents, their snowshoeing companions, and my brother and sister-in-law tonight.  (Which means I'm doing another of my favorite things - cooking quietly, great food and even a couple new recipes, alone in the kitchen!)  So, these are the things I'm working on today:

• empty the dishwasher
• make rice
• make Chicken Madras Curry
• peel and boil potatoes
• make Peanut Butter Fudge Brownie Trifle
• Heat and prepare naan bread
• take a long, hot shower
• catch up on some emails
• write a few Christmas cards
• ponder One Word for 2012
• list making
• magazine clipping
• reading
• play bingo
• prep a couple of posts for my blog this week
• decorate and set the table for the evening
• clean my laptop

Weekend To Do's

Amidst a rather strong need for rest, these are the things I'm going to try to tackle this weekend:

• muffin baking (supplies my breakfasts at work)
• skype with L.  (a couple of hours of catching up with one of my favorite people on the planet)
• winter coat shopping (because I live in a Northern climate, and I've been surviving without a proper winter jacket for years, and I'm tired of it.  this is the year for a jacket to enter my wardrobe)
• catch up on the Look at Jesus course I'm participating in (because I'm excited to be a part of it, but life has happened, and I haven't had a chance to participate the way I'd like)
• Knit (because something creative needs to happen)
• Fill out student loan documents to re-enter repayment (because the government will have their money, one way or another)
• catch up on emails (because there are several people that I owe replies to)
• play on pinterest (because it's restful, and resting is one of the goals for this weekend)
• groceries (because, well, I need to eat for the next week)
• write (because, well, it's kind of like breathing)

Busy Weekend

Y'all, I go back to work full-time on Monday (assuming, of course, that this time everyone involved has the correct date!)  That means that I'm spending this weekend tackling a whole variety of "must be dones" and "should be dones" and "would be nice to have dones" that I simply won't have as much time for once nine hours of my day, five days a week, plus commuting time are being spent working.  The days will start earlier than they ever have, and that means I'll need to hit bed earlier than I have in a while.  It means personal discipline, fitting in the big and most important things first, and then prioritizing on downwards.  So, I made a list. 

Not everything on this list is going to be accomplished, but I'm hoping to take a significant chunk out of it.  It includes everything from picking up a few groceries and buying a September transit pass to compiling a Bible study for our home church for the next ten weeks, tackling some reading that I have on my plate, and getting ahead on blog posts.

It's the kind of list I mostly enjoy working through.  Wish me luck as I tackle it over the next days and into the week!

(What are your weekend plans?  Are you a list maker, or more of a take it as it comes kind of person?)

Sunday Thoughts

It's Sunday morning and I have the house to myself and am loving it.

I'm curled up in the big recliner in mom and dad's living room.

I watched a little bit of food network and now I'm tackling the task of catching up on blog reading from this last week.  I had more social things than usual, plus the addition of suddenly spending eight hours a day (plus transit time) employed again.

Normally I stay at mom and dad's on Sunday nights, but I think I'm going to go home to my own bed tonight.

That means that this afternoon I have a number of things to accomplish, and as I'm sitting here I'm making lists.

Listing the things to be accomplished.

Listing the groceries I need to go out and pick up so that I can eat for the coming week.

Listing thoughts and plans.

It's not a bad way to spend a morning, really.  Resting and listing.

With a little bit of food network, and a little bit of music thrown in.

Lovely.

(which, by the way, is one of my favorite words.  I don't know where I picked it up, but that's what I'll often say as a positive answer. I like it. I think the whole world should have more lovely things in it.)

To Do

So, this morning I worked my first shift at my new job.

I'm working for a small company that makes 100% natural soap, bath and body products and operates a number of stores in Western Canada, and I'm totally excited about it.

I then came home, and stared at my April calendar.

It's going to be a busy month, with research papers and two more weeks of classes, and then 5 final exams.  Add to that leading at house church, the basic commitments to things like getting a decent amount of sleep and exercise, some medical appointments, a wedding to attend, my brother's graduation from Bible school, and now a job, and you have the makings for a little bit of a wild month.

So, I did what I usually do.  I made a list.

This is what my list looks like:

Shortly after I wrote that list, I added several more items.  Those are the outside of class and work hours things that need to be accomplished between today and next Saturday.  Everything from wrapping a present, to preparing to lead at house church, to Latin/Greek homework, to writing a term paper on Che Guevara.  The list doesn't include the stuff that gets done daily outside of class or work hours - things like exercise, scripture reading, and so forth.

It's going to be a busy week, but I think it's doable.  Some of it is flexible and not super time sensitive, and if it waits another few weeks, it waits.

And, I'm kind of looking forward to it.  To the satisfaction of pushing for productivity, and marking things off lists.

I'm also realizing that I'm going to have to be incredibly disciplined about how I use my time, and that I will definitely need to make sure to carve out time for rest.

It'll be an interesting month!  I'm curious to see how it goes.

Weekend To Do's

Just because I feel the need to write this stuff down, somewhere, preferably public, because I have a thing about saying publicly that I'm going to do something and then not doing it, that tends to lend to actually accomplishing the items on my list:

• yoga workout at home on Friday
• yoga class on Saturday
• bake an Almond Joy Cake using the recipe a friend who knows me well sent my way
• go to the post office to get student loan documents processed
• finish reading and write a review for my latest booksneeze book
• make significant headway on, if not finish, making notes on a reading project I completed a while back
• budgeting
• finish up the Greek assignments for this week
• update my resume and apply for some jobs
• watch the newest episode of Grey's Anatomy and transcribe the monologue
• watch the newest episode of Private Practice
• do some online research to create a term paper topic/thesis statement for one of my history classes (is it bad that I'm leaning towards choosing a topic solely because there's a Monty Python quote that I'd like to work into the paper?)
• Finish up the reading from this week for my random introduction to social sciences class
• Make some progress on reading the latest travel memoir I'm tackling - I have a time limit on this one since it's borrowed from the library.
• Attend a ladies gathering with some women from my house church and other house churches

Those are the big things.  A couple of them are totally flexible.  Some of them absolutely have to get done.  But really, I'd like to manage some productivity and get most if not all of these done over the course of this afternoon, evening, tomorrow and Sunday.

I am...

• sitting in the basement at mom and dad's house at the desk where I spent most of the summer, pretending to be productive
• freezing cold - it's worse down here in the winter than the summer, and I was cold most of the time then
• wearing a t-shirt and two hoodies (with both hoods up) to keep warm.  A regular hoodie, and a borrowed "sherpa hoodie" (which is basically a hoodie with a thick, furry, warm lining).
• having both a productive and completely procrastination laden morning
• needing to buckle down and study for a medical terminology quiz tomorrow morning
• cleaning up the bedroom I stay in at mom and dad's because someone else is coming to stay in it tonight
• looking forward to house church tonight, and a discussion of another chapter of the book we've been studying together
• also looking forward (I think, since I haven't confirmed this) to watching new episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice tomorrow, online
• slightly unwilling to admit that a friend has gotten me a little bit hooked on watching the Bachelor for the sole purpose of being entirely snarky about it
• excited to see my dad tomorrow (he gets back from West Africa tonight, after being away for several weeks)
• thankful that we have been having a bit warmer weather lately
• writing this blog post to empty my brain and hopefully spur an attack on the list of things I'm procrastinating about
• faithfully using the lamp I was given that mimics sunlight and treats Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I think it's helping with the usual winter blues.
• off to do some cleaning, some studying, some reading and a whole variety of the other things on my list!

Random Things

A whole variety of random thoughts crossing my mind this morning:

• The clicking sound that high heels make is totally a thing that makes you feel empowered when you're wearing them.  It's a fun sound.  Until you're not the one wearing the shoes, and they're the only sound in an otherwise very peaceful hallway.  Then the sound is just annoying
• Getting books out of the university library to write term papers is going to be a pain this semester.  They're in the process of moving the entire library from one building to a new one.  Why, you ask, are they moving the library?  Well, it turns out that the old library tower is quite literally sinking into the ground under the weight of all those books thanks to some construction faults way back when.  The books that have been moved to the new building are on floors that students can't access yet.  You have to request them, and wait 24 hours for a librarian to retrieve them.  No easy trip to pick up 5 books this semester.
• Yoga.  I'm thinking about yoga.  I have hated exercise my whole life (with the possible exception of all those years of synchronized swimming.)  Yoga is the first thing I've ever encountered that not only do I not hate it, I actually like it.  I can make it through a 90 minute Hatha Yoga class without looking at my watch and wondering when it's going to be over.  This is a revelation for me - that there is something that will not only help with my stress level, but will help keep my body in good health, AND I can actually enjoy it!
• I will spend close to 4 hours on the bus today, transiting between school and various appointments.  I wish it was a bus reading circuit, but it's not.  I will however likely manage to do (or at least get a good start on) the ethics reading for next Monday's class while riding the bus for all of those hours.
• I am a back row student.  Always have been, probably always will be.  I like the quiet and the anonymity.  I like that there's no distraction of someone moving and making noise behind me.  It's just my preference.  Plus, if I'm not into the lecture, I can do something totally other than the work for that class far more unobtrusively than if I sat at the front.
• An oatmeal raisin cookie and a bottle of juice is a viable breakfast, right?  Because that's definitely what I had today.  I figure, it contains oatmeal and raisins - both normally part of the breakfast genre.  And fruit juice - lots of healthy stuff in there, right?

To Do

Just because I need a spot to make a list of what still needs to (or at least hopefully should) be done today (because maybe if I post it here, having listed it publicly will drive me to accomplish it!):

• tackle the items on my paper to do list for the day
• take a yoga class tonight
• finish the reading for the week for my latin American history class
• make a trip to the mall to pick up several items that are on my needed items list
• finish the reading for the week for my European history class
• 3 healthy meals
• mail a letter that is riding around in my purse
• tackle the first week's work of the medical terminology class
• work on a list project that's been on my "to do" list for the last three weeks
• write a daily 5 post tonight
• stop at the community food market after the mall to pick up some food items and supplements
• try to make time for some pleasure reading as well

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 118

It's kind of a list-heavy day around here, huh?  I honestly didn't realize this morning when I wrote out my list of plans for the day that tonight's reverb10 post would also be a list, and that I'd then be topping it up with a daily 5 list!  Ah well, some days are just like that, I guess, and I have often professed my love for lists, so this is just going to have to be the sort of day where I really and truly prove that love!

Today's Daily 5:

1. Google reader - seriously, how did I not discover this before September?  It's revolutionized my blog reading, and I love it!
2. sleeping in
3. dreams that don't terrify
4. cleaning up my email inbox while lazing in bed
5. making lists (seriously, added this to the daily 5 list I keep in my phone, early this morning, when I was making my list for the day, long before I knew that all three posts on the blog today would be lists!)
6. A funny quote from Thursday's episode of The Big Bang Theory, "The only alternative [to forward thinking] is thinking backwards, and that's just remembering!"
7. wearing slippers
8. eating a Christmas orange.  I'm actually allergic to oranges, but it's a mild allergy that doesn't make me stop breathing or anything like that, so I cheat on it every once in a while, mainly at Christmas, when there are mandarins everywhere, tempting my self-control.  That makes the few I eat an incredible treat!
9. A really good turkey and swiss with cranberry mayo pannini for lunch
10. homemade christmas baking
11. A good appointment this afternoon
12. a bus route where the bus runs more than once or twice an hour
13. Spotting Christmas light designs on the skyscrapers downtown
14. reading a novel
15. coconut scented bubble bath from The Body Shop

Reverb 10: Day 11 - 11 Things I Can Live Without

Today's Reverb 10 Prompt:

December 11 – 11 Things

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

(Author: Sam Davidson)

I feel like this prompt requires me to mentally change directions in a way the others thus far have not.  Suddenly I'm thinking about 2011, instead of looking back at 2010.  I'm not sure I'm ready to set aside the processing of this year yet, even for only one evening, but, on the other hand, looking forwards and anticipating new things is probably important too.  I'm not sure I'll make it to 11 things that I can live without, quite honestly, but I'll give it a shot.

1. Fear.  I actually think this could be items one through six or seven at least, since fear has been and continues at times to be an all encompassing and paralyzing force in my life.  However, I'm recognizing that I'm making decisions differently these days.  That I'm more able to recognize the voice of fear, and choose to ignore it's warbling, disconcerting advice.  That that is carrying with it an ability to sit more comfortably in my own skin.  To continue journeying to a place of living without fear, will take decision after decision.  It will take building a history of listening to God and the wisdom of those I trust most.  It will take the continued growth of my ability to trust myself.  And it will take a willingness to risk, even if I may fail, or be hurt.
2. A transient lifestyle.  Packing up every weekend to escape the craziness of Grandma's world is a temporary solution that has been immensely helpful, but I'll be more than happy to see it go.  Showering in a different house than the one I sleep in most nights of the week seems a bit wild.  Eating in a whole variety of spots, and buying groceries to accommodate simple, unrefrigerated snack meals needs to go.  The solution to this will hopefully come once a few final details play out in the coming several weeks.  Once schooling issues are solved, employment issues can also be resolved.  And once employment issues are resolved, budgeting can happen in earnest and apartment hunting that suits my needs and that budget can commence.  
3. Over-consumption.  I am continually challenged these days by the idea of simplicity.  By the idea that the clothes I wear only once or twice a year don't need to be in my closet.  By the idea that excess tends to add complications, not happiness.  By the idea of not wanting to waste.  And by how completely inconsistent I am at sticking to all of these principles that are growing within me.  I want to buy groceries once a week, or once every few days, and only buy what I'll be able to eat.  I want to do a better job of purging and simplifying.  I want to recycle even more consistently.  I want to only spend money on things or experiences that I'll really love, that will add value to my life.  And I want to consider things like whether or not my food is organic, and where my clothes and other purchases are made.  Who and what do they benefit? Who and what do they harm?
4. Self-Doubt.  No more believing that I am worthless and unloved or unloveable.  Yes, it's a lesson that began in earnest this year, but it's one that needs to carry on into 2011, and really, every year that follows.
5. People Pleasing.  No more doing things in an attempt to garner affection and love from others.  It's not worth it.  It's a habit well ingrained from years of being a pastor's kid, and it's one that can go. 
6. Bad haircuts.  This list needed some levity, don't you think?  In all seriousness, though, I have a great hair stylist, who I love, and who always makes my hair look fabulous, but I've "cheated" on her this year with a few other stylists, hoping to find someone equally fabulous at a lower price.  Didn't work.  2011 can hold some penny pinching and trips to the stylist who does the best!
7. Things that Cause a Loss of Independence.  2010 saw the loss of a car, an apartment, and a job.  Not sure I can control this one, but it would sure be nice if 2011 let me live a little more freely!
8. Bad dental hygiene.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not disgusting or anything, but I have really sensitive teeth, and because of that I definitely do the minimum necessary to protect them.  Flossing hurts, and brushing my teeth is something I've hated ever since I was a kid.  Peer pressure as an adult, and concern for appearances definitely keeps me on the straight and narrow when it comes to carrying for my pearly whites, but I could and should do more.
9. Talking myself into something I know I hate.  The only exception to this is when it's the only chance I'm going to get to be with someone I love - then a little self-sacrifice is the name of the game.  That or when it really will mean a lot to someone I care about - again, a little self-sacrifice never hurt anyone, and I'm always thankful when others do the same for me.  But, I'm taking a lesson from reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project this year, and giving myself permission to not enjoy certain things, and not force myself to do them just because others around me love them.
10. Getting really stressed out over things I can't control.  Sounds pretty self explanatory, no?  I'm actually getting better at this.  That is one of the benefits of the whole year of crazy that 2010 has thrown my way.  I'm recovering from the big "bumps in the road" that are beyond my control quite a bit more quickly these days, and I hope that those coping skills continue to grow and go with me into the rest of my life.
11. Crazy drama that I can't control.  Next year I plan to be fully in control of any and all drama that happens in my life!  No, actually, this isn't really one that I can do a whole lot about, but it is a wish for 2011, following 2010, that comes with much bemused chuckling and a grateful heart.  I've learned a lot from all the drama and curve balls and bends in the road in 2010, and they've hugely shaped me, but if the drama slowed down a bit, or came to a halt for a while, I'd be oh so grateful for that too!

Well, look at that, I made it all the way to eleven!  And, actually, I had a great deal of fun sitting here and pondering what things are the ones that are important to me.  What are the things I'd like to change or do differently, or continue to see differently as a new year rolls around?

As a general rule in life, I've always hated journaling prompts.  Always hated them.  But I have to say that I'm loving the exercise of working through these reverb 10 prompts this year.  It's a fabulous way to really stop and take stock as they new year begins.  I'm so glad I stumbled across them and decided on a whim to sign up!

Saturday List

It's 9:30.  I'm still in bed, but I've made my list for the day!

These, in no particular order, are the things on the agenda for today:

• shower
• get a natural health treatment
• fold the laundry I washed last night
• return some library books, and pick up a few that I placed on hold
• yoga
• an appointment on the other end of the city
• write a daily 5 post and a reverb 10 post
• do my daily devotional readings
• hang my "special ornaments" on mom and dad's tree
• fill out some government paperwork
• catch up on some emails that I've fallen behind on
• firm up the last of my christmas gift giving
• maybe tackle a few little blog design tweaks I've been mulling over.
• make a list of christmas cards that need to be made/mailed (if you want on this list, leave me a comment or send me an email with your name/address!)

Why I Like November

To be honest, I'm not actually sure that I can say I like the month of November.

But there are some things about it that are very, very likeable.

Things like the fact that someone, somewhere declared it some sort of blogging month, and a number of blogs that I greatly enjoy suddenly come alive with daily posts.  Insights into the lives of friends and strangers abound, and I enjoy the influx of thoughts and words.

Things like starting it off with an anniversary of healing.  An anniversary that almost always carries relief, since the weeks leading up to it seem to be brutally hard and dark and miserable every single year.

In a good November, there is still some warm weather.  I contemplated wearing flip-flops the other day.

This November has little things like manicure/pedicure and haircut appointments.  (And being thankful for a groupon purchased early in the summer for the mani/pedi, making it a scheduled treat I don't have to worry about paying for.)

It's had productive days.

And days for lazily sitting on the couch with hours and hours of escapist television.

Moments of laughter and tears.

Yes, it's a month that generally brings the onslaught of the much dreaded winter, but November has lovely things, too.

Today

Today:

• I'm feeling lonely.  I always feel lonely after trips where I get to spend time with the people who know me best.
• I'm having a hard time shaking off the morning oppression and fear and general sense of disconcertion that so often comes.
• I'm talking to myself.  A lot.
• And working on paying attention to stopping the really negative self-talk.
• And remembering how funny it was last week when I was in California and either my friend or I would talk out loud to ourselves, and then realize that calling oneself by name when there is a friend with the same name sitting across the room creates a general sense of hilarity and confusion.
• I'm reminding myself that part of the reason I'm struggling today is medicinal.  In the crazyness of a transition home, I realized late yesterday that it had been three full days since I'd taken any of the natural supplements I normally take at least three times a day.  Including the one that I know makes a difference with anxiety.  Ooops.
• Because of my supplement misstep, I'm also reminding myself that I can't expect to feel 100% today.
• I'm praying for a few different friends who are going through some really challenging things.
• I'm obsessing, and thus failing to enjoy a rare opportunity for solitude in a place where I actually feel comfortable
• I'm pondering a bunch of thoughts that will eventually become blog posts
• I'm watching lots and lots of Grey's Anatomy, working on finishing up last season on DVD so that I can watch last night's season premiere on the internet later
• I'm doing some of the little items on my "to do" list
• I'm pondering ways to make certain parts of my life more "liveable"
• I'm needing to stop, and be really honest with myself.
• I'm procrastinating about some other items on my "to do"list
• I'm listening for God whispers, and hearing them oddly, partly in the last four words of the statement "love others as you love yourself"
• I'm thinking about honesty and vulnerability, and how I'm usually glad for the moments I make it to that point, but how long I avoid them and obsess over them, and fear them, leading up to them
• I'm wearing a skirt, just because I needed to wear a twirly skirt.  I have three quarter length tights under it, and am wearing a scarf and hoodie over my t-shirt, but I'm wearing a bright green twirly skirt, just because it reminds me of freedom and joy.