Alberta Weather

I chuckled when I came across this image the other day, and had to share, since it's definitely a rather accurate depiction of weather here in Alberta (except we might get even less summer than that!  I was just talking to my dad about a favorite hiking spot the other day, and we decided it wouldn't even be worth trying to get there until mid-July, because snow melt is at least two weeks behind this year, and the altitude there is so high that it won't likely even be accessible before then.)

Source: bippityboppityboo.tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

A Good Way to Start a Morning

Fridays just tend to be good days.

They almost invariably start with one of my favorite sensations of all time.  That moment, when, as you're groaning because your alarm has gone off and you're just not quite ready to face the day, you realize, as you reach to turn the alarm off, that, today, instead of just resetting it for 24 hours later, you can actually turn it off for the next 72 hours. 

Then, there comes another of my favorite moments.  The realization that this is the day I get to wear jeans at the office.  It happens once a week, but every time it feels like a moment worth celebrating.  This is the moment I've been planning for all week as I stare in my closet, trying to figure out what the heck I'm going to wear for another day of business casual at work.  And then Friday arrives, and the only decision is whether I feel like dressing my jeans up or down that day.  Because the favorite part of the outfit, my most comfortable pants, a pair of jeans, is already decided.

This particular Friday held a surprise, too, as I stepped out the door to begin the walk to the bus.  There is blue sky.  Hours later, the blue sky is already filling again with rain clouds, but that moment when I was greeted by the sun instead of the dull greyness of the last few weeks was lovely.

The roses my coworker gave me had opened more overnight, and greeted me when I arrived at my desk.

I started the morning with a bowl of apple cinnamon oatmeal and a mug of pomegranate green tea.

It's been a good way to start a day.

Here's to Friday, and the weekend it hints at!

Conspiring Against Me

(with my tongue in my cheek...)

Am I the only one who has moments of feeling like all of heaven and earth is conspiring against me, determined to keep me in a bad mood?

Because I've been feeling like that this last week or two.

My usual support system has temporarily dwindled, thanks to various travels of friends and family.

I was off the medication that helps regulate the hormonal bottoming out of my mood.

And to top it off, we've had almost no sunny weather.  Like none.  And we have a winter storm warning again today.  As I look out my window it's snowing and grey.  I'm sensitive to the weather, and, right at this moment, would give quite a lot for a sunny day.

For spring.

Which I believe is coming, and is here.  But doesn't look anything like what I think spring should look like, or least doesn't look like that at the moment.

So, all totally random factors, but the combination thereof has been a little bit overwhelming.

(Read:  All I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry and sleep for days.)

I'm sure that heaven and earth really aren't all that concerned about conspiring against me, but there are most definitely moments when I feel like they are!

Grey

After writing this morning about the morning posts full of random information seem to clear my head and make space for inspiration, I feel like I should be showing up here this afternoon with something profound to say.

The truth is this:  It's been snowing all day, I'm still not feeling well, coffee with my friend is likely off so he doesn't have to trek across the entire city in rush hour traffice and snowy roads, and these things combined, are leaving me less than inspired.

It is windy and snowy and wet outside, and in about an hour I'll make the 15 or so minute walk through that weather to the train.  I'll take the usual two trains to get to mom and dad's house, pick up my car, and head for the mall, wherein I'll be finding something that seems palatable as a supper option, and getting my hair done.

And somehow, in this grey weather, I'm okay with uninspired. 

I'll get pampered a little at the hair salon.

I'll find something I really enjoy to eat, even if I can't manage to eat very much of it.

I'll probably play with my new phone (I'm on a mission to update the calendar and contacts in it, and also to find a "to do list app" that I'll like and be able to use easily.)

I might read a bit more of Sara Miles' "Jesus Freak".

And I'll rest.

Because inspiration seems a stretch on a day like this, but rest and finding joy in some little things despite the greyness seems somehow attainable.

In other news...

I was thinking that these random morning posts are becoming something like an exercise a bunch of my artistic friends used to do.  It was from a book by Julia Cameron, and called morning pages.  The whole idea was that if you started out your day by simply sitting down and writing 3 pages of just whatever was on your mind - shopping lists, things you're thinking about - whatever, then this regular practice stirred creativity.  I actually find that by stopping here and writing down the random things on my mind, I feel more free to really write at other times.  Like writing down the random things creates space for the deeper things stirring within me.

I'm sipping green tea and hoping it will calm my stomach.  I woke again with a terrible stomach-ache and heartburn.  It's been happening every few months, for no discernible reason.

It's raining outside and they're promising it will turn to a whole pile of snow by tonight.  Last week it was 20C and I was wearing skirts and capri pants to work.  Today we have a "winter storm warning" in effect.  Only in Calgary.

Actually, I blame my dad for the snow.  Everytime he leaves the country it snows.  Doesn't seem to matter what time of year it is.  He and mom are enjoying poolside weather in Phoenix with my aunt and uncle this week.  And we're having snow.  It's just how it works, I guess.

Yesterday's plans to have coffee with a long-time friend were postponed to today.  I'm hoping they happen today, anyway.  He can be a little bit flaky.  (He's actually forgotten that he was my ride home from somewhere.  Twice.)  But he's a great friend, the one who was with me on that odd night nearly five years ago now when my depression was healed so suddenly and unexpectedly.  And I hope I get to see him.  I could use some time right now with the kind of friend who has all the details.  Who's been around through it all, and we can just talk honestly with each other.  And a hug.  I could use a hug from that kind of friend too.

Last night, after months of deliberation and research, I joined the cult of iphone, and I'm quite looking forward to discovering all the fun things it will let me do.  I had thought that I was going to need to wait another six months, until my current phone contract expired, and then switch phone companies, as a different company had far better rates.  But, I called my phone company, and negotiated, and they decided customer loyalty (I've been with them for years) was worth rewarding, and comfortably matched the price the other company was offering.  So, I took the plunge, and I think I'm going to love it.

I also have a hair appointment tonight.  The annual getting other fun colors added to my existing natural state appointment.  I only do it once a year or so, because it's expensive, but it's always fabulous.  Getting my hair done and being pampered at the salon I use is right up there with getting a massage for me.  So relaxing and it makes me feel beautiful and feminine.  (Plus, being able to treat myself well, without feeling guilty for it, was on one of my lists of goals for this year, so any appointment like this is a step in the right direction.)

And with that, I'm off to dive into the stuff the day will require.

Back later!

Monday Thoughts

It's Monday morning, and I am sitting in my office, wearing two of the three extra "outer" layers that I wear for the train and bus commute to and from the office.  It's freezing in here.

It's always cold in the morning, because the thermostat for my office is in the office next door, and he turns the heat off overnight.  Monday mornings are the worst, because the heat has been off for a few days in a row.

I'd turn it on, but there is a meeting in that office, and I can't interrupt at the moment.  And anyway, one of the people in the meeting next door overheats at the drop of a hat.  He's the bane of my coworker's existence, since she shares a thermostat with him, and when she turns the heat on, instead of coming to her when he gets to warm, goes and complains to our boss.

So I'll wait for an opportune moment to slide next door and turn up the heat.  And in the meantime I'll wear several layers.  Would it look unprofessional for me to put my toque back on?  Because really, it's my head that's the coldest part of me, and we lose the most heat through our heads, so maybe if I put my toque on, I'd be warm?

I listened to the end of one sermon and the beginning of another on the bus and train this morning.  The second sermon had a portion that made me giggle aloud.  I was thankful that the giggling portion came while I was making the solitary hike across a mall parking lot, empty at that time of day, and not while I was still on the bus or train.

We're having Chinook weather again.  That means that it will be warm, but in the meantime the winds are high, and not so warm yet.

And somehow in my head, the time change over the weekend had seemed to me to mean that it would be daylight instead of dawn when I left the house to catch the bus this morning.  Boy did I miscalculate that one.  It was dark.  All the streetlights still on, having a hard time negotiating across the blackness of the basement to the stairs and door dark.  I know, I know, it'll be light later into the evening now.  But I live in a basement, where natural light doesn't penetrate, so I was kind of hoping for that earlier morning light, for the light during that long first hour of the day that I'm outside.  Because light can make even the coldest and most exhausted mornings seem somehow just a little bit cheerier.  Instead, the last few streetlights just clicked off outside my office window, nearly a full two hours after I left the house.

So, I'm going to wrap my hands around a mug of hot tea, and remember to be grateful.  For daylight that is coming, and spring that is hinting.  For God working in changes, even the ones I really don't like.  And for indoor heating, even when I can't get to the thermostat to make it useful.

Daily 5 - Day 204

Today's Daily 5:

1. Sunshine.  I've lived in this climate long enough to know that spring is really only hinting and teasing and winter will still be back.  But today I really enjoyed the sunshine.
2. Vietnamese for dinner with a new friend from house church.  It was nice to get to know her a bit, and I was so grateful that she offered this alternative, me meeting her at her office which is near mine, and then having dinner and going together to house church as a way for me to actually have a ride to house church this week.
3. Really enjoyed house church tonight.  Hearing everyone share about where their lives are at, and praying for each other.
4. Tomorrow is Friday!
5. Loving keeping up with various connections across the continent and around the world via their blogs.  I love all of you virtual friends :)

Daily 5 - Day 126

Today's Daily 5:

1. Another batch of cookies baked
2. Getting through a particularly challenging day
3. thankful for deep prayerful spaces, even the particularly painful ones
4. thankful for a shift to somewhat warmer weather
5. thankful for a quiet (if at times hard) evening at home.
   

Daily 5 - Day 124

Today's Daily "5":

1. Surviving a bit of a crazy and odd Monday.
   
2. A new "last minute lasagna" recipe experiment for supper (uses ravioli stuffed with cheese instead of lasagna noodles) that was really tasty.
3. Weather that warmed up a bit, making the train ride and walk home a lot less painful than the ride and walk this morning.
4. Unexpectedly getting my least favorite household "chore" (grocery shopping) of the week out of the way tonight because I realized I needed to drive my car for a little while, just to warm it up in this cold.
5. A grocery shopping trip that was really quick and smooth, and almost enjoyable.
6. Knowing that grocery shopping unexpectedly tonight means that I have an entire, unscheduled free evening tomorrow night.
   
7. Driving an old car that may have it's quirks, but starts like a charm in these ridiculous temperatures, without being plugged in at night.
8. wrapping a simple birthday gift and card for a friend, as well as a Christmas card for her and her husband in preparation for mailing tomorrow.
9. finding several more recipes that all look delicious and can be made with the same base sugar cookie dough.
10. enjoying a few games on facebook for bits and pieces of the evening.
    

Pause, mid-afternoon

It's been a busy day.

I'm pausing just for a moment.

I just checked the weather outside. Including wind-chill, it's a full 10 degrees warmer than it was when I was walking this morning. That is very good news for the walk at the end of this day.

I've been having odd sorts of days lately.

I feel like I haven't been saying very much of substance here, talking mostly about the weather, or some of the minutiae of daily life.

Truth is that the things going on in and around me are somewhat deep and unsettling, and that though some are impacting me immensely, I can't really talk about them here without betraying the confidences of others.

Instead of writing substantive thoughts, I've been spending a lot of time thinking and praying and sitting in the quiet with questions and concerns.

Advent does this to me sometimes. This silencing and waiting. This year it simply seems compounded by the things that must be held in confidence.

So, for the moment, I'm going to keep talking about the weather, and the daily minutiae of life.

Wednesday Morning, Still Praying

It's Wednesday morning.

For those of you who know me, you know that Wednesday's tend to be for me like Monday's are for most people in the world.

I basically didn't sleep last night. It was one of those nights filled with disturbed dreams and floating prayers and lots of simple wakefulness.

It's snowing again.

And our receptionist is late.

I need to do an errand ASAP once she arrives, and then, then I'm staying in the office until the day ends.

I'm hoping the commute is a bit shorter tonight.

What normally takes 20 minutes has been taking at least an hour this week. Some combination of overflow traffic and roads that are still not in great condition.

Home, yoga, dinner. Hopefully a quiet evening of resting.

And on it goes.

My heart hurts today. There are so many around me right now who are hurting deeply. So many that I love and care about. And I find myself praying deeply for them, for myself, this Advent season, "I am waiting. Come Lord Jesus."

Friday

There's a severe winter storm warning in effect and a glance out my window is rapidly explaining why.

To add to the fun, this afternoon we have a staff Christmas "party" that most of the staff don't particularly want to attend. A "party" that is probably 25 km out of town. Perfect. (At least I've wrangled a ride to and from the office to the party - a coworker will drive me to the party and drop me back at the office and my car.)

And then I get to face the afternoon commute in the bad weather, with the added pressure of knowing that I have an appointment that I absolutely must be at, at the opposite end of the city from our office, by 5:30.

Here's hoping the city crews do a decent job on the roads today, and start now, not three hours from now when they're already a disaster.

Sleep, panic, and into the week...

Last week was really hard. The weekend was also hard. This week is not looking much better, though there are thankfully quite a few less plans for my evenings this week, meaning it is likely that I will be able to at least hibernate through the evenings to catch up on my mental and emotional drain.

I fell asleep last night amidst tearful whispered prayers. "Jesus I just can't stand in that gap, I can't pray tonight, I can't be that intercessor tonight. I will, you know I will, but can I please just have one night off? One night of sleep without dreaming or hours of waking to pray in ways I don't quite understand?"

I'm thankful that I was, in fact, able to sleep for several hours without dreaming or the intensity of prayer. I would have been okay if it hadn't happened, but I was oh so thankful it did.

The forecast for tonight is similar to Friday night's havoc creating weather. I read that and panic rose within me. I'm still shaky from Friday evening, and I am hoping that tonight will be nothing at all like that. I am still pushing away the panic, reminding myself that I am shielded and protected, and, more practically, that we won't know what the weather will be like until the time to drive home comes at the end of the day, and what will I gain by worrying? Panic is not a particularly practical thing, nor does it respond well to the practical, but I am fighting it with every tool at my disposal today, and the practical is one of them.

And so another week begins. Another week of choosing differently. Of fighting to be joyful. Of choosing life. And it is not at all easy, but perhaps it will grow easier with time, as patterns change and habits shift. And in the meantime, I'll somehow summon the energy to continue to fight for it. To fight for me.

Sky

The skies are odd today. Heavy and hazy and discolored. A color that belies the weather forecast for the day. Sunny and 27 degrees.

The sort of color that speaks of violence. It speaks of fires burning somewhere distant, swallowing land and forests, and sometimes houses, belongings, the stuff of people's lives. It speaks of threatening storms. Of hail and tornadoes and lighting strikes. And through the haze, the sun glowed bright red, just sort of hanging there listlessly.

The air hangs like that too. Thick and hot. Midsummer doldrums hanging over us.

And I am once again praying for rain and cooling and refreshing.

All over the place...

My thoughts are (as usual perhaps?) all over the place this morning.

I keep hearing people complain about the weather we've been having. It's rained a lot this week. Or been sunny for part of the day and then settled into rain showers. I've been loving it. I could quite happily have this weather most of the time year round. Maybe I've just been needing the grayer skies, and the feeling of washing that comes with all of this rain... I don't know... but it's felt needed and good... soothing to a dry and weary soul these days...

I keep getting odd cuts in the palm of my right hand. I've had three or four of them this week, and they're a bit painful. Not deep enough to even bleed, just sort of breaks in the surface of the skin, bad enough to sting deeply, and pull when I move my hand.

I'm likely spending a chunk of today helping with some office moves at our company. Because, you know, I haven't done enough moving the last few weeks!

I have ambitious plans to be far more settled in our place by the end of the weekend. Plans that start with borrowing my dad's truck tomorrow, a trip to Ikea, and another possible trip to the dump. Probably also a trip to goodwill, and a trip to the recycling depot as well.

I managed to do two loads of laundry last night without the dryer in our apartment setting off our smoke detector. That was a welcome relief. I really do think that we have the most sensitive smoke detector on the planet.

I'm laughing at the truth of this cartoon at The Naked Pastor today... Wouldn't it be nice if more people told us these things at the outset?

I can't express how incredibly thankful I am that it's nearly the weekend. And that it's a weekend mostly without plans. No weddings. No moves. Just some cleaning and settling and probably some purging of belongings. A planned trip to the zoo with a friend. Plans to attend church. Maybe pancakes - it's been a while since I've had pancakes.

And much of the settling will need to be prayerfully done. Much of the unpacking that I have left are the deeply personal items. The reminders of times and places and peoples. Bits and pieces that have collected over the years. Altar stones really. So many circumstances have changed and shifted in the last year, and I am both dreading and looking forward to prayerfully arranging those memories around my space. To considering and reconsidering. To creating a space of order and peace and prayer around me again.

D-Day, Snow, and other early morning thoughts

Today is the 65th anniversary of D-Day. Take just a moment to stop and remember the sacrifice of those soldiers all those years ago. And just a moment to be thankful.

It's snowing. Actual white stuff accumulating on the grass. Thankfully not accumulating very much, but still, it's snowing. I blame my dad. When he goes to Africa, we unfailingly get snow. (It's true that he usually goes in January, when snow is a bit more expected, but still...)

Two days ago, it was 74 degrees (F) in our house, and we had the furnace basically turned off. Today, the furnace is running once every hour or two to maintain a temperature of 70 degrees.

I slept oddly last night. There was a decision resting rather heavily on my mind, and I woke at different points with totally different opinions on which way it would go. At the moment I'm feeling quite peaceful about the direction I think it's going to go.

I finished a fantastic book last night. Sometime this weekend I'll be writing a review of sorts on it and sharing it here.

I'm still loving M*A*S*H*. I'm almost through season 5. (I own all 11 seasons on DVD.) I often play it in the background as I'm cleaning, or cooking, or sometimes just as I'm puttering around on the internet.

I just looked to see if there were any good kids cartoons on this morning. Didn't the deal used to be that cartoons started nice and early on Saturday morning, to keep you busy and quiet until mom and dad were ready to get up and start the day? Almost no channels have kids shows this morning, and the ones that do have titles like "Raspberry Jazzberry Jam". The Care Bears are on at 9:30. Maybe I'll watch them, just for old times sake. We used to watch The Care Bears at around noon every day when we were home schooled. The Care Bears, and Inspector Gadget. Those were quality entertainment.

And with that, I'm either going to go find a book to read, or take a nice long shower and start getting ready for the day. I've got some fun plans, as long as my decision making skills don't flip-flop yet again!

More later...

Mid-Afternoon Lull

Is it possible to experience a mid-afternoon lull when you've only technically been out of bed for just under three hours?

The weather is rainy and cool. At least in my part of the city we didn't get the snow that they were predicting.

I'm curled up in my bedroom, with candles lit around my space.

Staring at some emails.

Sorting through some paperwork.

Trying to talk myself into not laying down and simply falling back asleep.

I think I'll go read for a while in the bathtub. Warm water and bubbles would feel good right now.

My brain feels sluggish today. I'm not up to writing deep thoughts. I'm not even sure I'm up to thinking them!

So I'll just be thankful for a long weekend. A long weekend spent mostly housebound with little to do except clean and rest.

Friday Night

It's blizzarding outside. There's a severe winter storm warning going on, and the temperature is supposed to drop to -30C overnight.

So, I'm curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and a favorite wool sweater. The Christmas tree lights are turned on and a brand new ornament with a rose on it is sparkling tonight.

I ate a half-pint of blackberries and thoroughly enjoyed them.

I'm trying to figure out a way to use my laptop to record my voice. I want to make my own audiobooks. Mostly because there's a book I've been reading that I'd like to be able to hear while I'm driving and working and such like.

For the weekend, I'm mostly planning to hang out inside.

I'm making a quick trip to my parent's house to pick up some ingredients for baking tomorrow.

And I'm going to a Saturday evening mass with a friend.

But mostly, I'm going to hang out inside. (Unless I go stir crazy.)

I'm broke until payday on Monday, so Christmas shopping is out until then.

So, reading. Baking. Writing. Cleaning. Resting. These are the orders of the day for the next two days.

These, wool sweaters, comfy jeans, and lots of cups of tea.

Oh, and some chocolate. Because what would a weekend be without chocolate?

Monday Morning thoughts

I've had a cup of tea, and half a litre of water this morning. A cookie (of the pre-packaged variety) and a muffin that my grandma baked for me.

In the last day, I've had blog hits from all kinds of interesting locations - all over Canada, Sweden, Russia, the UK, a whole bunch from all over the US, Spain, and even one from Saudi Arabia. Leave me a comment the next time you stop by!

It's cold and wet outside, and I'm struggling to breathe again today. Feels like something is sitting in the center of my ribcage. It actually hurts quite a bit. There were moments as I was walking to the train this morning that I actually thought I was going to throw up in the effort to pull in a couple of deep breaths.

The quiet evening I was planning for last night didn't quite pan out. No tea. No reading or journalling on the couch. I watched a bit of tv on dvd - this time on my new television and dvd player. I ended up doing a bunch of stuff with my roommate. We moved a bunch of furniture around (hopefully for the last time) to accomodate the new tv. We did some errands - I bought a tv stand at walmart for $30, and then spent quite a while assembling it to a workable form. Some situps and stretching exercises, a quick shower, and my night drew to a close.

I've been sleeping restlessly again for the last week. This is what happens when things go haywire around me in the spiritual realm... There have been things going on since the trip I made last weekend - good things, but very difficult, and they're affecting my sleep.

I'm mulling over the line of what is and is not a sick day in my head these days. I get 10 paid sick days a year, and I've used 2 and a half. I'm feeling mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually drained at the moment. Feeling like I need time to regroup. A day off - no thinking unless I feel it, no wrestling or wondering, just sleep, and something brainless for activity - television, a movie.

However, this week has somehow filled up. Something every evening except one. I actually wrote "night at home" on my calendar for that evening. Seems I'm now scheduling time to rest. I'll probably take the bus home two or three times this week, instead of the train, because that, at least, gives me an hour and a half of uninterrupted time to simply be. I'm on my own, and don't have to talk with anyone. I can simply listen to music, read, pray, study, think, rest - whatever catches my fancy at that moment. I've learned to grab opportunities to build that time into my schedule whenever possible. If it's nice out on Wednesday night - the night I've scheduled to do nothing - I'll probably head for a park with my ipod and journal, and walk and pray and journal for a while - we'll see.

From my journal...

I was reading through portions of my journal a couple weeks ago, and flagged this bit to come back to. It so beautifully describes some of my dreams and goals for life - the places and things that are important to me, and the things I believe God has planted deeply within me.

It's from a journalling workshop I attended back in March. March 24th to be exact. Kim McMechan taught it, and while I can't remember the exact instructions for the exercise, the title of it is "Instinct".

I wrote:

I would live somewhere with lots of sun, but not too much heat. Somewhere where you feel wrapped in warmth. Somewhere kind of humid, because I don't care that humidity makes my hair curl - I love to wear it curly.

I'd wear skirts all the time, flowy things, and sometimes, just because I felt like it, I'd twirl like I did when I was a little girl - just to see what shape my skirt made as I spun.

I'd hang out with people who let the messy things in their life show, because that kind of honesty is beautiful.

I'd spend lots of time with people, listening, sharing stories, praying.

I'd spend lots of time alone, too, curled up in a blanket, with a cup of tea, slowing down to reflect on my day, and on the stories I'd heard while I was with people.

I'd find a way to see the world - all of the European history I studied but have never seen with my own eyes. Machu Picchu in Peru.

I'd live in a big, laid-back, coffee shop loving city, and embrace that sort of lifestyle for a while.

I'd pierce my nose, and get a tattoo.

I'd hang out in the mountains, listening and praying, and I'd spend time writing beside the ocean.

I'd spend more time with the friends you can just be quiet with.