Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 158

To be honest, today was one of the harder days I've had in a long time.  A whole combination of factors just came together to make it the sort of day when no matter how hard I tried, feeling positive was mostly beyond my reach.  It was the sort of day when a lot of the items on the daily 5 list are there more because I'm making the conscious choice to be thankful for them, than because they brought true smiles.  It's not true of all the items, but it is true of several.  And that's okay.  It's kind of the point - to choose gratitude in those moments too.  To believe that it still shapes my heart when my heart hurts too much to notice that gentle shaping.

so, here's today's daily 5:

1. Glancing at my "wall of smiles" as I got dressed for the day this morning, and especially noticing a photo taken of my former roommate and I by a waitress at a Peruvian restaurant in Toronto about a year and a half ago.  That evening was a bizarre one in that we had picked up groceries after a day of touring and were planning to cook dinner for ourselves in the home of our hosts who were out for the evening.  We ended up being locked out of their apartment (a tricky lock) and unable to reach them to find out the trick to the lock.  So, we walked.  We stumbled across a Peruvian restaurant and given how Peru has been on my heart for most of my life, couldn't pass it up.  The food was fabulous, and we followed it up with a trip to the drug store to pick up a newspaper and a magazine, and an hour in a coffee shop, eating really decadent chocolate desserts and enjoying our respective reading materials.  We eventually heard from our hosts, and got into the tricky apartment door.  What stands out for me is how relaxed I was - we were in a strange city, locked out, with a complete change of plans - all things that would stress me out.  Instead, I was very relaxed, we laughed, went on a sort of God adventure that culminated in a great evening and a great memory.  One that was especially nice to start out my day with today, given how the rest of it went.
2. starting to have a bit of a morning routine for the days that I have classes
3. making two different very tight bus connections today
4. finally beating a level on Angry Birds that I'd been stuck on for ages
5. eating an Almond Joy bar on the bus on the way home from a challenging appointment
6. stopping to pick up my version of comfort food - Vietnamese take out for supper tonight
7. helpful customer service when I had a problem with accessing some online banking tonight
8. a friend who knew what kind of day I was having and knew that I'd likely need to laugh quite badly and obliged by sending a whole slew of very snarky emails that succeeded in the nearly impossible task of getting me to grin on the bus after my very challenging day and appointment
9. getting a fun email thanking me for a package I sent as part of my goal to send "real" mail to people at least twice a month this year
10. getting notification that my student loan has gone through.  the amount isn't great, but it will suffice for now.  Now I just sign the forms and wait for the cheque to arrive.

Sad to Read This

Some of you know that Peru is a nation that God has placed on my heart for a whole lot of reasons, and I tend to follow any international news headlines that come up from Peru fairly closely.

There was an article that I came across in the BBC news today that made me sad on several levels.  On the level of someone who cares about the rights of indigenous people, and on the level of someone who prays for the country of Peru, and on the level of someone who cares in increasing amounts about environmental destruction and sees the refusal of the Peruvian president to sign this bill into law as an open door for destruction of the Peruvian amazon, clothed in the guise of "development."

Peru Leader Rejects Indigenous Land Rights Law

Everyone Out

They're used helicopters to airlift the last of the tourists stranded at Machu Picchu by mudslides earlier this week to safety.

Train to Machu Picchu Closed

Apparently there's been quite a lot of rain and landslides in Peru recently, and the rail link to Machu Picchu is closed.  This, of course, caught my attention, given my fascination with Peru, and my longing to go to Machu Picchu someday.

Peru's Sacred Glacier is Melting

I found this photo essay about Peru to be quite fascinating.

Praying today (again) for that country, and the opportunity to be there.

Not Quite as Planned (Checking in Live!)

Daily 5 lists will resume when I get home. It's easier that way. I'll post the lists, probably with some pictures that go with them.

We arrived safely late on Friday evening, and have been laughing and adventuring and exploring ever since.

I'm feeling incredibly laid back, and that, to me, is a miracle.

Yesterday L and I spent a large chunk of the day at the CN Tower. I'm not totally sure we recommend it as a tourist event (in fact, I'm fairly sure we wouldn't recommend it all that highly), but we do now have the distinction of being able to say that we have been on the highest observation deck in the world. My friend A. (we're staying with her and her husband here in Toronto) met us after we finished up at the CN Tower and we wandered around downtown Toronto for a couple more hours.

There has been much laughter, and great conversations. I find myself soaking in the chance to simply be. To fellowship with friends and find rest in that.

Today, after a lazy start to the morning, A. and L. and I headed out to explore Kensington Market (unique and fun - bought a great new sweater at a funny little shop that mostly sells stuff from India. A bought a couple of scarves - apparently my tendency for scarf wearing is being passed on, as L. bought a scarf yesterday as well.) We found a little shop that sold Chilean empanadas for lunch, and then A. headed home to go out with her husband to join some of his relatives that live locally for a Thanksgiving dinner.

L. and I headed to a place called Casa Loma. Basically a castle in the middle of the city. It was a tourist attraction that was part of a deal we bought called the City Pass, that will get us into the places we actually really wanted to see for an affordable price. We weren't expecting much, but it turned out to be quite enjoyable. A nice mix of history, but very self guided. And lovely gardens. Much photo taking ensued, but I won't be able to upload photos until I get back to Calgary.

Following that the plan was to buy some groceries, return to A.'s apartment, cook ourselves some supper, and have a lazy evening reading or watching a dvd. We made it through the grocery buying, but the plans took a turn when we struggled mightily with the key A. had left us for the door of her apartment. Since we couldn't immediately reach A or her husband, we looked at each other, realized the groceries we'd bought would have to feed us a different night, and headed out to explore and find something to eat, hauling our couple decent sized bags of groceries along with us.

We ended up discovering a Peruvian restaurant nearby that looked busy, offered a tasty sounding menu, and affordable prices. Those of you who know me will know that my heart lept at any connection to Peru, and that was where we had dinner. AND, it was really good. The service was lovely, and we both really enjoyed the dishes we chose rather tentatively off the menu.

Since we still hadn't heard from A., we went with our backup plan, went to the local drugstore that we'd walked past on our way to find a restaurant, eventually purchase a magazine and newspaper, and headed for a lovely bakery/coffee shop that we'd also walked past earlier. Armed with reading material, rich chocolate desserts, and beverages, we passed a very happy hour or so sitting in the coffee shop until it closed. Just as we were nearing her apartment building, A. called with tips on getting the lock to work from her husband, and as I talked to her on the phone, we managed to get in.

What's fun in all of this is that a situation like that would normally make me panic, and maybe even cry. Instead I just had to laugh as I saw Jesus' hand in what turned out to be a very enjoyable and relaxing evening. I saw his hand in introducing me to Peruvian cuisine, and in a lazy evening in a coffee shop, and in the timing of A returning my call. I was in a totally strange city, and not frightened when life didn't go as planned, and that is so incredibly encouraging to recognize in myself.

Tomorrow's agenda should involve a (sort of) Thanksgiving dinner with A. and her husband, and one of my dearest friends who lives in a nearby city. More fellowship and laughter. And a hug from the person whom I have several times now flown across the country to collect a hug from, and offer one in return.

I'm tired from tons of walking the last two days, but I am feeling so at peace, so joyful, and like I'm resting in spite of doing so much. And those are things that make me incredibly grateful.

I think I'll sign off here for now. Happy Thanksgiving!

Contrasting News

These two news stories both caught my attention today. Both center around food, but could not be more different.

This one speaks food's prominence to Peruvian culture and an attempt to spread that to the world stage.

This one reminds us of the gap between wealthy and poor, and points out the number of "hungry" in the world is at an all time high, while funding for organizations that meet this need is dwindling.

Rose of Lima

Yesterday was the feast day for St. Rose of Lima. I have a particular affinity for this "first Saint of the New World" who comes from Peru, the country my heart is so drawn to.

You can read more about Rose of Lima here.

The calendar that sits on my desk, a gift from a friend, had the following quote from Rose, which I also liked for it's simplicity in restating what Jesus taught.

"When we serve the poor and the sick, we serve Jesus. We must not fail to help our neighbors, because in them we serve Jesus." (Saint Rose of Lima)

Catching my attention:

This post at Hope's blog grabbed me today, because of the lyrics she quoted (though I admit to not particularly enjoying the song) and because of a conversation I had earlier this week about St. Maximillian Kolbe (that video is most definitely worth watching.)

This article about rebuilding from an earthquake in Peru, two years on.

These lyrics. More on that coming sometime soon.

In the News...

It's been a while since I linked to any headlines, but here are a couple that caught my attention this morning...

Mexican Nursery Fire Kills Many

Deadly Clashes in Peru's Amazon

And oddly peoply sort of day...

It was an odd sort of day. Filled with people and moments.

I found my heart hurting, myself crying out to God in desperation from the moment I came awake from my dreams this morning.

I had a long conversation with a relatively new, relatively temporary employee at work first thing this morning. I didn't really expect to actually chat about the real stuff of life with her. She's married to our general manager, and is just helping us through a transition by coming in for four hours a day in the mornings to answer the phones and do whatever administrative tasks we can throw her way. As we've talked, she's informed me several times that she feels that she and I are "kindred spirits" of sorts. It's funny, because I didn't expect to like her, or respect her. I didn't expect to love her heart for God and people. But this morning we sat in my office, sipping our respective cups of tea, and chatted for probably 15 or 20 minutes about our respective weekends, and about some very broken people in each of our lives, and the ways those people have challenged us and our faiths.

I had a conversation with someone else today that rocked the core of my already hurting heart. A conversation about grace and forgiveness and judgment. I don't understand, though I suppose I've been guilty of it, how it is that we cling so strongly to judgment, when grace is offered. I also received an email along the same lines of this conversation. An email that started out promising, but left me sad.

I spoke with a work acquaintance on the phone, and he mentioned a trip that he is making. A trip that is my dream trip. A trip that God called me to. It was fun to hear someone talk with excitement about the trip. But hard on my heart as well. Because it is a dream that feels fleeting and distant still. Something for which I am longing, for which I hope and pray and wait.

I had dinner tonight with a long-time friend. We met in our last year of high school, via mutual involvement with Young Life. We share a sarcastic sense of humor, a preference to not be the person in the spotlight, and a love of things like books, museums, and the zoo. I hadn't seen her in over a year. After one of the hardest years of my life. So, over dinner, and some post dinner wandering of the mall in which the restaurant was located, we navigated the catching up on a year of each other's lives. And each other's families, since we've known each other long enough that we know bits and pieces about each other's parents and siblings as well. I shared more than I expected to share about my own year. She felt bad, I think, that in the midst of what had obviously been a hard year we hadn't managed to connect. We tried a number of times, but the timing never panned out. All in all though, we mostly talked about books, and work and family, and the fact that she is now expecting her first child with her husband.

It was a good way to spend an evening all things considered.

But this day was hard. Very full of people.

And full of things that hit my heart at some of the deepest core places.

And so, I'm sitting in bed, getting ready to read and pray, and then sleep.

And see what tomorrow brings.

Travelling With the Eyes of God

Slowly, oh so slowly, my heart is again feeling ready to dream of far-away places. Of traveling and praying and walking as a witness to the things God shows me. India seems to be popping up a lot right now. Peru remains constantly on my radar. Back to Italy, and into France, Germany, and Poland. Maybe, maybe even Africa. My heart is tentatively reaching out, testing the waters of dreaming of time spent in these places again, and that is both thrilling and terrifying.

That said, this thought from Henri Nouwen caught at me when it arrived in my inbox last week.

Travelling With the Eyes of God

Travelling - seeing new sights, hearing new music, and meeting new people - is exciting and exhilarating. But when we have no home to return to where someone will ask us, "How was your trip?" we might be less eager to go. Travelling is joyful when we travel with the eyes and ears of those who love us, who want to see our slides and hear our stories.

This is what life is about. It is being sent on a trip by a loving God, who is waiting at home for our return and is eager to watch the slides we took and hear about the friends we made. When we travel with the eyes and ears of the God who sent us, we will see wonderful sights, hear wonderful sounds, meet wonderful people ... and be happy to return home.

Free Trade with Peru

Bush signs free-trade pact with Peru

Headlines - Post Christmas Edition

I've been mostly living in a "cave" the last several days, away from the city, and not following the news. So I took some time this morning to catch up on headlines and articles from around the world. The following is a sampling of what caught my attention today and moved my heart to prayer:

Wolf Captured Near Tourist Portion of Great Wall

Child Maid Trafficking Spreads From Africa to US

Israel Bombs Gaza in "All Out War"

Pope Laments Global Instability

Children Killed in Afghan Attack (some Canadian soldiers were also killed)

Tear Gas Kills 5 in Peru Club

Peru Christmas Baby Named Jesus

Aceh's Victims of Nature and War

Israel Stikes Key Hamas Offices

A Year After Bhutto: Tears and Troop Movements

Ugandan LRA in "church massacre"

Israel Pounds Hamas Targets in Third Day of Offensive

And, just because any article with the line "When Canadians start acting crazy, America should fit itself for a giant straitjacket." makes me smile, The Year of Living Stupidly

Headline re. Peru

Ancient City Unearthed in Peru

Peru in the News Again

Peru Aims for Zero Deforestation

August 23, 2008

A dear friend of mine sent me an email this morning with the "Saint of the Day". She knows my deep heart desire to spend some time in Peru, and we'd recently been talking about a Peruvian Saint, Saint Rose of Lima. I smiled when I woke this morning and found her message. She told me simply that she was thinking of me this morning, and forwarded on the following:

August 23, 2008
St. Rose of Lima
(1586-1617)
The first canonized saint of the New World has one characteristic of all saints—the suffering of opposition—and another characteristic which is more for admiration than for imitation—excessive practice of mortification.

She was born to parents of Spanish descent in Lima, Peru, at a time when South America was in its first century of evangelization. She seems to have taken Catherine of Siena as a model, in spite of the objections and ridicule of parents and friends.

The saints have so great a love of God that what seems bizarre to us, and is indeed sometimes imprudent, is simply a logical carrying out of a conviction that anything that might endanger a loving relationship with God must be rooted out. So, because her beauty was so often
admired, Rose used to rub her face with pepper to produce disfiguring blotches. Later, she wore a thick circlet of silver on her head, studded on the inside, like a crown of thorns.

When her parents fell into financial trouble, she worked in the garden all day and sewed at night. Ten years of struggle against her parents began when they tried to make Rose marry. They refused to let her enter a convent, and out of obedience she continued her life of
penance and solitude at home as a member of the Third Order of St. Dominic. So deep was her desire to live the life of Christ that she spent most of her time at home in solitude.

During the last few years of her life, Rose set up a room in the house where she cared for homeless children, the elderly and the sick. This was a beginning of social services in Peru. Though secluded in life and activity, she was brought to the attention of Inquisition
interrogators, who could only say that she was influenced by grace.

What might have been a merely eccentric life was transfigured from the inside. If we remember some unusual penances, we should also remember the greatest thing about Rose: a love of God so ardent that it withstood ridicule from without, violent temptation and lengthy periods of sickness. When she died at 31, the city turned out for her funeral. Prominent men took turns carrying her coffin.

Comment:

It is easy to dismiss excessive penances of the saints as the expression of a certain culture or temperament. But a woman wearing a crown of thorns may at least prod our consciences. We enjoy the most comfort-oriented life in human history. We eat too much, drink too much, use a million gadgets, fill our eyes and ears with everything imaginable. Commerce thrives on creating useless needs to spend our money on. It seems that when we have become most like slaves, there is the greatest talk of "freedom." Are we willing to discipline ourselves in such an atmosphere?

Quote:

"If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into fiery Gehenna" (Matthew 18:8–9).

(This entry appears in the print edition of Saint of the Day.)

I was glad to know that today is the day of the Patron Saint of the country that has so stolen my heart.

Today is also my grandpa's birthday. I wrote a few weeks ago about time spent in a cemetery, saying goodbye, letting eight years of woundedness begin to heal. Today feels bittersweet, as his birthdays often have, but it is no longer a day where I am working to forget, to hide, to avoid the guilt that would come springing to the surface, and for that I am grateful.

The plan is to make today a quiet one. I'm attending a fun concert/party later tonight, with some old and some new friends, and I need to do a few errands this morning sometime. But other than that, I'm going to simply enjoy quiet. To read and pray and rest. To remember my grandpa, and think about the country of Peru, to which Jesus has so drawn my heart. To pray for friends, and family members (my brother T. is likely facing another surgery on his wrist), to find joy. To write. To simply rest in the presence of Jesus for a while.

Peru in the news

Peru Throws Out Amazon Land Laws

Peru in the news...

Thousands Join Peru Quake Protest

Peru in the news again

Magnitude 6 Quake Rattles Peru