Saturday Thoughts

Yesterday was the feast of St. Monica, and today is the feast of her son, St. Augustine.  There was something striking to me in closeness of the dates of the two feasts when I observed them this year.  Something striking in celebrating the feast of a mother who prayed for years for her wayward son the day before celebrating the feast of the wayward son, turned remarkable theologian and church father.  There is something in that reminder of the faithfulness of Monica's prayers that gives me hope for prayers that seem hopeless today.    Something in the reminder that God delights in drawing the least likely to himself, and binding up and restoring the most unexpected things and people.  There are a lot of "least likely" things that I'm praying for these days, and the closeness of the two feasts, the reminder of the faithful prayers of a mother brought hope today.

In a few hours I'm off to attend the wedding ceremony of a friend.  F. has been a friend for a very long time, and the her life and her family's life have been in upheaval in the last year.  Two weeks ago, after a journey of about a year, her family was told that her mother's cancer is no longer treatable.  That the only thing that will stop death now is a miracle.  I'm thankful that the wedding will happen today, while her mother is still relatively well.  And I'm praying for a miracle.  But also recognizing that this day, for their family, will probably hold bittersweet memories.  And I'm praying that sweet will overwhelm the bitter.

And, in the meantime, I'm resting, puttering, catching up on little things that were put off all week while I studied.  I'm thinking and praying and processing.  I'm looking forward, and pausing to reflect backwards as well.  It's going to be a good day, I think.  One of those full of emotion, bitter, sweet, whole gamut of life kind of days.  And I'm grateful for that, and for the growing ability to embrace that.

Our Chief Preoccupation

A quote to chew on today:

"Our wish, our object, our chief preoccupation must be to form Jesus in ourselves, to make his spirit, his devotion, his affections, his desires and his disposition live and reign there. All our religious exercises should be directed to this end. It is the work which God has given us to do unceasingly" (St. John Eudes, The Life and Reign of Jesus in Christian Souls).

Is forming Jesus in myself the chief preoccupation of my days, and of my "religious exercises"?  It is the chief preoccupation of yours?  What stops it from being chief in our lives?

A Quote on Trust

A couple of nights ago in my daily 5, I linked to a few posts on trust.

A dear friend gave me a perpetual calendar a little over a year ago, with a different quote each day from a female saint.  I love the calendar, and it has often been timely in the words of wisdom it has offered.

Today's quote deals with trust, and struck me as I journey right now, with only a very few plans, but very uncertain outcomes.  It reads:

"Dear Lord, I do not ask to see the path.  In darkness, in anguish, and in fear, I will hang on tightly to your hand, and I will close my eyes, so that you know how much trust I place in you, Spouse of my soul." (Blessed Maria Elizabetta Hesselblad)

Smile!

A dear friend of mine had the following quote from Mother Teresa as her facebook status yesterday.

"Peace begins with a smile."

Given my penchant for making a daily 5 list of things that brought joy to my life, that made me smile, and seeing how that practice really has shaped the way I experience life and brought peace to my own heart, I loved the quote, and wanted to share it here as well.

Quoting the Saints

A collection of quotes from various saints that have built up in my inbox the last while...

Cling to his most sweet Mother, who carried a Son whom the heavens could not contain; and yet she carried him in the little enclosure of her holy womb and held him on her virginal lap. (Saint Clare of Assisi)


Advent is such a beautiful season. It is a time for renewal; it is especially a time for forgiveness, because God brings his forgiveness to us in the shape of his Son. (Catherine de Hueck Doherty)

Prayer is an uplifting of the heart, a cry of gratitude and love. (Saint Therese of Lisieux)

Mary's pregnancy is a period of unbroken contemplation, of continual attention to the Son. And yet, it is a time of action, for she went to Elizabeth in order to bring the Son to her, the gift she had received from God to hand on to others. (Adrienne von Speyr)

Those who hearts are pure at the temples of the Holy Spirit. (Saint Lucy)

You must refuse nothing you recognize to be his will. (Saint Jane Frances de Chantal)

To surrender oneself is more than to devote oneself, more than to give oneself, it is even something more than to abandon oneself to God. In a word, to surrender oneself is to die to everything and to self, to be no longer concerned with self except to keep it continually turned toward God. (Saint Marie-Victoire Couderc)

If you invoke the Holy Spirit with a humble and trusting heart, filled with good desires, he will descend with his blessed light and inflaming fire. He will come and penetrate into the very center of your heart, purifying it, changing it, enlightening it, inflaming it, and consuming it with the flames of his holy and divine love. (Saint Frances Xaveir Cabrini)

Our body is a cenacle, a monstrance: through its crystal, the world should see God. (Saint Gianna Beretta Molla)

I would advise those who practice prayer, especially at first, to cultivate the friendship and company of others who are working in the same way. This is a most important thing, because we can help one another by our prayers, and all the more so because it may bring us even greater benefits. (Saint Teresa of Avila)

Love is a mystery that transforms everything it touches into things beautiful and pleasing to God. The love of God makes a soul free. (Saint Faustina Kowalska)

St. Patrick

It's kind of a tradition for me to post St. Patrick's Breastplate Prayer every year on St. Patrick's Day, and this year it's a prayer I feel I especially need, given the night that I had.  It's comforting in some deep ways.

But first, a "bad joke" that I found this morning:

What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A sham rock!

Okay, well, it made me laugh, and today, that counts for something!

So, St. Patrick's Breastplate Prayer:

I bind to myself today

The strong virtue of the Invocation of the Trinity:
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the Incarnation of Christ with His Baptism,
The virtue of His crucifixion with His burial,
The virtue of His Resurrection with His Ascension,
The virtue of His coming on the Judgement Day.

I bind to myself today
The virtue of the love of seraphim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the hope of resurrection unto reward,
In prayers of Patriarchs,
In predictions of Prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faith of Confessors,
In purity of holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I bind to myself today
The power of Heaven,
The light of the sun,
The brightness of the moon,
The splendour of fire,
The flashing of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of sea,
The stability of earth,
The compactness of rocks.

I bind to myself today
God's Power to guide me,
God's Might to uphold me,
God's Wisdom to teach me,
God's Eye to watch over me,
God's Ear to hear me,
God's Word to give me speech,
God's Hand to guide me,
God's Way to lie before me,
God's Shield to shelter me,
God's Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,
Whether far or near,
Whether few or with many.

I invoke today all these virtues
Against every hostile merciless power
Which may assail my body and my soul,
Against the incantations of false prophets,
Against the black laws of heathenism,
Against the false laws of heresy,
Against the deceits of idolatry,
Against the spells of women, and smiths, and druids,
Against every knowledge that binds the soul of man.

Christ, protect me today
Against every poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against death-wound,
That I may receive abundant reward.

Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ within me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ at my right, Christ at my left,
Christ in the fort,
Christ in the chariot seat,
Christ in the poop.

Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I bind to myself today
The strong virtue of an invocation of the Trinity,
I believe the Trinity in the Unity
The Creator of the Universe.

Quoting

This morning I paused, and noticed yesterday's calendar quote.

"Let us establish a permanent spring season in our heart through 'yes' often repeated to all of God's permissions and wills."  (Saint Francesca Salesia Aviat)

Funny that.  The timing of a quote like that.

Appearing amid a series of days where I find myself longing for spring, for life.  And where I find myself struggling with the ramifications of "yes" to God's wills.

It leaves one with things to think about, in any case.

Mish Mash of Saint Quotes

A whole collection of quotes (mostly from the calendar on my desk) that have collected in my inbox over time and were waiting to be shared

"Even if I am tired, even if exhausted, at the end I can find rest on the heart of Jesus." (Saint Bernadette Soubirous)

To pray is to lie in constant, calm, strong, and lasting union with God, to look at everything from God's point of view, and to be so peacefully anchored in eternity that annoyances, unavoidable struggles, and continual activity have no ability to disturb us or to drag us down.  (Servant of God Elisabeth Leseur)

There are moments in life of special importance, such as when the Lord shows us the way to be followed and then leaves it up to our will to respond. (Blessed Margarita de Maturana)


Only in the heart of Jesus do we find the definitive support, deep strength, and total understanding of our soul and its needs that enable us to progress and advance toward him. (Servant of God Elisabeth Leseur)

You, O eternal Trinity, are a deep ocean, into which the more I penetrate, the more I discover, and the more I discover, the more I seek you. (Saint Catherine of Siena)

“I myself am very glad that the divine child was born in a stable, because my soul is very much like a stable, filled with strange unsatisfied longings, with guilt and animal-like impulses, tormented by anxiety, inadequacy and pain. If the holy One could be born in such a place, the One can be born in me also. I am not excluded.” (Morton Kelsey)

The immaculate conception of the Blessed Virgin leads us to realize and adore the omnipotence of God because grace totally vanquished nature in her...The knowledge that God gives us of the immaculate conception of the Blessed Virgin should cause us to glorify him eternally for this masterpiece of his omnipotence in a nature that is purely human. (Saint Louise de Marillac)

You must never ask Jesus to wait. (Saint Ursula Ledochowska)

Advent is the season of the secret, the secret of the growth of Christ, of divine love growing in silence. ...For nine months, Christ grew in his mother's body. By his own will, she formed him from herself, from the simplicity of her daily life. (Caryll Houselander)

We are in Advent. We remember that a woman held in her arms a child, and that child was God. If we remember that, then we are givers of peace, we are lovers of the Beloved. We own him through love. And he owns us! The most extraordinary thing in the world is that God loves you and me! (Catherine de Hueck Doherty)


Whoever surrenders unconditionally to the Lord will be chosen by him as an instrument for building his kingdom. (Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross - Edith Stein)

The season of Advent is like springtime in nature, when everything is renewed and so is fresh and healthy. Advent is also meant to do this to us - to refresh us and make us healthy, to be able to receive Christ in whatever form he may come to us. (Blessed Teresa of Calcutta)

Rejoice and be glad that so great and good a Lord, on coming into the Virgin's womb, willed to appear despised, needy, and poor in this world, so that men who were in dire poverty and suffering great need of heavenly food might be made rich in him. (Saint Clare of Assisi)


I am nourished by your will, O mighty one! Your will is the goal of my existence. (Saint Faustina Kowalska)

"We are called to be saints, all of us; do not forget that." (Saint Katharine Drexel)


"Apart from the cross, there is no other ladder by which we may get to heaven." (Saint Rose of Lima)


Be trustful, firmly believing that God always provides for souls who trust in him. Then the devil is powerless because of the power of the trust in God. (Saint Catherine of Siena)

We have no desire other than to glorify God by fulfilling at every moment his divine will. Let's always live with great joy. God is infinite joy. (Saint Teresa of Jesus of the Andes)


My spirit engrossed itself in the benefits that God has lavished on me throughout this whole year. My soul trembled at the sight of the immensity of God's graces. From my soul, there burst forth a hymn of thankgsiving to the Lord... All that this year contained has gone into the abyss of eternity. Nothing is lost. I am glad that nothing gets lost. (Saint Faustina Kowalska)

The Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul

Today is the day that the Catholic Church commemorates the conversion of Paul.

The quote on the calendar on my desk today reads, "God's love is too deep for words to express." (Blessed Mary MacKillop)

It seems to me that the conversion of Paul is like that - a stunning expression of God's love that almost defies words.

You can read a little about the feast day here.

I've just recently started receiving a daily email devotion written by Richard Rohr, who had the following to say about Paul's conversion this morning:

Every person has to come to the God experience on their own. Conversion is a foundational change in life position, perspective, and finally, one’s very identity. After the transformation God is not out there any more. You don’t look at God as a separate identity; you look out from God who lives in you and through you and with you. That is a major shift, probably the most major shift possible for humans.



Like Paul, a converted person becomes convinced that they are participating in something bigger than themselves. After conversion you know you are being used, you know you are being led, and above all you realize your life is not all about you! You are about life! It is happening inside of you and all God needs is your “yes” and your participation. It is likely the hardest yes you will ever utter, because your years of habit will all shout “not possible,” “not me,” and “not worthy.”  (Richard Rohr)
 
You look out from God who lives in and through and with you after conversion.  That is a reminder that I needed today.

Boxing Day

It's 9:30 a.m., and I am still sprawled in bed.

Unusual for me, but necessary, after two nights long past midnight in a row.  (Sleep issues mean I usually aim for bed by 10:30 at the latest, giving myself as long as possible to be horizontal and rest, knowing that I often struggle with sleep.)

It's kind of nice.

A few years back, my brothers and I would haul ourselves out of bed early in the morning, aiming to hit the sales at all of their favorite surf and skate shops.  (I was usually after a hoodie, or something I wouldn't normally buy in those shops where prices are higher.)  I asked them both yesterday if they would be shopping today.  One rolled his eyes and commented that he didn't want to be anywhere near places for shopping at this time of year.  The other commented that he was broke, but had promised to accompany a friend who wanted to shop, so he'd keep his word.  None of the three of us could convince ourselves that there was anything we needed badly enough to get out of bed and brave crazy lines and crowds in the cold.

So here's how my boxing day is going to look:

I'm going to lay in bed just a little bit longer.  And probably grab something to eat for breakfast.

Then I'm going to get up, do a load of laundry, and take a shower.

There is a stack of empty baking containers in my kitchen sink that need washing - remnants from the manic packaging of several weeks worth of baking into present form yesterday morning.

At some point I'll likely migrate to my parent's house, where the agenda will likely be either watching a movie, or one of the Plantet Earth dvds that my dad received as a Christmas gift.

Low key.

So good.

~~~

I'm thinking too, about the fact that the church recognizes the feast of St. Stephen today. 

I've always loved the story of Stephen, the first martyr.  It has moved me in ways I really can't explain.

I've loved, too, the introduction it offers to Paul - as the one standing there, offering his approval to this vicious killing, by holding the cloaks of those doing the stoning, so they wouldn't have to get dirty while engaging in such a dirty task.

So today, amidst my quietness, I'm thinking again about the cost of following... Not a bad thing to consider, I suppose, as I go about my quiet day.

From Miscellaneous Emails

Because I am a collector of words and quotes and history, I'm on quite a few daily email lists. Here are a few bits and pieces from the last few days...

A quote from Mother Teresa: "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." (I think I'll try to smile a little more often...)

I liked this paragraph of thoughts that appeared in today's "Saint of the Day" email, about St. Andrew, one of the apostles. "As in the case of all the apostles except Peter and John, the Gospels give us little about the holiness of Andrew. He was an apostle. That is enough. He was called personally by Jesus to proclaim the Good News, to heal with Jesus' power and to share his life and death. Holiness today is no different. It is a gift that includes a call to be concerned about the Kingdom, an outgoing attitude that wants nothing more than to share the riches of Christ with all people." (I like this description of holiness...)

Two More Calendar Quotes

The quotes from yesterday and today on the calendar that sits on my desk:

"O most sweet God of my life and the only love of my soul, your overabundance of mercy has led me through the many obstacles I have placed in the way of your love." (Saint Gertrude the Great)

"As in heaven your will is punctually performed, so may it be done on earth by all creatures, particularly in me and by me." (Saint Elizabeth of Hungary)

One more on the Communion of Saints

One more thought from Henri Nouwen...

Heart As Wide As the World

The awareness of being part of the communion of saints makes our hearts as wide as the world. The love with which we love is not just our love; it is the love of Jesus and his saints living in us. When the Spirit of Jesus lives in our hearts, all who have lived their lives in that Spirit live there too. Our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents; our teachers and their teachers; our pastors and their pastors; our spiritual guides and theirs - all the holy men and women who form that long line of love through history - are part of our hearts, where the Spirit of Jesus chooses to dwell.

The communion of saints is not just a network of connections between people. It is first and foremost the community of our hearts.

More on the Communion of Saints from Henri

A few more thoughts from Henri Nouwen on the communion of saints...

The Large Network of God's People

The saints are God's holy people. The apostle Paul speaks about all those who belong to Christ as "holy people" or "saints." He directs his letters to "those who have been consecrated in Christ Jesus and called to be God's holy people" (1 Corinthians 1:2; see also Ephesians 1:1). This sanctity is the work of the Spirit of Jesus. Paul again says: "All of us, with our unveiled faces like mirrors reflecting the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the image that we reflect in brighter and brighter glory; this is the working of the Lord who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18).

As saints we belong to that huge network of God's people that shines like a multitude of stars in the dark sky of the universe.

In Memory of Jesus and the Saints

Belonging to the communion of saints means being connected with all people transformed by the Spirit of Jesus. This connection is deep and intimate. Those who have lived as brothers and sisters of Jesus continue to live within us, even though they have died, just as Jesus continues to live within us, even though he has died.

We live our lives in memory of Jesus and the saints, and this memory is a real presence. Jesus and his saints are part of our most intimate and spiritual knowledge of God. They inspire us, guide us, encourage us, and give us hope. They are the source of our constant transformation. Yes, we carry them in our bodies and thus keep them alive for all with whom we live and work.

Let me live until I die...

I have a quote to share from the calendar that sits on my desk (a gift from a dear friend)...

"When I first found out I had cancer, I didn't know what to pray for. I didn't know if I should pray for healing or life or death. Then I found peace in praying for what my folks call 'God's perfect will.' As it evolved, my prayer has become, 'Lord, let me live until I die.' By that, I mean I want to live, love, and serve fully until death comes. If that prayer is answere,...how long really doesn't matter." (Sister Thea Bowman)

I loved that! "Let me live until I die." A great sentiment, I think.

A Lovely Prayer

Just at this moment I'm feeling exhausted. Not defeated, exactly, but spent. Working not to dread the draws on my energy that remain ahead of me. Trying to aim for rest and joy and peace.

I read this prayer on the calendar that sits on my desk (a gift from a dear friend that somehow manages to nearly daily challenge or encourage me), and just for a moment, my spirit cried out in agreement:

O my God, fill my soul with holy joy, courage, and strength to serve you. Enkindle your love in me, and then walk with me along the next stretch of road before me. I do not see very far ahead, but when I have arrived where the horizon now closes down, a new prospect will open before me, and I shall meet with peace.
(Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross - Edith Stein)

Quote for the Day

I liked this quote when it appeared recently on the calendar in my office:

Be trustful, firmly believing that God always provides for souls who trust in him. Then the devil is powerless because of the power of the trust in God.
(Saint Catherine of Siena)

Happy October!

It's a new month again.

These days I wonder how that happens so quickly. It seems like just a few days ago that my roommate and I booked our plane tickets for our October holiday, and then set aside the trip planning because we had over a month. Now we're frantically trying to nail down the details like car rentals, getting from place to place, and one night of accomodation that won't be with friends, because we leave in eight days!

I am however always glad for a new month.

Even on days like today when my body is protesting my very existence, I'm feeling very ill, and wondering why I'm sitting at a desk in my office instead of laying in bed asleep. (Especially since I was up most of the night again.)

I'm having one of those more challenging days. (I guess I've been having them all week, but today, with the illness on top, is definitely feeling like the hardest yet.) The sort where I don't want to pray. And I don't want to choose differently. And joy doesn't seem like the best option. Where I really want to feel sorry for myself.

Today's saint of the day is Saint Terese of Lisieux. "The Little Flower." When I got to work this morning, the quote on my calendar for the day was, of course, from Saint Terese. It reads, "When I am incapable of praying, I want to keep telling Jesus that I love him. It's not difficult, and it keeps the fire going."

A rather challenging thought this morning. But simple, too. Just keep telling Jesus I love him, even when I can't quite manage a prayer. It keeps the warmth in me alive. A needed reminder on a week when I've physically experienced cold in new ways.

And with that, I'm off to tackle the things that must be done this morning, so that if I don't start feeling better, I can head home a bit later, and go back to bed.

Untitled (Because I'm Lacking Creativity This Morning)

I'm still pondering the things I was pondering yesterday, though thankfully the weightiness of yesterday seems to have receeded a bit.

The quote for the day on the calendar on my desk yesterday read, "Give me a heart as big as the universe!" (Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini) Which in the space I was in yesterday made me cringe just a little. I think my exact thoughts as I read were something along the lines of, "Shoot, I just prayed that as I read it. I don't want that. Especially not today when I'm finding just the little space around me overwhelming!" I'm vascillating today between wanting to pray for an ever expanding heart, and wanting desperately to avoid that very idea.

It's definitely autumn now. The weather is dry, and chilly.

I lack the ability to heat my body thoroughly on good days, but the last few days have been brutal. As I sit here writing I have two magic bags wrapped around me and a cup of passion tea at the ready. I caved to the changing weather (and the being tired of being an ice cube all day) and wore knee socks this morning too.

The last two hours of work yesterday were brutal, and produced a long list of extremely ridiculous demands on my time for today. Nothing like completing a project for a clueless manager who sucks up well, knowing that you'll have to redo the entire project sometime within the next two weeks because the requirements for it are being modified again. And I have two or three of those little numbers sitting on my desk today. Hooray! (Can you picture my eyes rolling?)

But, with all that on my plate I'd better get at it I guess... See ya later...

A Mish-Mash Again...

Jesus, Living Water, help me trust the surprising and unexpected ways that I encounter you. My thirst brings me to desert places where you are the stranger at the well.

— from "What Jesus Said and Why it Matters Now"

Jesus, help me move beyond my guilt and shame. Teach me to love myself with an unconditional love that heals, transforms and reconciles.

— from "What Jesus Said and Why it Matters Now"

Today's Daily Text Reading from the Moravians:

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God.
Isaiah 41:10

We will devote ourselves to prayer and to serving the word. Acts 6:4

Dear God, if we pray, why do we fear? If we fear, why bother to pray? Help us to
remember to pray first and then to serve without fear. Help us to trust you to
take care of the rest of our troubles. Amen.

And today's "Saint of the Day" was Padre Pio... whom I've done some reading on, and find to be quite fascinating.