Big News

I sent out this update email yesterday to some dear friends who have been praying for me over the last couple years, and I wanted to share this exciting news here as well!

Hi All!

I thought I would send out an overdue update.

Let me start with some fabulous news!  I was accepted into the nursing program at the University of Calgary, with the program beginning this coming January!  That's right - after a year and a half of waiting and praying, and three application attempts, this dream is happening for me, and I'm thrilled.  Honestly, though the waiting has been terrifically hard, I feel like I am a stronger and more whole person because of the way that Jesus has worked in my life in the intervening time of waiting, and I can't wait to see where things go with this program.  I was accepted into the 28 month program, so, for the next 28 months, studying will be commanding the majority of my time.  I'm looking forward to the challenge.

I wanted to thank all of you for praying for me as I've waited and wondered what would come next, and ask you to pray about a few specific things for the coming year.

First, would you pray for my housing situation?  As most of you know, I've been living in my grandma's basement for almost two years now, and it is not an ideal situation.  Now that I know what my plans will be for the next couple years, I'm going to actively pursue the process of finding an alternate living arrangement.  This will likely look either like having roommates, or finding something that I will be able to afford on my own while in school.  If I'm honest, I'm really dreaming about having a little space that is all my own - after the challenges life has thrown my way in the last couple years, a little retreat all my own would be fabulous.  That said, I'm open to whatever Jesus drops in my lap (and if any of you know of possibilities, definitely let me know!)

Second, would you pray for employment?  I'm employed on a temp contract through December (exact end date is still uncertain).  After that, I will need to find some part time employment to supplement my income while I am a student.  I'm hoping to find something that will pay well, and be flexible around what I know is a fairly intense school schedule.  Please pray that I would find just the right thing to help cover my costs for this next season.

And finally, would you pray for me as I dive into studying again?  Pray that I will be diligent, that my mind will be clear, that I will absorb and understand the material quickly and easily.

I'd love to hear from all of you and get an update on your lives as well!  Let me know how I can be praying for each of you as well!

Much love and hugs to all of you!

Lisa

Discombobulated

It's a new month, and I find it hard to believe that January has already passed by.

Changes continue as I work to adapt to school, and to other ever changing aspects of my life.

Waiting continues, too.  Waiting to hear about student loans.  Waiting on other fronts as well.

Honestly, the start of 2011 has been hard, and I'm struggling to know how to talk about it here.  For a variety of reasons, this blog, my safe place for the last six years, has been less safe for me the last several months, and I've pulled back, in some ways, from sharing the bits and pieces I'd like to share.  It makes me sad to admit that.  I've made some wonderful online and real life friends because of this little space, and I'm working to sort out a new normal in my approach to what is shared here.

I'm feeling discombobulated, undone.

I'm struggling a bit with discontentment.  It's been a harder month in the ongoing journey to be at peace with my crazy living situation.  Some months seem smooth, others not so much.  It cycles.  And this has been the hard end of the cycle.

It's the same thing with loneliness.  I'm blessed with some very dear friends, some near, most far away.  Most months I can successfully juggle my friendships, leaving myself at peace with the balance of the near and far.  These last few weeks that juggling act has not been so successful, and I find myself longing for in person time with my safe people, scattered across at least three countries and two continents.  (I'm reminding myself that one of my dear friends who is currently farthest away will be visiting at the end of this month, and pushing myself to contact some who are near, in the meantime.)

I'm figuring out the juggling act, too, of content and discontent.  I'm struggling with the realities that are mine.  Struggling hard.  And yet, I've received several emails in the last 24 hours, from friends both near and far, that remind me that in relative terms, my situation could be so much worse.  This is perhaps the most bizarre juggling act of all to me.  This one that holds in one hand the realities of my own that are far less than ideal, and in the other hand the reality that I have oh so much to be thankful for.  I haven't figured it out yet.  I wonder some days if I ever will.  And I'd love to hear some thoughts if you have any to share.

I'm craving simplicity again, and it shows in my daily "to do" lists which include things like cleaning, purging, sorting, repairing, and breathing.  Sorting out the delicate balance of consumption and over-consumption.  I haven't figured this one out yet either, though I'm getting better at it.  (I'm better at it when there is no money coming in, quite honestly.  Figuring it out when there is steady income that more than meets my basic needs will be a whole other thing, I suspect.)

And so, there it is, my discombobulated self, and my discombobulated update.  Leave me a comment telling me what's up in your worlds these days.  I haven't heard from some of you in a while.

An Update On Where Things Are At

I haven't talked much about my plans to pursue nursing for a while.  That's because everything has been up in the air as I waited to see if I was accepted into the program this go around.  I finally heard yesterday, and below is the email update I sent out to friends:

Hi All,

So, I finally talked to the nursing department today and confirmed what I'd already guessed - I was not accepted into the nursing program for this go round.  Instead, I've spent a good portion of the day sorting out the details around registering in classes as an "open studies" (basically undeclared) student, with the hopes that taking these classes will bring my GPA up enough to be accepted into nursing for a September entry. 

If I'm really honest, I'm fairly disappointed, and hurting a bit, but I still feel mostly peaceful.  I still believe that nursing is the path that God has directed me towards, and I believe that it will happen in his timing.

I'm choosing to see the five classes that I've enrolled in as simply a necessary step towards nursing.  In some ways, I feel like this is still God's way of creating time around me to continue to heal and become strong and whole before diving into the challenges of studying towards a new career path.

Please pray for me, too, as I begin to study.  Pray for diligence in me as I work, and for the ability to really retain and understand the material in the courses I'm taking.  There is a definite need to perform well in these classes in order that they do actually pull up my GPA and allow me to be admitted to nursing.

The rest of my life remains very much up in the air.  My short term contract at the Mustard Seed came to an end at the end of December, and I'll once again be looking for a job.  Please pray that the right job would present itself - one that will meet my financial needs, but will still allow me to devote the time necessary to study successfully.

And, my living situation remains incredibly tenuous.  I most definitely need to relocate out of Grandma's house, but my ability to do so will depend to a large extent on where I end up working, and what my income is.  Because I don't own a car, I'll also need to find something affordable that is easily accessible by public transit.  You can pray that the right living situation would also present itself to me.

I'd love to hear how each of you are doing, and I so appreciate your friendship and your prayers.

Much love to all of you!

Lisa

A Change in Direction

So, I've been hinting all week that there was a change in direction coming in my life, and I'm finally ready to make it broadly public.  I wrote the following update email for a number of friends who support me in prayer, and I'm posting it here as well, for those of you who have also become friends along the journey, and because it's a new and major thing in my life.

~~~

Hi Friends!

Tomorrow marks 4 weeks since I lost my job, and it feels a bit of an understatement to say that they have been surprising and powerful weeks.

When I last wrote to many of you, I had just lost the job and was heading out on an unexpected road trip across the continent with my dad.  During the course of that trip (which, by the way, was a blessing in terms of time with my dad, but also just quiet time to rest and be restored), we stopped at a fabulous bookstore in Michigan that is connected to a few of the large Christian publishing houses and sells slightly damaged books that can't be shipped to stores at extremely discounted prices.  (Just as an aside, I really think that heaven will look and smell like a bookstore!)

While at this store, I purchased a book with the title, "The Echo Within", written by a man named Robert Benson, whose books have had a profound influence on my life in the last year or two.  I spent many of the remaining hours of our trip reading through this little book, written on the topic of discerning the calling voice of God in one's life.  It seemed a timely topic given my state of unemployment and the open ended question of, "what comes next?"

One passage in particular stood out as I read (though if you ever page through my copy of the book, you'll find I've marked many, many passages.)  In this passage, though, Benson writes:

I like my ducks in a row.  I like my t's crossed and my i's dotted.  I like, as the old revival song says, my old accounts to be settled.  I like for things to go the way we drew them up on the blackboard, to go according to plan, to be right on the money.

These are things I have to be careful about when I am trying to listen for the calling voice of God.  God does not seem to be particularly interested in whether or not my ducks stay in line. (Benson, pg. 141)

I read that passage and had to laugh.  I am the sort of person that Benson is describing himself to be in that first paragraph.  I like my ducks in line, and, as I read this passage, all I could think was, "I don't have any ducks left!"

Let me explain quickly.  I am referring to "ducks" in the sense that all of the sorts of physical, "I've made plans and have my life in order," stuff of life that I counted on has changed.  The first half of 2010 has been full of challenges, and I've seen the seeming crumbling of everything in life that I had counted on as firm and fixed.  Just briefly, these are among the major changes and events that have shaped the first six months of this year:

• In early January I slipped on some icy stairs at a train station and fell down a flight of them, badly wrenching some muscles in my neck and left shoulder.
• Three weeks to the day after I fell down the stairs, I had a car accident on my way to work, totaling my car, and re-injuring the muscles in my neck and shoulder that were only just beginning to heal.
• Days after the car accident, I received confirmation that my roommate and good friend would need to leave Canada due to visa restrictions.  I would ultimately within the next month lose the blessing of sharing a home with a dear friend, as well as the apartment that had been a place of refuge, that I'd loved best of all the places I've lived since moving out of my parent's home a number of years ago.
• I made the decision to move into my grandma's basement at that time.  It was a decision that I still believe was based in God's leading, but has turned out to have rather immense consequences.  I had no idea how many ramifications would come from that one decision.  While I was aware that there would likely be personality conflict issues to overcome, I couldn't have predicted the dramatic family and financial challenges that Grandma had been doing her best to keep hidden, nor could I have predicted the overwhelming spiritual darkness and demonic activity that I encountered in her home.
• Two months after moving into grandma's, I was given a very good price on a car to replace the vehicle that had been destroyed in January.  I purchased the car, insured it, paid for a few minor repairs, and then, two weeks later received a call from my insurance company informing me that they had dramatically misquoted me, that my actual premium would be 5 times higher than what they had quoted - a number I was unable to afford.  I quickly sold the car, and came to the realization that because of my driving record, it will likely be at least two years until I am able to own a vehicle again.  I will be taking public transit for the next two years.
• And then, on May 17th, after three and a half year with the company that had employed me, I was told at the end of the day that my services, effective immediately, were no longer required, and lost my job and only source of income.
• The final straw, and one that I find actually immensely humorous if only because it really does seem that God was making a point, is this:  I love the band U2, and it's been a long-time goal of mine to see them play live in concert.  This year they are touring in Canada, and were playing a show in Edmonton, and I had tickets to the show, to fulfill a sort of life time dream.  While I was in Ontario after losing my job, I received a phone call informing me that Bono had undergone emergency surgery, and the concert to which I had tickets had been indefinitely postponed.  It was a humorous last straw as I realized that a calendar that had been quite full only days before was now entirely empty.  The concert had been the last scheduled event on my calendar, and now it was gone, too!

I don't have any ducks left.  And, it was in that "duckless" space that I was pushed into silence, into a place of really listening for and considering what the "calling voice of God" that Robert Benson wrote about was saying.  I paused, too, to consider that at nearly 27 years of age, I was feeling the desire for a job that would be more of a career than just the next in a series of "I'll do this until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up" jobs.

And, in that place of (admittedly somewhat forced and desperate!) praying and listening, one idea began to stand out.  Since I was a child, the books and television shows that have been my favorite have always been the ones with overtly medical themes.  As I talked with trusted friends, and listened and prayed, I was reminded of that enjoyment, and a career that had always been a passing thought quickly became the thought that just WOULD NOT go away.  It's a rather difficult thought process to explain, because so much of it was deeply internal, but I have a deep peace as I tell you that I've decided to pursue a degree and a career in nursing.

There are some very practical ramifications of that decision.  The University of Calgary offers a two year route to obtaining a bachelor's of nursing and R.N. designation for students who already hold a university bachelor's degree.  The next entry into this program is in January 2011.  However, there are some necessary pre-requisite courses for this program that I did not take during the course of my undergraduate degree (somehow you just don't tend to study anatomy and physiology or statistics in a degree focusing on European church history, and, while the suggestion of a friend that I tell the nursing program that I'd studied the "Body of Christ" made me laugh and continues to make me laugh, I didn't think the nursing admissions people would go for it!).  These pre-requisite classes must be completed by the end of August.  What that means is that in the next two months, I need to complete an anatomy and physiology course that is normally taught over 8 months, and a statistics course that is normally taught over 4 months.  Both courses will be done via distance learning, and I consulted with the professor who wrote the anatomy course, who assured me that it would be possible to finish the course in this accelerated fashion, though it will be time consuming.  On a practical level, this means that my plan to seek full-time employment beginning immediately has been set aside.  I will be looking for a part-time job, just to have a bit of income coming in, and will be studying full-time until September.

I'm incredibly excited at this sudden new direction my life is taking, and would ask for you to continue to pray for me as I try to be diligent and disciplined in my studies over the next two months or so.  It will be a busy season, and my desire is to really excel as I study.  Please pray, too, that an appropriate part-time job would present itself, so that I would have at least a small source of income.  Pray for me to continue to be sensitive to God's calling voice in the midst of this new season.  (Ideally, I'd like in future for it not to take my whole life coming to a halt for me to really make time to pause and listen for that calling!)

I'll be honest in saying that while I have grieved the loss of a job that had provided well for me over a long period of time, I have come to truly see God's leading and provision and blessing in the midst of what has been a very unsettling time.  Health wise,, I'm realizing that my job had carried with it a much larger burden of stress and fatigue than I was aware of, and I've felt healthier and more rested in the last four weeks than I have in several years.

More than that, though, while my circumstances seem entirely discombobulated (admittedly a challenge for a person who likes their ducks in a row!), I sense the presence and leading of Jesus in a way that is deep and profound and that I can't quite find words to really describe.  I know a deep peace and joy as I look toward the future, despite the uncertainties that still seem to exist, and for that I'm deeply thankful.

This note is long, and I'm going to close here.  As always, I'd love to hear from each of you and know how I can be praying specifically for you.

With much love,

Lisa

An Update...

I sent the following email out to a number of friends this evening, and thought I'd share it here as well.

~~~

Dear Friends,

I realized the other day that because you're rather spread out on the North American continent and beyond, it's been a while since I connected with some of you and caught up on life over a cup of tea. For those of you I have caught up with more recently, well, you can either stop reading here, or consider the following a refresher on our conversations.

Many of you will know that the last year and a half have presented me with some rather unique challenges at work, stemming from a new hire who was particularly difficult to work with. In January of this year I began actively seeking other employment, went on a few very promising interviews, but nothing panned out.

However, just under two months ago there was a sudden change in the situation at MMI (the small Mennonite insurance company I work for), the challenging coworker moved on, and I was asked to consider stepping into her position. After consulting my parents and some trusted advisers, I decided to accept and officially became the Human Resources and Administration Coordinator at MMI. I still answer the telephones in the afternoons, and fill some of the administrative assistant functions, but I now do so from my office instead of the reception desk.

After such a stressful year of work interactions, I'm loving the new, calmer atmosphere in our office. I'm also absolutely loving my new position. My days are varied, and present a wide variety of tasks and challenges. They're filled with anything and everything - last week among other things, I worked on some graphic design projects, liaised with our staff benefits company, continued the process of learning the payroll system, organized an upcoming training event, and researched venues for a conference that MMI hosts each spring. And those are only the larger projects that I spent time on. I'm excited about the chance to develop professionally that this job has dropped in my lap, and am loving the fact that I finally have a job that requires me to use my brain!

Personally, this last season has been very challenging. It's been a year marked by emotional ups and downs, and I have at times wished for a way off of the roller coaster my life seemed to have become. I remain incredibly thankful for my family, my roommates, and a few dear friends - near and far - who have gathered around me with hugs, prayers, emails, phone calls, chocolate, and long venting sessions.

Health has also been a challenge - in large part because of the immense stress I was experiencing both personally and professionally. I was sick quite often, and struggled with lack of appetite, upset stomachs, and a fairly significant degree of weight loss. I am, however, very pleased to report that due to some combination of a significant reduction in professional stress, a strict regimen of regular meals and vitamins, the healing prayers of friends, and a consistent effort at finding rest, I'm slowly beginning to feel like myself again. I'm finding I have a bit more energy and less fatigue, and, while there are good and bad days and weeks, I'm feeling encouraged. This does, however, remain a significant challenge for me, and I would love it if you would join me in praying for continued healing and restoration of energy.

A few people have been asking me about upcoming travel plans. The answer to that question is that there is nothing major on the immediate horizon. I'm still dreaming of far away places (Peru, India, Africa, and a return to Europe are all in constant consideration) but am planning to mostly stick close to home this summer.

This will be the summer of weddings and weekend trips. One of my roommates and one of my long-time friends are both getting married out of town this summer, so I'll be making weekend trips to join in those celebrations. I'm also hoping to join another long-term friend for the final portion of a pilgrimage walk here in Alberta she's been praying about making for the last year or so. I can't walk the full several weeks and distance that she's planning, but am hoping to join her for the last day or so, and a few days at her destination.

This summer also holds yet another move. Because one roommate is getting married, the other one and I will need to find a smaller place that we can afford. Moving remains one of my least favorite activities of all time, and I'm hoping this will be the last move for a while!

While the new year (can one still refer to it that way when it's nearly six months old?) has presented some challenges, it has also brought things that have continued to grow my ability to trust Jesus deeply.

As the year began, I was reading a book about miracles in which the author challenged his readers to "be relentless" in praying for miracles. As I read this, I felt Jesus speaking to me about my own heart, reminding me that I am quick to pray relentlessly for the concerns and needs of others, but slow to come to him and trust for my own desires, needs and concerns. I felt Him inviting me to "be relentless" in asking Him to care for my heart, and meet my needs. As I prayed, a list of four items that I was wrestling with formed, and it was these things that I felt led to consistently bring before Jesus.

I'll admit that I've been less than completely relentless in praying for and about these things, but I am so thankful for the grace of a God who answers anyway, and from unexpected directions.

One of the items on the list was the provision of a new job - one that would better meet my financial needs and would have a lower degree of inter-office stress. I never imagined that it would be possible for those conditions to be met without changing companies, but God has worked graciously and unexpectedly, and I'm delighted with this new door that He's opened for me at MMI.

I am seeing slow answers to prayer in a second of the four items on my list as well - a restoration of health. I had the opportunity about a month ago to have some conversations with a dear friend that held a mirror of sorts to my life and health choices, and provided the impetus to make some badly needed changes and decisions. As I mentioned earlier, I believe I am seeing slow improvements in my health and energy levels, and I'm grateful for those of you who have prayed for and with me for continued healing.

I wouldn't be the true Grey's Anatomy geek that many of you know me to be if I didn't also say that in a year in which I've seen many relationships around me change in huge ways, the reminder in last week's season finale to make sure the people you care about know it struck a deep chord. You are each much loved friend, ans while I've been rather distracted by the many challenges life has thrown my way this last while, and perhaps haven't been the best at keeping in touch, I have thought of each of you and prayed for each of you often. I would love to hear what is going on in each of your lives, what Jesus is doing in your lifes, and to know how I can be praying for you specifically. And hey, if you live nearby, I'd even love to meet you for a cup of tea and do that catching up in person.

Lots of love,

Lisa

Lunch with Dad

I'm having lunch with my dad in about 20 minutes. I've actually been kind of dreading it since he called me yesterday to set it up. He wants to talk about church and ministry stuff. I'm not ready to have that conversation yet.

I have a fairly good idea of what he may want to discuss. The trouble is that I have no idea where I stand on those things yet. I'm heading to the mountains this weekend to pray and talk through some of these things. I need time away from the city, and time with trusted friends to verbally process some of this stuff. I don't want to make decisions from a point of feeling like I'm choosing the least unappealing of two unappealing options.

Pray for my lunch meeting if you happen to see this before it's over. Pray for my time away this weekend as I work to make some decisions, and seek Jesus for guidance on what comes next.

Looking Up...

I watched a fun movie with an old friend tonight - No Reservations. Made me smile.

I had a long, unscheduled phone call with one of my favorite people tonight. That makes me smile.

I'm going to the mountains for the weekend - time away, some with friends, some hiking, some time drinking tea in a cosy shop and writing.

On Thursday night I'm going for a walk in the park with my mom - that should be nice too.

I'm still confused, still tired, frustrated, and uncertain on many fronts. But at this moment, I'm experiencing that most elusive of things - hope. And it feels pretty good.

I Think I need a Vacation....

I think I need a vacation from my vacation. I've been up earlier several days this week than I get up to go to work. I'm almost glad that I'm just spending the next couple days (starting tomorrow) at a conference.

Today, however, I'm going to Ptarmigan Cirque. This is one of my favorite places in all of creation. So beautiful. Probably louder today than normal since we're taking my two teenaged male cousins with us. A hike, a drive through beautiful country, should be a good day.

This is a picture from Ptarmigan Cirque last year with Megs:See ya around!

Happy Birthday to Me

I spent the morning (from 6 am til noon) sitting in the back of my dad's drift boat, floating down the world famous Bow River while my aunt and uncle were fly fishing.

I'm going to Elbow Falls for a bit this afternoon.

Then birthday dinner tonight.

Another good day.

Going to the Dinosaurs

I'm going to see dinosaurs today... lots of them.... or at least their bones.

I'm also going to the desert today.

I love the mountains, but the desert has it's own strange beauty.

The Deeper things...

There are things floating around me lately that defy words...

Lyrics from an as yet unrecorded song by Jacob and Lily that I heard at a couple of their shows a few months back... "...I heard that if I sold it all and bought a field I'd find myself a treasure..."

Lyrics from Jason Upton's song "You Decide What's Beautiful": "...You live in the tension, live in the tension, live in the tension of creation... you decide what's beautiful, you decide what's glorious... you're funny like that, you will not be controlled... way beyond men, way beyond our ideas... you live in the tension... you come to the broken, you live with the broken..."

Thoughts from an invitation I received this week, and from posts on Kirk's blog this last week or two...

A growing sense of expectation, coupled with a growing desire to spend time in quiet waiting.

A growing need to engage in the world - to engage in issues of justice, to care for the environment, to love on those in the "gutters" of the world.

A desire to make pilgrimage. To walk and pray and listen at various places around the globe.

A need to spend time with those people who make me most myself, most free to walk in the things of depth that God has placed in me.

A need to be in the mountains. I have tentative plans for two separate weekends over the course of this month. One on my own, staying with some friends, time for retreating, hiking, reading, and refocusing. One as a part of a gathering of people who pray.

A fascination with engagement with culture and politics, but from a place of separation. Engagement and separation...hmmm.... (see this post and particularly the article it links to, from earlier this week.)

I find myself very glad for a week away from the concerns of the office, the politics, the tension. A week to allow myself to once again rest and breathe. To spend time with family, and time at a conference for leadership development. To celebrate my birthday, and the birthdays of some others. To think and pray, and wait and wonder... That's where I'm at on this Friday morning.

Stopping By

Well... I have today and tomorrow left, and then I have a week of holidays from work.

We have relatives coming in from Wisconsin, and I'm going to hang out with them and do day trips. I'm also going to give my grocery budget a break and let my mom feed me most meals for a week!

So, if things are quiet around here for the next week or so, that's why.

See ya around!

A Good Day

I had a really good day today. Relaxing, slow... the sort that I truly love.

I went to the park this morning, and spent an hour and a half or so. I walked for a little while, then found a bench overlooking the creek, and sat to journal. I ended up watching a young deer wade through the creek, and help itself to some leaves off the bushes for lunch, for nearly 20 minutes. It was a lovely experience, and I truly felt the presence of God as I sat and wrote and prayed while watching this beautiful deer.

After that, I ran errands, and spent the afternoon at my parent's home, copying my favorite recipes from mom's recipe cards into a file on my laptop, for printing and adding to my own cookbook.

Mom fed me supper (steak dinner) and together we did a bit of grocery shopping before she drove me home.

Some time relaxing with tv on dvd, and I'll probably go to bed a bit early. All in all, a good day!

Tomorrow

I have officially survived one of the busiest weeks in recent history. I've been out for this or that scheduled event every night this week, and I'm tired.

I have great plans for tomorrow. I'm going to Fish Creek Park in the morning. I'm going to walk and pray, and then find a bench (probably in this spot I know that faces away from the homes on the edge of the park, and overlooks the forest and creek) and sit and read and think and maybe journal. I've been looking forward to the time away from everything all week - to the time to be out in nature and just "be."

After that, I'm going to come home, pick up a few things, and head to mom and dad's. I'll probably help out with some stuff around the house. I need to copy some recipes. I'm going to borrow a car and head to the library to return some books, and pick up an item that I'd requested that had now arrived. I'm also going to make a couple of phone calls - to my credit card company about some changes they're making to my account, and to my internet provider, since the bill seems rather larger than they told me it would be.

Then a quiet evening at home - maybe scrapbooking, maybe just reading or watching a dvd on my laptop. Something low key.

This is definitely my favorite kind of day.

That Kind of Day

It was that kind of day.

It started as I was changing from my pyjamas into my clothes this morning. As I got ready to put my bra on, I noticed something dark, moving on the bra. Yep, there was a bug crawling around on my undergarment. So, I dropped the bra, killed the bug, and went back to getting ready for my day.

At the end of my day, I was walking through a tunnel underpass of a major road on my way home. Apparently there had been a major rainstorm. The one end of the tunnel was flooded four inches deep. I had no choice but to wade through it, and ended up with completely soaked running shoes and socks.

It was that kind of day. The kind where you have to just kind of give up and laugh.

Sunday Morning Musings

I'm pretty tired this morning. Went to bed LATE after going to watch the fireworks, and woke early. So, for the moment I'm curled up on the couch in the living room, writing a blog post. In a little while I'll get up properly, get dressed, and head for the kitchen. I need to make chicken salad for a trip to a local lake a little later this morning.

Right now there is loud ethnic music filtering through my ceiling, and I'm wondering if our new neighbors are going to be up and noisy this early every Sunday morning. I haven't met them yet, though my roommate met one of them, and my dad another. They're African, and the music I'm hearing would seem to reflect that - though different than you would exactly think. Oh well... I guess I'll just turn on music that I love to listen to quite loud too, and we'll all be happy!

Today is for relaxing. Leisurely cooking this morning, then I'll head to Mom and Dad's and catch a ride to the lake. A couple hours in the sun, then home. I think Dad is coming over again this afternoon to do a couple little things for us - hang a bulletin board, help me paint a lamp - that sort of stuff. Slow afternoon - maybe watching a movie or some tv on dvd on my laptop, packing for the trip tomorrow, leisurely evening - probably reading, maybe a trip to Kensington, bed at a decent hour.

I love days like this. Sort of scheduled, but with lots of time for doing almost nothing. Sometimes I find it so hard to slow down, but if the time is planned into my day, I do better.

Melting

It's so hot here. I don't do heat very well. I'm tired, and it's zapping all of my energy. I think I'm melting.

In other news...

The internet in my new home is now up and running - thanks to a surprisingly competent technician from the telephone/internet provider.

My closet is now organized.

I got a half-hour massage today, and it was brilliant. If I had money I would totally be getting a full one-hour massage once a week. So relaxing.

Grocery shopped again tonight, and now I have to go through the receipt and divide up the bits that are shared, versus the bits that are just mine. Kind of gross, actually, all the extra math that this has added to my life.

My house is slowly starting to feel like it's mine. So far I still feel a bit like a visitor, and sometimes I wonder what my roommate thinks of me - we have such opposite tastes on so many things - we're shockingly different people, and sometimes I wonder how we're going to survive an entire year together.

Going to a private lake in town tomorrow, and I need to make chicken salad in the morning still. A couple hours in the sun will more than do me in, than a quiet afternoon at home, packing and in bed at a decent hour, since dad is picking me up at 5 am Monday morning for the trip to Idaho.

And with that, I'm off to finish up one or two quick things, and then we're headed out to watch the fireworks.

Where I'm At

Okay, so here’s where I’m at. I’m sunburnt – all across my upper chest and arms. My face less so, but also burnt. I’m going to have to go to the drugstore on my lunch break and pick up some aloe vera gel to sooth my aching skin.

I’m going to the stampede tonight to see Jann Arden play - $3 gate admission with the proceeds going to breast cancer, and then the concert is free. Marginal additional cost for the famous mini-donuts which will make the evening perfect. I’m still working to figure out what I can wear that will cover my very sensitive sunburnt skin appropriately to protect it from further damage, and won’t leave me roasting to death due to the heat wave we’re currently experiencing.

Hopefully by the weekend I will be fully living in my new house. At the moment we’re waiting to move my bed and mattress to the new house before I can sleep there. I remain of completely mixed feelings about this. I am completely terrified in that “Oh crap I’m an adult” sort of way, with deeper fear issues thrown in just for fun. At the same time I am totally excited to establish my own place, and live independently – which, by the way is expensive.

I’m having money issues. There is almost nothing on the planet that can stress me out the way that money does. I absolutely hate having to think about money, wondering if I have enough money from paycheck to paycheck, thinking about a budget, anything with numbers and dollar signs involved, really. My ideal job would be one where I made enough money to simply be able to purchase something I wanted, without weighing pros and cons of spending that amount ad infinitum. I would also be able to give a lot more generously to things and people whose ministries I would like to be able to support. I hate that right now when I become aware of a need, I have to think about whether or not I will be able to live for the upcoming week or month without whatever the amount is that I would like to give.

On Saturday, my mom, my new roommate and I are going to the Rodeo at the Stampede Grounds. I haven’t been to the rodeo for several years now, and I’m looking forward to taking it in. We’re also going to a stampede barbeque hosted by the church I’ve been a part of the last year that evening. Should be a busy weekend, but fun.

All of these things I’ve mentioned seem so surface level and boring as I look back over them. The trouble is that I’m having a great deal of trouble putting words around the things I’m feeling and wading through these days. I feel like so many things are shifting around me, and I’m struggling to keep my footing. There has been a definite onslaught of spiritual attack, and a corresponding drop in my emotional, mental and spiritual energy levels as I weather and fight the attack.

I’m reading through the Psalms again lately, identifying with so many of the emotions found there, and clinging to the promises. I read God’s covenant with Abram – a word that some friends spoke over me, and I have seen borne out in my life the last several months – on a nearly daily basis these days, to remind myself where my protection and worth lay.

“Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” (Gen. 15:1)

What I'm Thinking About (in no particular order)

There are a lot of seemingly random things on my mind at the moment, and I thought I'd take a stab at writing them down here before I head to bed. (And can I just say that I am absolutely in love with whichever genius made it possible for me to be laying in bed, typing a blog post on my laptop, which is connected to the wider world via a wireless connection...)

I've been thinking about those people who challenge my concept of what it means to live simply. I've been impacted again this week by Shane Claiborne and the Simple Way community in Philadelphia. Their home burnt to the ground last week in a seven alarm fire that started in an abandoned factory across the street. Several other homes in the community were also destroyed. If you go to their website you can watch a great video, showing footage of the fire, and find opportunities to donate money and help rebuild. You can find the website here.

I've been thinking about the times when it seems impossible to make a just choice. I was reminded this week that the little things count. I work for Mennonites. Because of their justice loving, and pacifist nature, when I chose the funds that the company will invest my RRSP contributions into, I had the option to choose what they call ethical investments. So I did. This means that my money is not supporting tobacco companies, and more importantly, that it is not supporting armament manufacturers.

I read a powerful book this week. The story of some guys about my age who travelled from the Southernmost tip of Africa to Egypt, primarily via dirt bikes. The story of what the author learned about himself over the course of the journey. It is ultimately a story of faith in the face of unspeakable tragedy, and I greatly enjoyed it. I also liked that the publishers allowed the story to not resolve - that they honored the questions instead of rushing for answers. The title? It's called "The Only Road North" and is by a guy named Erik Mirandette.

I watched a fun movie with Megs tonight. "Ratatouille". Very fun. A kids movie, but with lots of enjoyable humor and a feel good message about living to the fullness of who you are.

Ben and Jerry's makes a great raspberry sorbet. This is important news. Especially since it doesn't contain milk or milk extracts. I can eat as much of this as I want without paying for it in stomach ailments for the next three days.

Work was nearly unbearable today. Everyone was grouchy and stressed and it seemed to be catching. It was however, my weekly Subway lunch day with one of my coworkers and that as always was enjoyable.

I start moving on Monday. I started packing last night. Books mostly so far. I think I have five or six boxes of books packed, and two more bookcases left to empty.

I'm loving the music that Jacob and Lily are making these days. I listen to their album at least once ever couple days at work. I think I played it three times in a row this afternoon, since it was making me smile with fond memories, and was helping me work to avoid catching the grumpy mood floating around the office.

I'm going to do some more packing tomorrow, some church admin work, maybe watch a movie, do some errands, drive T. to and from work, and just generally hang out and enjoy a quiet house - I love when the house is empty.

I'm doing the Stampede thing in a big way this year, because my new roommate only gets one shot at it in the year she's here, and wants to see everything. So we're going to the cheap "sneak-a-peek" night - $3 admission, and Jann Arden is playing the Coke Stage. I like Jann Arden. We're also going to see the rodeo on the first Saturday afternoon, and the Grandstand show on a yet to be determined evening, as well as touring the barns, exhibits and grounds. I'm excited for the rodeo, not so much for the grandstand show, but think it'll be a good time.

I think I've found a Bible study group to hang out with for the next while. They eat together one meeting a month, make it a priority to be together every week in various people's homes, worship, pray and study the Word together. I like that. I like that right now there's no formal "pastor" figure. I like that these are simply people who have made it a priority to spend time together in the presence of God each week.


I am loving sending real mail these days. Send me you're mailing address and you'll get a card! Probably a funny card, as I have a slightly twisted sense of humor. I bought one the other day that was captioned "Amish Road Rage" - you can picture the scenes depicted.

And with that, I think I'm going to read for a bit and head to bed...

See you around!

A Pretty Good Day

I'm having a pretty good day.

My parents are home. They got home last night. It helped to talk through some of the stuff that's been going on for the last couple weeks with my mom. I'm feeling somewhat more confident and encouraged today.

I've been working on church administrative stuff today. Catching up on the stuff that I didn't get done over the week. Enjoying a quiet house. Snacking. Doing a couple of errands. Watching Grey's Anatomy Season 1 on DVD. Reading Harry Potter.

I have to cook supper soon. The meal I planned for last night - we ordered Vietnamese takeout instead.

I like these kinds of days. Slow, without massive amounts of direction. Lots of time to just breathe.