This is the second time this week that I'm going to plead lack of structured schedule for a less than substantive blog post.
I was actually all set to write something great for this space today. I listened to a sermon on the bus yesterday that spoke to a number of things surrounding body, self image, and other topics heavy on my mind, and I made notes as I listened and thought about the ways I was going to write out those ideas that have been floating.
And then I got a phone call that rearranged the entirety of my day yesterday. Instead of having more than half the day at home to write and plan, I headed off to pain walls with all the ladies of the family at the house my brother's fiancee has just moved into - the home they'll share after their June wedding. And then I went grocery shopping, and card shopping, and wedding and baby shower gift shopping.
That led to a discussion on facebook about the lack of quality cards available that don't look like something my grandma would pick out (and also don't look like bad floral upholstery threw up all over them!)
It also meant that I didn't get home last night until close to 9pm, at which point I still needed to eat supper, wash dishes, and tackle several important emails that I'd been studiously ignoring all day.
And, since I'm going to the zoo this morning to hang out with one of my closest friends, and her daughter, who is one of my favorite small people, I'm pleading the lack of a structured schedule, and not writing a fabulous long post about body image. That will just have to wait until structure returns to my life, this time next week!
Showing posts with label on the schedule. Show all posts
Showing posts with label on the schedule. Show all posts
Thursday, May 03, 2012
Monday, August 29, 2011
Begin Again
I'm writing this post ahead of time, since, well, by the time it goes live this morning, I'll be on my way to catch a bus, and head for work.
This new temp position will require catching a bus by 6:30 am. That means waking up at around 5:30 am. Is there even a world at 5:30 am?
In some ways, I'm not sorry for last week's miscommunication over the start date of this position. It means that I've had a dry run, and I know just how much time I'll need to get up and start feeling like a human being. I know which buses to take, and where the office is. I have a sense of what's nearby - and of things that will be lovely until the weather changes - things like the fact that the river is only a few minutes walk from the office, nestled in the midst of a pretty park, and a nice escape from the density of downtown. Lunch hours will likely be spent in the park.
It's a downtown job, and that's a first. I've worked in administrative roles for years, but this is the first time I've worked right in the city core. (Well, other than the job at the social services organization last year, but that was more on the fringes of the core than actually in the core.)
So, today I begin again. I begin working. I begin adapting to a new schedule and rhythm of life. A new need for a more disciplined approach to time management than I've needed in a while. I begin longish commutes, likely filled with reading and thinking. I begin sorting out how to manage a full time work schedule given the particular challenges of my living situation, especially in the areas of easy access to a shower, and for cooking. I begin again. And new starts are always both terrifying and wonderful.
This new temp position will require catching a bus by 6:30 am. That means waking up at around 5:30 am. Is there even a world at 5:30 am?
In some ways, I'm not sorry for last week's miscommunication over the start date of this position. It means that I've had a dry run, and I know just how much time I'll need to get up and start feeling like a human being. I know which buses to take, and where the office is. I have a sense of what's nearby - and of things that will be lovely until the weather changes - things like the fact that the river is only a few minutes walk from the office, nestled in the midst of a pretty park, and a nice escape from the density of downtown. Lunch hours will likely be spent in the park.
It's a downtown job, and that's a first. I've worked in administrative roles for years, but this is the first time I've worked right in the city core. (Well, other than the job at the social services organization last year, but that was more on the fringes of the core than actually in the core.)
So, today I begin again. I begin working. I begin adapting to a new schedule and rhythm of life. A new need for a more disciplined approach to time management than I've needed in a while. I begin longish commutes, likely filled with reading and thinking. I begin sorting out how to manage a full time work schedule given the particular challenges of my living situation, especially in the areas of easy access to a shower, and for cooking. I begin again. And new starts are always both terrifying and wonderful.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Productive?
I feel like it's been an oddly productive morning thus far, on both a work front, and a "things I personally need to do" front.
I talked with my car insurance company to get an answer to a question I had.
I scheduled a driving lesson - long story, but my license is coming up for renewal, and I'm also well overdue to take the advanced road test that is part of Alberta's Graduated Driver's Licensing system. (I think I was eligible to take the test about three years ago!) Anyway, because it's been over five years since I last did a driving road test, and since this one covers different things, I thought I'd book a bit of a refresher lesson to try to ensure I can pass this test in one attempt and only have to pay for it once.
I knocked several items off of my work "to do" list.
I bought groceries (unexpectedly) for the office.
I spoke briefly with the rep for our filing system when she dropped off some samples I'd asked for. And I supervised the delivery of several new furniture pieces in the office as well.
I talked with my mechanic about George. He informed me what a particular problem that I'd noticed was caused by. I'm really thankful for our mechanic, who's honest and never tries to cheat me. I asked if I needed to have this problem repaired, and he told me that George is absolutely safe to drive without repairing the problem, that it was my preference. Since I'm trying not to sink huge amounts of money into my rather old vehicle, I opted to leave it unrepaired for the moment. So, George just had an oil change, and I'll pick him up after work tonight.
I find myself somewhat surprised at what's been accomplished today. Especially since I slept very poorly again last night, and was most definitely dragging this morning.
I'm less than excited about the fact that there is a trip to the soul sucking mega grocery store in my future tonight, but I'll survive it, and then probably have to do another round of yoga to recover!
And I'm still in the mood to wear scarves (and pray). Yesterday's was sent to me by a friend, a gift from Morrocco. Today's is a gift from another friend, this time sent from Nepal.
More thoughts later I suppose...
I talked with my car insurance company to get an answer to a question I had.
I scheduled a driving lesson - long story, but my license is coming up for renewal, and I'm also well overdue to take the advanced road test that is part of Alberta's Graduated Driver's Licensing system. (I think I was eligible to take the test about three years ago!) Anyway, because it's been over five years since I last did a driving road test, and since this one covers different things, I thought I'd book a bit of a refresher lesson to try to ensure I can pass this test in one attempt and only have to pay for it once.
I knocked several items off of my work "to do" list.
I bought groceries (unexpectedly) for the office.
I spoke briefly with the rep for our filing system when she dropped off some samples I'd asked for. And I supervised the delivery of several new furniture pieces in the office as well.
I talked with my mechanic about George. He informed me what a particular problem that I'd noticed was caused by. I'm really thankful for our mechanic, who's honest and never tries to cheat me. I asked if I needed to have this problem repaired, and he told me that George is absolutely safe to drive without repairing the problem, that it was my preference. Since I'm trying not to sink huge amounts of money into my rather old vehicle, I opted to leave it unrepaired for the moment. So, George just had an oil change, and I'll pick him up after work tonight.
I find myself somewhat surprised at what's been accomplished today. Especially since I slept very poorly again last night, and was most definitely dragging this morning.
I'm less than excited about the fact that there is a trip to the soul sucking mega grocery store in my future tonight, but I'll survive it, and then probably have to do another round of yoga to recover!
And I'm still in the mood to wear scarves (and pray). Yesterday's was sent to me by a friend, a gift from Morrocco. Today's is a gift from another friend, this time sent from Nepal.
More thoughts later I suppose...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Whirlwind
I feel like I'm living a bit in the midst of a whirlwind of change, and movement and transition just at the moment, and that's not something I'm coping with well. This is the ugly side of me. I'm working on it, and I'm better than I used to be (those of you who've seen or talked with me this week are wondering now how bad it used to be!). I know in my head that all of these things are well in hand. That we're organized, and that the move will likely go smoothly. My head is having a great deal of trouble convincing the rest of me, and I'm living in a massively speeded up world because of it.
But, just to give you a glimpse, here's some of what I've got going on for the next week and a bit:
First, because we have an out of province person in to do some work with our accounting department at work this week, I've been mostly covering my own lunch hours. Which means I'm not really getting a break in the middle of the day. No chat with a good friend who usually shares the lunch coverage of the phones with me. No relocating to her office for half of the lunch hour. And just a few frantic trips out to pick up something to eat, in 15 minutes or less so that I can get back to covering the phones.
Tonight my mom is coming over and we're taking another load (two vehicles full this time) of belongings to our new apartment. Then I'll likely come home and do a bit more packing, and carrying things that will need to be moved up from the basement.
Quite late tonight my brother and his girlfriend arrive home from a trip to visit her family. I don't have to go to the airport, but I think I may join my dad to pick them up, as I could desperately use a bit of a normalcy break. I'd like to do something, even just for a little bit, that doesn't revolve around packing and moving and transitioning.
Tomorow night is my dad's birthday dinner. So I'll be there, and then I'll be back at my current house, boxing the things in our kitchen so that we're ready for the major move on Saturday.
Saturday is the big move. If it's done in time, I'm desperately hoping to go to church. I'm longing to be around other believers.
Sunday I'm going someplace, at least for a few hours, by myself, to have a conversation with God, and get the divorce that I mentioned earlier this week. I'm actually hoping that the move will have gone very smoothly, and I'll be able to take most of the day for this. I'm not sure right now, given how the last few days have gone, how my panic levels and energy levels have been, that I'll be up to going to the spot I'd really like to, but I'm hoping for that.
Monday will bring the return of work, and in the evening settling in to our new house.
Tuesday will look pretty much like Monday.
Wednesday I'm off work for Canada Day. I have an installer coming sometime between 8 and 10 in the morning (who I have to refuse at the door - LONG STORY) to solve our internet and telephone and television issues. That day will also likely see the bulk of the unpacking work around the house.
Thursday and Friday will be much like Monday and Tuesday - work, and unpacking and cleaning.
Somewhere in there I also need to get out and accomplish some errands: groceries, a wedding gift, the bank, insoles for a couple of pairs of shoes, basic toiletry needs.
Saturday morning I'm driving to a city three hours north with my brother, to take in my roommate J's wedding. T and Dad are driving back Saturday night, while mom and I will be staying in the city for the wedding reception.
Sunday brings the three hour drive home, and then, quite likely, collapse.
I think the evenings and weekend that will follow all of that will finally bring the desperately needed down-time.
So, I'm living in the midst of the whirlwind, and doing my level best to stay upright. As opposed to previous times, I have in fact managed to eat something three times a day each day. This means that I have slightly more energy to offer than previous years. I did get a few hours of sleep last night before the tormenting started. That helps too. I wasn't too proud to admit that I need help and phone mom to ask her to pray. That's kind of a big step. My head knows, even if the rest of me doesn't, that I'm going to survive all of this, and be just fine, and that the move is well in hand. Usually I can't even convince my head of that. AND, I'm trying to find ways to inject just the tiniest bit of normalcy (like going to the airport tonight to greet my brother). That will hopefully help too.
But, just to give you a glimpse, here's some of what I've got going on for the next week and a bit:
First, because we have an out of province person in to do some work with our accounting department at work this week, I've been mostly covering my own lunch hours. Which means I'm not really getting a break in the middle of the day. No chat with a good friend who usually shares the lunch coverage of the phones with me. No relocating to her office for half of the lunch hour. And just a few frantic trips out to pick up something to eat, in 15 minutes or less so that I can get back to covering the phones.
Tonight my mom is coming over and we're taking another load (two vehicles full this time) of belongings to our new apartment. Then I'll likely come home and do a bit more packing, and carrying things that will need to be moved up from the basement.
Quite late tonight my brother and his girlfriend arrive home from a trip to visit her family. I don't have to go to the airport, but I think I may join my dad to pick them up, as I could desperately use a bit of a normalcy break. I'd like to do something, even just for a little bit, that doesn't revolve around packing and moving and transitioning.
Tomorow night is my dad's birthday dinner. So I'll be there, and then I'll be back at my current house, boxing the things in our kitchen so that we're ready for the major move on Saturday.
Saturday is the big move. If it's done in time, I'm desperately hoping to go to church. I'm longing to be around other believers.
Sunday I'm going someplace, at least for a few hours, by myself, to have a conversation with God, and get the divorce that I mentioned earlier this week. I'm actually hoping that the move will have gone very smoothly, and I'll be able to take most of the day for this. I'm not sure right now, given how the last few days have gone, how my panic levels and energy levels have been, that I'll be up to going to the spot I'd really like to, but I'm hoping for that.
Monday will bring the return of work, and in the evening settling in to our new house.
Tuesday will look pretty much like Monday.
Wednesday I'm off work for Canada Day. I have an installer coming sometime between 8 and 10 in the morning (who I have to refuse at the door - LONG STORY) to solve our internet and telephone and television issues. That day will also likely see the bulk of the unpacking work around the house.
Thursday and Friday will be much like Monday and Tuesday - work, and unpacking and cleaning.
Somewhere in there I also need to get out and accomplish some errands: groceries, a wedding gift, the bank, insoles for a couple of pairs of shoes, basic toiletry needs.
Saturday morning I'm driving to a city three hours north with my brother, to take in my roommate J's wedding. T and Dad are driving back Saturday night, while mom and I will be staying in the city for the wedding reception.
Sunday brings the three hour drive home, and then, quite likely, collapse.
I think the evenings and weekend that will follow all of that will finally bring the desperately needed down-time.
So, I'm living in the midst of the whirlwind, and doing my level best to stay upright. As opposed to previous times, I have in fact managed to eat something three times a day each day. This means that I have slightly more energy to offer than previous years. I did get a few hours of sleep last night before the tormenting started. That helps too. I wasn't too proud to admit that I need help and phone mom to ask her to pray. That's kind of a big step. My head knows, even if the rest of me doesn't, that I'm going to survive all of this, and be just fine, and that the move is well in hand. Usually I can't even convince my head of that. AND, I'm trying to find ways to inject just the tiniest bit of normalcy (like going to the airport tonight to greet my brother). That will hopefully help too.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Weekend Plans
My mom called me this morning to let me know that she needed to cancel some plans we'd tentatively made for tomorrow since she's been ill the last few days.
She wanted to know what I was planning for this long weekend.
My answer?
Sleep. (and maybe some writing.)
I told her that I've been exhausted, and I plan to sleep as long as my body will possibly let me tomorrow morning, following which I plan to lay in bed for quite a length of time, following which I will probably relocate to the couch and lay some more.
Actually, while I do plan to spend a long time in bed tomorrow, I have other things on the agenda.
I'm going to bake brownies.
And do some laundry and cleaning.
Maybe call a good friend and see if he's in town for the long weekend, and if he'd like to hang out.
Tonight I'm watching a movie with my baby brother.
Tomorrow my roommate L. and I have plans to cook dinner together.
I'll probably mow the back lawn.
And call my cell phone company to see about making some changes to my plan.
I might go shopping for books. Or work pants. (Books are more fun than work pants.)
But mostly, I want to rest for a while. And work on some writing projects. And pray. I need to find time to get quiet and pray. Maybe make it to my park. Or this cemetery I've been wanting to visit and walk through.
She wanted to know what I was planning for this long weekend.
My answer?
Sleep. (and maybe some writing.)
I told her that I've been exhausted, and I plan to sleep as long as my body will possibly let me tomorrow morning, following which I plan to lay in bed for quite a length of time, following which I will probably relocate to the couch and lay some more.
Actually, while I do plan to spend a long time in bed tomorrow, I have other things on the agenda.
I'm going to bake brownies.
And do some laundry and cleaning.
Maybe call a good friend and see if he's in town for the long weekend, and if he'd like to hang out.
Tonight I'm watching a movie with my baby brother.
Tomorrow my roommate L. and I have plans to cook dinner together.
I'll probably mow the back lawn.
And call my cell phone company to see about making some changes to my plan.
I might go shopping for books. Or work pants. (Books are more fun than work pants.)
But mostly, I want to rest for a while. And work on some writing projects. And pray. I need to find time to get quiet and pray. Maybe make it to my park. Or this cemetery I've been wanting to visit and walk through.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Another Full Week
I missed most of the day of work on Friday when I went home ill.
I came back to the office this morning to find that the stack of work on my desk had multiplied mysteriously over the weekend. It will take a great deal of efficiency, planning, and hard work to accomplish everything that must be done in the four days that I’m working this week.
Last night was good. Dinner with good friends. (Great food if I do say so myself!) Then a trip to a local ice cream parlor, and a short walk by the river, below the dam, in a spot I’ve never been before, despite living near it for nearly my entire life.
I had my lights out shortly after 11:00 p.m. I can’t remember the last time I was in bed with the lights out that early.
I slept poorly, waking often, disturbed by dreams. Not quite present in either reality or the world of my dreams. Living somewhere in between.
I have a burn blister, about ½ inch long and ¼ inch wide on my left forearm. A cooking incident last night. It’s ugly, but surprisingly not painful for the moment.
This promises to be another full week.
Grocery shopping and household stuff with my roommate tonight.
A tea date with a dear friend who I see rarely since she lives in another province tomorrow night.
Wednesday night will hopefully be slower. Again, some last household things so that we’re fully settled in our new home.
And Thursday another dear friend arrives from out of town. We’re headed for the mountains for a few days on Friday morning.
I came back to the office this morning to find that the stack of work on my desk had multiplied mysteriously over the weekend. It will take a great deal of efficiency, planning, and hard work to accomplish everything that must be done in the four days that I’m working this week.
Last night was good. Dinner with good friends. (Great food if I do say so myself!) Then a trip to a local ice cream parlor, and a short walk by the river, below the dam, in a spot I’ve never been before, despite living near it for nearly my entire life.
I had my lights out shortly after 11:00 p.m. I can’t remember the last time I was in bed with the lights out that early.
I slept poorly, waking often, disturbed by dreams. Not quite present in either reality or the world of my dreams. Living somewhere in between.
I have a burn blister, about ½ inch long and ¼ inch wide on my left forearm. A cooking incident last night. It’s ugly, but surprisingly not painful for the moment.
This promises to be another full week.
Grocery shopping and household stuff with my roommate tonight.
A tea date with a dear friend who I see rarely since she lives in another province tomorrow night.
Wednesday night will hopefully be slower. Again, some last household things so that we’re fully settled in our new home.
And Thursday another dear friend arrives from out of town. We’re headed for the mountains for a few days on Friday morning.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Queen of Lists
I have this inherent need to mentally organize things, and I generally do it by making lists. Lists for work. Lists for home.
Here are some of my lists for the day/week...
Work (this week)
Here are some of my lists for the day/week...
Work (this week)
- water the plants
- process the outgoing volunteer mail
- filing
- prepare the "week at a glance" email
- hard drive folder reorg
- write a "receipt summary" memo for the volunteer treasurers
- work on arranging a corporate hotel rate
- follow up on a few emails
- design a layout for the four page spring/summer newletter that goes out to the policy holders
- place an office supply order
- circulate a card for a staff member and his wife who recently had their first child
- update the volunteer contact information database and circulate a copy of the updates to all staff
- create a variety of email distribution lists for the general use of all staff
- follow up on a couple of projects with my boss
- send an email out to the Calgary office reminding them that our recycling company pick up is this week
- re-package returned mail
Home (today)
- start packing for the move next weekend
- arrange utility service for our new house
- clean my section of the refrigerator
- try to arrange to borrow a truck for moving
- try to arrange some extra hands for moving
- send an email query regarding the seminary I'm interested in attending for my master's degree
- email a few different friends regarding various matters
- email my baby brother in England
Monday, June 02, 2008
Happening this week?
Here are some of the things I would like to happen this week (not the things I know for sure are happening, but the ones I’d like to fit in):
I’d like to connect with my friend J, to spend some time praying together
I’d like to find a place to live after June 30th
I’d like to rest
I’d like to make decisions, or at least begin the process of making decisions about my work situation, and whether or not to begin studying for my master’s degree in the fall.
I’d like to spend at least an hour curled up in a nicely scented hot bath, and lose myself in a fictional world.
I’d like to buy an umbrella
I’d like to cook at least one fresh meal
I’d like to eat berries of some sort
I’d like the tears that just don’t fall to start falling
I’d like to share stories with another friend, just recently returned from Bosnia and Croatia
I’d like to sip tea
I’d like to start a piece of writing that’s been brewing in my head for the last week or so.
I’d like to start sorting out my books (they probably need to be pared down a bit before moving)
I’d like to go for a long walk (even if it’s raining) by myself in Fish Creek Park
I’d like to connect with my friend J, to spend some time praying together
I’d like to find a place to live after June 30th
I’d like to rest
I’d like to make decisions, or at least begin the process of making decisions about my work situation, and whether or not to begin studying for my master’s degree in the fall.
I’d like to spend at least an hour curled up in a nicely scented hot bath, and lose myself in a fictional world.
I’d like to buy an umbrella
I’d like to cook at least one fresh meal
I’d like to eat berries of some sort
I’d like the tears that just don’t fall to start falling
I’d like to share stories with another friend, just recently returned from Bosnia and Croatia
I’d like to sip tea
I’d like to start a piece of writing that’s been brewing in my head for the last week or so.
I’d like to start sorting out my books (they probably need to be pared down a bit before moving)
I’d like to go for a long walk (even if it’s raining) by myself in Fish Creek Park
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Reasons to Keep Going
I'm feeling pretty buried by life tonight. Really reaching for reasons to smile. I'm looking into booking a hotel room or figuring out a way to get away by myself for a few hours this weekend... just time to hash some things out... with God, with myself... I'm pretty much taking life 24 hours at a time these days... It's all I have energy to handle right now...
Here are a few of the (rather weak, I know) reasons to keep going - the little things that are bright spots, the things I'm looking forward to right now:
Here are a few of the (rather weak, I know) reasons to keep going - the little things that are bright spots, the things I'm looking forward to right now:
- tomorrow is casual day, and I get to wear jeans to work
- it's Friday, which means there's a weekend coming, and hopefully a little bit of rest
- I'm watching the Grey's Anatomy season finale as I write this
- I'm having Subway for lunch tomorrow with a friend
- On Sunday, I get a break from fasting again, and I can eat chocolate, and dessert, and pastries from this fabulous little bakery we discovered last weekend
- one of my roommate's is out of town, and I have her car, which means I get a day off of taking the train to and from work, and a day without being cussed out by random mentally ill people (which has been happening a lot lately)
- the fact that my dreams are continuing to get more intense and vivid must mean that this whole mess is climaxing, and will have to end soon
- in a few weeks I'm going to visit a very dear friend for a weekend
- next week I'm getting a much needed haircut, and my once yearly splurge on highlights (red AND blonde)
- I'm hanging with a couple of very good friends in the coming week
- I DON'T have to teach Sunday school this week
- I'm going to make time to go to the park, even if it's pouring rain
- I'm going to buy special gifts for some friends this weekend
- I'm going to pray (or try anyway...)
- I'm still alive
- and breathing
- I'm loved
- by Jesus
- by people who I love deeply in return
Friday, April 11, 2008
Day Off
I took today off of work.
I've really needed the day.
After working through last weekend.
After the myriad of personal and emotional and spiritual stuff I've been wading through lately.
After months of never sleeping more than 3-5 hours a night.
It was nice to simply lay in bed, push for a bit extra sleep.
I made it until 8:20 in bed - a recent record!
This morning my plans involve lazing around the house. Watching a little bit of M*A*S*H*. Maybe doing a little cooking or baking. A long, hot shower. Maybe curling up with my journal, or walking to the mall to do a little browsing.
This afternoon I'm going to hang out with my best friend. Have coffee and maybe do a few errands together.
Tonight I'm going to enjoy an empty house. Maybe watch a movie or some bad television.
Tomorrow, I'm going to sleep in again.
Then go to either the zoo or China town or both. I love the zoo. And China town. Tomorrow night I'm going to hang out with T., my baby brother.
This is the kind of weekend I've needed for a while now.
Slow.
Restful.
Not a lot of tension.
Full of people I love.
I've really needed the day.
After working through last weekend.
After the myriad of personal and emotional and spiritual stuff I've been wading through lately.
After months of never sleeping more than 3-5 hours a night.
It was nice to simply lay in bed, push for a bit extra sleep.
I made it until 8:20 in bed - a recent record!
This morning my plans involve lazing around the house. Watching a little bit of M*A*S*H*. Maybe doing a little cooking or baking. A long, hot shower. Maybe curling up with my journal, or walking to the mall to do a little browsing.
This afternoon I'm going to hang out with my best friend. Have coffee and maybe do a few errands together.
Tonight I'm going to enjoy an empty house. Maybe watch a movie or some bad television.
Tomorrow, I'm going to sleep in again.
Then go to either the zoo or China town or both. I love the zoo. And China town. Tomorrow night I'm going to hang out with T., my baby brother.
This is the kind of weekend I've needed for a while now.
Slow.
Restful.
Not a lot of tension.
Full of people I love.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Back into the Week
I've been writing a whole lot more in my journal these days than on my blog. Lent does that to me. Makes me far more introspective and uncertain, and unwilling to share the introspection and uncertainty with a wider audience until it's reached some sort of resolution.
I'm heading back into the week first thing tomorrow morning. A week full of meetings and busyness at work. A week with some apprehension as I wonder how things will work out. A week that is mercifully (thus far!) quiet on the social engagement front.
I milk every last moment out of my weekends these days, saving my biggest spurts of writing and introspection for late on Sunday night, in the rush to get it all out before I encounter the fuller schedule of my weekdays.
The fuller schedule isn't necessarily bad. As one friend reminded me this week, work = money, and money = food, rent, long distance phone conversations. In terms of motivators, I suppose all three of those are high on my list.
But I'd rather pass my days with a good book, talking with friends (and even some strangers), writing, sipping tea, and dreaming.
Ah well. For now, I'm heading back into the week.
I'm heading back into the week first thing tomorrow morning. A week full of meetings and busyness at work. A week with some apprehension as I wonder how things will work out. A week that is mercifully (thus far!) quiet on the social engagement front.
I milk every last moment out of my weekends these days, saving my biggest spurts of writing and introspection for late on Sunday night, in the rush to get it all out before I encounter the fuller schedule of my weekdays.
The fuller schedule isn't necessarily bad. As one friend reminded me this week, work = money, and money = food, rent, long distance phone conversations. In terms of motivators, I suppose all three of those are high on my list.
But I'd rather pass my days with a good book, talking with friends (and even some strangers), writing, sipping tea, and dreaming.
Ah well. For now, I'm heading back into the week.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Full Heart
Today did not start off all that well.
I woke up with the compulsion to clean. To order my world. This is not generally a good sign, because, while I am not by any means a messy person, I am not the world's tidiest person either. A compulsion to clean and bring order generally means that there is something in my world which is chaotic, and which I cannot control, and, since I cannot control whatever that thing is, I control the chaos that is within my reach, and I clean.
(The compulsion to bring order to chaos has been coming to me quite a lot since returning home from my travels - you'd almost think that there are things on my mind that are making me a bit frazzled or something!)
I accomplished quite a lot of cleaning and organizing before church this morning.
Church was well, church. I taught Sunday school. We talked about John chapter 10, where Jesus refers to himself as the Good Shepherd and says that his sheep know his voice. Good stuff, generally speaking. As per usual, I pushed the girls I teach to give answers to my questions that went beyond the surface. (I'm not a big fan of the "sunday school answer.") As per usual, they whined that I made them think too hard, and then gave great answers.
A quick grocery shopping trip with my roommate followed immediately on the heels of church, and then, as I was unloading my groceries, a friend showed up to pick me up for a previously scheduled date.
We went together to the farmer's market, picked up lunch, she bought her groceries for the week (I bought mine there yesterday). We followed that up with a quick stop at starbucks, and a local bakery, and then headed for the park to walk and talk. I am continually amazed at the way our hearts are being drawn along parallel paths - the situations we occupy in life widely varied, but the direction of our hearts the same. It's always fun to walk and talk and share Jesus stories with her, to catch up on our weeks, and share prayer requests for the week ahead. I am finding myself in awe of this growing relationship that the Lord has given us. This tiny taste of community within my own city.
After she dropped me back at home, I returned to my previously scheduled cleaning and organizing compulsion (and am actually quite satisfied with the results.)
I ended up chatting for a while with a dear friend from out of town. We talked for a long time about the scripture passage that tells of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. She had some beautiful insights into the story, and as we talked I found myself wondering why, since we talk so regularly, we don't discuss scripture more often. We talk all the time of prayer, and of spiritual things, but don't often talk of scripture (though we both love the scriptures). The things we talked about challenged me deeply, have my heart racing and hungry to spend time studying that story over the course of this next week. (A bonus for me, as I'm teaching that story in Sunday school next week!)
As that conversation drew to a close, my best friend, M. showed up at my door. We don't get to spend nearly as much time together as we'd like, and right now we're savoring any time we get. In just over a month she will leave to spend the next year and a half overseas, working as a nurse in a tiny hospital for women and children in Pakistan.
We decided on pizza (we rarely get together without sharing a meal) and picked it up on our way to her apartment. For the next two hours we had a long, rambling, beautiful conversation. Catching up on the things going on in each of our lives. Sharing about the things the Lord has been working in us. Talking about deeper things than we often do. We talked, too, about Lazarus. About fear. About peace. About joy. About relationships - those with boys and those that aren't with boys.
When I write it out like this, my day sounds really mundane. Full of people and places to be, but nothing out of the ordinary. But I write with a full heart. I encountered Jesus today, and not in the really expected places. Not so much at church or during worship. I met him walking in a park and developing a growing friendship. I met him talking about his word with a friend. I met him eating pizza with my best friend, laughing at her nursing stories (did you know that Santa is not so much for clothes in the off season? also, he doesn't sleep in beds - he prefers the floor.), and praying for each other for a while, sitting in her car in the dark, in front of my house. M. is maybe one of the only people in the world with whom I am comfortable praying aloud - we started doing it together a few years back, because both of us were increasingly finding ourselves in situations that required praying aloud, and we both hated it! So, we began to practice each time we were together. We'd sit in her car and pray for each other, and for the people and things around us. We don't do it as often anymore, but it's still something I treasure, and something I'll miss while she's away.
My heart is full. Today I was gifted with heart connections that I didn't even know I was longing for. And it was so good. Thanks, Jesus.
I woke up with the compulsion to clean. To order my world. This is not generally a good sign, because, while I am not by any means a messy person, I am not the world's tidiest person either. A compulsion to clean and bring order generally means that there is something in my world which is chaotic, and which I cannot control, and, since I cannot control whatever that thing is, I control the chaos that is within my reach, and I clean.
(The compulsion to bring order to chaos has been coming to me quite a lot since returning home from my travels - you'd almost think that there are things on my mind that are making me a bit frazzled or something!)
I accomplished quite a lot of cleaning and organizing before church this morning.
Church was well, church. I taught Sunday school. We talked about John chapter 10, where Jesus refers to himself as the Good Shepherd and says that his sheep know his voice. Good stuff, generally speaking. As per usual, I pushed the girls I teach to give answers to my questions that went beyond the surface. (I'm not a big fan of the "sunday school answer.") As per usual, they whined that I made them think too hard, and then gave great answers.
A quick grocery shopping trip with my roommate followed immediately on the heels of church, and then, as I was unloading my groceries, a friend showed up to pick me up for a previously scheduled date.
We went together to the farmer's market, picked up lunch, she bought her groceries for the week (I bought mine there yesterday). We followed that up with a quick stop at starbucks, and a local bakery, and then headed for the park to walk and talk. I am continually amazed at the way our hearts are being drawn along parallel paths - the situations we occupy in life widely varied, but the direction of our hearts the same. It's always fun to walk and talk and share Jesus stories with her, to catch up on our weeks, and share prayer requests for the week ahead. I am finding myself in awe of this growing relationship that the Lord has given us. This tiny taste of community within my own city.
After she dropped me back at home, I returned to my previously scheduled cleaning and organizing compulsion (and am actually quite satisfied with the results.)
I ended up chatting for a while with a dear friend from out of town. We talked for a long time about the scripture passage that tells of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. She had some beautiful insights into the story, and as we talked I found myself wondering why, since we talk so regularly, we don't discuss scripture more often. We talk all the time of prayer, and of spiritual things, but don't often talk of scripture (though we both love the scriptures). The things we talked about challenged me deeply, have my heart racing and hungry to spend time studying that story over the course of this next week. (A bonus for me, as I'm teaching that story in Sunday school next week!)
As that conversation drew to a close, my best friend, M. showed up at my door. We don't get to spend nearly as much time together as we'd like, and right now we're savoring any time we get. In just over a month she will leave to spend the next year and a half overseas, working as a nurse in a tiny hospital for women and children in Pakistan.
We decided on pizza (we rarely get together without sharing a meal) and picked it up on our way to her apartment. For the next two hours we had a long, rambling, beautiful conversation. Catching up on the things going on in each of our lives. Sharing about the things the Lord has been working in us. Talking about deeper things than we often do. We talked, too, about Lazarus. About fear. About peace. About joy. About relationships - those with boys and those that aren't with boys.
When I write it out like this, my day sounds really mundane. Full of people and places to be, but nothing out of the ordinary. But I write with a full heart. I encountered Jesus today, and not in the really expected places. Not so much at church or during worship. I met him walking in a park and developing a growing friendship. I met him talking about his word with a friend. I met him eating pizza with my best friend, laughing at her nursing stories (did you know that Santa is not so much for clothes in the off season? also, he doesn't sleep in beds - he prefers the floor.), and praying for each other for a while, sitting in her car in the dark, in front of my house. M. is maybe one of the only people in the world with whom I am comfortable praying aloud - we started doing it together a few years back, because both of us were increasingly finding ourselves in situations that required praying aloud, and we both hated it! So, we began to practice each time we were together. We'd sit in her car and pray for each other, and for the people and things around us. We don't do it as often anymore, but it's still something I treasure, and something I'll miss while she's away.
My heart is full. Today I was gifted with heart connections that I didn't even know I was longing for. And it was so good. Thanks, Jesus.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Today
Things I've Done Today
- Gone to church.
- Speak at church and show slides from Malta.
- Initiate the possibility of a late spring retreat in Canmore with my youth kids
- Send several emails
- Eat leftover pancakes and a slice of back bacon for lunch
- packaged a birthday gift for a friend
- written a birthday card to go with the gift
- bought a notebook to keep in my purse for those "I have to write that down" moments
- gone to the post office to mail the birthday gift and card
- hung out on my couch
- bought some really great greeting cards (have you seen the Fresh Ink line from Hallmark? so suited to my sense of humor and that of my friends)
- bake muffins
- wash dishes
- clean my bedroom
- work on a couple different writing projects
- change the sheets on my bed
- wash the dirty set of sheets
- grocery shop
- make some thank you cards
- cook something (anything really) containing either fruit or vegetables
- go through a stack of mail that accumulated while I was away
- return the dvds I rented on Monday
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
A List Post (To Prove I'm Really Home!)
Two lists for you today - "Things that are Making Me Smile" and "To Do List"
Things that are Making Me Smile
Things that are Making Me Smile
- clean jeans after wearing the same ones nearly every day for close to five weeks
- long shower
- the possibility of taking a shower and a bubble bath in the same day, without adversely affecting anyone's water bill (thankful for utilities included in our rent)
- Matt Redman's song "Salvation" which kind of defined chunks of my trip
- slow, lazy schedule
- an email from Shelley
- a fortune from the fortune cookie that came with my Vietnamese food last night "your lucky number this week is nine" - kind of an inside joke, but a great smile reminder anyway!
- quiet, empty house while my roommate is at work
- the prospect of purchasing a new journal today
- a house where you don't have to wear 5 layers of clothing indoors (no marble floors in sight!)
- central heating
- my own bed
- prospects of reconnecting with some friends and family now that I'm home
- no need for socks for sleeping (or for walking around the house) - bare feet are where it's at today
- fresh snow outside - that I don't have to go out into unless I want to, but it sure looks pretty!
- a beautiful rosary and crucifix purchased in Rome, and an icon purchased in Malta
- go to the bank and exchange currency back to Canadian dollars
- buy a new journal
- buy a baby gift
- sort out the gifts from my trip for various people
- unpack
- burn a cd for a friend
- get over jet-lag
- buy cough drops
- laundry
- change voicemail message to indicate I'm back in the country
- call my best friend, M.
- call my baby brother, T.
- learn how to use the chat feature in g-mail
- write a blog post (oh, wait, that one's nearly done)
- cook - food that is post travel upset stomach friendly
- light candles
- burn incense
- long walk in the park
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Crazyness!
Just stopping in for a minute on my lunch break. Life is looking a little crazy from now until the moment right up until I leave.
People to see. Errands to run. Dozens of things to accomplish at the office. My temporary replacement to start training tomorrow. All sorts of things that have sat by the wayside for the last few weeks of busyness to catch up on. Cleaning to do.
Feeling slightly frazzled, and like I'm moving in 17 directions at once. Not loving the feeling, but knowing that it's really short term!
Later!
People to see. Errands to run. Dozens of things to accomplish at the office. My temporary replacement to start training tomorrow. All sorts of things that have sat by the wayside for the last few weeks of busyness to catch up on. Cleaning to do.
Feeling slightly frazzled, and like I'm moving in 17 directions at once. Not loving the feeling, but knowing that it's really short term!
Later!
Monday, December 17, 2007
In the thick
Things at work remain out of control busy. I think they'll be this way until I leave. My last day is January 8th. Only 12 days of work left.
The first half of this week is a little wild, too, with Christmas engagements and trying to see friends before everyone scatters for the holidays and I leave town for five weeks.
So, if it's quiet around here until Thursday, that's why!
See you around!
The first half of this week is a little wild, too, with Christmas engagements and trying to see friends before everyone scatters for the holidays and I leave town for five weeks.
So, if it's quiet around here until Thursday, that's why!
See you around!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Dreaming....(again)
The last couple of nights have been restless again.
I'm learning to be okay with the moments when my dreams are clear and vivid - even if they're disturbing, because at least I can then write them down, pray through and process them. And Jesus seems to be speaking quite a lot in my dreams again lately - which (while I still wish at times He'd pick another time and method) is generally a very good thing.
It's the moments like the last two nights that I don't like. The ones where I wake up in the morning, and know I've been dreaming through the whole night - flashes of images and emotions, but nothing is retained. Just a general uneasyness, and a sense of things poking at the edges of my conciousness, trying to be remembered, and just not quite making it.
I've learned that sometimes my soul prays while I'm asleep. This seems totally bizarre to my conceptions of prayer from my growing up years, but there are days when I wake, and know, quite simply, that my soul has been taking advantage of the fact that my mind is asleep to talk with Jesus about the cares and concerns of my heart. I actually really like this most times - though not exactly completely restful, I do wake up generally peaceful, and lighter, for having the cares of my heart communicated to the Lord in a deep way.
I think these last few nights have been a combination of prayer, and something else, and I'm tired, and, quite honestly, hoping for dreamless sleep over the next few nights.
There are things poking, nudging, rattling at the edges of my conciousness again today - things from my sleep the last two nights. Not sure what they are, but am feeling tired, unsettled...
Needing a day of rest - the physical kind, and the spiritual kind. A whole day, or maybe more. A day for sleep. A day for reading. A day for eating good food. A day for drinking tea. A day for writing. A day for talking with Jesus.
I actually have a bit of a retreat day planned for Thursday, November 1st. A special anniversary for me, and a day I'd booked off work to accomodate an event that actually doesn't begin until the next day.
My weekend is looking busy. An appointment with a friend tomorrow. Another for lunch on Sunday after church. Hopefully some rest time in between - I've taken tonight off - debating the merits of going to a movie solo. I want to see the Beatles musical that's playing... May just rent something, or stay in and lay in a hot bath with a couple good books. Cooking dinner either tonight or tomorrow night - the ingredients are waiting in my refrigerator...
Hoping to make it until Thursday, through incredibly busy days at work, and socially. Trusting Jesus to give just enough strength and energy for each moment, as I spend quite a bit of time with troubled friends the next several days.
I'm learning to be okay with the moments when my dreams are clear and vivid - even if they're disturbing, because at least I can then write them down, pray through and process them. And Jesus seems to be speaking quite a lot in my dreams again lately - which (while I still wish at times He'd pick another time and method) is generally a very good thing.
It's the moments like the last two nights that I don't like. The ones where I wake up in the morning, and know I've been dreaming through the whole night - flashes of images and emotions, but nothing is retained. Just a general uneasyness, and a sense of things poking at the edges of my conciousness, trying to be remembered, and just not quite making it.
I've learned that sometimes my soul prays while I'm asleep. This seems totally bizarre to my conceptions of prayer from my growing up years, but there are days when I wake, and know, quite simply, that my soul has been taking advantage of the fact that my mind is asleep to talk with Jesus about the cares and concerns of my heart. I actually really like this most times - though not exactly completely restful, I do wake up generally peaceful, and lighter, for having the cares of my heart communicated to the Lord in a deep way.
I think these last few nights have been a combination of prayer, and something else, and I'm tired, and, quite honestly, hoping for dreamless sleep over the next few nights.
There are things poking, nudging, rattling at the edges of my conciousness again today - things from my sleep the last two nights. Not sure what they are, but am feeling tired, unsettled...
Needing a day of rest - the physical kind, and the spiritual kind. A whole day, or maybe more. A day for sleep. A day for reading. A day for eating good food. A day for drinking tea. A day for writing. A day for talking with Jesus.
I actually have a bit of a retreat day planned for Thursday, November 1st. A special anniversary for me, and a day I'd booked off work to accomodate an event that actually doesn't begin until the next day.
My weekend is looking busy. An appointment with a friend tomorrow. Another for lunch on Sunday after church. Hopefully some rest time in between - I've taken tonight off - debating the merits of going to a movie solo. I want to see the Beatles musical that's playing... May just rent something, or stay in and lay in a hot bath with a couple good books. Cooking dinner either tonight or tomorrow night - the ingredients are waiting in my refrigerator...
Hoping to make it until Thursday, through incredibly busy days at work, and socially. Trusting Jesus to give just enough strength and energy for each moment, as I spend quite a bit of time with troubled friends the next several days.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Scheduling and Prioritizing
I'm thinking a lot about scheduling and prioritizing again lately. Having conversations with a variety of friends. Reading a book another friend recommended I pick up.
Needing to figure out what exactly the most important things are. Knowing what some of them are, and needing to figure out how to give them the time they deserve. Needing to build white space into my life on a regular basis - not just on unexpected evenings like tonight when something is canceled.
I fell asleep on the couch trying to read and pray for the last hour... I had an abnormally late night last night, abnormally early morning this morning, but still... needing to find a way to rest more consistently...
laying here, thinking about priorities, and half-way watching my television show... going to bed soon...
----------------
Now playing: Frou Frou - Let Go
via FoxyTunes
Needing to figure out what exactly the most important things are. Knowing what some of them are, and needing to figure out how to give them the time they deserve. Needing to build white space into my life on a regular basis - not just on unexpected evenings like tonight when something is canceled.
I fell asleep on the couch trying to read and pray for the last hour... I had an abnormally late night last night, abnormally early morning this morning, but still... needing to find a way to rest more consistently...
laying here, thinking about priorities, and half-way watching my television show... going to bed soon...
----------------
Now playing: Frou Frou - Let Go
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Domestic things
Have I ever mentioned how much of a home body I am?
I love quiet Saturdays when the house is empty of everyone but me, and I have a list of homey type things to work my way through.
Laundry.
Putting dishes away.
Cooking myself lunch.
Updating my budget.
Clean, fresh sheets on my bed.
Sorting through cookbooks.
Watching tv on dvd.
Sweeping.
Organizing my desk.
A trip to the library.
Emails from friends and family.
Tea and candles.
Incense.
Jason Upton playing in the background as I go about the day.
Dinner plans.
Looking for ideas in scrapbooking magazines.
These are the sorts of things I've engaged in today, with more still on the agenda.
Megs is coming over tonight for a Grey's Anatomy marathon complete with junk food. It's been a few weeks since we've had time to hang out thanks to competing work schedules, after work commitments, and her new boyfriend. I'm looking forward to watching several episodes of Grey's and catching up with one of my best friends.
See you around!
I love quiet Saturdays when the house is empty of everyone but me, and I have a list of homey type things to work my way through.
Laundry.
Putting dishes away.
Cooking myself lunch.
Updating my budget.
Clean, fresh sheets on my bed.
Sorting through cookbooks.
Watching tv on dvd.
Sweeping.
Organizing my desk.
A trip to the library.
Emails from friends and family.
Tea and candles.
Incense.
Jason Upton playing in the background as I go about the day.
Dinner plans.
Looking for ideas in scrapbooking magazines.
These are the sorts of things I've engaged in today, with more still on the agenda.
Megs is coming over tonight for a Grey's Anatomy marathon complete with junk food. It's been a few weeks since we've had time to hang out thanks to competing work schedules, after work commitments, and her new boyfriend. I'm looking forward to watching several episodes of Grey's and catching up with one of my best friends.
See you around!
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Happy Birthday to Me
I spent the morning (from 6 am til noon) sitting in the back of my dad's drift boat, floating down the world famous Bow River while my aunt and uncle were fly fishing.
I'm going to Elbow Falls for a bit this afternoon.
Then birthday dinner tonight.
Another good day.
I'm going to Elbow Falls for a bit this afternoon.
Then birthday dinner tonight.
Another good day.
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