Catching Up

I am playing catch-up today.

My day started crazily when I discovered that the road I generally drive to get to work after driving L. at the train is closed, and that the detour is rather time consuming.

I've waded through close to 85 emails, with about 35 or so that are going to require follow-up.

I've sorted through accumulated mail.

I've met with four different staff members to catch up on the bits and pieces I missed while I was gone.

I'm pondering crisis mode and putting out fires. I'll probably write more about that later today. About thoughts on that topic as I come away from the first real extended time of rest that I've had in two and a half years.

In the meantime, I'm going to spend my lunch hour playing catch-up on some personal errands and so forth that were neglected while I was away, and following work tonight, my roommate and I will be going grocery shopping so that we can eat for the next week or so. After groceries, my objective is to get unpacked from the trip, and maybe even do a bit of laundry. We'll see how that plan goes.

If I owe you an email, it'll come. I'm not sure how soon, but it'll come. This week is incredibly busy both professionally and personally, and I'm fighting off a cold that I caught at the tail end of my holidays.

So, excuse me while I play catch-up. I'm hanging around here, even if it stays a bit quieter than usual for the next few days.

Wild Week, Thursday Morning

I have a collection of thoughts and quotes I'll likely share later today. Things that arrived in my inbox yesterday or today, carrying much needed encouragement.

This has been a bit of a wild week so far.

Since Sunday, the following rather wild and unsettling "big" events have happened (this is completely ignoring the myriad of smaller things):

• I've been at the scene of a stabbing, and had the image of a blood spattered bike path rather ingrained into my brain
• I received news that someone who has appeared a few times in dreams that have led me to pray received a cancer diagnosis, complete with an apple sized tumor, and is undergoing further tests to determine the appropriate course of aggressive treatment
• I listened as a coworker began choking and nearly stopped breathing, saved only by the quick thinking first-aid skills of another coworker. I've had the sounds of her gasping to breathe and trying to call for help ingrained into my brain. I also dealt with the panic and adrenaline, and later the immense adrenaline crash that came with that event.

It hasn't been a great week sight and sound wise for someone rather susceptible to those things.

Sleep last night was disturbed. Dark things near me. It happens from time to time, and to be honest, in some ways, as exhausted as I am this morning, I'm encouraged, too, by the night I had. I was far less concerned through the course of the night than usual on these occasions, and actually managed to get some rest. And, this morning, the lingering fear and panic that also often come on the tails of rough nights like that are far diminished.

I am exhausted, but relatively peaceful. I have within me a growing trust that Jesus will draw near and hold me in those terribly dark moments.

I have, however, somewhat good naturedly, declared that today must be a quiet day. That it is not allowed to have any crises, because my body is not up to any more of those this week.

The plan is to do a few errands after work tonight, and then return to an empty house (my roommate will be out for the evening) and slap a clay mask on my face, and recline on the couch, watching some of the newest season of Grey's Anatomy on DVD, and painting my finger and toe nails. Time for a little self-pampering. (Also for drowning the very good natured jealousy I'm feeling towards a friend who is fulfilling one of my life-goals and seeing U2 live in concert tonight.)

Fuzzy... and other things

My headache isn't going away. (I may have to take another pill.) And it's making my brain functions just a little bit fuzzy.

I'm feeling relief. I've followed through on a decision, and made (at least as much as possible at this point) a commitment.

I talked to the young lady I desperately needed to track down last night. She leaves tomorrow. At least I have a way to contact her in the new city and make sure (as much as one can long distance wise) that she's okay on a weekly basis for the next while. I've got a few feelers out for resources and support for her in that city as well. I fear just a little for her - she's walking back into a situation that has in the past been threatening. Praying protection, peace, a shield and covering over her life. Praying that she would know the support of those who love her, know that she's not alone. Praying that the lies that are bombarding her would not penetrate.

I am not by nature good at long-distance crisis. I am a planner, a fixer. When something like this happens, I find myself mentally evaluating what the worst that could happen is, and then working solutions to that in my head. So this morning I've thought about phone calls from hospitals, needing to get a flight out there, wondering if another friend would travel with me, and how I would afford those things.

And then, I realize that I'm taking control again, and I find myself once again in front of Jesus, having to say, "My hands are open, take this from me. I'm not in control, and I can't fix or heal this, but you can. May your will be done. Use me or don't. Protect her life and comfort her."

I think that this is a good place to be.