Holding My Place

Is it weird to say that I already knew late last night what this week would look like? That I think Jesus was whispering a warning to me, letting me know that this would be a week that would require much of me, that would sap my energy, drain my strength, and test my resolve?

I was at a Paul Brandt concert last night - and it was FANTASTIC! worth every minute over the last five years that I've waited because I missed getting tickets when they sold out too quickly. I had a GREAT TIME! A much needed time to chill out, to not think, to relax and laugh and sing along with friends. My only regret is that I looked at the ticket, and it said "no cameras" so I left mine in the trunk of my friend's car. So many people had cameras, and we had great seats, would have been nice to have the camera there with me...

As my roommate and I were driving home, though, I began to feel the whispers...

And I knew, with a great deal of certainty, that I wasn't going to get much sleep last night. (this proved true - I was horizontal, with my eyes closed for about six hours, but was awake for much of that, I know I came awake at least 4 separate times).

I woke feeling nauseous, achy, and knowing exactly what kind of day I was about to push through.

I'm not interested in fighting, though I know I'm under attack just presently.

Gaining ground is not even on my radar this week.

I will be happy with holding my place. With making it through without collapse or defeat. That, in my eyes, will be a victory this week.

I'm listening to a mix cd that I made for a friend a few months ago. The lyrics are spilling over me and helping me to hold on. They're helping me to ignore the tension in the office around me. They're helping me to ignore the migraine that's threatening. They're helping me to ignore the fact that my body's thermostat is once again acting up and refusing to heat me. They're helping me to ignore the upset stomach, and the infected nose piercing, and the general desire to melt into a puddle and cry my eyes out.