Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 227

Today's Daily 5:

1. kicking my day off by having a fabulous conversation over tea with a friend
2. friends who are walking out and learning some of the same lessons that my heart is learning
3. a job interview that was actually almost fun (when was the last time you had a job interview where one of the questions was "what is the best compliment you've ever received?")
4. Getting the job!
5. I invited a long time friend to come and be our guest teacher at house church tonight on "hearing God's voice."  he did a great job, and the results and exercises were fabulous.

So...today...

So today:

• I'm feeling slightly revived after one of the better sleeps I've had in several weeks
• I'm spending the morning with a friend, having coffee and catching up
• I need to study Greek and Latin word bases in preparation for a quiz tomorrow
• I have a job interview
• I'm wearing a necklace that I really like
• I'm praying for house church tonight, and for the friend who I asked to come as a guest speaker/teacher for the evening.
• I'm thinking about some laughable moments that may ensue
• I'll be applying for several more jobs
• I'm hoping the sun is out (I live in a basement, and I haven't seen outside yet)
• I'm scraping through my closet, trying to find job interview appropriate clothing.  My student wardrobe consists of a lot of jeans and hoodies.  I haven't exactly used a lot of my office employee wardrobe in the last year.
• I'm thinking about how every time I do eagle pose (the arm part, more than the leg part) in a yoga class, I end up sore the next day, because it stretches and pulls the parts of my shoulders and upper back that remain tight and sensitive, over a year after the car accident that injured them.
• For the moment anyway, I'm mostly smiling

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 226

Today's Daily 5:

1. I woke up this morning to discover that sometime in the middle of the night, my modem had decided it didn't want to support my wireless internet.  NOT good for someone who relies on internet to keep in touch with most of her closest friends.  I made an early morning call to tech support from my internet provider, and was pleasantly surprised when I got through almost immediately, was able to work with (and understand the English of!) the guy on the other end, and get it fixed, without an onsite visit (which would be, umm, challenging given the crazy living situation at Grandma's).  Hooray for good tech support!
2. Brightly colored toe nails - just a goofy thing, but catching a glimpse of my brightly painted toes did make me smile
3. I was in a drugstore to pick up dental floss before going to my yoga class tonight, and spotted Almond Joy pieces.  Almond Joy is my favorite chocolate bar, and unavailable in Canada, so the "pieces" were a shock, which I promptly purchased to go with that dental floss.  They're nowhere near as good as the actual chocolate bars, but were tasty, and did make me smile
4. I totally dragged myself to yoga tonight.  It hadn't been the easiest day, and I wasn't feeling great.  BUT, that feeling after yoga, the relaxed, I could melt and fall asleep right here on my mat on the hard floor feeling?  Totally worth it.
5. Aiming for an earlyish bedtime tonight - basically I'm shooting for lights out before midnight for the second night in a row!  That's a big deal for me!

Wednesday Randoms

I spent 40 minutes on the line with internet tech support at home this morning.  Thankfully, they were able to solve the problem.  Here's hoping it stays solved, since it definitely wasn't how I'd planned to start my day.

And now? now I'm sitting in a hallway at school, surfing job websites, catching up on some blog reading, and writing this post in which I really have very little to say.


I'm pretty tired, and I woke up with a bad headache this morning.  The drugs are kicking in and making this morning of history lectures a doable feat.  Some night soon, I imagine, I have to be able to sleep better than I have been lately.  At least I hope so.


I'm planning to go to a yoga class tonight, and looking forward to it.  But, if I don't feel a bit better by then, I'll probably go home instead.


It's been that kind of week.  A weird mixture of stuff.  Of not sleeping, and consequently not feeling all that great.  Of carving out time for rest, and ending up restless.


At least I'm getting some reading done as I sit on the bus every day.  I have rather a lot of books to get through in a short amount of time at the moment, so time on the bus to read is a very good thing.


And with that, it's almost time for class, so I'll sign off!  See you tonight for the daily 5!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 225

Today's Daily 5:

1. a much needed lazy morning.  sleep has been "interesting" and filled with dreams again lately, so it was nice to not have to go right from that place up and into the day, but to rest in bed a bit instead.
2. leftovers for lunch - some of my favorite pasta, a dish I hadn't made since L. left the country, until I made it for mom and dad last week
3. I finished listening to an audiobook today.  such a good way to just be in ten or twenty minute increments while I'm doing something else that doesn't require my brain.
4. sliding my feet into the cozy suede and sheepskin slippers L brought for me from New Zealand
5. bright pink toe nails (I painted them last night!)

The Lesson of the Present Moment

I read this post that Sarah Markley wrote today.

This line hit hard:

I’m stupid if I tell God to USE ME but don’t CHANGE ME.


uh. yeah.

After a year of deconstruction - the car, the job, the roommates, the fall and injury and then reinjury, the complete change of life direction, the crazy living situation, the not getting into the program in January, the deep wounds that are oh so slowly surfacing and being healed, the very unexpected decisions - after that year, I'm STILL wrestling with God.

Still saying, "use me, but please don't make me change."

You'd think I'd be getting better at this by now.


I'm becoming very aware, these last few weeks particularly, of that tendency to get really ticked off and uncomfortable when MY plan doesn't seem to mesh with where HE's calling.

Basic surrender and trust.


I'm still learning it, and I was reminded that this, surrender and trust, is the lesson of the present moment when I read Sarah's post this morning.

Mini Reviews (Part 5)

Letters from the Land of Cancer (Walter Wangerin Jr.)

I was hoping for more from this title.  A memoir of his journey through cancer treatments, the book is a series of letters to friends and family, with a few reflections interspersed.  I think that I was hoping for a more intimate account of the day to day struggles, and this isn't what was provided.  That said, towards the end of the book, I was moved to tears as I sat on the bus and read the closing of his account.  It's not the easiest read, not particularly flowing, and perhaps even a bit dense - like reading the correspondence of a stranger, without any emotional attachment.  So, not a stellar recommendation, but definitely not a wasted read.

In the Land of Invisible Women: A Female Doctor's Journey in the Saudi Kingdom (Qanta A. Ahmed, MD)

 

This was an absolutely fascinating read, and one which I will likely re-read at some point in the months to come.  It is the personal account of a single female British Muslim doctor, who, after training in the United States, suddenly found herself without a visa, and accepted a position in Saudi Arabia.  It explores medicine, her experiences as a woman, and as a Muslim.  I was particularly captured by her description of her experience of hajj, and of encounters with the religious police.  As I read I found myself making a list of questions, to be answered with further reading and research.  A book that captures me with narrative and leaves me with challenging questions for further reading and study is pretty much my definition of a great read.  For those interested in Islam, the middle east, memoir, culture, or even women's issues, this is definitely worth the time spent reading, and as I said, I expect to re-read it later in the year.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 224

Today's Daily 5:

1. A really heart-warming moment on The Amazing Race
2. a fruit smoothie for breakfast, and vietnamese noodles for lunch at school
3. a Kit Kat bar
4. getting a necklace that I'd ordered quite some time ago with my one word for this year on it in the mail today.
5. knocking a number of lingering and nagging tasks off of my to-do list when I got home tonight, but one in particular that had been there for weeks.

Monday Again

It's Monday again, and after a very full last week and weekend, my brain is a little bit on overload and most definitely rambling.

I'm about half-way through my day of classes, time wise.  Two more classes to go for the day, but one is three hours long.

My first class on Monday mornings is a tutorial for an introductory class that has been making me just a little bit crazy.  Every week I show up for this tutorial, which is supposed to be an hour long, and make the (less than applicable) information presented in the lectures clear and applicable.  Unfortunately, the tutorial is an exercise in futility.  It almost never lasts more than 20 minutes of the allotted 60.  Today the main point the TA was trying to communicate was this:  Pop culture reflects ideas, and we are influenced by it differently than we are by academics.  Really?  Pop culture tries to influence us? 

I try very hard when sitting in that tutorial to not think about just how much tuition I paid for this kind of junior high social studies quality exercise.  I am greatly anticipating the moment when I get to fill out an evaluation of this course.  I've been looking forward to the chance to be explicit on just how poor the course really is for the whole semester.

So, I need to get through about 4 more hours of classes.  And then I have some catching up to do at home tonight - a bit of reading, a bit of writing, a bit of greek and latin review.  But tomorrow, tomorrow I'm taking the day off (except for one class I need to attend).  NO school work Tuesday!

Thankfully, as school goes, and even as personal commitments go, this week is less busy than the last several.  Not, by any means slack, but a bit less busy.    I need to start working on my last two term papers, but I have two weeks before they are due, and that is loads of time to produce what I hope will be high quality analysis of the topics and score me decent grades.  Witch-hunting in early modern Europe and the life of Ernesto "Che" Guevara.  How are those for diverse paper topics?  (I may have let nearly all of my term paper topics be inspired by movies this semester... Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and one of my favorite movies of all time, "The Motorcycle Diaries").

Also, on another entirely random train of thought, compared to the style manual that I usually use, APA style is ugly.  No justified margins, an indented paragraph first line. In text citations instead of nice clean footnotes.  It's ugly.  The one advantage as far as I can see is that you can use headings.  That at least means that you eliminate the challenge of smooth and flowing transitions.  After writing a paper in APA style over the weekend, I'm looking forward to going back to the Chicago style that I'm much more familiar with for the next two papers.

I'm looking forward to watching a couple of television shows online tonight while I do some of the catch-up on homework and cleaning and all the little tasks that I let slide to make it through the crazyness of last week.  That sort of vegging is so needed right now.  A little bit of television (the sort of reality television I favor - The Amazing Race and America's Next Great Restaurant).  And maybe a little bit of reclaiming control of some stuff that had to slide in favor or more urgent things the last week or two.  I can't wait!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 223

Today's Daily 5:

1. A quiet Sunday morning
2. getting an errand that had been on my list for several weeks accomplished
3. the satisfied feeling of printing off two completed assignments to be handed in tomorrow
4. the first hot-crossed-bun of the season
5. a fascinating evening of teaching and questions about Islam

What Not to Wear?

I'm having the sort of day where I ignore the famous Stacey & Clinton rules.

I plan to wear my workout clothes - yoga pants, a t-shirt, and a hoody for pretty much the whole day.

I know, I know.  Don't wear workout clothes except to workout.

Who cares?!

Today I'm shooting for comfortable, so I'm curled up in my comfy clothes, in the recliner, with a blanket and my neck pillow, and magic bags.  And this is pretty much my plan for the morning.

And it's beautiful!

Much needed comfort and rest.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 222

Today's Daily 5:

1. Fun numbers like 222.
2. a great yoga class this morning.  I went in really stiff and sore and thought I was going to pass out a couple times during the class, but left in much less pain (in parts of me anyway) and feeling warm and relaxed and a bit more ready to face the day ahead.
3. A perspective shift - I was quite frustrated to have to take 2 hours out of a busy day to make a trip to the university library to pick up a book that had arrived for me.  I'm so glad I did, though, since the book ended up being an incredibly useful source for the term paper that I had to write today.
4. The way taking a long shower nearly always works some sort of magic and makes you feel better
5. breaking an overwhelming challenge into manageable chunks and then slowing accomplishing each one
6. finding ways to break up the challenges - supper breaks, play Angry Birds for a few minute breaks, a massage break, and oreo cookie breaks.
7. getting a massage/natural health treatment from my mom.  I was feeling pretty crummy today, and between yoga and the massage (and some painkillers) I'm doing quite a bit better now
8. Getting the major portion of the term paper I was most concerned about written.  It's due Monday, but it's done.  All I have to do tomorrow is a quick edit, check one citation, and create the references page.  Maybe an hour of work, tops!
9. The huge sense of accomplishment (and relief!) that comes from plowing through a fairly challenging task in a relatively short and intense period of time
10. Knowing that tomorrow I can actually fully enjoy my Sunday morning time at home alone, without having this paper hanging over my head.

Saturday Morning, Full Speed Ahead

I'm still in bed, but I just swallowed the handful of my morning vitamins, and I'm munching on a banana while sitting in the blue glow of the light from my SAD lamp.

In 40 minutes a friend will arrive to pick me up.  30 minutes after that, the 90 minute yoga class we're taking together will begin.  And when that's over, I'll come home, clean up and change clothes and head to the university library to pick up a book that I wasn't expecting to arrive, but am glad for, since it will help immensely with the paper I need to write this weekend.  After the university trip, I will be burying myself in research on diagnostic testing and labels for people with disabilities.  The pros and cons.  Are they helpful or harmful? What are the implications (practically and ethically) for working with people with disabilities?  I'll be compiling all of this research into an 8-10 page paper, figuring out APA style citation which I haven't used in probably a decade (why, oh why, must every discipline have their own style of citation???), and hopefully managing to accomplish the vast majority of this paper by the end of the night tonight, since tomorrow also holds a few commitments on my time, and I'd really like to protect my few hours of Sunday morning sanity and alone time from being infringed upon by term paper writing.

To be honest, I botched my schedule and created this rush of paper writing frenzy.  I knew about the project that was due yesterday, but forgot to look past the Friday to realize that there was a paper due Monday as well.  I built my schedule for the last week around the Friday project and the week was half-way over when I realized there was also the Monday paper.  And so, I'm scrambling, just a little.

Moments like that make me thankful that papers have always been easy for me.  Writing comes fairly naturally, and, while I'm worried about this paper the most of all the papers I have to write this term, because it is on the topic I have the least familiarity with, I am not overly worried.  There will be a paper by the time it needs to be handed in on Monday.  Really, there will be a paper by Sunday night, since it needs to be printed before I go to school early on Monday morning.

So.  It's Saturday morning, and today will be one of those full speed ahead kinds of days.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 221

Today's Daily 5:

1. The comfort of my own pillow.  I sleep in a fabulously comfortable bed the nights I stay at mom and dad's, but there is just something so great about having your own pillow.
2. A new system with the university library catalogue where you can hit a button and have the call number for the book you need texted to your phone.  You can even include which floor of the library it is that you'll have to hunt on to find that call number (essential since the building has 9 floors.)
3. A cancelled class in the midst of a very full day.  The second day in a row where I've had about an hour or so of much needed, very unexpected breathing space
4. the satisfaction of marking even just a few very small things off of lists
5. I hate the cold, but we had a hoar frost overnight that turned trees and bushes and chainlink fences into beautiful white lacy things.
6. those moments when tears are cathartic instead of just painful
7. a steak sandwich
8. spending the evening with my friend J, from high school.
9. laughing as we read goofy quotes outloud to each other from these fabulous journals we discovered in Chapters tonight
10. a funny and timely fortune in a fortune cookie.

Cuddling a Baby

My dear friends A and B welcomed their daughter (Baby N) to the world early in January, and yesterday I finally managed to spend some time with A and get to meet N.

She's adorable!  She has her momma's latina head of lots of dark hair, and olive complexion, and her daddy's blue eyes, which make for a surprising and striking combination.  I think this little one is going to be a knock-out when she gets older!

A and I spent several hours visiting, catching up and chatting about how the last time I saw her, mommy-hood hadn't arrived and now, now she's a mommy!  We talked about everything and anything, and interspersed it with cuddling N, and cooking (A is Colombian and taught me how to make a sort of corn cake called arepas that's a traditional Colombian dish).

So, this is me, cuddling N.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 220

Today's Daily 5:

1. 1 year, 220 days of making these lists - I'm getting close to the two year mark, y'all! (also, I do very occasionally say "y'all".  and yesterday I said a word and the friend I was with cracked up and told me I sounded like an American!  Good thing I have that dual citizenship to make it legit for me to sound that way!)
2. Being the first to dip into a new jar of peanut butter, ruining that perfect smooth finish with a big knife full of yummy goodness
3. A postponement that gave me a bit of much needed time to breathe this morning
4. moments of quiet thought
5. google reader on my iphone
6. Arepas - a traditional Colombian dish that a friend taught me to make today.  
7. Cuddling a three month old baby (pictures coming tomorrow!)
8. a great, wide-ranging conversation with a very dear friend - probably the only friend who I can have that sort of conversation with who lives locally.
9. we ended up having a laid back night at house church too, just hanging out because only a couple people showed up, and calling it a night early.  That was so great for me too.
10. I finished up one of my term projects and it feels great!  It's ready for submission tomorrow morning, and I'm gearing up for the next one that is due on Monday.

Stuck

I'm sitting on a train that's delayed.

It has been a full and lovely day and I'm off to house church and just wanted to atop in here and say hi!

See you in several hours for the daily five!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 219

Today has been the sort of day that spans the total gamut of emotion and experience.  I've been surprised, tired, amused, encouraged, frustrated.  I've laughed, sobbed, and felt ambivalent.  It's been quite the day, one I'm glad came, and one I'm kind of glad is over.

So, here's today's Daily 5:

1. A home-made muffin for breakfast
2. The surprise chance to spend some time this afternoon with one of my oldest friends, the friend who was with me the night I was healed from depression.  We hadn't seen each other in over a year, and it was great to spend a couple hours sitting in a pub, sharing and catching up.
3. Laughing at some of the ways God has been working in both of our lives
4. I cooked dinner tonight.  A dish that was a staple when L and I were living together, and one I hadn't eaten in probably a year.  Peas and Bacon in Alfredo Sauce, over bowtie pasta.  So good.
5. Chocolate chip cookies
6. Finding a way to work a clip from a Monty Python movie into a term project presentation for one of my classes
7. Ending the night, after a very hard conversation with a family member, giggling with a friend on the phone.
8. the anticipation of good times with friends in the next couple of days
9. Some quiet time on the bus to just read
10. Thankful that I'm a night owl and can squish homework into the late evenings, allowing for a week that became unexpectedly very full.

Transit Evangelism

Wordpress has a blog with a daily post prompt that I follow, and every so often I flag one of these prompts for future reference or writing fun.

Yesterday, they posted this prompt, and I immediately began to chuckle, knowing just what story it was that I'd tell.  I have quite possibly told it here previously, but can't resist the chance to tell it again!


Topic #78:
What is the strangest thing that’s ever happened to you on a bus?

It was a Monday morning, around 7 am, and I had just boarded a train packed wall to wall with other rush hour commuters.  I had my headphones on, and a hood up around my face, and was preparing to get lost in the daze of the first day after the weekend commute, tired, and definitely not thinking entirely clearly.  There were people touching me on all sides, all also lost in that Monday morning commute daze.  We shared that mutual, "I want to be alone even though I'm being crushed by people" glaze in our eyes.

She was standing just behind and to the side of my right arm, which was reaching up to hold onto a strap overhead - the only way to keep my balance in a very full and moving train.  She was shorter than me (no small feat since I am barely five foot two inches tall), the top of her head near the armpit of my extended arm.  I'd noticed her when she got on the train, simply because she held a large bible in her arms, with ruffled pages, the mark of one that is well-used.

And then it began.

There was a rustling as she whipped something out of the bag she carried.

"You want this?" (her tone was brusque, confronting, interrupting the glazed peace we'd been enjoying.)

I looked to see who she was talking to.

It was me.

Great.

The train was so full that I couldn't even turn to fully face her, but I was her chosen target for the day.

"No thank you."

I returned to my glazed silence.

"Are you a Christian?"

She wasn't catching all of the silent "leave me alone" cues.  She was still waving the object she'd pulled out of her bag, an object that upon closer examination was a sermon CD from a large local church, in one of those white square envelopes.

"Yes, I am."  (Perhaps now this conversation is done?)

"What kind of Christian are you?  Are you evangelical?"  (Her tone remains brusque, insistent, almost attacking.)

"Yes, I'm evangelical."

"You want this?"  She offered me the sermon CD again, and again I politely declined.

"What church you go to?"  English was not her first language, and her tone and words demonstrated this.

Well, now I know I'm in trouble.  I was, at the time, attending a church with one of those non-traditional, post-modern, single word names.  The kind of names that sort of make older members of the faith community suspicious of the church, wondering if it isn't really a cult.

Honesty won out, and I told her the name.  "Epic."

There was a momentary pause as she assimilated this information.

"What kind of name for a church is that?  Should be 'Church of Christ' or 'Church of God in Christ!'"

We lapsed into another momentary awkward silence.  I looked around briefly, catching the eyes of all the other commuters, watching this Monday morning drama play out.  Their eyes said, "I'm so sorry it's you, but I'm sure glad it's not me."  I thought that perhaps this last answer had slaked her curiousity, but I'd underestimated her determination.

She burst out, "You have friends who are Pentecostal?"

"Yes."  (I was smiling, laughing inside, as I pictured a few of the ones with more Pentecostal leanings, including some who'd told me that they thought this sort of "street evangelism" could be effective.)

"You take this," she brandished the omnipresent sermon CD, "and give to them!"

I acquiesced, accepting the CD.  My stop was approaching, and it seemed the easiest way to end this horrifically awkward encounter.

The only thought in my shocked early morning brain was, "That is how NOT to do evangelism."

But that, that is not where this story ends.  There is a laugh yet to share.

After recounting my tale to my dad, he commented that as a pastor, if someone was using his sermon cds in such a fashion he'd want to know about it, so I contacted the church in question, sending an email, describing what had happened, and telling them that I thought that perhaps they'd want to look into this, since it didn't seem to present the best image of either the Christian faith, or of their church.

It was a few weeks before I heard back from the lady at the church that I had been in touch with.

She wrote to tell me of the roundabout way in which they'd discovered who was so brusquely evangelizing while using their materials.

A woman had approached her after services one Sunday, asking for prayer.  The church staffer agreed, asking what it was that she could pray about.  The anonymous woman confided that she'd received a ticket that week, and that she didn't want to tell her husband.

The ticket?  It was for being a public nuisance on the trains!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 218

Today's Daily 5:

1. Wearing a favorite hoodie
2. A bus that came on time
3. lunch and conversation with my pastor
4. a few hours of uninterrupted time to read, study, and ponder the questions the reading was raising
5. a really helpful natural health treatment
6. treating myself to Macdonalds
7. the best day I've had in several weeks in terms of managing moods and life and coming out feeling peaceful
8. laughing at the way the material for the study I'm leading is hitting home in my own life
9. smiling when I see the palm tree/beach scenes stuck to the wall beside my bed
10. finishing two different books that I had in progress

A Spinning, Discombobulated Post

If yesterday was the first day of spring, well, it made a poor showing here in Calgary, arriving with blustery dampness, and more snow, leaving me sleepy and rambling as I sat on the bus and pondered the fact that I had nothing planned for my blog for today.

I try to write these morning posts ahead of time, taking a chunk of time out of my weekend and sitting down to construct a string of thoughtful ponderings, book reviews and whatever fun things I encounter.

I'm writing this post at nearly midnight on Monday night, only hours before it will go live.  And it's the only post I've managed to schedule for this week thus far.

I feel a bit at a loss for words.

I have one book review I badly want to write, but I'm still working to form words around the way the words of another author are shaping my heart in this season.  I wish I could take each of you out for tea instead, paging through the book, reading favorite bits to you, trying to expound with facial expression and tone what I can't quite find the words for.

I'm reading another book that I'm quite sure will need a post of it's own as well.  It's about as different from the first as possible, polar opposites, really, though both are memoirs of sorts, written by women.  But this book, too, is working on my heart and mind in interesting ways.

This is a week full of school and people.  On the school front, there is the perpetual need to tackle Greek and Latin vocabulary lessons, a project to prepare, and a term paper to research and write, and the never ending assigned readings to accomplish.  On the people front, there is a lunch with my pastor, house church on Thursday evening (which I'm leading these days, so that will require my time as well), and arranged times to have meals or coffee or visits with at least three good friends who I simply don't manage to see regularly.

Life is moving quickly these days, and my internal world seems to spin as well, leaving me discombobulated, at a loss for words, and regularly turning an incredulous countenance to Jesus with the question, "Did you really say what I think you just said?"

The author Susan Isaacs has a line about conversation with God that goes, "Sarcasm is a viable form of communication."  My relationship with God is definitely marked all too regularly with a sarcastic quotation of one of my favorite Grey's Anatomy lines, "Seriously? Seriously?"

(Though I find myself working these days for a tone less marked with sarcasm and more characterized by a peaceful and trusting acquiescence.)

In the midst of the spinning it seems to be a season where I just don't have as many words to share in a public forum, nor the time I'd like to craft the words I do share.  And so, there will be more of these rambling, discombobulated posts as I devote time to school, to friends, and to my spinning internal world.  But hey, at least they reflect the true state of my life!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 217

Today's Daily 5:

1. Waking up in a comfy bed (a night on a much less comfy futon does wonders for my gratefulness for a good mattress)
2. Listening to an audio book on the bus
3. Browsing the university bookstore for a few minutes this morning, in the midst of a stop there to pick up more index cards for the ongoing cue card making process.
4. Being the first customer at the Vietnamese noodle place in the student center, and getting a steaming hot batch of rice vermicelli, freshly made, as part of my order (also, eating said noodles and acoutrements with chop sticks.)
5. A grade on a midterm I wrote a few weeks ago that made me grin with glee
6. Hummus and crackers
7. watching some old episodes of Grey's Anatomy
8. New pictures arrived in the mail today for my wall of smiles - they came with a letter and a little gift from some musical friends that I can't wait to load onto my ipod for bus listening pleasure
9. flickering tea lights in beautiful little blue glass holders that look like they were made somewhere exotic, purchased at 10,000 Villages a while back on clearance
10. a quiet evening to work and get a few things done

Monday Morning

I've made it through one class so far.  One of four today.

I'm sitting in the spot I usually camp out for this one hour break - a hallway corner near the classroom for my next class.

I'm about to eat Vietnamese noodles.  Yes, it's only 10 am, but this is the only class break I have between 9 and 4 on Mondays, and I simply can't fit enough food and snacks into my bag to cover those hours.  And so, on Mondays I eat noodles as some sort of meal between breakfast and lunch.

This week is shaping up to be busy - less so on a school front for a change, and more so on a personal front.

I'll get to see some good friends this week, and meet the daughter of a good friend, born almost three months ago now.

I don't have anything particularly enthralling to say this morning.  I'm tired.  It was one of those nights where my good intentions of landing in bed early were a failure, and once I did manage to get to bed, I had trouble falling asleep.

So, this is the sort of day where I just get through it.

Three more classes (including one three hour marathon lecture).

Then back to mom and dad's to pick up my stuff from the weekend.

And then finally back to grandma's.

I'm going to watch some reality television online tonight.

Tackle some homework.

Do a bit of writing.

And then rest before starting the process again tomorrow.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 216

Today's Daily 5:

1. Fresh fruit for breakfast (strawberries and kiwi)
2. A morning at home alone, watching the food network and resting
3. pomegranate green tea
4. freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
5. a bubble bath and reading a good book

Sunday Stuff

For the first Sunday in a little while, I'm at home, (well, mom and dad's home) instead of taking part in a various church activities, I stayed home, ensconced in an arm chair, wrapped in a blanket, with my neck pillow wrapped around my neck, a magic bag across a sore ankle, and another against my back.

I'm tired.  Very tired.  Life has been busier than it has been in a while, and I'm feeling drained. 

There's just lots going on.

So, I spent the morning curled up.  Watching some of my favorite brainless entertainment.  I caught a couple of episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress" and a bunch of Food Network shows, including Top Chef, which is definitely my favorite, and which I have yet to find available to watch online, and thus only get to see on these Sunday morning retreats.

And then I made cookies.  Chocolate chip. 

And painted my fingernails.  Clear.  (I paint the nails far less for the look than for the strength it adds to my rather fragile nails that have a tendency to break and tear.)

In a little while, I'll probably do a bit of homework in preparation for the week ahead, and make sure to get together some snacks/lunch for tomorrow's full day of classes.

I have a little bit of cleaning to do, to move back to the bedroom I normally stay in, here, from the room I stayed in last night since mom and dad were hosting guests overnight.  I'll probably do that this evening, when I have to be downstairs anyway, since dad teaches a Bible study upstairs on Sunday nights.

I'm taking a bit of time to pray for a friend, whose dad passed away yesterday, after a car accident that was caused when he had a heart attack on Thursday. 

And, at this moment, I'm leaning towards taking a long bubble bath later with one of the books I'm reading at the moment.

And red meat.  I kind of want red meat.  Hamburger, or a steak sandwich maybe.  Actually, just meat.  Clearly, based on the cravings I'm having, I'm in need of some protein.

And I think I'm going to make arrangements to do some cooking sometime this week.  I miss cooking on my own instead of helping mom prepare whatever it is that she's serving.

That's pretty much my semi-laid out plans for the day.  All flexible and totally subject to the whims of my moods!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 215

Today's Daily 5:

1. yoga this morning
2. a quieter afternoon, with lots of time to read
3. getting lost in a whole other world and culture as I read
4. the little red wax encased wheels of Babybel Cheese
5. an evening full of enjoyable conversation

Saturday Morning

It's Saturday morning and I'm officially kicking off a more relaxed weekend than I've had in quite some time.

At the present moment, I'm still in bed, though I won't be for long.

In about an hour I have to catch a bus to my usual Saturday morning yoga class.  I almost talked myself into skipping it today, but reminded myself just how much better I really do feel when I take those 90 minutes or so to exercise, to meditate, to be quiet.  So, yoga it is.

I have to get the sheets from the bed I sleep in at mom and dad's into the laundry before I go, too.  They have company coming to stay tonight, and when there is company coming I get displaced from the big queen-sized bed with a comfy mattress, to the smaller full-sized rather firm futon across the hall.  It's firm enough that if the company will be there for more than a night, I usually give up my escape to mom and dad's and go home to grandma's, thereby ensuring that my whole body won't ache from the hard mattress.  But this is only one night of displacement, and going "home" to grandma's tonight would cost me my lovely Sunday morning of sleeping in, and then having time with a completely empty house in which to just relax.  And that is a price I'm not willing to pay.  So, I'll wash the sheets, clean up the bedroom that is "mine" most of the time, and move my things across the hall for a night.

Other than yoga, though, and a bit of cleaning in preparation for the houseguests, I have NOTHING planned for this weekend.  Or at least nothing firmly on the schedule.  And that feels beautiful.

And with that, I'm off to crawl out of bed and start the day!  Hope it's a great one for all of you!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 214

Today's Daily 5:

1. Wearing (and smelling) my favorite perfume for the first time in ages
2. sun sparkling against grass wearing a fresh coat of heavy, early morning frost
3. snow covered mountains in the distance
4. good deals on some groceries
5. some blog posts that moved, challenged, or encouraged me
6. days that feel like spring even if it probably isn't really here yet.
7. made a new recipe (oatmeal orange muffins.  a longtime favorite that I've eaten many times, but never actually made)
8. it's the weekend!
9. getting engrossed in the newest book I'm reading
10. the wonders of melatonin that means that after years of not sleeping, I'm finally managing to sleep several hours in a row most nights.

A New Awareness of the Groaning

I'm hesitating, even as I sit down to write out these thoughts.  They seem so very....Christian.  It's the faith that I ascribe to, though a word whose public expressions and definitions I don't always love.  And yet, these are the things I've been pondering lately, and that is what this blog space has been for nearly six years now - a place to write out the bits and pieces I'm pondering.  To wrap words around those thoughts and give them form.

I'll probably never forget the first time I became aware on a deep, internal level, that Christ's death was necessary in part because of me.

It happened nearly two decades after I first invited Him to be the Lord of my life, kneeling next to my mom, against an itchy couch, on dark brown shag carpet.

I was in a Catholic church, and it was Palm Sunday.

Catholics mark Palm Sunday differently from the culture in which I'd been raised.  Protestants are joyous, celebrating the triumphal entry.  Services are full of construction paper palm leaves and children waving them, marching around the auditorium, singing Hallelujahs.  Two decades or more of observing faith, and I was pretty sure what I'd find when I sat down in a pew for a Saturday evening mass. 

I was wrong.

A few moments acknowledging the palms, the triumphal entry at the beginning, and then the account of the Passion.

It was a responsorial reading.  The priest read the role of Jesus, others the role of the major players, and the congregation, well, we read the part of the crowd.  And so I stood there, crying out with a hundred or so strangers, "Crucify him! Crucify him!"

It was a bizarre and personal experience, fully unexpected, and bearing with it a deep thankfulness for grace.

I found myself thinking about that moment again this past Sunday, as I read a professional code of ethics for one of the classes I'm taking.

Again, it feels odd to say this openly, but as I read the ethical code, I was struck deeply by the fallenness of the world.  As I read the code I thought about how codes of ethics, particularly this one, designed to protect those with limited abilities, mentally, emotionally, or physically, would be so unnecessary if we only loved and valued and respected life.  If there wasn't sin, and a fallen nature, we wouldn't need this.

It is, quite frankly, an uncomfortable, and unpopular thought.  It's not one that sits easily, even for me, and I ascribe to the theological beliefs from which it comes.  It feels intolerant and judgmental.

And yet, we have code after code designed to protect those who should not need protection - the weak, the ill, those who have some sort of limitation.  Code after code of things that should be common sense if we simply valued people, loved them deeply as ourselves.

I don't have conclusions to draw.  The moment of awareness on Sunday caught me off guard, and has left me uncomfortable all week.

I'm thinking a lot about the passages that speak of all creation groaning for redemption, for resurrection, to be made new.  And this week, as I sit with these questions, these awareness, as they make me uncomfortable, as I think about things I've been reading, as I follow news stories from Africa, the Middle East, Japan, I feel that groaning, and I pray for things to be made new.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 213

Today's Daily 5:

1. sleeping in
2. getting a ride to my destination for the day, and not having to carry what I needed for the day and for the weekend with me on the bus
3. getting an errand done (hooray for dropping off my taxes! fingers crossed for a decent return!)
4. A pork and mango taco
5. a treatment from my mom
6. finishing up all of the homework that actually HAD to be done this week - I can take the weekend off if I want (probably won't since next week is busy, but I could, and that feels great!)
7. Lindt Petits Desserts Hazlenut Chocolate Mousse (oh my goodness SO good!)
8. really good mini-cupcakes at house church (I normally don't like cupcakes, but these were really tasty!)
9. house church conversations and laughter
10. marking quite a few items off my list of "to do's" for the week today

Mini Reviews (Part 4)

A Cup of Friendship (Deborah Rodriguez)

I bought this particular title on a whim, based on a suggestion from a friend.  I'd loved Rodriguez's memoir Kabul Beauty School and was willing to give her first attempt at fiction a try.  It was a great story.  In many ways, the story-telling of Kabul Beauty School carried through to A Cup of Friendship, detailing the intersecting lives centered around a cafe in Kabul, and it's owner, Sunny.  The story-telling was fabulous, the characters complex and believable, and the book left you feeling as if you'd truly been given a window into both Afghani culture and the lives of the ex-pats living in Kabul after the initial defeat of the Taliban.  If you're interested in travel, and culture, and looking for an easy read, this is your book!

Mennonite in a Little Black Dress (Rhoda Janzen)

I listened to the unabridged audio version of this book, and I'll admit that I had high hopes for it, since I've had connections to the Mennonite culture for quite a number of years, studied Mennonite history in university, and had read positive things about the book on a few different blogs that I follow.  The text on the jacket promised that this title was "an immensely moving memoir of healing."  It didn't feel like that to me.  It felt like more of a chance to poke fun at the culture that the author suddenly found herself relocated back to, after some painful turns of events.  Janzen does not claim to profess the faith of her culture or her parents and her tone, though trying to be respectful, comes off almost as derisive and dismissive.  And honestly, I'm not sure we see a journey of healing, other than the physical healing that came as she recovered in her parent's home from the injuries sustained in a terrible car accident.  The book is humorous, but at times crass, and it seems as if Janzen goes out of her way to point out the many flaws of the faith and culture of her family and childhood, while focusing far less often on the positive things it also gave her.  I can't decide if I'd recommend this one or not.  It was funny, but left a bit of a bad taste in mouth as well.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 212

Today's Daily 5:

1. A day that started with being awoken to pray, and ended with hearing about other prayers being answered
2. tackling some homework
3. A great salad for supper - I wasn't expecting to really enjoy it, since what I really wanted was a burger or a steak, but it was really satisfying
4. a yoga class that focused on all my tightest and sorest spots
5. unexpectedly getting to hang out on skype with a friend for an hour or so
6. being able to laugh at some of the odder aspects of my week
7. a day that was mostly good
8. having a bit of time to read for pleasure on the bus
9. when the really soft toilet paper is on sale
10. some really good chocolate

Reading, Listening, Pondering

Because I can't figure out what else to share with you at the moment, here are a few thoughts from three random categories.

Reading

• I just finished Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts" and it will be getting a full post all to itself, just as soon as I can figure out how to put words around the way that this one is impacting my heart.
• Currently on the go for reading, I have, "Letters from the Land of Cancer", "Holy Cow", and "Forgotten God" (which I'm reading for a house church study that I'm also providing a good portion of the leadership to)

Listening

• Audio book: Mennonite in a Little Black Dress.  I'm almost finished with this one, and I'll probably be writing another mini-reviews post soon to talk about it and one or two others that I've read recently.
• Kindness - Steve Bell.  I've worked for Steve when he comes to town for about 15 years now, and this is his latest album.  I haven't had a ton of time to listen yet, but a quick perusal of the lyric booklet (I choose all music based on lyrics) tells me that the usual profound quality of Steve's lyrics and those of the others whose work he records is still there.  Early favorites off this album are the title track, the song "Absalom, Absalom," and "In Billy's Wake".
• I think I'm also going to dust off Steve's "Waiting for Aidan" album.  I seem to be the only one at the concerts I work that has this as my favorite of Steve's work, but this is the album I still return to in the moments when I'm struggling.  It was the only Christian album I could stomach during the many years I struggled with depression, and as I find myself again wrestling with some big questions, I feel a yearning to listen again.

Pondering

• Some big life direction questions.  The sort of "Are you really saying what I think you're saying, God" type of questions
• Some smaller but still very painful relational questions
• A day on the weekend where I was struck by a whole number of awarenesses all at once.  That hasn't happened in a while, and I feel a bit caught in the maelstrom of it all.  Not bad, but shocked at the things on the surface of my mind and heart.
• and praying for friends and friends of friends, scattered across bits of the world that are less than stable.  for war torn regions, and those that have been stricken by disaster.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 211

Today's Daily 5:

1. the first night of sleep under freshly washed sheets
2. managing to sleep just a bit longer
3. surprising answers as I journaled
4. my sparkly emerald colored nose ring
5. laughing at the comments on the post I wrote earlier about my nose piercing
6. bus drivers who wait when they see you running to catch their bus (so NOT the norm, and thus something to be thankful for, especially on a route that only comes twice an hour!)
7. Italian wedding soup
8. a quiet evening at home
9. the smell of scented candles
10. relieving news about a midterm grade

A Thing in Your Nose

On Sunday I attended the church my dad pastors, the church I grew up in, to hear some friends who are missionaries share their hearts.

Those of you who have been faithfully reading this blog know that I seem to have a certain magnetism for nosy older ladies when I pay visits to that church, and the seeming ability to shock them without trying (my favorite story on that front is recorded here).

This past Sunday was no exception, though it was a different lady, with a more bold approach than usual.

The service had ended, and I was standing with a small group of people - the missionary friends and a few others, when this particular lady walked up and inserted herself into our circle of conversation.

She paused for a moment, stared at my face, and then chose the following as her introductory remark:

"You have one of those things in your nose!"

She turned to our missionary friends, and commented that their daughter "does too."

I really thought we were past the stage where the elderly church ladies notice and are shocked by the tiny stud that I wear in my right nostril, since I've been wearing it for over three years now, but clearly I was wrong.

She continued to study my face intently.

"I could never do that.  I get sick too often and am always blowing my nose."

The mental image of this take charge matron of an old lady wearing a nose piercing was cracking me up.  Cracking me up in the inner voice starts to lecture sort of way, "Lisa Christine!  This would not be the appropriate time to laugh.  It would also not be the appropriate time to ask her where she had ever gotten the impression that anyone thought she should pierce her nose."

For once, the mental voice kicked in soon enough, and the filters reached my mouth.

I replied calmly, explaining (though with some secret amusement), that I too am often sick, and suffer from allergies and blow my nose constantly.  The nose ring is not a problem for this, and hasn't ever been, except perhaps for the first few weeks after it was done, when the wound was still healing.

"Well, isn't there a big thing in there, on the back, to keep it in?"

(My inner voice is still very amused that I am discussing the logistics of nose piercings with this "nosy" old lady, when only moments before I'd been having a very good conversation about ministry in South East Asia with my friends.)

And so, I explained the logistics of the fact that my particular nose ornament is made of surgical plastic or silicone, and no, it doesn't have a back, it's more of a corkscrew shape that prevents it from coming out, and it sits flush against the inside of my nostril.

This seemed to stymie her, and she moved on, leaving me rather amused that yet again my Sunday morning had taken an odd old lady turn.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 210

Today's Daily 5:

1. reading Deuteronomy 8:3-13 and the words coming at just the right moment
2. a surprise connection with a friend, and some encouragement that came from that
3. Vietnamese food from the little place on the university campus
4. using time easily and well
5. watching the finale of The Bachelor tonight online with a friend
6. a day, that despite some very heavy questions and hard decisions that are sort of constantly on my mind, managed to be mostly good.  not stellar, but not bad, and sometimes that's really all I can ask for.

Japan - Before and After

A friend emailed this link to me last night.

I found it incredibly helpful.

I'd been watching the coverage of the earthquake off and on since it happened, and had been struck by the devastation, but was struggling to truly grasp it, since I had no concept of what things had looked like before.

For those of you who didn't click through to the link, it's a series of overlaid satellite images.  The exact same area before the earthquake/tsunami, and again after.  It gives an incredible depiction of the destruction that has taken place.

And, as is so often true, moves my heart to pray more deeply.

Lord have mercy.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 209

Today's Daily 5:

1. Listening to friends share about their ministry this morning
2. Lunch wraps with veggies and chicken
3. good conversations with a few long-time friends at dad's church this morning
4. watching The Amazing Race
5. some surprising moments of talking with God today
6. Coincidences that were sort of above and beyond normal
7. Friends who listen and love and encourage
8. chicken fingers and french fries - a comfort meal that I haven't had in ages
9. marking a whole bunch of things off of lists today
10. not having to move much.  being able to accomplish most of what I needed to do from the comfort of an armchair, with my laptop propped on top of me.  this was a huge blessing on a day where I literally had no energy at all.

Totally Random

I really, really want to buy these.

Because how fun is it that they can be used in the middle of a page, instead of just on an edge like a normal punch?  The options for making cards would be endless!

Odd Day

This has been an odd sort of day, full of pondering, spinning thoughts, a few tears, and just general exhaustion.

Not bad, just odd for what has been normal lately.

I've spent a lot of time lost in thought, just generally feeling disconnected from what's happening around me, while sort of lost in my internal landscape.

I'm thinking about travel.

About the future.

I'm listening and praying and and waiting.

I've done some homework in the midst of that, and I have a bit more left to do.

I'm making lists and plans.

I like practical steps.

I'm thinking about things I've been reading and listening to.

And just at this moment?  I'm taking a break.

Since mom and dad are out for the evening, I'm taking advantage of the rare opportunity to watch The Amazing Race as it airs, instead of a day or two later.

I'm pausing to laugh at the sight of my favorite team, the cowboys Jett and Cord, saddling a yak in Kunming, China.

I'm watching as one team who is Chinese uses their heritage and language a bit to their advantage.

I'm resting in one of my favorite ways.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 208

Today's Daily 5:

1. slow waking and blogging while eating breakfast in bed to start my day
2. a perfectly ripe banana - still that combination of tangy and sweet - not yet at the overripe stage, but not green and hard anymore either.
3. A great yoga class - every class is different, depending on the instructor, and this instructor makes us work a bit more than some, and seems to heat the room a bit more.  I was grossly sweaty, but so relaxed when it finished.
4. A good appointment this afternoon
5. Being able to just crash for the evening after a draining couple of weeks
6. Blueberry coffee cake
7. Video discussions that are adding to the many thoughts surrounding a book I'm presently reading
8. Warm enough weather that I could trek across the city wearing a skirt today (with 3/4 length leggings underneath, but still a skirt!)
9. A great quote from a video on entitlement and expectation and gratitude that I was watching "Expectations are premeditated resentments."
10. Knowing that tomorrow is a fresh day with, (to quote as I'm known to do, Anne of Green Gables), "no mistakes in it yet."  A day in which to practice resurrection.

Saturday Randomness

I'm laying in bed at mom and dad's, getting ready to face the day.

There is a muffin and a banana on my bedside table.  On Saturday's especially, I eat breakfast in bed.  This is solely because I don't want to get out of bed any sooner than necessary, and on Saturday's it is imperative that I eat my breakfast by a certain time.

This is because I take a "warm yoga" class.  If I haven't had an hour or so to digest before that 11 am class, or if I haven't eaten, it's not good.  Somehow, I don't think keeling over, or puking in the middle of 90 minutes of exercise would be the healthiest thing around, so I make sure I bring some breakfast downstairs with me when I go to bed on Friday nights.

And, speaking of yoga, I cracked up on Thursday night, when, just as house church was getting ready to start, my phone buzzed with an email.  I checked it quickly and had to laugh.  It was an invitation to an event from my yoga studio, a fundraiser for a woman going through cancer treatments.  An invitation to ladies only, candle-lit, naked yoga.   Umm, I'm pretty comfortable with my body, but I think I'll pass.  No one needs to see that!  And I don't need to see that either!  I'm still laughing just imagining the concept.  I don't think even candlelight could make that sexy!

Today is going to be one of those days with lots of time spent on a bus as I transit to and from appointments.  I have a book I'm hoping to finish up, and then a novel.  I think I'm very informally shooting for reading the equivalent of a book a week this year, and novels are what will help me make that goal!  They are the books I can plow through in a couple of hours instead of a couple of weeks.  The brain candy.  I had stopped reading novels for quite a while, almost two years, actually, as I began to discover some interesting effects that a steady diet of brain candy was having on my emotions.  (That, I think, is a whole separate post, for another time.)  When I finally came back to them, I tried to do it (and still try to do it) with a level of balance.  I pick up novels that still teach me something.  Or I read ones that I know are "healthier" for me.  And I make sure to balance them with books that have more edifying and challenging content.  But today, after a couple of really full and challenging weeks, I think I'm going to finish up my more edifying title, and then dive into a novel on the bus.  (And, I'll just comment that novels can also very much be edifying and uplifiting as well.)

I'm tired these days.  Sleep has been more spotted with dreaming again, and I've had more early mornings than usual as school obligations have picked up speed.  And, honestly, right now, I'm just kind of traveling from one day to the next, making lists and hoping to tackle at least a portion of what they require from me in a given day.  I'm usually multi-tasking, though I'm also discovering the beauty of single-tasking as well.  This coming Monday, night, for example, I have three hours at home slotted out for some truly brainless entertainment.  It's on my calendar.  But I also know that while that is going on, I will be doing a load of laundry, and maybe some filing, and definitely some emailing.  Yesterday, though, when I needed to study, I simply closed all the windows that would normally distract, limited my ability to "cheat" and open them again, and surrendered to the lovely beauty of letting one thing have my complete focus. 

And that singular focus is perhaps my argument for bus reading - though these days I'm not so much doing the formal "bus reading" as squeezing reading in on my multiple trips around the city by bus.  But that is working, too, for now.  And really, depending on the number of places I need to be in a given day, it's not totally uncommon for me to spend up to four hours a day on a bus as I transit from place to place.  (Audio books are also lovely for this sort of transiting, since they don't have to be stopped for transfers, walking and the other things that come with a lifestyle where city transit is your main form of transportation.)

And now, now that I've rambled lengthily, clearing my brain a little for the day ahead, I'm off to prep for yoga, and for the rest of my day!  See you tonight for the daily 5!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 207

Today's Daily 5:

1. sweet and funny and insightful blog comments from friends
2. a flexible schedule that let me rearrange my day to make time to some extra studying
3. a moment of laughter over a bizarre comment and it's source
4. a good grade on an exam that I was really, really worried about
5. a text message comeback that literally made me laugh out loud
6. the magnetic powers of earrings strike again
7. getting through a really, really awkward encounter with some degree of poise and grace (and managing, though it took some work, for the aftershocks of that to not ruin my night)
8. the beautiful song "Here by the Water"
9. An evening of fabulous music
10. curling up in a comfy bed, ready to sleep.

Resting in Between

I'm taking an hour or so to vegetate in between obligations today.

I spent a very large chunk of the morning poring over 500 or so Greek word bases in an attempt to store them in my memory before writing a midterm.

Then I wrote the midterm (which went well!).

And now, now I'm taking an hour or so to rest, catch up with some blog reading, and the news out of Japan, and just breathe a little before heading out to my evening plans.

I'm working at a Steve Bell concert tonight.  (If you don't know his music, you should!)  I've worked for Steve every time he's been in Calgary since I was 12.  That adds up to seeing him live probably 20 to 30 times over the years.  Tonight's concert is a release concert for his new album, and I'm quite looking forward to it.  Should be a fun evening, filled with really great music!  Hooray!

And so, since I was puttering online for an hour, I thought I'd stop in and say hi!  I'll be back tonight as usual with the Daily 5!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 206

Today's Daily 5:

1. A morning where I didn't have to set an alarm
2. A quiet, unhurried morning
3. drinking mango juice through a straw
4. magic bags across my feet while studying in the cold basement
5. wearing cute earrings I'd forgotten that I even had before sorting them all onto my new earring rack
6. managing to laugh at a ridiculous moment this afternoon
7. a really inspiring email
8. a full Thursday of earring wearing with only one blip in the magnetic attraction of unwanted attention
9. apple cinnamon muffins
10. a really good discussion that I led at house church tonight, and walking away with unexpected truths to ponder

A Quiz for Thursday

It's been a little while since I posted one of these quizzes, so here's the latest one where the results made me smile:

You Should Light a Lavender Candle

You are sensitive yet resilient. You are spiritual and emotional, but you aren't fragile. In your group of friends, you are the intuitive one. You understand and empathize with others. You're the type of person who appreciates beauty. You see can see hope and potential. You genuinely kind and nurturing. You don't like conflict or chaos. You only want peace.

What Scent Candle Should You Light?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 205

Today's Daily 5:

1. Tea biscuits from Tim Horton's - my go to snack/meal on the days when I don't have food at home to pack and take with me
2. Laughing at a new audio book I've started listening to
3. Walking for a long time in my favorite park with my friend F.
4. A really good yoga class
5. cookies

Further Thoughts on Lent

It would seem that browsing the blog world on Ash Wednesday is a guilt inducing project for someone who has boldly (if somewhat glibly and also prayerfully) declared that this year what they are giving up for Lent is, well, Lent.  I've read post after challenging post this morning, detailing the intentions of some I know and some I don't for the next 40 days or so, as they seek to draw closer to God and prepare their hearts for Easter.

The truth is, the liturgical part of me, the part of me who spent five years at university basking in the history of the church and of the faith, feels just a bit longing today, as this Lenten season begins and I read of others entering into their chosen practices.  A text message yesterday from a friend who (accurately based on past experience) assumed that I might be attending a service somewhere today, and asking if she could join me, left me in the awkward position of explaining that no, I didn't have any intentions of attending a service, or of particularly practicing Lent this year.

But the part of me that loves history and tradition feels a bit bereft today, even knowing that a minimal Lenten practice is right for my heart this year.

And the truth is, that bereft feeling is a good thing.

It answers a question I'd been asking.  A question that is part of the reason for my decision to "give up Lent for Lent."

I'd been asking if that was truly a part of me, or if it was something I created in efforts to fit my surroundings and please others these last several years.

I'd remade myself in the image of others, in an image I perceived to be one that would gain me acceptance, love, and grace, and part of that remaking was an obsessive focus on the liturgical calendar and seasons.

There is a relief in that separating realization - that this thing that I'd claimed deeply part of me, truly is.

And so, this year, though I didn't eat pancakes last night, won't attend services today, and don't have any planned practices to span the next forty days, my heart will still engage with that.

I'll read blog posts and choose to feel joy for the authors - challenged and inspired by their chosen practices and sacrifices - rather than feel guilt for my own lack of outward sacrificial choices.

Tonight I'll go to a yoga class instead of a church service, and that will be okay, because yoga has been a gift to me in the quiet, peace and rest it has brought, the time to slow down and breathe and listen.

And I'll pray with attention, with intention, with joy and with peace, knowing that by choosing to "give up Lent" I am being obedient to the urging of God for my own heart, and that in this space, I will also be shaped and formed, though differently than other years.

Giving up Lent for Lent

"I'm giving up Lent for Lent."

It was a glib phrase that rolled off my tongue on Sunday night, as I was chatting with my brother's girlfriend.  (She'd been telling me that she is giving up spending money for Lent, and in preparation has been on a spending spree the last several days, stocking up on items she knows she'll need to have on hand, and we were laughing over the irony of that.)

A glib phrase, yes, but one that's true for me this year.

I practiced Lent for the first time in my last year of high school, ten years ago exactly.  I'd spent three years attending a Catholic high school, listening to my classmates bemoan their lack of chocolate or television or fast food for forty days in the late winter and early spring, and wondered what on earth this thing called Lent was (it wasn't exactly a practice familiar to my conservative evangelical upbringing).  I asked a friend, my Young Life leader, and together we read a brief entry in a theological dictionary.  She told me that she'd done it a few times, and nearly dared me to give it a shot.  I did.

That year I gave up reading fiction and magazines.  Brain candy reading, essentially.  I made a trip to the library, picked up a stack of Christian classics, or titles authored by those whose faith I admired, and started reading.  I think I only made it through one or two titles in the forty days (to this day I fly through novels, but tend to crawl through non-fiction), but the words that I read from thinkers as diverse as John Stott and Mother Teresa shaped and challenged me.  I've repeated that particular choice of Lenten sacrifice several times over the last ten years.  I've fasted desserts and sweets, experimented with more or less intentionality in the fasts, and even with adding something to my daily life, rather than subtracting.  And by and large these brief periods of sacrifice have tended to end with benefits reaped and a faith deepened.

But the last several years, Lent has shifted for me.  Instead of a worshipful meditation, it became a grinding obligation.  A performance of good habits, for the sake of good habits.  A dreaded interruption to my years.  The benefits of the fasts seemed lost in the resentment I felt at the obligation, and at the brutal and painful way the season impacted me.  There were reasons for that grinding painfulness that are too involved to share here.

I've made a lot of changes in my life over the last six months or so, and this year, I'm giving up practicing Lent as I work to continue the process of healing that I've been experiencing.

I may come back to it at some point in the future, but I want to approach the acknowledgment of the season with joy and desire, not anger, hostility and obligation.  I want to do it because it is something that has a positive impact on my life, not because it seems necessary, or because others I know are practicing it.  I'm not interested in suffering simply for the sake of suffering, or discipline for the sake of discipline, and this year, as I prayerfully considered the approach of the Lenten season (and I did prayerfully consider it, out of a decade's worth of habit, if nothing else), my sense was that I am simply to rest.  That I can sit this one out.  The God who has been speaking peace in places I didn't know it could exist, is speaking peace and stillness to this too.   Not a season of suffering and groaning.  Because honestly, I don't think I could face that right now.  Not something to dread (and I did dread it these last several years).  Not something to worry and obsess about.  Not something to be driven by, this need to appropriately prepare and move relentlessly through a season of suffering, towards a crucifixion.  No, in this season, I hear stillness, peace, joy, resurrection.

So I'm giving up Lent for Lent this year.  And I'm excited to meet Jesus in a place that need not be dreaded or avoided, but one that can be joyful, bring healing, and new life.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 204

Today's Daily 5:

1. Sun glinting through icicles
2. a scarf I love and a cute hat
3. a nectarine
4. One last hug from L. at the airport drop-off
5. comfy worn-in jeans
6. scooping hot noodles into my mouth with chopsticks (I love eating with chopsticks!)
7. making progress on some reading I'm trying to get done
8. a book that is leaving me breathless with the truth it's conveying
9. a good natural health treatment
10. plowing through a whole bunch of school related work today

New Look

You may have noticed that my blog looks a bit different today. My old template developed some errors yesterday, and while I loved (and still love) it, the errors were making it unreadable for the moment. If the errors end up being resolved, I may still go back to it. But, in the meantime, I've gone ahead and put this new look in place. Let me know if you have any problems with any of the links, please, as it will be a work in progress for a few days while I carve out the time to make all of the necessary adjustments that come with a change like this.

Reverb 11 - March

Some of you will remember that for the month of December I participated in a daily blogging project called Reverb10.

So, here's the monthly prompt for Reverb 11 - March:

If March 2011 was your last month to live, how would you live it?

If March 2011 was my last month to live, (and money was somehow suddenly no object, and health wasn't confining me), I'd travel.  I'd visit Morocco, and Europe and Peru and probably Disney Land.  I'd find some place with palm trees and sun, and stay there.  And I'd do it with friends and loved ones - making memories that would last for them well-beyond the end of my life.

But, if money was a problem, and health was confining, I'd simply invite all those loved ones to come to me.  I would quite honestly spend my days having the important conversations.  Making sure that the people I love deeply, the ones who have positively impacted my life, know it.  I'd spend my time laughing, and eating great food, and probably crying.  I'd talk with Jesus a lot as I prepared to meet him face to face.  I'd write letters to those loved ones, to leave behind.  I'd probably write a lot more of my story down on paper, so that it would last beyond me.

I'm not all that fussed about life ending, and most days, I try to live fully even now.  But, I suppose that if I knew the end was coming, I'd soak up even more of life, I'd pour out more love.  I'd laugh and cry and eat just about whatever I wanted.  And, to quote a lyric penned by Carolyn Arends and performed by Steve Bell, I'd spend time "getting ready for glory."

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 203

Today's Daily 5:

1. A space heater to warm up the basement bedroom at mom and dad's before going to bed last night
2. the wise perspective offered by a friend, when I couldn't find my own
3. This image that Dana posted brought a much needed laugh out loud moment, at just the right moment.
4. Italian wedding soup
5. loving the way my new earring organizer looks now that all my earrings are on it
6. watching two of my favorite television shows online in one night
7. coming home to the palm tree scenes a friend sent in the mail stuck to the wall by my bed where I spend a lot of time when I'm home
8. finding reasons to laugh today
9. sleeping in my own bed
10. got through the most full day of my week class wise, definitely the most challenging day class wise.

Canadian Palm Tree

For those of you in far-away warm places, who have been so amused by my love affair with palm trees that grow outdoors, and have so generously sent me palm tree photos from spots scattered across the globe, I thought I'd share a picture of a Canadian Palm Tree.

 

Yes, it is indoors!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 202

Today is one of those days where I can't believe I've made a daily practice of listing at least 5 moments that made me smile, or for which I was thankful, into something that has lasted so long.  One year and two hundred and two days.  It's one of those days where I'm struck by the slow changes this practice has wrought in me.  It's a day where, honestly, I was exhausted and drained, and spent various chunks of time working to fight off random spats of tears.  But it was a day that held beauty, in which I reached often for my phone and jotted items to add to tonight's list.

And so, here's today's Daily 5:

1. 1 year, 202 days of making these lists
2. coconut scented body butter, slathered on my legs after a shower.  On a day when I was longing for sun and palm trees, this was sort of a breath of hope.  A scent reminding me of summer.
3. whole wheat toast with butter and jam
4. a quiet Sunday morning, home alone
5. One last chance to spend time with L. before she gets on a plane for other continents, literally completing a trip 'round the world over the last four months.
6. Shopping with J and L, my former roommates and laughing together, enjoying the comfortable familiarity of those who have lived together and know each other's habits well
7. I finally purchased a rack for my collection of earrings, and I'm super excited about it.  It's pretty and cute, and I can't wait to get home tomorrow evening, sort through my collection and add them to the rack.  I took before (and will take after) pictures to share.  I wasn't planning to buy anything today, but I've been looking for a way to visibly display my earrings for literally years, and when I came upon this one that was both cute and reasonably priced, J and L, who have been on many a shopping trip with me where I've pondered options, convinced me that I couldn't afford to walk away.  I'm so glad they talked me into it!
8. catching up on blog reading - google reader has revolutionized my blog reading, and I'm loving that they're all in one place, just waiting for me
9. watching The Food Network, both on television, and online today.  Absolutely my favorite background for sitting to read, write, or otherwise putter.
10. Anthropologie - new to Canada, or at least to Calgary, but so pretty, and full of inspiration, even if I will never really afford anything there.  We spent a long time wandering around in there, fingering clothes, sitting in furniture, exclaiming over pretty things and fun ideas, and smelling candles (our favorite was a mango jasmine scented one).  I walked away feeling separated from the greyness of March in Calgary, and inspired to create something beautiful.  Not bad for a free pastime!

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Quite honestly, I'm embedding this video as part of a contest to win a free paperback copy of Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

That said, I think the message of the video, and more importantly, the message of the book (available here on Amazon - and no I don't get any compensation for linking to it, other than maybe winning a paperback copy), is a really important one.  Last year my "one little word" was Story, inspired by this book.  Honestly, I think it's become the one word that will influence all of the one little words to come, and some of the reasons why were in this book, which I read at just the right time in my life, in a moment when my life needed some editing and rewriting.  So, I'm sharing the video with all of you!

Go buy the book - you'll be doing yourselves a favor!


What story are you telling? from Rhetorik Creative on Vimeo.

High Tea and Hotsprings

I thought I'd share a few photos of the time I spent with one of "my people" the other day.

We had two very specific things on our agenda, and everything else we fit was just a bonus.

We were going to have afternoon high tea at the Banff Springs Hotel, and we were going to visit the Banff Hot Springs.

The photos I have are all from high tea.  We didn't take any photos at the Hot Springs, because, well, why risk a very nice camera falling into the water for shots of my blindingly white skin that no one should have to see anyway!

This is us, enjoying our tea service.

One of the two varieties of tea we sampled.  I think this one was an apple spice tea.

The tea service.  It also included a cup of fresh fruit, and a fabulous scone.

The view out the window from where we sat to enjoy tea. Not bad, huh?

Because no trip together to Banff would be complete without a bit of a photo shoot.

Have I mentioned how much I love the mountains that I live near?

This is the Banff Springs Hotel where we had tea, from across the valley.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 201

It's been a long time since I've posted a Daily 5 before 10:30 at night, but the truth is, I'm exhausted.    I've been nursing a headache for a good chunk of the day, and it's finally getting the better of me.  I've been fighting to keep my eyes open, and my thoughts coherent since about 4:30 this afternoon, and I'm now losing that battle.  I have one email to write after I post this list, and then I'm letting the exhaustion win, and praying for a long and deep sleep.

1. Yoga class this morning
2. making a new friend at yoga (we've laughed our way through the last two classes we've both happened to attend)
3. a hot shower after the yoga practice
4. a brief skype chat with a friend
5. homemade coconut oatmeal cookies

Pondering Friendship

I've been thinking a lot about friendship again the last few days.  It's been a fairly constant topic of re-evaluation for me over the last six months or so.  I've made decisions differently.  I've chosen to handle some relationships differently.  Reading Safe People (see my mini-review here) very much shaped my thoughts as well.

In the last couple of days I've had two very distinct experiences of this thing called friendship, and they've left me pondering and deeply appreciative of good friendships with healthy dynamics.

On Thursday I spent a day with one of "my people."  There was no pressure, no expectations, just lots of love and the freedom of a well-established relationship, with boundaries that have created safety and a place for us to simply be who we are.  It was pretty much my definition of "the perfect day."  We spent an entire day together in a beautiful location, doing things like taking photos and enjoying really fantastic food.  And we laughed and talked and laughed some more.  We covered topics as diverse as travel, arranged marriage, body image and weight loss/gain, future plans, god, friends and family, healthy relationships, and mountains.   We shared tea, and sat in the hot springs, and laughed at the goofy guys wearing their toques in the pool, fresh off the mountains from a day of skiing, based on their conversation on which we couldn't help but eavesdrop a bit.

I left the day feeling peaceful and happy, after interactions that were easy and natural, and reminded about what love is.

And so I'm pondering friendship again.  Savoring the comparative tastes, and learning to recognize the flavor of that which is good.  Reconsidering boundaries I've drawn, and wondering if some of them need to again be tightened.  I'm thinking about friendship and finding myself amazed at the things I'm discovering, about myself, and about my relationships as I pause to ponder.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 200

Today's Daily 5:

1. Songs stuck in my head today "for you are good" and "I've got a river of life flowing out of me"
2. wearing a favorite wool sweater, purchased by my dad in Ireland 30 years ago, with cute jeans and boots
3. "Thank Jesus for Arianism"
4. Laughing with a friend about the ridiculousity of an email (even though I'm pretty sure the intent wasn't to be ridiculous)
5. laughing again about the dangers of earrings
6. humorous relief on a very challenging day
7. finishing an excellent novel
8. Five Guys Fries
9. humorous blog comments from friends
10. writing the daily 5 with the peanut gallery again