Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 257

Today's Daily 5:

1. a great yoga class
2. spending a day reading a novel
3. eating leftovers of the Italian wedding soup I made last night
4. a treatment from mom
5. discovering that I can watch the new show Top Chef Canada online

Upcoming Reads

In the few days since school ended I've done a bit of reading.  A brain candy novel, and a fascinating memoir about a young woman who converted to Islam, moved to Egypt, and married an Egyptian man.  Seriously, if you're into memoirs, travel, and spiritual themes, you need to read G. Willow Wilson's "The Butterfly Mosque".  It was perhaps the best description of the process of being completely transplanted into another culture, and the challenges that come with that that I have ever read.  I borrowed the copy I read from the local public library, but I think I'm going to order myself a copy for re-reading.  It contributed to all of the reading I've been doing on experiences with Islam lately and left me with fascinating questions to mull over.  My only criticism is that the ending felt abrupt - I wanted more.  I want to know what happened when she and her husband relocated to the US for a time, and how their journey continued, past the early newlywed days.

I still find myself exhausted and struggling to form coherent thoughts, but I'm planning to spend the next week looking for work, catching up with a few friends, and reading, maybe even bus reading.

On my list for the days and weeks to come:

• Chasing the Dragon (Jackie Pullinger)
• Love Wins (Rob Bell)  (yep, I'm going to read the book that there's been all the controversy, not because of the controversy, but because I read all of Rob Bell's books)
• Sabbath (Dan Allender)  (my next booksneeze review title)
• Sisters in War (Christina Asquith)
• The Bookseller of Kabul (Asne Seirstad)
• Between Two Worlds (Zainab Salbi)
• Reconstructing Natalie (Laura Jensen Walker)
• Murder, Mayhem & a Fine Man (Claudia Mair Burney)

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 256

Today's Daily 5:

1. A good appointment this morning
2. the sense of a growing awareness of the moments God is speaking
3. a growing awareness, too, of my own needs, and how to acknowledge them
4. training for the job I'm doing for a day for the federal election on Monday was an hour shorter than expected
5. I made a new recipe tonight.  My favorite soup (and I'm not a big soup person) comes from a local prepared foods store called M & M.  It's their version of Italian wedding soup, and I recently found out that they're discontinuing it.  Tonight I made a recipe for Italian wedding soup online that I made, and it turned out fabulous.  I'm quite excited to have a homemade replacement for my soup.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 255

Today's Daily 5:
(an introduction to the Daily 5 can be found by clicking the link in the sidebar, on the left)

1. Laughing at my slightly odd, very old eyedoctor, who has been exactly the same combination of slightly odd and seemingly old for all eighteen years I've been seeing him.  I swear he hasn't changed at all.
2. a clean bill of health for my eyes for another year
3. that the worst of today's snowstorm held off until I was indoors for the remainder of the day
4. a banana with peanut butter
5. pizza and conversation at house church
6. emails from several friends over the last few days
7. having friends who I can bounce ideas off of
8. the good kind of sore feeling that comes the day after my first long yoga class in ages
9. reading a fascinating book about a young woman who converted to Islam
10. a long, hot bath

A Few More Days of Quiet

I'm in the hazy land of days immediately following the end of a semester.  The days where my brain refuses to form many conscious thoughts.

On Tuesday I completed my last two final exams.  I celebrated with a late evening dose of Macdonalds, my trashy "treat" comfort food of choice.

I spent Wednesday resting, watching mindless television, reading something other than textbooks, shopping for skinny jeans with my brother's girlfriend,  and attending a 90 minute yoga class for the first time in a couple weeks.

Today is starting with an appointment with my eye doctor, and then continuing in yesterday's pattern, and ending tonight with house church, where I'm teaching again.  I'm actually looking forward to that.

In the meantime, I'm still in the post school, can't quite form deep, reflective thoughts stage, so you'll have to forgive me if there are a few more days of quiet around this space.  I'll be back as soon as I've had a bit of rest.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 254

Today's Daily 5:

1. Brightly painted toenails
2. shopping with J's girlfriend, R, and finding a great pair of skinny jeans
3. Chinese dumplings
4. a great yoga class
5. picking up a book and diving into reading.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 253

Today's Daily 5:

1. birds singing in the early morning
2. warmer weather that meant I could wear one less layer for the trek to and from school today
3. Psalm 77 in The Message
4. an exam I was really worried about that went fairly smoothly
5. laughing over a teaser video for the next episode of The Big Bang Theory
6. Taking a nap
7. Getting really great news about the final (though still unofficial grade) I'll receive in one of my classes
8. that my second exam of the day also went smoothly
9. being DONE for the semester (here's hoping I get accepted and am back at school in the fall)
10. celebrating with Macdonald's comfort food

From the Moravians

On a day where I was up late studying, woke from odd dreams again, and was out the door before 7am to write the first of two exams for the day, this daily text from the Moravians seemed particularly appropriate:

I will satisfy the weary, and all who are faint I will replenish.
Jeremiah 31:25

Jesus ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, and blessed and broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And all ate and were filled. Matthew 14:19-20

Redeemer of our souls, we hear the noises of everyday living and feel panicked. Give us a moment of calm to re-center ourselves in your spirit. Surround us with your love. In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 252

Today's Daily 5:

1. Watching a bit of television online
2. eating a tasty banana
3. my neck pillow (essential for a day spent propped up and studying for hours on end
4. a brief phone call from a friend
5. knowing that however the exam I'm worried about for tomorrow goes, I put in a ton of time studying and I will have done my best

Monday Stuff

My day started with a four am waking from a rough dream.

A bit more sleep, in and out of dreams.

A lazy morning, spent mostly in bed.

And now, a day that calls for yoga clothes.  Comfort being key.

Hours of studying to do for the last two exams tomorrow.

Probably a workout of some sort (most likely yoga.  I will be dressed for it, after all).  Maybe an errand or two.  A little bit of reading.  Slot in a few study breaks.

But mostly studying.

And maybe a little journaling.  My day did start, after all, with a rough dream that remains hard, even eight hours later, to shake.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 251

Today's Daily 5:

1. Pausing to consider resurrection
2. Attending Easter services
3. Letting worship, and hymn lyrics move me deeply - "Hallelujah, what a savior! Hallelujah, what a friend!"
4. Taking a nap to sleep off (sort of anyway) an oncoming migraine
5. a good conversation with one of my aunts tonight at Easter dinner

Practice Resurrection

Late last fall I attended a funeral, and then a Jason Upton concert, both of which seem appropriate to talk about on this day that we celebrate Christ's resurrection.  Together, the two events formed the backbone of a theme the Lord was speaking over my life.  Practice resurrection.  Expect it.  Long for it.  Find it in each day.

I attended the concert just days after the funeral, and together they have shaped my heart.  And now, months later, on the day we celebrate resurrection, those words are burning within me again, and I want to share some of them.

Following the concert, I wrote in my journal:

At one point during the concert as Jason spoke and sang, I found myself frantically grabbing for a notebook and pen I'd tossed in my purse on the off chance I'd need it.  I was giving up on making reminder notes to myself in my phone, and went for the notebook.

He told a funny story of being at Bible camp as a kid, and there having been "rapture practice."  And we all laughed as we pictured it and he acted it out.  He switched gears, though, and told us that we should be practicing resurrection.

Huh.

Interesting words in a week where I'd been to a funeral where I was invited to do just that.

Jason wasn't talking about that so much, as talking about a continual process of being born again.  Being made new.

The notes I frantically scribbled in my notebook as he spoke read as follows, "Practice resurrection.  Don't be afraid of the valley - He'll walk with you there.  He has things for you in the valley.  Psalm 23 is not a death song, but a resurrection song."

It was sort of the theme of the evening, and it capitalized on a theme God has been speaking to my heart in the last few days again.

There is life in the moments that feel like death.

There is priceless value in the things that seem most horribly worthless.

God is present in the most simple things.  Look and listen for him there.

The concert came only days after the funeral, providing words to a theme that began in a place of grief.  It was the funeral for Nolan and Faye's mom.  Both long time friends of mine, I'd been praying with them for months as their mom battled cancer, and now I found myself sitting at her funeral.  It was an event that I will never forget, one that I was privileged to attend, and one that has shaped my life in the months following.

After it was over, I wrote the following:

When was the last time you went to a funeral where you were invited to practice resurrection?  Not just sit there and be grateful for the hope of future resurrection in the midst of the grief you were feeling - the knowledge that you will see the person again, someday, but to actually practice - to speak to a corpse, to a casket, and say "Wake up."

I went to a funeral like that yesterday.

It was nearing the end of the service, and my friend Nolan rose to speak.  To share his memories of his mother.  And he was brilliant.  Articulate and funny.  He managed to address each of his siblings in a special way, reminding them of the ways their mom had expressed her love for them.  He encompassed her personality in ways that those who knew her well described as "to a tee".  And then he shared something she'd written - talking about the fact that she was vacillating as her health grew weaker.  That in some moments she could picture her tumor shrinking away, and their life as a family continuing on.  And, that in other moments, she dreamt of walking in heaven with her mother.  And that both seemed to be appealing options, but if she had her preference, she'd rather stay here.

And then Nolan began to read the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the grave, and my breath caught.  "Surely, he wouldn't!" 

He had shared some profound thoughts by email as his mom was dying, and just days before she passed away, he'd sent an email talking about the fact that after a year of praying for healing, he'd been asking God if he was going to learn how to raise the dead before he learned how to carry healing.

And my breath caught as he stood there and read one of the stories in scripture that has meant so much to me these last several years.  Jesus bringing life where there was nothing but death.  So many conversations and moments of prayer had stemmed from that story.

And I was frozen in that moment, unable to think of anything but a whispered desperate prayer, "Oh Lord, do something, be present here, because if he commands her to rise, and she doesn't, this is going to be the most painful place for his family to exist in."

To Nolan's credit, he handled it beautifully.  He finished the story, and talked about the fact that his mom had loved Jesus and believed his words.  He told us about Jesus telling his disciples, "go and do likewise."  About Jesus' command to "Heal the sick, raise the dead, and cast out demons."  And then he invited us to practice - to participate in one of Jesus' commands.  To say with him, on the count of three, "In Jesus name, Marilyn, wake up!"  And we did.

I recounted the story later, amazed at how well that moment had been handled.  Struck by it.

A day later, it is rattling around inside of me and touching raw spaces.

I don't have faith.

I talked with Nolan after the service, and he still genuinely believed she might sit up.  Not in a way that denied the fact that his mom had passed away a week ago, but in a way that said, "Yes, Jesus I believe you can and will do big things."

I don't have faith, and I couldn't figure out why this was so rattling.

A day later, I'm beginning to understand.

I'm in the midst of some hard days.  Days of slogging through battle after battle.  Days of walking out a very painful process of healing.

Eleven days from now I will celebrate five years depression free.  Five years since a crazy late night encounter with God.

And I'm reminded today, as I ponder a friend's faith in a God who can and will raise the dead, of the questions I was asking five years ago.

I wrote about it last year, on the fourth anniversary of that moment of healing:

There was so much hurt in each of our lives, and in those days we were talking a lot about believing in a God who is real and active, and who longs to bring healing and freedom, but we couldn't quite manage to move our conversations past the theoretical, to the point of really praying together and caring for each other... I'd stopped saying much to God quite a while before that. It didn't seem to make much difference, and to be honest, at the time it seemed that if I prayed, or sought prayer from others, things got worse, not better. That night, after watching and seeing all the things that weren't said, I was angry, and as I drove I yelled at God - this from a person who quite admittedly rarely prayed anymore.

I so vividly remember that moment of realization.  That moment of understanding that we couldn't translate our intellectual assent into faith.  Into faith that propelled action.  That all we were doing was talking.

The next day God "showed up" in my life.  It sounds crass to say it like that, as if he'd been absent somehow.  He hadn't.  But that day he made his presence known in a new way.  I saw and heard and experienced.  I walked into a divine appointment that I wasn't expecting, and I left it free from the depression that had dogged my steps for nearly seven years.  I left it stunned and overwhelmed by this God who had made himself known.  And thankful.  So thankful.  I left it healed.

It's been nearly five years.  Today I'm surrounded by a group of friends who believes.  I'm making practical steps towards healing.  I'm getting help.  I'm making choices.  I'm talking to God.

But my faith is waning.  After a year in which my life has deconstructed itself, where nothing looks like what I'd expected or planned, where I'm living in limbo, I'm aware that my faith is flagging.

I'm again in that place of desperation and anger towards God that I felt that night before healing came.

Mostly, these days, I pray with desperation, but little belief.  "Intervene in my housing, let me get into school, provide work, bring healing."  All things I intellectually believe my God is capable of.  I've seen him do far greater things than these in the five years since that night of healing.  And yet, today, today I pray with desperation and very little expectation.

And it's that lack of expectation that is causing the rattling echoes of yesterday's funeral.

Because I struggle mightily to pray with expectation, and still trust, whether or not my expectations are met, that the God who met me five years ago with healing is the God who doesn't change.  The God who tells us that he is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  It's a challenge for me, in the moment, to trust that God.  To trust that he controls even this, and that he holds and guards me when it feels as if I'm walking through the darkest night.  To wait with hope and expectation, and be willing for those expectations to be dashed.

And so I'm challenged by my friend Nolan, and his invitation to participate in resurrection. 

And I'm challenged to expect big things, but to still trust in a God whose ways are sometimes hidden and mysterious, and whose ways may not look at all like what I want or expect.

And today, months later, with a life that is still somewhat in pieces, I continue to be struck by that invitation to participate in resurrection.  It moves me.  It has become the theme of my days - practice resurrection.  Invite healing, life, rebirth, new and fresh things to come.  No waiting for them.  Not just a future hope, but also a present reality.

Nolan, I'm thankful for that step of faith you took that day.  I'm thankful that you invited God to work.  I wish for you and Faye and your family that your mom had risen that day, and I'm praying for you all, often.  Please know, though, that God is using her life and death even still.  

Happy Easter everyone.  May you practice resurrection today.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 250

Today's Daily 5:

1. sleeping fairly peacefully for a change
2. managing to fit in attendance at S & J's wedding when I wasn't sure I could, while squishing a final exam in between the ceremony and reception
3. a great reception dinner with Indian food and good wine
4. hanging out and laughing with friends
5. 1 year, 250 days of making these lists.

Saturday Between

Most years I keep this Saturday between Good Friday and Easter as a quiet day.  One marked by the waiting and wondering.

This year is totally different.

At 1:00 I will attend the wedding ceremony of some dear friends from my house church.

At 3:30 I will write a final examination in Latin American History.  (This, at least, I ruefully admit, will be covered in prayer, since it is not a topic I feel like I have a strong grasp of.)

As soon as I finish my exam, I'll be heading back across the city to attend the wedding reception (at which I'll likely arrive late, thanks to an overlap in the end of my exam and the beginning of the reception.)  I'll spend the evening celebrating.

It's a different way to spend this quiet, in between day, celebrating, and studying, but I'm very much looking forward to it (well, other than the exam I suppose!)  To living in a joyful place, waiting for tomorrow morning and joyfully preparing for resurrection.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 249

Today's Daily 5:

1. Sleeping in a little
2. Tenebrae service
3. accomplishing, relatively painlessly, a task I'd been dreading for several days
4. a family evening that was way less awkward than I'd expected
5. Vietnamese food for supper (seriously my favorite food ever)

Good Friday

Good Friday is an odd sort of day to encounter, when you're having a year in which you've boldly declared that this year the thing you're giving up for Lent is in fact the practice of Lent.

It's odder still when you in fact gave up Lent because it had become a grinding obligation - a continual and unending suffering, with no room for feasting or joy.

I woke this morning, and stood in the shower (the place where I do some of my best thinking and praying) and pondered.

For the last several years, I've lived the Lenten season as a reflection of life.  My life seemed to only carry suffering, there was little love or joy in my faith, and Lent seemed a perfect fit for that - a season of fasting, suffering, denial, preparation.  A season that moves inexorably towards this day that we mark the crucifixion, the death of a savior.  Easter had become a sort of afterthought - an "oh yes, and there was resurrection," but I was stuck on that Friday, stuck in death and pain and anguish.  I lived out my days and months and years in a Friday mindset.

And this year I declared that enough was enough.  I wasn't going to encourage my natural proclivity for suffering and angst.  Lent moved quickly, this year, with an awareness of the coming of Easter, but not the weighing, dragging of days that it has had for the past several.

I read somewhere that Christians are Easter people, living in a Good Friday world.  I was just a Good Friday person most of the time.

And so I found myself pondering in the shower this morning, feeling almost offended that a day had arrived that demanded my attention focus, at least for a time again, on the suffering.  How dare I be forced to think about that?

And yet, if I can't, if I can't pause and recognize this suffering that has been marked for my healing, what good am I?  How can I be an Easter person, if I can't also see and empathize with a Good Friday world? If I close my eyes and cloister myself in my own controlled world?

I become useless cloistered away in that fashion, and I wither.  And, the reality that these last years have so clearly taught is this - I can't control even my own world, my own desire to avoid personal suffering.

And so today I'm pausing.

I paused through an hour long Tenebrae service - a carefully constructed meditation on shadows, with roots in the fourth century.  I walked in silence from the church, with the others in attendance.  The solemnity that follows the removal of Christ, his laying in the tomb.  The entrance to the days between.

And I'm pondering.

I have learned that being a Good Friday person isn't healthy, and I'm working to learn what it is to be that Easter person, while still carrying great empathy and compassion for a Good Friday world.  I'm learning what it is to exist in those Good Friday moments, without them becoming overpowering.

And I'm thinking about my one word for the year.  Heal.

I'm recognizing that without a Good Friday moment, that healing would not be mine.

And so I wait, today, for resurrection Sunday.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 248

Today's Daily 5:

1. This is my 3800th blog post - how cool is that?  6 years, 3800 posts.
2. a day that was actually spent mostly away from the computer. I spend most of my life online, but every once in a while it's nice to have a day away from the computer.
3. a final exam (super early this morning - I maintain that 8am is not a time of day at which one should be able to regurgitate vast amounts of specific information) that went well
4. managing to get to a yoga class tonight
5. squeezing in a short afternoon nap
6. getting some much needed errands accomplished
7. an iced passion tea lemonade
8. reading a novel on the bus home after my exam
9. deciding that a hoodie and yoga pants would be the perfect uniform for an early morning exam
10. This image (found here), which cracked me up:

Six Years

Today marks six years since this space was born.

I'd been writing a little bit online, in a space that the church community I was a part of at the time had established.  This space was born when a very good friend of mine traveled to Sri Lanka to do tsunami relief, and established a blog.  I wanted to comment on his posts, and couldn't do so without a blogger account of my own, so I signed up.

The idea of my own space online was intriguing.  I loved the church space where I'd been journaling, but was struggling with feeling like the things that I wrote there all needed to be about my faith, or about God, and I just wanted a space to talk about whatever it was that happened to be on my mind in a given moment.

Six years later, I show up here an average of twice a day, with whatever I'm thinking about.

The writing has changed, I think, over the years.

I can say with great certainty that thanks to some events in my personal life, some traveling, and relationships, I've been more cautious over the last three years in what I've shared.

A year and a half ago the Daily 5 was born, and that changed the writing, too.

Because of this space I've made friends across North America and the world.  Some of them I've even had the chance to connect with in my offline life.

Yes, I sometimes censor my thoughts here more than I did six years ago - the caution of a couple encounters with people "stalking" this space is a reality for me.

But this is still the first space in which I want to talk about my day, about what I'm thinking about, what I'm reading, what I'm feeling and experiencing.  It's still the spot where I process.

And, as I continue to heal, my plan is to move backwards, to be able to share a bit more openly, to in some ways reclaim this bit of internet that has been mine for the last six years.

Thank you all for reading, for journeying, for commenting and emailing and dialoguing with me.  Thanks for making this a fun place for me to show up.  Here's to the next six years!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 247

Today's Daily 5:

1. Pausing to remember my 23rd spiritual birthday
2. watching my baby brother accomplish a major goal and graduate from Bible school
3. a long bath, studying and reading for tomorrow's final
4. reading a novel that I quite enjoyed (though it also challenged and shook me a little)
5. going to bed at mom and dad's, and knowing that I will be staying here through Monday.

23 Years

When I was a kid, every year we'd celebrate what our parents called our "special birthday".

Today is mine.

23 years ago today, I knelt with my mom, on brown shag carpet, next to a scratchy couch with late 1970s woven fabric, and invited Jesus to take over.

It's been a long journey since then.  A lot of stops and starts.  A lot of questions and wrestles.  Times where I've begged God to leave, and times where I've wondered if He would ever be close again.

And yet, after all that, all the stops and starts and recommitments, despite the fact that at four years old that day, I couldn't have understood the implications of following Christ, every year on April 20th, I stop and remember.  Because this whole crazy journey started then.  23 years ago today.  And beginnings are worth remembering.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 246

Today's Daily 5:

1. Sunshine that was actually kind of warm
2. wearing a cute hat instead of a heavy toque
3. marking things off of my lists
4. driving a car (I know, random, but driving really freaks me out since my last winter accident, so every time I get behind the wheel of a borrowed car to run an errand is a small victory.)
5. Shopping at Ten Thousand Villages - bought a few fun things
6. a good natural health treatment
7. a stop at the library
8. mindless television in the background while alphabetizing latin word base flashcards
9. reading a novel
10. encouraging emails from a couple friends

Safe Injection Clinic and Canada's Election

About a month ago, my friend Kelly, who is a chaplain at the university suggested that I attend a lecture that his friend Meera Bai was giving at another local university.  Meera spoke passionately about her work as a nurse at North America's only legalized drug injection clinic, Insite, in Vancouver.  She shared about how it was her faith in Christ that compelled her work there, and told stories that were incredible.

The Conservative government of Canada is currently trying to close this clinic.  To be honest, I wrestle a little bit with the argument that it condones illegal drug use, but, for me, I think the fact that it is saving lives is key - that it values people as worth saving and caring for.

This morning I came across this article about the clinic in Vancouver, and the fact that it is a bit of an election issue, as we head to the polls on May 2nd.  I wanted to share the article here, and invite discussion.  What do you think of this clinic?  Good? Bad? Indifferent?  I'd love to hear your thoughts (whether you're Canadian or not!)

Change of Plans

I received a call yesterday morning informing me that the job I'd accepted a couple weeks ago had decided I wasn't a great fit, and that Sunday was my last shift.  I was understandably quite shocked, and a little hurt, and also relieved.  I'd actually phoned someone on Saturday and commented that I was feeling like I had perhaps made a rushed decision, and the job wasn't a fit.  I was literally dreading going in to my shifts, the way I'd felt at the job that my roommates at the time fondly referred to as "the soap opera". 

So, I'm looking for summer work again, which is a pain, but also a relief. 

And, I have another chance in this, to practice trust.  In God's provision, and his plans.  Not my easiest skill, but one I'm definitely getting a lot of chances to try for.

In the meantime, this week holds several mornings where I don't have to set an alarm, where I can try to catch up on some sleep.  The mornings are still holding dreams, but they're easier to deal with when I'm getting extra hours of sleep.

For today, I'll head to mom and dad's in a while and spend the day studying.

My list looks like this:

• arrange for a transcript to be sent to the university as part of my application for nursing school
• fill out and fax an evaluation form for a class I'm just finishing this semester
• print off the lecture notes that I took for the history class that my next final exam is in
• review those notes
• tackle a bit of the final reading for that class that was set aside the last week or two of class while I was busy working and writing papers
• begin the process of reviewing and memorizing for my greek and latin words exam next week (there's something like 800 word bases that I need to know...)
• drop a birthday card for a friend in the mail
• fit in a yoga practice
• return a few books to the library
• make it to a natural health treatment appointment
• take time to do a bit of reading just for fun
• do a load of laundry
• if I happen to be near a branch of my bank, I also have a cheque to deposit
• I may also do a quick search for jobs and send out some resumes

looking at it written out like this, it seems like a lot, but I'm actually planning a quite relaxed schedule.  Most of those tasks won't take all that long.  It should be a decently paced day, I think.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 245

Today's Daily 5:

1. A morning where I didn't have to set an alarm
2. being able to choose to see God's hand in the midst of some unexpected harder news
3. a friend who cared enough to phone and let me process and cry
4. knowing there was someone I could call and ask to pray aloud for me before I went in to write my exam
5. having my first exam go relatively smoothly

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 244

Today's Daily 5:

1. a relatively peaceful morning
2. a smooth work shift - I opened and closed on my own
3. eating some of the fruit salad I made yesterday - so good, with green grapes, blueberries, strawberries, apple and nectarine
4. reading a brainless novel, an old one that I've always loved
5. another interesting evening of teaching on Islam
6. a blog comment from a friend that greatly encouraged me
7. a few different email dialogues with friends
8. hot crossed buns - I really do like that crazy little candied fruit that's in them
9. the sense of relief that comes from nearly having a decision made
10. the offer of free access to quite a number of book titles on a topic that I've been reading a lot about

Amidst it

It's been a long time since I've gone two days without posting anything other than the Daily 5 here.  A long time.

I've had a pretty crazy couple of weeks, juggling the new job, school, and personal and church commitments, and it's taken it's toll.  I'm feeling drained, and struggling, if I'm honest, to simply make it from day to day.

Those of you who have been reading here for years know that I have a love/hate relationship with dreaming.

For years, before being healed from depression, I struggled with incredibly intense nightmares.

In my head, healing meant that all dreams would go away, and I would sleep.

God had other plans.  In the nearly six years since that time, I've had a huge variety of dreams.  The kind that are clearly from God.  The kind that are an intense playing out and processing of the things going on under the surface in my life.  And I still have nightmares from time to time - dark, terrifiying, generally spiritual things.

I've gone through seasons of being at peace with the fact that dreams are a way I process, and a way that God speaks to me.  And I've gone through seasons of hating both of those realities.

For the last three weeks or so, as I've been so busy, my already more limited time for sleep has been filled with dreams.  Mostly the processing sort, a few nightmares.  For me, that means that I have woken, nearly every single morning, from a dream.  (The dreams I remember when I wake come almost without exception in the hours just before I rouse for the day, and I almost exclusively wake directly from them, into the space of needing to sort out the dream from reality.)

I'm exhausted.  There have been a lot of interesting realities in my life the last month.  The juggling of commitments.  The work of healing - that one word that is mine for this year. 

And some realities of the supernatural or spiritual world that I don't tend to talk about a lot here, because they don't tend to fit into the safe and normal and rational world.   Those realities have been intense lately, too.

And so, amidst all this, I'm struggling.  And staring at two weeks with final exams, and the continuation of other commitments.

I'm asking questions about coping methods, and watching as the ones that have worked well for me seem to be falling apart, at least temporarily, and searching for new ones.

And amidst this, this juggling it will quite possibly be quieter here.  There may only be the Daily 5.  It feels weird to say that the quiet is needed, and honestly, every time I give myself permission to be quiet, it was really the permission, the release of pressure that I needed, and there is suddenly a plethora of things to write about.  So, who knows?  But for now, I'm giving myself the permission to be quieter, and giving you who have so faithfully read here, an explanation of sorts for the potential that there may be quiet.

I'd appreciate your prayers as I make some decisions, seek counsel, and figure out ways to cope and be healthy.  I so appreciate all of the connections I've made through this space over the years - each of the unique friends that are a part of my life.  Thanks for reading, thanks for praying, thanks for sticking it out here through the quiet spaces as well as the ones full of words.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 243

It's been the kind of day where scraping together a list of 5 reasons to smile is more challenging.

Today's Daily 5:

1. making fresh fruit salad
2. hot crossed buns
3. curling up with magic bags on my feet and back
4. a hot bath
5. a bottle of fresh water.  water really is my favorite beverage, and some days I'm just grateful for a good bottle of water.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 242

Today's Daily 5:

1. A robin perched on the very top of a tree, singing to welcome the morning
2. unexpectedly having 20 minutes to chat with my chaplain friend when we ended up waiting for friends we were meeting in the same coffee shop.  totally a god thing since it let me have a conversation and do a little processing out loud that was very helpful for me
3. coffee with the friends I went to visit over reading break a few months back
4. a really good appointment
5. good food from a local restaurant, popcorn, and an evening spent watching the movie "Despicable Me" with my mom

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 241

Today's Daily 5:

1. Got my paper finished.
2. mom's turkey chili (not always my favorite, but so tasty today)
3. laughing and catching up with friends while we assembled their wedding programs at house church
4. started a new book
5. relaxing over a few episodes of Gilmore Girls

Half-Way Through Thursday

I finished writing my last term paper somewhere around 1:30 this morning.

I proofed it once this morning, after I'd slept for several hours, and I'm about to proof it once again before I submit it tomorrow.

I've worked a short shift.

I'm teaching at house church tonight.

I'm going to fit in a little bit of exercise, a shower, and a few administrative style tasks.

Tomorrow is a super-full day, and I'm very much looking forward to tomorrow evening and having a few hours to just rest.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 240

Today's Daily 5:

1. 1 year, 240 days of making these lists
2. a really great yoga class
3. Subway for dinner
4. having a number of books I'm excited to read checked out from the library and ready to go
5. making progress on my final term paper for the semester... nearly done now!

The Non-Negotiables

These are the things that I consider non-negotiable for today:

• attend both of my scheduled classes
• finish writing (or get to the point where only polish is needed) my last term paper.  I need about 1500 more words, but that shouldn't be too hard to accomplish (I'm hoping anyway!)
• attend a ninety minute yoga class

Everything else today is gravy.

That said, I just spent an hour where I could have been working on my paper playing a game online instead.  My brain wasn't quite awake yet, and diving into the territory of the phenomenon of witch-hunting that followed the Protestant Reformation just wasn't something I was up to.  So, it'll get done this afternoon and evening.

I'm also going "home" to grandma's tonight.  First night in my own bed since last Thursday.  Of the seven nights that will make up this week, I'm only spending two of them in my bed.  Usually I spend four.  It's been that kind of week, and I've been grateful for a soft place to land at mom and dad's.  This morning, for example, it bought me almost an extra hour of sleep, since I only needed to take one bus to get to school instead of two.  An extra hour is a big deal on a night when the lights aren't switched off until well past midnight.

It's the kind of week where everything feels like slogging, sometimes marginally easier than others, but almost always slogging.  So.  The goal is to get the non-negotiables done, and all the rest is gravy.  (Which, by the way, despite the fact that I almost never like sauces, I happen to love.  Go figure.)

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 239

Today ended up being a far more emotional and harder day than anticipated.  One of those days where when down time finally comes, it seems that all of the thoughts and emotions you've been successfully juggling come crashing to earth at once.

That said, here is today's Daily 5:

1. sleeping in a bit this morning (even through hard dreams, the extra few hours of sleep were an immense blessing)
2. parents who have generously allowed me a couple of extra nights at their house, giving me an evening last night that encompassed a bath, and peaceful space tonight to work on my final term paper of the semester
3. that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet (to quote Anne Shirley)
4. the comforting warmth of blankets and magic bags
5. working on a term paper for a couple of hours with the food network on in the background

Tuesday Morning, Resting

This is the first day in several weeks where I haven't had to crawl out of bed early, rushing off to work, or school, or some other commitment that was stealing my time, and I am savoring it, still nested under blankets, though it's now closer to afternoon than morning.

I fought for a few extra hours of sleep this morning, pushing through the dreams that lately have been haunting the last hours before I wake.  Each time they roused me, I rolled over, turned on a new piece of music, or a sermon, and let the notes or voices carry me back into sleep.

I stayed at mom and dad's last night, since I was out late with them, watching my brother play hockey, and it didn't make sense to go home for a few hours, only to crawl out of bed early and return to their house.  It was nice to have an extra night here, without the stresses of the crazy living situation at grandma's house.  Without the way her house seems to intensify the dreams.

I've been awake for a few hours now, laying here, quietly reading a novel that I picked up at the library last night.

I'm fighting a cold that began to make itself known yesterday with full sinuses and an aching throat, and this quiet morning is much needed, since it will be a rarity in this month of juggling responsibilities and commitments.

In a few minutes, I'm getting up.  A shower, some food, a bit of yoga, then settling in to tackle the next term paper on my agenda.  The last term paper.  The one that needs to be basically accomplished before I go to bed tomorrow night, since it is due on Friday, and my usual Thursday day off for writing will be mostly filled with a shift at work, and then teaching at house church.  So, I will write, today, tonight, and tomorrow night, and polish a little after work on Thursday, before printing and submitting on Friday.  And then, then the papers will be done and it will be time to study for the final exams that begin on Monday.

And so, my day begins with rest and then picks up speed.  Here I go.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 238

Today's Daily 5:

1. sunrise on snowy mountains in the distance
2. eating my favorite vietnamese noodles while sitting in a hallway at the university and watching The Amazing Race
3. taking a minute to thank a prof for a class I really enjoyed
4. having a seat to myself and being able to doze on the bus, when I just couldn't stay fully awake
5. swedish meatballs with lingonberry and gravy for supper at Ikea ($2.99!)
6. a hot bath
7. reading a new novel
8. laughing with friends at the first hockey game I've attended in probably 16 years (my brother J was playing in a championship game, and scored the winning goal!)
9. an extra night staying at mom and dad's this week
10. curling up in bed with warm magic bags on my feet and back

Busy

I'm having the kind of day where my thoughts are running a thousand directions at once.

I'm pondering some teaching on Islam that I've received over the last several Sunday evenings, and the ways that that teaching is completely contradictory to other things that I've heard and read.

I'm thinking about an appointment I had on the weekend, and balancing relationships and health and boundaries and all that good stuff.

I'm sitting in a classroom, waiting for the last of a series of Monday morning tutorials to begin.  A series of tutorials that I will absolutely NOT miss an hour from now when they've concluded.  The sort of tutorials where the Teaching Assistant one spent 20 minutes working to impart the point that "pop culture tries to influence us."  Not exactly a stunning revelation.

It's the last week of classes.  I have one more term paper to write.  And then five final exams.  Throw in a part-time job, various and sundry health appointments, a few yoga classes, a teaching commitment at house church, my brother's graduation from Bible school, a friend's wedding, Easter, and I can't even remember what else, and it definitely promises to be a busy next three weeks.

That, of course, means that I have no idea what blogging will look like during that time, other than, of course, the Daily 5. 

Wish me luck!  A lot rides on these exams...

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 237

Today's Daily 5:

1. a morning where I could sleep in just a little
2. a really great work shift
3. watching episodes of The Big Bang Theory on DVD
4. an interesting evening of teaching with Islam that definitely left me with questions
5. chicken fingers and french fries

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 236

Today's Daily 5:

1. A great conversation with someone at work today
2. roman provence rooibos
3. tea with a friend and her boyfriend
4. cupcakes
5. cooking a Colombian dish for my family
6. several hours of mostly alone time to just veg
7. the chance to pray with a friend
8. seeing god moving in funny ways
9. a day that was sunny(ish) and warm enough to comfortably wander the streets in Kensington
10. realizing moments of surrender

Saturday

My weekends aren't going to be my own for the next while.

I worked a four hour shift this morning, following by running an errand, and meeting a friend and her boyfriend for coffee.

And now, now I'm cooking a Colombian dish my friend A. taught me, to feed my parents, brother and sister-in-law for dinner.

In between I squished in a bit of exercise, a cupcake from a great place, and a couple episodes of The Big Bang Theory.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 235

Today's Daily 5:

1. a relatively peaceful sleep
2. sunshine
3. remembering to look and catching sight of the mountains
4. laughing and chatting with a guy from one of my classes as we walked out after it was cancelled
5. a quick shopping trip
6. a good appointment
7. catching up on blog reading
8. basically reading a whole book today on the bus (that's what happens when you take five different buses for around 4 plus hours to get to and from your destinations on a given day)
9. watching lots of episodes of The Big Bang Theory
10. making home-made pita chips - first time since L. moved out of the country, and I didn't realize how much I'd missed them.

Reverb 11 - April

The Reverb Prompt for April is the following question:


What's blossoming?

Well, it's early April, and I live in Western Canada, so trees are not yet budding, and the only flowers that are blooming live indoors.

But I think I'm blossoming, maybe just a little, in this year where my one word is "heal".

I made more decisions this week.  Decisions I would have deemed impossible a year ago.  Decisions to care for myself and my heart, to give that priority.

I started a job.  A job that seems to fit me well.  No pushy sales.  No big corporate structure.  Lots of handmade, natural products to help people feel pampered and cared for.  Friendly people.  The only downside so far is that it involves using really big knives.  Knives scare me.

I'm learning that I am more capable than I feel, and that I really CAN juggle all the spheres of my life and be happy.  April is going to be a month that will test that theory, as I juggle work, school, church and personal obligations.  I'm tired already, and it's only a week in, but things are getting done when they need to be.  And, at the end of this month, the juggling will get easier as school ends for a bit.

I feel like I'm becoming free in new ways.

It's pretty much a messy, wild thing. 

One that still requires a lot of healing (it is, after all, my word for the year).

But one that is blossoming within the quiet spaces of my heart.

One that grows as I make daily 5 lists, and make choices to care for myself.

There is joy blossoming as the sun tries to make an appearance and bring growth and color and life.

Emerging newness.

And I love it.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 234

Today's Daily 5:

1. that a shift at work that started out a bit rough became better towards the end
2. a funny encounter that reminded me that I carry Jesus with me
3. finishing off a term paper in the wee hours of this morning and knowing it was done.
4. good conversations at house church
5. listening to sermons on my ipod lately - I've been so busy that it's lovely to be using bits of downtime on the bus to absorb good teaching and feed my spirit a bit

Depths

On Sunday, Nakedpastor posted the following "prayer from the cell" which definitely gave me a wry chuckle:

I had to laugh.  I know this feeling.  The one where I feel like I'm in way over my head in a situation with God, and then I realize that I asked him to draw me into deeper and new places.  Oops!

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 233

Today's Daily 5:

1. homemade muffins for breakfast
2. listening to several different sermons/teachings on podcasts on the bus today
3. having coffee with a friend this afternoon
4. a yoga class that left me feeling good (even if it was the kind of workout tonight where I felt miserable every minute and totally had to push through)
5. eating green grapes while slogging through writing a term paper (I'm over half-way finished, aiming to be 3/4 or all the way before bed... it might be a late night...)

Most Read Posts March 2011

The following ten posts were the ones that attracted the most readers in March:

1. Giving up Lent for Lent - in which I talk about the fact that this year what I decided to give up for Lent was, well, practicing Lent.
2. Further Thoughts on Lent - in which I qualify the idea that I'd given up Lent, and expound just a little bit further
3. Facebook Status Updates that Will Never Make it - still the post that gets the most google hits.  Doesn't seem to matter that it's one of my least favorite posts, and was written in the midst of a mild spat of passive agressive angst during a particularly dramatic day at the office that my roommates lovingly referred to as "The Soap Opera" as in, I would arrive home from work, and one of them would ask, "So, what happened at the soap opera today?"
4. A Thing in Your Nose - in which I encounter a church lady who had apparently not noticed that I'd pierced my nose three years ago.  As usual, when I encounter a church lady, humor ensues.  Also the post with my favorite story from someone else about their own nose piercing and church lady experience, left in the comments by Kirsten.
5. Reverb 11 - March - the March Reverb post, in which I talk about how I'd spend the last month of my life
6. Transit Evangelism - Evangelism, being a public nuisance.  All part and parcel of an early Monday morning on the train.  Also, apparently Pentecostal's aren't Christians!
7. The Lesson of the Present Moment - God should use me, but definitely shouldn't ask me to change.
8. High Tea and Hotsprings - some thoughts and photos from a perfect day spent with one of "my people"
9. The Virtue of Flexibility - some thoughts from Henri Nouwen
10. Mini Reviews (Part 4) - the fourth collection of short book reviews that I've written.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 232

Today's Daily 5:

1. actually sleeping when I didn't expect to
2. sunshine even if it was cold
3. having figured out a morning routine that works for me and leaves me feeling like I can face the day
4. laughing when I walked down a hall and did a double take  - someone had taken the time to hang a sign reading "Dry Paint" on a random wall
5. a good natural health treatment.

One Thousand Gifts

Writing a post about Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, has been on my to do list for at least three weeks now.  I've stared at that item on my list and wondered how on earth I was going to talk about this book.

It wasn't revolutionary, and it was totally revolutionary.

For close to two years now, I've been pausing each night to list at least five things from that day that made me smile, five things for which to give thanks.  The Daily 5 started out as a moment of desperation.  A terrible weekend, the weekend following my 26th birthday, found me crashing, despondent, and left me desperate for a reason to keep walking, a reason to find joy, a reason to get out of bed in the morning.  Was there something, anything, that was worth smiling about as I went about my days?

As I prayed out of that desperation, I was reminded of a practice I'd read about and even tried occasionally.  I'd heard somewhere that trauma counselors had done some studies showing that making a short list of things you're thankful for had the same affect on your brain chemistry as taking a mild dosage of an anti-depressant.  I'd found it had helped in the past to pick up my mood on a bad day - listing things I loved, or things that made me smile for one reason or another - essentially listing things because of which I'd paused, even momentarily, to give thanks.

And so I made it a habit, these lists.  My "Daily 5".  Each night, showing up here, and listing those things.  At least five, more if I could make it, but those first months five was a stretch.  My lists were (and sometimes still are) repetitive, and yet unique.  I was desperate - if I spotted something odd or quirky as  I traveled around the city, and it made me smile even just a little, it made the list.  And I've been doing it now, nightly, for close to two years.  And it has changed me.  I wrote this, a month or so ago, about the way that counting those moments of thanks has oh so slowly changed my inner dialogue, changed my gut reaction, even just a little.

And so, I picked up Ann's book, already convinced of the value in giving thanks.

What I found, was, as I said, not at all revolutionary, and yet completely revolutionary.

I found a theology, written out, for what my heart had spent a few years discovering.  A theology for giving thanks.

And a reminder.  "Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle."

Giving thanks always comes before the miracle.

It was a truth that registered as I was reading, and one that hit home a week or so after I finished.

I was sitting, quietly, in a church service, and God was speaking.

I wasn't happy.  I'm not at all in love with what he was placing in front of me (well, on a head level, anyway - on a heart level, I'm finding it nestled there, already, unexpectedly.)

And I sat there, stunned, arguing, and that phrase came back to me.  "Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle."

Could I really give thanks, even for this?  This thing that was so contrary to all the plans so nicely formed in my head? 

My pen didn't want to move across the pages of the journal.

"Thank you, God, for speaking.  Thank you that even in this direction, especially in this direction, you can be trusted.  Thank you that you will make the way plain.  That you are the one who calms the storms, even if they're only the ones inside of me, the ones that rage against your direction and obedience."

I haven't made peace yet, but Ann's words, her book are still with me. 

This practice of gratitude, one that I thought would be a temporary goal, has, I think, become a permanent part of my heart.

I've had the chance to share the making of those lists with friends, as we've spent the day together, and there was, for me, a special communion in those moments of laughter as we listed the moments of our day.

I've had the chance to make those lists on some very hard days, in the midst of some very hard circumstances, through this year of deconstruction, and that practice has allowed me to recognize grace in dark moments.

I don't really plan to list one thousand gifts.  I've been doing it, in fives and tens and twenties for nearly two years, and this is a way that works for me.  But, I thoroughly recommend Ann's book, and the practice of counting graces, gifts, from God, reasons to be thankful.  Because it will change you.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 231

Today's Daily 5:

1. finding enough energy for the day
2. A really good grade on an assignment that I was quite worried about
3. blog comments from new readers
4. a much needed cheque that arrived in the mail, and the news that I will get a fantastic tax refund 
5. a friend who helped me laugh at just the right moment

Heal: One Word 2011 Update

I've had this post that Alece wrote a couple of weeks ago flagged in google reader, as I tried to figure out what to say for an update on how my "one word" for this year is going.

My word is "heal", and I announced it here  and here (and you can find all of the posts I've written about it here.)

I think, when the year started, I was kind of thinking of "heal" as a triumphant thing.  It was finally here, everything was going to be better, and rosy.

It hasn't turned out that way.

Healing, it turns out, is hard, slogging, work.

Good work.

But hard and slogging.

There have been some good things - I had a goal to try a "real" yoga class, and I fell in love with this form of exercise.  I've made some other self-care things a priority, and they are making a difference.

But it's been a lot of hard stuff too.

A year of deconstruction, on the tails of several years of hard challenges, leave a lot of pieces to be sorted, picked up, ordered, and then discarded, or reassembled.  There's been a bit of all of those processes so far this year.

Physically, some of the health stuff that had seemed to finally be turning around as the new year came, has taken a step back, and I'm paying a bit of a price for that.

Emotionally, I've been diligent in working for health.  In reading, in seeking help and wise counsel, in making sure to leave room for margin and rest, and for things like yoga, and time alone - the things that give me space to breathe.

Spiritually, there is growth, and healing happening.  Wounds are settling out, and maybe even closing.  But some have also been uncovered, ripped open, and made visible.  I know God more intimately now, than ever before.  But many of the emotional and spiritual wounds run deep, and I have shed buckets of tears as I've walked this journey of "heal".

It's a word that is shaping my consciousness.  A word that is forming my year.

As of last week, this came in the mail, and it's a word I wear around my neck, reaching up to touch it, to finger it, to be reminded as I feel it sitting against my skin.

It's my word.  And it's been a very mixed journey, but one that is good.

Heal.  It's the word God gave me for this year, and, a quarter of the way through, it's definitely holding my attention, making me curious, excited, nervous, and a little bit scared to see what comes next.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 230

Today's Daily 5:

1. watching Top Chef in my pajamas
2. a great salad for lunch, with pecans and dried cranberries and apple and chicken
3. having fun at a bridal shower for a friend from house church
4. another Sunday evening of excellent and fascinating introductory teaching on Islam from a very unique source
5. collecting a few hugs from friends today
6. a brief moment of revelation/realization

Steal Like an Artist

Because it's Sunday and because this is possibly the last Sunday in a while where I will be enjoying my Sunday morning watch food network and do almost nothing routine, thanks to a job and school and final exams and Easter, I thought I'd send you someplace else today.

Yesterday one of the blogs I read linked to this article, and I read it, and then read it again, and thought it was fabulous, and that you should all absolutely read it too.

Here it is:

How to Steal Like an Artist (And 9 Other Things Nobody Told Me)

Go.  Read it. Then come back and tell me what you think of it.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 229

Today's Daily 5:

1. a good first day at a new job
2. a long bath, watching a favorite funny television show online
3. the upside of the fact that it snowed at least a foot today (and still falling!) is that I don't have a car.  While I DID have to go outside today, I DIDN'T have to drive on roads that were icy and wet from all the snow.
4. a bit of down time
5. getting some writing projects that have been on my list for a while done

To Do

So, this morning I worked my first shift at my new job.

I'm working for a small company that makes 100% natural soap, bath and body products and operates a number of stores in Western Canada, and I'm totally excited about it.

I then came home, and stared at my April calendar.

It's going to be a busy month, with research papers and two more weeks of classes, and then 5 final exams.  Add to that leading at house church, the basic commitments to things like getting a decent amount of sleep and exercise, some medical appointments, a wedding to attend, my brother's graduation from Bible school, and now a job, and you have the makings for a little bit of a wild month.

So, I did what I usually do.  I made a list.

This is what my list looks like:

Shortly after I wrote that list, I added several more items.  Those are the outside of class and work hours things that need to be accomplished between today and next Saturday.  Everything from wrapping a present, to preparing to lead at house church, to Latin/Greek homework, to writing a term paper on Che Guevara.  The list doesn't include the stuff that gets done daily outside of class or work hours - things like exercise, scripture reading, and so forth.

It's going to be a busy week, but I think it's doable.  Some of it is flexible and not super time sensitive, and if it waits another few weeks, it waits.

And, I'm kind of looking forward to it.  To the satisfaction of pushing for productivity, and marking things off lists.

I'm also realizing that I'm going to have to be incredibly disciplined about how I use my time, and that I will definitely need to make sure to carve out time for rest.

It'll be an interesting month!  I'm curious to see how it goes.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 228

Today's Daily 5:

1. Vietnamese noodles at school
2. chuckling over lessons from the story of Gideon - "You're really going to make this harder?"
3. reading The Pioneer Woman's new book "Black Heels and Tractor Wheels" - after a crazy week, this fun and (mostly) happy read was exactly what I needed
4. chatting on the phone with my friend J - a bit of follow-up from last night's house church
5. a good appointment
6. home-made popcorn and a brainless movie

Quickly

I have an incredibly full day.

I'm still at home, still in bed, but I've been up for hours.

I had a quiz to write online this morning, and it needed a lot of studying.

All the practice exercises were seeming to indicate that I was doing well.

They were definitely misleading.

I didn't do all that well, and that's frustrating.

And with that, I need to get out of bed, pack the stuff I need for the weekend, catch a bus, and head to school.

I'll be late.  I'll miss one class since I took the time for all that studying that didn't quite pay off.  But better one class than both, I guess.

After class I have an appointment.

And then, then?  Tonight I'm going to watch last night's episodes of some of my favorite television shows, online.

Either in bed, or in a bubble bath.  Because I've had the kind of week (and I'm expecting the kind of draining day) where crashing into bed or a hot bath with my favorite shows sounds just about perfect.

Especially since I can't go to yoga tomorrow morning, because I start work.

Crazy, that I didn't even have an interview on my calendar until mid-afternoon on Wednesday, and by Thursday afternoon I'd been hired, and by Saturday I'm starting a job.

Crazy.

My head is spinning just a little.

So, tonight, it's all about some brainless entertainment, in bed, or in a bubble bath.

Because that's just how I roll.

It's the best way I've discovered to unwind.

And I definitely need to unwind.

Catch you tonight for the daily 5!