I read this post that Sarah Markley wrote today.
This line hit hard:
I’m stupid if I tell God to USE ME but don’t CHANGE ME.
uh. yeah.
After a year of deconstruction - the car, the job, the roommates, the fall and injury and then reinjury, the complete change of life direction, the crazy living situation, the not getting into the program in January, the deep wounds that are oh so slowly surfacing and being healed, the very unexpected decisions - after that year, I'm STILL wrestling with God.
Still saying, "use me, but please don't make me change."
You'd think I'd be getting better at this by now.
I'm becoming very aware, these last few weeks particularly, of that tendency to get really ticked off and uncomfortable when MY plan doesn't seem to mesh with where HE's calling.
Basic surrender and trust.
I'm still learning it, and I was reminded that this, surrender and trust, is the lesson of the present moment when I read Sarah's post this morning.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
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4 comments:
i find that i keep saying "i can't believe i have to learn this lesson AGAIN".
blessings on the journey Lisa, even over the bumps.
Yep, definitely "we're learning this AGAIN?"
thanks Ian. blessings and prayers to you and Wendy as well.
You've had quite the year. You've shared about the year before, but seeing it all listed out here hit me even more strongly than before. Deconstruction ... God is so good at that. It's so hard for us humans to walk through, though.
xoxo
Christianne - He is so good at it. and it IS so hard. I'm learning so much amidst it, though, and I really am thankful for the lessons... though perhaps a bit sarcastic about them at times too :)
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