Monday, August 27, 2007

Re-reading

I've been reading through some of my blog archives this morning. I'm putting links in this post to some of my favorites - things that are still so close to my heart, and things that seem to express the things I was thinking and praying about with poignancy and clarity that grabs at me all over again when I re-read them.

The first one is titled "In that moment" and it is still my favorite all-time blog post. I've been thinking about that moment a lot again lately. It still comes back to me with deep clarity. There was something profound and disturbing in that time. Something that was both deeply encouraging and entirely frustrating. So much has happened in my life since then. So much healing, so much knowledge gained, and yet, as I look back, I wonder if there is any way to handle that moment other than what I did. I hope and pray that the presence of Christ drew near to her that day as I spoke words of desperation over both of our lives.

The Silence of a Muddled Mind - in mid-wrestle, a pause for Hallelujah.

Preaching for My Ears to Hear - a breakthrough moment that I still hold dear.

Poets Don't Go Mad... a favorite passage from G.K. Chesterton

The Kingdom ISN'T breaking through - One of the most important pieces I ever wrote, and a message I still speak out regularly. God in the tiny things, not just the huge moments. God in the dirt and the broken and the gutters.

From the Ashes - this one came after a beautiful night full of art and music, during which my friend Kirk Bartha preached a sermon that I heard with my heart instead of my ears. Such a moment of relief in the midst of a crazy season of life - that flash of knowing granted by the Spirit to give strength to walk just a bit further.

Keep the Weight On - a brilliant excerpt from an article on redemption and the cross by Dan Haseltine that was published in Relevant Magazine. Worth reading. This contains one of my favorite quotes of all time. "We must confront our humanity and know ourselves as both the walking wounded and the perpetually healed."

Monday Morning thoughts

I've had a cup of tea, and half a litre of water this morning. A cookie (of the pre-packaged variety) and a muffin that my grandma baked for me.

In the last day, I've had blog hits from all kinds of interesting locations - all over Canada, Sweden, Russia, the UK, a whole bunch from all over the US, Spain, and even one from Saudi Arabia. Leave me a comment the next time you stop by!

It's cold and wet outside, and I'm struggling to breathe again today. Feels like something is sitting in the center of my ribcage. It actually hurts quite a bit. There were moments as I was walking to the train this morning that I actually thought I was going to throw up in the effort to pull in a couple of deep breaths.

The quiet evening I was planning for last night didn't quite pan out. No tea. No reading or journalling on the couch. I watched a bit of tv on dvd - this time on my new television and dvd player. I ended up doing a bunch of stuff with my roommate. We moved a bunch of furniture around (hopefully for the last time) to accomodate the new tv. We did some errands - I bought a tv stand at walmart for $30, and then spent quite a while assembling it to a workable form. Some situps and stretching exercises, a quick shower, and my night drew to a close.

I've been sleeping restlessly again for the last week. This is what happens when things go haywire around me in the spiritual realm... There have been things going on since the trip I made last weekend - good things, but very difficult, and they're affecting my sleep.

I'm mulling over the line of what is and is not a sick day in my head these days. I get 10 paid sick days a year, and I've used 2 and a half. I'm feeling mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually drained at the moment. Feeling like I need time to regroup. A day off - no thinking unless I feel it, no wrestling or wondering, just sleep, and something brainless for activity - television, a movie.

However, this week has somehow filled up. Something every evening except one. I actually wrote "night at home" on my calendar for that evening. Seems I'm now scheduling time to rest. I'll probably take the bus home two or three times this week, instead of the train, because that, at least, gives me an hour and a half of uninterrupted time to simply be. I'm on my own, and don't have to talk with anyone. I can simply listen to music, read, pray, study, think, rest - whatever catches my fancy at that moment. I've learned to grab opportunities to build that time into my schedule whenever possible. If it's nice out on Wednesday night - the night I've scheduled to do nothing - I'll probably head for a park with my ipod and journal, and walk and pray and journal for a while - we'll see.