- Coffee and encouraging words this morning from a friend who has known me since the depression days.
- Laughing over a few "pieces of flair" with the girls at work... I couldn't help it - you have to have spent a few years in our office, but there's something really funny about a button that reads "Everyone has the right to stupidity...you're abusing the privilege" if you work in the context that we have...
- Vietnamese take-out for dinner (with left-overs for lunch tomorrow!)
- A beautiful sunset spotted when I was picking up my roommate from her evening's activities
- that progress seems to finally be being made towards filling a position in our office that will theoretically relieve some of the tensions we have, and will definitely make my role a whole lot easier to fulfill.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Daily 5 - Day 15
Today's daily 5:
Evening Thoughts...
This has been the good sort of day.
Not for any particular reasons. Just because.
Joy, even amidst tears.
I'd cried twice before coffee break this morning. Tears that caught me off guard both times. But not the lingering, hovering, exhausting grief that is sometimes there. Just moments of sadness, of deep emotion. And then they passed.
I've never stopped being surprised when the tears come. So many years of depression where they wouldn't flow at all. This last year and a half of challenges, where they came rarely.
I wonder if other people know what a priviledge it is when their tears flow freely? How beautiful that is?
I find the tears surprising and beautiful. They've been coming often these days, and sometimes, I still try to hide them. Hide them because they expose my heart, and the things that touch me deeply, and it is embarrassing in a culture that values solitary strength to cry often and freely. But, in these days, when I don't seem to have a choice, when the tears appear unannounced and flow freely; when they color my voice and redden my eyes, I am learning that it is okay for my heart to be exposed. That most won't reject it when it shows. That even when it is misunderstood, it is still valuable, and that compassion can be beautiful.
So, it was a day filled with joy, sometimes colored by tears.
There was laughter with a friend at work.
And an encouraging (if unfortunately short by necessity) coffee with a long-time friend.
Many questions to ponder.
Vietnamese take-0ut.
A lovely sun set.
I think I'm off to journal, just as soon as I write one more post with the Daily 5.
There is so much going on in me, and in my life these days, so much to process that journaling is starting to feel a bit overwhelming. I'm making it a habit to write, at least something, on a daily basis right now. Often that means grabbing ten minutes first thing in the morning, after I arrive at work, and before the day officially begins to recount the night's dreams, and get them off my mind a bit. I'm needing to remind myself of yet another of the helpful lessons I picked up from Anne Lamott - writing only what fits in a 1" frame. Breaking it down into small assignments. Taking it "bird by bird" as it were.
So, I'm off to tackle just one "bird", one little frame of thought for the evening.
Just as soon as I write the daily 5. This is one of those nights where I think they'll come easily.
Not for any particular reasons. Just because.
Joy, even amidst tears.
I'd cried twice before coffee break this morning. Tears that caught me off guard both times. But not the lingering, hovering, exhausting grief that is sometimes there. Just moments of sadness, of deep emotion. And then they passed.
I've never stopped being surprised when the tears come. So many years of depression where they wouldn't flow at all. This last year and a half of challenges, where they came rarely.
I wonder if other people know what a priviledge it is when their tears flow freely? How beautiful that is?
I find the tears surprising and beautiful. They've been coming often these days, and sometimes, I still try to hide them. Hide them because they expose my heart, and the things that touch me deeply, and it is embarrassing in a culture that values solitary strength to cry often and freely. But, in these days, when I don't seem to have a choice, when the tears appear unannounced and flow freely; when they color my voice and redden my eyes, I am learning that it is okay for my heart to be exposed. That most won't reject it when it shows. That even when it is misunderstood, it is still valuable, and that compassion can be beautiful.
So, it was a day filled with joy, sometimes colored by tears.
There was laughter with a friend at work.
And an encouraging (if unfortunately short by necessity) coffee with a long-time friend.
Many questions to ponder.
Vietnamese take-0ut.
A lovely sun set.
I think I'm off to journal, just as soon as I write one more post with the Daily 5.
There is so much going on in me, and in my life these days, so much to process that journaling is starting to feel a bit overwhelming. I'm making it a habit to write, at least something, on a daily basis right now. Often that means grabbing ten minutes first thing in the morning, after I arrive at work, and before the day officially begins to recount the night's dreams, and get them off my mind a bit. I'm needing to remind myself of yet another of the helpful lessons I picked up from Anne Lamott - writing only what fits in a 1" frame. Breaking it down into small assignments. Taking it "bird by bird" as it were.
So, I'm off to tackle just one "bird", one little frame of thought for the evening.
Just as soon as I write the daily 5. This is one of those nights where I think they'll come easily.
Exalts and Renews Us
From the calendar on my desk this morning, and very timely given many of the things I've been thinking about lately...
"But as we have brought suffering into the world, God does all he can, without taking away our free will and so taking away our humanity, to change suffering from something that bruises and destroys us into something that exalts and renews us."
(Caryll Houselander)
"But as we have brought suffering into the world, God does all he can, without taking away our free will and so taking away our humanity, to change suffering from something that bruises and destroys us into something that exalts and renews us."
(Caryll Houselander)
Wednesday Morning
Time moves quickly these days it seems.
Which I suppose is infinitely better than the moments that were so painful that time simply seemed to stand still, one day bleeding into the next with little to separate them from each other.
I've hardly slept in three nights. Some combination of prayer and dreaming.
I'm spending much time pondering a moment of prayer I received early this month, that I think is helping me to understand, just a little why my own prayers and my own willingness to surrender are important. I'm hoping to be able to write more about that in the times to come.
I cried just a little on the way to work this morning. One of those moments when a memory hit, and the tears spilled over before I'd even realized they hit. I'm ashamed, sometimes, of just how soft my heart is, and I feel embarrassed to admit that I was crying over a memory of our dog, Shiloh, who died on the weekend. And yet, I'm needing to remind myself that compassion for all living things is a blessing, too.
I have a post in the works, describing the weekends from the month of August. The weekends have been stunning in their variety, and in the way they've shaped the weeks that they surrounded.
It promises to be another full day, with variety galore.
I'm grateful that our bookkeeper is back in the office, meaning I get a lunch hour without being interrupted by the need to answer the phones and deal with customers. I always appreciate that short break in the day more when I haven't had access to it for a few days.
And with that, I'm heading into the day, waiting to see what it holds.
Which I suppose is infinitely better than the moments that were so painful that time simply seemed to stand still, one day bleeding into the next with little to separate them from each other.
I've hardly slept in three nights. Some combination of prayer and dreaming.
I'm spending much time pondering a moment of prayer I received early this month, that I think is helping me to understand, just a little why my own prayers and my own willingness to surrender are important. I'm hoping to be able to write more about that in the times to come.
I cried just a little on the way to work this morning. One of those moments when a memory hit, and the tears spilled over before I'd even realized they hit. I'm ashamed, sometimes, of just how soft my heart is, and I feel embarrassed to admit that I was crying over a memory of our dog, Shiloh, who died on the weekend. And yet, I'm needing to remind myself that compassion for all living things is a blessing, too.
I have a post in the works, describing the weekends from the month of August. The weekends have been stunning in their variety, and in the way they've shaped the weeks that they surrounded.
It promises to be another full day, with variety galore.
I'm grateful that our bookkeeper is back in the office, meaning I get a lunch hour without being interrupted by the need to answer the phones and deal with customers. I always appreciate that short break in the day more when I haven't had access to it for a few days.
And with that, I'm heading into the day, waiting to see what it holds.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
