Resurrecting the Daily 5

For a long time (more than 3 years) each night I sat down in this space and counted the things in the day that made me smile - the blessings, the things I was thankful for, the ridiculous that incited laughter.  It was a practice that began with a need to find joy in some really hard spaces of life, and lasted as those hard spaces receded into better times.

And now, I find myself struggling again with some of the same things that incited the first practice of counting blessings, and so I'm resurrecting the Daily 5 posts.  Each evening I'll show up in this space and count smiles - at least 5 - from that day.

I'll see you tonight for the first post in this starting all over again practice!

Reasons to Smile

So, after a day that kind of sucked, I need to make a Daily 5 list:

1. earplugs that work (eliminate mouse skritching sounds, but let me hear netflix)
2. that it was sunny when I needed to escape the house and go for a walk
3. laughing at Gilmore Girls
4. seeing the fruits of therapy as I worked to manage an anxiety attack
5. fresh cantaloupe
6. a gift card for the local bookstore chain that let me engage in a bit of bookstore therapy today
7. spending time starting on crocheting a blanket for a friend who is having a baby soon
8. curling up in a comfortable chair to rest
9. friends who pray
10. my "panic" box

Reasons to Smile

Counting off a daily 5 of sorts today as I revel in a housesitting gig that got me out of my grandma's basement and into a home with natural light, a normal bathroom, and a full kitchen for a week or so.

Today's reasons to smile:

1. a car to run errands at my ready disposal
2. ceiling fans (and other fans) that have kept me comfortable on a hot day
3. a quick Jillian Michael's circuit workout
4. a giant fruit salad
5. the gluten-free pancake mix that I really like being on sale when I went to the store to pick some up
6. making greek quinoa salad for lunch
7. gluten free pasta with organic tomato sauce that I added ground turkey, mushrooms, peppers, green onions, and spinach to.
8. having a kitchen at my ready disposal
9. knowing that after a hot day that included a workout, I can hop in a shower without traveling to my folk's house, or wondering if grandma is timing how long I'm in there
10. the Matt Maher station on pandora that I've been listening to off and on today
11. sitting and reading on a comfy couch, in natural light
12. quiet space to think and pray
13. texting with friends
14. the anticipation of a couple skype dates in the next few days
15. a chance to enjoy a break from normal life by watching a family member's house and simply resting - a bit of a personal retreat that couldn't have come at a better time.

A Few Smiles

Just a few things as a reminder of joys in my life right now:

• adding some images to my wall of smiles tonight
• the color turquoise
• Martha Stewart organizational products from Staples
• my Curly Girl calendar
• trying a new recipe
• slow paced but productive evening (the best kind!)
• pictures of honorary nieces and nephews that make me smile (or cry, or both!)
• reading, reading, reading theology these days, and praying and processing
• texting with dear friends who are far away
• a clean desk
• thinking and working through thoughts on health and my body
• netflix
• books and more books
• Call the Midwife (book and show)
• friends who keep me accountable
• being finished my psych rotation
• bus commutes with podcasts and audio books
• reading on the kindle app on my ipad
• anticipating the arrival of spring (even if in Calgary it won't be here for quite some time still)
• looking forward to a summer placement full of babies and mamas
• Words with Friends on my phone

Thankful

In the tradition of the Daily 5, today I'm thankful for:

• a weekend that was so encouraging to my heart
• that though I overslept my alarm, I still made it to school on time
• dear sweet friends
• big mugs of green tea
• berry white chocolate scones
• a reason to laugh
• worship music from Matt Redman, Kim Walker-Smith, and John Mark McMillan
• tears that flowed freely
• open sharing of stories
• the anticipation of time with dear friends and warm weather

A Thankful List (Daily 5)

Today I'm thankful for:

• a far away best friend who promises she's cheerleading for me
• the fact that in two and a half weeks I'll be getting on an airplane to spend a week in a spot where palm trees grow outdoors
• a long phone conversation tonight with a dear friend
• that even though the weather today was terrible (-35C with the windchill), at least it was bright and sunny
• my ipad mini that lets me read on the bus
• baking banana bread in my toaster oven (even though I burnt it a bit)
• that when I burned my hand on the toaster oven door, it wasn't serious
• good friends in my nursing program
• that I only have 6 shifts left in acute inpatient psychiatric nursing
• a super cozy throw blanket
• the sense of being surrounded and upheld
• vitamins

Thanksgiving

I'll be sleeping (I hope anyway!) when this post goes live.  That is the beauty of a holiday long weekend.  No 5:30 am wake-up calls.

And for those of us in Canada, today is our Thanksgiving.  We space our big turkey dinners out a bit more up here!

And so, in the spirit of thanksgiving, let me just list a few things I'm thankful for:

• for healing that's happening
• for days that seem more settled
• for wise voices in my life
• for growing friendships
• for a house church I love
• for a job that's paying bills for the moment
• for television that's available online
• for time to read on the bus commute
• for text messages from house church friends
• for skype and hours spent chatting with people I love
• for reasons to laugh
• for a growing desire to indulge in creativity
• for new things
• for supplements and medications that make my days smoother because of health
• for happy memories
• for upcoming good things

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

What are you thankful for today?

Reasons This is Going to be a Good Monday

I woke up from some kind of rough dreams this morning, and I'm not feeling great.  So, I'm lying here reminding myself of the lovely things I have to look forward to today:

• Because three hours from now, my dear friend A, and her daughter N are coming to hang out with me for the afternoon
• Because it's Bachelorette day
• Because I have another full week of housesitting ahead of me
• Because there is leftover Banana cream pie in the fridge
• Because the weather forecast for the day is fairly warm and mostly sunny
• Because I'm going to make jello
• and banana bread
• and maybe cookies
• Because there is chocolate in the world
• and some of my favorite television shows are available on DVD
• Because I have reasons to smile, and I'm going to choose to enjoy them

Why I Like November

To be honest, I'm not actually sure that I can say I like the month of November.

But there are some things about it that are very, very likeable.

Things like the fact that someone, somewhere declared it some sort of blogging month, and a number of blogs that I greatly enjoy suddenly come alive with daily posts.  Insights into the lives of friends and strangers abound, and I enjoy the influx of thoughts and words.

Things like starting it off with an anniversary of healing.  An anniversary that almost always carries relief, since the weeks leading up to it seem to be brutally hard and dark and miserable every single year.

In a good November, there is still some warm weather.  I contemplated wearing flip-flops the other day.

This November has little things like manicure/pedicure and haircut appointments.  (And being thankful for a groupon purchased early in the summer for the mani/pedi, making it a scheduled treat I don't have to worry about paying for.)

It's had productive days.

And days for lazily sitting on the couch with hours and hours of escapist television.

Moments of laughter and tears.

Yes, it's a month that generally brings the onslaught of the much dreaded winter, but November has lovely things, too.

Immediate Thanks

This is definitely one of those days where it's a bit harder to keep the hard stuff at bay.  I'm in need of an immediate thankful list, before even writing tonight's daily 5.

5 Things I'm Thankful for Right This Minute:

1. Sitting in the sun at the bus stop
2. Managing to eat breakfast
3. a deep resolve to face this day, whatever it holds
4. Sleeping last night, relatively peacefully
5. being greeted with a hug

The Book of Awesome

Have you heard of this book or blog yet?  It's like a daily 5 list on steroids, and some of the posts are brilliant!

I've only been reading the blog so far, but my plan is to get the book ASAP.  I think it'll become my go-to pick me up when I need a reminder about the simple but beautiful things in the world.

 

Some of my favorite posts so far (of the ones I've read):

Pulling a Weed and Getting all the Roots With It

 

Long Comfortable Silences Between Really Close Friends

Bakery Air

Sleeping in New Bedsheets

Old, Dangerous Playground Equipment

Living with Someone Who Doesn't Mind Killing Spiders

Daily 5 - Day 323

Last night was pretty rough.  Some odd dream/vision things that meant that sleep was fleeting.  Various things heavy on my heart through the night mean I did a lot of praying and pushing through some stuff, and not a lot of sleeping.  Around 4:30 this morning I took an extra dose of the supplement I take to aid with sleep, and somehow managed to mostly sleep for about the next 4 hours or so.

I wrote to a dear friend, describing the night I'd had, and commenting that I was having a pretty slow morning because of it, and she wrote back, saying among other things that she hoped I'd find some interesting reasons to smile today.  When I finally managed to propel myself out of bed (which I think was sometime around noon - I did a lot of email/blog/internet stuff from a horizontal pose this morning!), I set out to do just that - find some interesting (to me at least!) reasons to smile.

And thus, here's today's daily 5:

1. not having major plans, thus allowing for a very much needed slow morning in bed after a rough night
2. compensating for my cold bedroom this evening by lighting tons of candles all around the room and enjoying their glow, and the warmth they're adding to the chilly air
3. solo zoo trip
4. the baby gorilla - and, I learned a new fact: gorillas nurse their babies for 3-5 years.
5. the colobus monkeys were really funny to watch today
6. It takes me between 27 and 35 steps to walk the length of a blue whale.
7. finished some reading for a Christian leadership course I'm taking (besides the school stuff) while I was on the bus.  it was nice to get this out of the way a day or two before it actually has to be done.
8. I revisited one of my favorite quotes, painted on the wall as you exit the rainforest exhibit where the gorillas are.  "Like water, be gentle and strong.  Be gentle enough to follow the natural paths of the earth, and strong enough to rise up and reshape the world." (Brenda Peterson)  It always reminds me of Jesus being called living water, and expresses rather nicely how I'd like to live - gentle and strong.
9. I made a rare visit to the downtown, central library branch, and spent a bit of time hunting for some books I had in mind.  It's more fun, somehow, when the books take up several floors.
10. The library had the entire series of three novels that I was looking to read soon in stock today.
11. I picked up a few books with various walking tours around the city.
12. I made it to the mall, and managed to get a whole list of errands out of the way.
13. I spent some very enjoyable time plotting the junk food supper I was going to treat myself to.
14. I walked, a lot, today.
15. knowing that my schedule was totally flexible, and it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things if the bus was 10 minutes or more late (which at least one was)
16. having junk food for supper (more on that tomorrow!)
17. thinking about all of the things I was doing as I did them, and keeping a mental running list of "interesting reasons to smile"
18. clean drinking water - there's something about this that just never gets old for me, especially since water is my beverage of choice.  I suppose I think too, about the many, many people who can't have it, and that makes it even more amazing to me.
19. the male peacocks at the zoo were displaying their feathers in full force today.  Since I usually go in winter, I don't see that often, and it really is a beautiful sight.
20. giggling just thinking about the giant anteater (one of my favorites, after the gorilla).  I didn't see it today, but just stopping to think about it really did make me smile outwardly and giggle inwardly.
21. a ten minute yoga video this morning (in retrospect, with all the walking I did today, the exercise was totally unnecessary, but it was a nice way to wake up when I did finally crawl out of bed)

Thankful

The kind of week I've had this week, with it's crazy ups and downs, it's internal struggles causing distraction amidst the need for intense focus, reminds me to be thankful.  To celebrate the little things.  Things like:

1. The fact that it's not even 11am on Friday morning and I've finished making all of the anatomy chapter notes that I set out to accomplish this week.  There's lots of review left, but the notes are done.
2. Hugging friends
3. chocolate
4. a hot shower in between bouts of studying - so thankful that my "office" these days is in mom and dad's basement and comes equipped with a shower and a yoga mat, and three meals a day, plus snacks, all for the low price of some chores around the house and cooking a few of those meals.
5. little notes from friends and family that have brought smiles
6. wearing comfy slippers
7. playing simple games on the internet for a break or a distraction
8. blogging friends
9. favorite quotes.
10. pumpkin cookies
11. a day where focus comes more easily, and the distractions recede for a while
12. falling asleep to and waking up to worship and preaching online from a church I love in California
13. sunshine (finally!)

I'm going to choose to celebrate the simple things that are bringing smiles today.  And remember how grateful I am for each of those little blessings.

Happy Thoughts

My heart is joyful this morning, and I'm thinking about and reveling in simple pleasures.

Things like:

• wearing clean pajamas, and sleeping in my own bed, with my own pillows, after nearly a month away.  I may not like my living situation at all right now, but it was so nice to be in my own bed.
• being thankful for a peaceful night's sleep
• the simple comfort of a basic white t-shirt and blue jeans
• feet that don't hurt because I actually sprung for decent walking shoes
• setting up a space to study in my parent's basement.  they offered me a desk in a well-lit corner and I gladly accepted.
• seeing friends step up to meet some specific needs - really trying to serve.
• catching the bus just on time
• the smell of freshly cut grass (even if I am totally allergic to it, and it makes me sneeze - it just smells lovely)
• doing laundry at mom and dad's house in their high efficiency machines, and knowing that no one is looking over my shoulder to see how long it takes, or how quickly I transfer it from the washer to the dryer, or how much water I used
• tea
• quotes on a couple of calendars I pulled out this morning that made me smile hugely
• falling asleep last night with great worship and preaching from a favorite church (broadcast via the internet) playing over me
• waking early to make a necessary phone call, and then drifting back to sleep for an hour or two more of dozy rest
• kit-kat bars
• this incredible feeling of open doors in front of me, as today I embark on a whole new adventure starting today.  As I dive into studying and new dreams.

And with that, I have a to do list to write, a study schedule to create, and much to accomplish today!

Smile!

A dear friend of mine had the following quote from Mother Teresa as her facebook status yesterday.

"Peace begins with a smile."

Given my penchant for making a daily 5 list of things that brought joy to my life, that made me smile, and seeing how that practice really has shaped the way I experience life and brought peace to my own heart, I loved the quote, and wanted to share it here as well.

A Good Way to Start a Morning

Fridays just tend to be good days.

They almost invariably start with one of my favorite sensations of all time.  That moment, when, as you're groaning because your alarm has gone off and you're just not quite ready to face the day, you realize, as you reach to turn the alarm off, that, today, instead of just resetting it for 24 hours later, you can actually turn it off for the next 72 hours. 

Then, there comes another of my favorite moments.  The realization that this is the day I get to wear jeans at the office.  It happens once a week, but every time it feels like a moment worth celebrating.  This is the moment I've been planning for all week as I stare in my closet, trying to figure out what the heck I'm going to wear for another day of business casual at work.  And then Friday arrives, and the only decision is whether I feel like dressing my jeans up or down that day.  Because the favorite part of the outfit, my most comfortable pants, a pair of jeans, is already decided.

This particular Friday held a surprise, too, as I stepped out the door to begin the walk to the bus.  There is blue sky.  Hours later, the blue sky is already filling again with rain clouds, but that moment when I was greeted by the sun instead of the dull greyness of the last few weeks was lovely.

The roses my coworker gave me had opened more overnight, and greeted me when I arrived at my desk.

I started the morning with a bowl of apple cinnamon oatmeal and a mug of pomegranate green tea.

It's been a good way to start a day.

Here's to Friday, and the weekend it hints at!

Rough Start

I've been wide awake since 4:30 this morning.

A nightmare woke me.

A nightmare that has me thinking about the definition of "worst". 

Because I would tell you that this was the worst nightmare I've had in quite some time.

It wasn't the most violent, or even the darkest.

But it was the most personal, and invasive, and I'm feeling that this morning.

I was finally at a place where I could possibly begin to relax into sleep again, and my alarm went off.

And that's how I started my day.

So, I'm here.  Sitting at my desk.  Sipping a mug of passion tea.

And trying to regroup.

To not let the nightmare steal my day, the joys possible in this day.

And yet, I'm entirely cognizant that I believe dreams have significance, and this one was a doozy.

So I'm working on how to respond to that as well.

And, in some ways, I'm grieving.

I feel that with the loss of the car (it'll likely be sold by the middle of this week), I've been greatly cushioned.  In so many ways, I'm at peace.

But I'm grieving, too.  And angry.

If only my insurance company had quoted me correctly in the first place.

If only I wasn't losing a freedom that so helped in making the challenging situation at Grandma's more liveable.

So.

Thankful.

Last night I started back on the medication that controls some of the hormonal problems that so affect my mood.  I'd needed to be off it for a couple weeks.

Those weeks, when I could have used the support, just happened to be some really rough ones.

I'm back on it.  And I anticipate less of a low mood by later this week, as it builds in my system.

It's a hopeful thing.

And there is sun outside my office window.

And I have a mug of tea to sip.

And plans to have tea in my favorite tea shop with a friend this evening.

I'll get a hug out of that.

I got a caring email from a dear friend (thankful, too, for the iphone that let me send the email she was responding to while I was on the train.)

But it was a rough start.

And I'm praying my day doesn't stay the way it started.

I'm fighting for that.

On a Brighter Note

Lest the world think I'm totally bogged down (though I am somewhat overwhelmed) by the most recent challenge life is throwing at me with this car situation, let me share a few happy things.  (And, because I was already having a hard day when the day started, I was particularly careful to note the things that made me smile today, and have a long list for tonight's daily 5.)

I had my last medical appointment this morning.  Pending the results of some blood work I had done, I've been pronounced fit for another year of life.  I have instructions on a couple of little things (mostly dietary to see how they affect energy) to keep an eye on, and I'm good to go.

That this appointment went well was very encouraging.  I'd been dreading this one, particularly since the last time I saw one of the doctors at this clinic, they prescribed a particular medication that I was initially hesitant to go on, and ended up deciding not to use.  The physician I saw this morning was much easier to talk with, and we discussed some ways of managing the hormone imbalances that seem to create crazy lows in my mood from time to time, without going on medication long-term.  That made me very, very happy.  I like a doctor, who, however she feels about the more natural remedies that I prefer, will work with me, instead of demeaning me.

That appointment, one which I'd been dreading, left me encouraged, and relieved actually, and for that bright spot in a gross week, I'm grateful.

Smile List (The Mid-Day Version)

I need to make a smile list.  It's just one of those days.  I'll be by later with the regular "daily 5" (which might have duplicates today).  But for now, I need to list some reasons to smile.

• Because it's been one of those days, and because of the "Sunday" hangover that I mentioned this morning, I decided on a whim to text one of my long-time friends (the only one really left in Calgary) and see if we could have coffee sometime soon.  I got a phone-call back almost immediately, and we have a coffee date scheduled for tomorrow night.  This is bringing a huge smile to my face.  I could badly use an evening with the kind of long-time friend who knows all the stories and all the crap, and wants to hang out anyway.
• I had left-over Vietnamese food for lunch.
• I spent the lunch hour playing a computer game I enjoy.
• It's payroll day!  I actually mostly enjoy the challenge of doing payroll, and that's what's on my agenda for the afternoon.
• I got an encouraging email from a dear friend today.
• There's not much on the agenda for tonight.  Some cooking, maybe some yoga.  That in itself is a relief.
• I've decided to scrounge in my budget to make massages a monthly event, and not a bi-monthly event.  That means half the year will be covered by my insurance, and the other half by me.  But it also means that I get a great massage once a month!

3000 - Thankful

This is the 3000th time in just over 5 years that I've shown up here.

That number seems crazy and immense to me.  That 3000 times in the last five years I've felt like there was something worth sharing, or, sometimes, that I simply needed a place to show up and be myself.

It's way too early to be awake on a Saturday, and I've been lying here already for an hour and a half.  I felt better about that early waking when I remembered that I went to bed very early last night, and, counting backwards, waking interruptions aside, realized I still slept for close to eight hours.  Sweet.

It will be a full day.

Errands this morning.

A much needed appointment for a massage.

Time with family.

A bridal shower for L. tonight.

Almost daunting, from the perspective I have still half-laying in bed, so early in the day.

And yet, I'm thankful.

Thankful for what the outcome of the errands will be.

Thankful for an email from a dear friend, advising of her safe return.

Thankful for eight hours of quiet, if not of sleep, even if they ended sooner than I would have preferred.

Thankful for the timing of a badly needed massage appointment.

Thankful that tonight I get to participate in celebrating L, and her upcoming marriage to my brother.

Thankful for this blog space, that I've been able to show up at and be myself.  3000 times in the last five or so years.

I think it's going to be a good day, but even if it all goes sour, I can pause and remember these moments, in the dawning of the day, where there was and is so much to be thankful for.