Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Another Article

I came across this article about child mortality rates in Iraq after I posted the first set of articles this morning. It seems to fit the generally interconnected theme of all of the other articles from this morning, so I'm linking to it here.

Child Mortality Rate in Iraq Soars

Rethinking Church

I’m rethinking church. AGAIN.

I made a decision last fall, after talking with many trusted friends and advisors, people who know me well, and hear God well, to return to the church I grew up in. The church that my dad pastors. I sensed God leading in that direction, went back, got involved in youth ministry there, and have tried to settle in.

Except I haven’t settled in. At all. I mostly hate it. I feel like I’ve been fighting against all of the old reasons that I had left the church in the first place. The religious nature of it. The pressure to be someone I’m just not. The sense of expectation surrounding being a pastor’s kid. The lack of community with my peers (there aren’t any people my age at all). Most Sundays I haul myself out of bed and go out of obligation and guilt – I have a deal with the youth pastor I work with that I’ll be there 3 Sundays a month.

The last time I had a Sunday off, and stayed at home, it was the most spiritually profitable time I’d had in weeks, just sitting in an armchair with my bible and chatting with God.

I’m committed to working with the youth through until summer – probably the end of June. I’m planning to do some rethinking of the whole church thing over the summer. Maybe some church visiting – trying to find something that fits who I am a little better.

Or, here’s a thought. Maybe I’ll just take a break from church for a while. Is that blasphemous? It feels blasphemous because of the way I was raised. I know all about the importance of being in community with other Christians, but I have to wonder – if that need isn’t being met through the church I attend, is it worth it to go through the motions just for the sake of going to church somewhere? I actually really value worship and teaching times – I can’t imagine being away from church permanently, but right now, the idea of a bunch of quiet Sunday mornings, just hanging out alone with God is really, really appealing…

Thoughts? Ideas? Comments? I’d love to generate some dialogue around the issue of church – whether or not it’s important, if it is, why is it important, how do you define church, what is it exactly? If you want to help out in my thinking process by commenting, I’d be grateful!

Henri Nouwen, Again

Got another email from Henri Nouwen Society this morning, and am once again passing it along.

Sharing Freely Our Knowledge

Often we think that we do not know enough to be able to teach others. We might even become hesitant to tell others what we know, out of fear that we won't have anything left to say when we are asked for more.

This mind-set makes us anxious, secretive, possessive, and self-conscious. But when we have the courage to share generously with others all that we know, whenever they ask for it, we soon discover that we know a lot more than we thought. It is only by giving generously from the well of our knowledge that we discover how deep that well is.

Stressed...and restless

I’m having the sort of week (can you say that only two days in?) that feels really high in the stress level, and low in the patience level.

My job remains slow. It feels like such a waste of my time to be sitting at my desk pretending to be busy eight hours a day this week. I have so many other things that need to get done, that can’t be done while I’m sitting here pretending to be busy.

I’m realizing that I don’t really make enough money to have a social life, live outside of my parent’s home, and own a car. Not sure what I’m going to do about that… curtail the social life quite dramatically? Beg and plead for a raise even though I don’t have a yearly review until September? Live in “poverty” (keep in mind that I’m well aware of the way much of the rest of the world lives, but my salary with the expenses until September and then either get a raise or a new job? Carve time out of an already busy schedule and get a part-time job for a couple hours a week on weekends to supplement my income from my full-time job?

It kind of figures that I’d find myself living in one of the most expensive cities in the country to live in, just when I’m finally ready to exert some independence! And yet, someone asked me this morning why I don’t just leave Calgary, and I just can’t yet. I’ve spent a year wanting desperately to get out, and then, in the last few months, I’ve known that I’m still supposed to be here. One of my closest friends invited me to come live with her in Vancouver again recently, and while I said that I’d think about it, I really feel like I’m still supposed to be here for a while. Weird.

I made some progress on my list last night, after procrastinating for a while. I even wrote half of the talk I’m giving Friday night, though at this point I’m not happy with the ending of that bit yet. I’ll probably sit down and do the second half tonight.

There is a restlessness in me this week. An unsettledness as I prepare to make some changes in my life, as I wrestle with the fear of really speaking my heart this weekend. A desire to be doing something, anything really, other than sitting at my desk pretending to be busy.

Headlines that Caught Me Today

Palestinian Mothers That Become Suicide Bombers

New Leader of the Government in Northern Ireland

Peru Courting Canadian Oil Firms

Musicians Finding it Easier to Be Green

Tomb of King Herod Discovered

Is International Food Aid Working?

Here's a sampling of the stuff I read about in the news this morning. There's a rather international theme today, with all these various topics melding together in my head in a variety of interesting connections.