Randomness

I feel like every post I start these days needs an apology.  A "I'm still processing internally and not really writing" sort of thing.  And that's mostly true. It's also true that I'm busy with school, and that I've been making some big life and faith decisions that are taking a lot of time and energy that I used to spend blogging.

So, I'm letting myself off the hook.  No more starting posts with apologies.  I'm just going to show up here when I have the time and motivation to show up here.  And today, I do.

So allow me to present a list of random thoughts for your perusal:

• Yesterday I purchased two lawn chairs.  It was sort of one of those "I feel like a grown-up" moments.  I mean, adults own lawnchairs, right?  Non-adults use blankets, or sit on the grass, or sponge a chair off a friend who has more grown-up cred than them.  So I get some grown-up points for buying a pair of lawn chairs for use at all future summer/outdoor parties!
• I'm pretty peopled out at the moment.  I always feel like that after the first week of a new semester, and this semester would appear to be following right along the same trend as usual.
• I have Mondays off this semester.  This is going to help immensely with the trend of getting overtired and peopled out so quickly.
• Also, I'm spending the semester in a perinatal placement.  That means I'm spending my summer doing two days a week in placements that include labor and delivery, NICU, and postpartum.  Mommies and babies all summer long! I'm pretty much ecstatic.
• Because I'm peopled out, I'm spend the day alone, enjoying quiet and getting ready for the week ahead.  That means I'm cleaning, organizing, doing laundry, making lists, and just chilling out.  It's kind of perfect.
• This morning I tried a gluten free pancake mix that I'd purchased with the hope that it would actually taste good.  It did!!!  Hallelujah.
• On that note, I should add that I've recently begun trying to seriously limit the gluten and starches that I consume.  I've noticed that if I eat a diet higher in protein and fruit and veggies, and lower in starch, I feel a lot better.  Also, I have less mood swings.  I find that slightly annoying, since most of my favorite foods are sweet and starchy and full of gluten.  However, these days I'm placing a pretty high premium on feeling healthier, so it's a toss up.  Also, I find that not being militant about it helps - it makes me thankful that my food sensitivities are just that - sensitivities - and not allergies.
• In other random food related news, I'm currently having a love affair with green smoothies. And quinoa.  But not together.
• Also, I've discovered that exercise really can reverse a low mood.  This discovery truly annoys me, since I hate exercising with a passion!  That said, it's hard to argue with results, and since I really am working on ways to be a healthier person, and to manage my anxiety and moods more naturally, I'm annoyed to admit that I have several times put on a Jillian Michaels video to kick a bad mood in the butt.
• In the area of managing anxiety and mood, after two years on my medication, I'm at a place where I'm starting to work towards weaning the dosage, and hopefully going off the medications. That said, I don't recommend the first week of a new semester as the time to start the weaning process.  Clearly I didn't think that one through.  Thus the need for those dates with Jillian Michaels videos!
• And finally, I woke up this morning thinking about loneliness and community.  Yesterday was a day where I got some rare in person time with a very trusted friend, and it was lovely.  It also highlighted the ongoing challenge of having my closest friends in other countries and continents, and the need to continue to build a supportive community here at home.

And with that, I'm going back to cleaning. And laundry. And organizing. And maybe baking.  And well, I might leave my introverted haven to go eat some frozen yogurt at some point today.  Because I kind of got hooked on the stuff while I was in Florida. And I'm craving it. A lot.  But I might just bake something tasty and gluten free instead, and stay in my quiet haven.  It's hard to predict!  See you soon!

I'm Going to Miss...

Things I'm going to miss like crazy after spending two lovely weeks in Florida (I head home tonight):

• playing peek-a-boo with A.
• waking up to baby giggles, cries, and babbling
• faces that break into a smile when I appear
• K's various quinoa concoctions
• listening to theology lectures any time we drive anywhere
• frozen yogurt
• sunshine
• warm temperatures even when it rains
• long conversations with K & J
• taking our cameras with us, and always taking the time to capture the shots
• lazy days with netflix while the baby sleeps
• grouchily responding to Jillian Michaels while we do her Yoga Meltdown workouts
• Target
• long conversations about life, abortion, and all sorts of other hot topics
• safe friends for venting
• glasses of wine on the harder days
• hugs from good friends

Tuesday Ten

I have almost zero blogging mojo these days.  Most days it's pretty much all I can do to get from point A to point B and home again without forgetting something important.  Case in point: on Sunday I entirely forgot a skype date with my best friend, one that I'd been looking forward to for a couple of weeks.  It was only when I glanced at my phone screen and noticed a facebook message to the effect of "are we still on to chat" flash across the screen that I realized that there was in fact something on my schedule for the day.

That said, somewhere in the interweb realms today, I noticed a point form post that was basically a list of ten random things going on in the person's life right now, and I thought, "I can probably manage that!".  So, here I am, and here are ten things on a Tuesday night:

1. I'm trying to eat less starch in my diet.  I was inspired by a good friend.  I'm pretty much terrible at this.  What's worse is that I did well for a couple weeks after I got home from spending some time with my friend, and I felt really good.  So, now I'm doing terrible at the whole less starch thing, and I don't even feel good.  Sigh.  How depressing is it when bread ceases to solve all problems???
2. My reading list these days is eclectic.  A Brene Brown book.  A midwifery memoir.  Some Catholic theology.  A few cookbooks. Nursing textbooks. A random collection of novels.  All are contributing to various things I'm thinking, praying and pondering.  But definitely it's an eclectic list
3. I'm currently in love with anything teal or turquoise or any shade in between.  Basically anything in that greeny blue range.  I daydream about finally having a house one day, with lovely white walls, lots of windows, and accessories in these shades of bluish green.  (and some of the peacock images I've been collecting!)
4. Since google reader will be extinct (tears!) this summer, I've recently adopted Feedly as my RSS reader, and I'm actually really loving it.  (Mostly because, once I worked some of the kinks out, I can basically get it to look like and do what Google Reader did, but against a lovely minty green background).
5. Today I made chicken, lentil and potato curry in the crockpot, and it actually turned out great.  Only problem is that the recipe made WAY more than I thought it would.  I may now be eating nothing but curry for the next week.
6. While I still love the idea of real books, I've kind of been converted to ebooks since buying my ipad mini.  I mean, seriously, I can read bits of each of my eclectic reading list, all on the same bus trip, and I only have to carry the light weight ipad, not all ten books.  Plus, I'm kind of into the instant gratification of downloading books to my kindle app immediately, and not having to wait out the process of shipping.
7. Which brings me to Lent, and the fact that I gave up book buying for Lent.  Which is challenging when I such an addiction to the cheaper kindle prices and it's instant gratification.  But which has been good for my highly limited budget. and a good reminder on a daily basis that I'm supposed to be sacrificing, studying, and remembering Christ in this season.
8. I'm going back to Florida in 22 days.  I pretty much can't wait.  Sunshine, friends, cute baby, flip flops, and great conversations.  And just a chance to settle into really feeling like myself and moving more slowly for a couple of weeks.
9. Not so long after that I'm going to become an Aunt.  My brother and his wife are expecting in early June, and though they've stubbornly resisted finding out what they're having, it really doesn't matter to me.  I will officially be "Auntie Lisa" and that is a role that I know I will excel at.
10. Plus hey, I get to spend my summer clinical rotation dealing with mamas and babies in one form or another.  Don't know the exact details yet, but I know I got assigned to a perinatal rotation and that that pretty much has me jumping for joy!

And just like that, I made it to ten!  Maybe I'll have to make this a weekly feature?  At least it gave me a bit of blogging mojo for the day!

A Few Smiles

Just a few things as a reminder of joys in my life right now:

• adding some images to my wall of smiles tonight
• the color turquoise
• Martha Stewart organizational products from Staples
• my Curly Girl calendar
• trying a new recipe
• slow paced but productive evening (the best kind!)
• pictures of honorary nieces and nephews that make me smile (or cry, or both!)
• reading, reading, reading theology these days, and praying and processing
• texting with dear friends who are far away
• a clean desk
• thinking and working through thoughts on health and my body
• netflix
• books and more books
• Call the Midwife (book and show)
• friends who keep me accountable
• being finished my psych rotation
• bus commutes with podcasts and audio books
• reading on the kindle app on my ipad
• anticipating the arrival of spring (even if in Calgary it won't be here for quite some time still)
• looking forward to a summer placement full of babies and mamas
• Words with Friends on my phone

Blessed

I went to bed and woke this morning feeling blessed.

It's not been the most common feeling over the last year, but this last week or so, I've been basking in it.

I feel held. Known and seen and loved.  By the people around me, and by Jesus.

There are things in my spiritual life that I can't quite describe that are contributing to this feeling.  A knowing calm and peace that I don't always have.  But right now, right now it's present, and I'm basking in it.

I feel blessed to have friends who are praying and holding me in the midst of some challenging new directions of life and faith.

I feel blessed to have sat in St. Mary's Cathedral on Wednesday, and worn ashes on my forehead for the first time since I received them at the Vatican five years ago.  I feel blessed to have been joined in that evening by two good friends.

I feel blessed by the way this most challenging of clinical rotations turned out.  It went well, and my eyes have been opened (both physically and spiritually) to new things.  I passed my psych rotation - the rotation that seemed like it would be my undoing as it triggered my own mental illness symptoms.  Not only that, but I passed with flying colors!

I feel blessed to have shared dinner with good friends and two adorable little boys on Valentines Day.  To have spent the evening laughing and talking, teasing and being teased.  To have elbow bumped my favorite date (in lieu of a kiss or hug) as I was dropped off at home.

I feel blessed to have spent last evening resting and packing and eating chocolate mousse cake.

And today I feel blessed because I had the means to buy a plane ticket, and in a few short hours I'll be boarding a plane and winging my way to spend a week with several dear friends, and enjoying palm trees while soaking up some natural vitamin D.

This is a good place to be living, this place of knowing blessings, and I wanted to stop for a minute today and celebrate that.  I'm blessed.  Thanks Jesus.