Monday, February 23, 2009
Monday Night
I woke at 4 am, ill and feeling prompted to pray. But also with that panicky worry that comes from knowing that waking at 4 and letting my mind engage to pray will mean that the day will be long, and I'll be quite tired.
By the time I rolled out of bed, about 3 hours later, I'd done a little bit of sleeping, a bit of praying, and a bit of worrying. I'd like the mix of those three to decrease.
I was feeling quite ill, and the feeling became worse as I drove in to the office. When I arrived at the office, I wasn't certain I'd last even an hour, never mind a whole day.
I stayed the day.
A quick walk in the falling snow at lunch to a nearby grocery store to buy bread. There was no way my crabby stomach was going to tolerate the leftover Chinese food I'd planned to eat. Time out in the light, and a little bit more praying before returning to the office.
This was a day I'd dreaded, uncertain for a number of good reasons. It went far more smoothly than expected. And I received some news that I suppose I shouldn't really celebrate (and I'm not really, since it involves a slight misfortune to another) but it will make my life a bit easier this week.
Today is the birthday of a very dear friend, and I am wishing I lived closer to her, so that I could give her a birthday hug. I'll try phoning her in a few minutes, and at the very least leave a voicemail.
I'm headed out for coffee with T. tonight. I've missed my brother. It's been a while since we've spent time together. He may or may not be bringing his girlfriend, but either way it'll be loads of fun (I love her too.).
Monday night. Coffee. Then home to do a bit more reading and writing. I need to tackle another chapter in my book by the sixteenth century nun. And I need to finish up a bit of writing I started on the weekend.
All in all, for a Monday, it was pretty good.
I'm hoping we don't get quite as much snow as they're predicting overnight. I'd like to not have to contend with that in the morning.
By the time I rolled out of bed, about 3 hours later, I'd done a little bit of sleeping, a bit of praying, and a bit of worrying. I'd like the mix of those three to decrease.
I was feeling quite ill, and the feeling became worse as I drove in to the office. When I arrived at the office, I wasn't certain I'd last even an hour, never mind a whole day.
I stayed the day.
A quick walk in the falling snow at lunch to a nearby grocery store to buy bread. There was no way my crabby stomach was going to tolerate the leftover Chinese food I'd planned to eat. Time out in the light, and a little bit more praying before returning to the office.
This was a day I'd dreaded, uncertain for a number of good reasons. It went far more smoothly than expected. And I received some news that I suppose I shouldn't really celebrate (and I'm not really, since it involves a slight misfortune to another) but it will make my life a bit easier this week.
Today is the birthday of a very dear friend, and I am wishing I lived closer to her, so that I could give her a birthday hug. I'll try phoning her in a few minutes, and at the very least leave a voicemail.
I'm headed out for coffee with T. tonight. I've missed my brother. It's been a while since we've spent time together. He may or may not be bringing his girlfriend, but either way it'll be loads of fun (I love her too.).
Monday night. Coffee. Then home to do a bit more reading and writing. I need to tackle another chapter in my book by the sixteenth century nun. And I need to finish up a bit of writing I started on the weekend.
All in all, for a Monday, it was pretty good.
I'm hoping we don't get quite as much snow as they're predicting overnight. I'd like to not have to contend with that in the morning.
3 From Henri on Relationships: Space, Distance, & the Personal
3 more great thoughts from Henri Nouwen that hit home today...
True Intimacy
Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.
It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.
The Balance Between Closeness and Distance
Intimacy between people requires closeness as well as distance. It is like dancing. Sometimes we are very close, touching each other or holding each other; sometimes we move away from each other and let the space between us become an area where we can freely move.
To keep the right balance between closeness and distance requires hard work, especially since the needs of the partners may be quite different at a given moment. One might desire closeness while the other wants distance. One might want to be held while the other looks for independence. A perfect balance seldom occurs, but the honest and open search for that balance can give birth to a beautiful dance, worthy to behold.
What Is Most Personal Is Most Universal
We like to make a distinction between our private and public lives and say, "Whatever I do in my private life is nobody else's business." But anyone trying to live a spiritual life will soon discover that the most personal is the most universal, the most hidden is the most public, and the most solitary is the most communal. What we live in the most intimate places of our beings is not just for us but for all people. That is why our inner lives are lives for others. That is why our solitude is a gift to our community, and that is why our most secret thoughts affect our common life.
Jesus says, "No one lights a lamp to put it under a tub; they put it on the lamp-stand where it shines for everyone in the house" (Matthew 5:14-15). The most inner light is a light for the world. Let's not have "double lives"; let us allow what we live in private to be known in public.
True Intimacy
Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.
It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.
The Balance Between Closeness and Distance
Intimacy between people requires closeness as well as distance. It is like dancing. Sometimes we are very close, touching each other or holding each other; sometimes we move away from each other and let the space between us become an area where we can freely move.
To keep the right balance between closeness and distance requires hard work, especially since the needs of the partners may be quite different at a given moment. One might desire closeness while the other wants distance. One might want to be held while the other looks for independence. A perfect balance seldom occurs, but the honest and open search for that balance can give birth to a beautiful dance, worthy to behold.
What Is Most Personal Is Most Universal
We like to make a distinction between our private and public lives and say, "Whatever I do in my private life is nobody else's business." But anyone trying to live a spiritual life will soon discover that the most personal is the most universal, the most hidden is the most public, and the most solitary is the most communal. What we live in the most intimate places of our beings is not just for us but for all people. That is why our inner lives are lives for others. That is why our solitude is a gift to our community, and that is why our most secret thoughts affect our common life.
Jesus says, "No one lights a lamp to put it under a tub; they put it on the lamp-stand where it shines for everyone in the house" (Matthew 5:14-15). The most inner light is a light for the world. Let's not have "double lives"; let us allow what we live in private to be known in public.
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