Lenten Resolutions

I almost quit my job yesterday. My second day back was that bad. Thankfully today went slightly more smoothly.

I came home from my trip with the realization that what had been stripped from me over the course of five weeks, and magnified as Lent began, was the ability to disengage, to hide from the painful things, or to avoid them. These days, when I employ avoidance tactics, all I can think about is how I'm avoiding something.

I'm thinking the Lenten season could be LONG this year.

My Lenten resolution this year? To take care of myself for a change.

I am often guilty of pouring myself out for others, putting them well before my own needs. (Not that this is bad.)

I've just come from a really intense trip, and I find myself walking personally through some very intense things. For a little while I need to take care of me. I need to make decisions to do things that are life-giving for me. I need to do things that are not done out of pure obligation.

I'm going to make choices that are caring for myself for a little while. To try and set some new habits - ones that will serve me well long term. I'm going to eat more conciously, instead of grabbing whatever is handy. I'm going to try and exercise a bit more regularly. I'm going to spend time daily writing in my journal.

For just a while I'm going to take care of me, and it feels really selfish to say it, but I think it's necessary.

True Intimacy - Henri Nouwen

I received another very challenging email from Henri Nouwen this morning... speaks to some things I've been thinking about lately...

True Intimacy

Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.

It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.